Piece by piece...

Octavia stood in front of the mirror in her quarters and looked down at her bloodied fists. For the last five minutes, she had been pounding restlessly against the metal walls without doing the slightest damage. Except her hands. They hurt. Bleeding everywhere. She looked at herself, breathing heavily. The girl she was looking at was half dead and half destroyed.

She had no goals. Despite waiting for Madi to give her some orders. Something to do, to be useful again. The only other option she had, and it was already on her mind, was to give up. Maybe once and for all. The thought that Bellamy and her friends would forgive her was the only thing that kept her motivated. Countless times she stood here in front of the mirror and let the last six years flash before her mental eye. Kane, Abby, Indra... they had all failed her. Kane and Abby had once loved to make decisions. And admittedly, it looked so easy. But it wasn't, or she just wasn't cut out to be a leader. Clarke and Bellamy should have been at her side, helping her, guiding her, or better yet, just taking charge of things in general. But now it was too late. But she certainly wasn't going to give up like that. The battle might be over, but the war wasn't. Kane and Abby had gotten off too easy. And she knew she had a trump card up her sleeve, just waiting to be played. But now wasn't the time. And actually, this thought had only just occurred to her. She wasn't even sure if her plan would work at all or if there would be a terrible backlash. After all, Abby was Clarke's family and it was a cruel thought to tear them apart, because Octavia knew that this was practically the only thing that could really hurt her. Not even Kane. 

She looked at the antique-looking revolver she had found in an unsecured locker belonging to one of the now deceased former original crew members. Next to it she found only a handful of bullets. Not enough to defend anyone or anything. Especially since these bullets couldn't compete with modern counterparts. Octavia didn't like firearms at all.

For some strange reason, but probably thanks to her mother and Bellamy, who read her the stories of Ancient Rome. Countless times. No, she would always choose a blade over a weapon. At least as long as she had the chance for a fair fight. Like the one she fought against Echo and almost got killed. Maybe that was one of the main reasons why she hated Echo so much. To see her face again and again before she fell from the cliff. Clarke and Illian. Without them, she wouldn't be here. Echo killed Illian, another reason why she held such a grudge against her.

But then again, she almost killed Clarke herself. She would have. That was the horrible realization she refused to accept for so long. The same was true for Bellamy. She wouldn't have actually killed them. Or would she? She wasn't sure either way.

"I would never hurt a child," she heard herself say to Niylah in her mind. "I wouldn't..."

Surely Bloodreina, her inner demon, would have shown no mercy if challenged. Maybe she was a monster. Or was she already cured? Had the demon left her body? Was she finally free and even given a new chance?

Her eyes wandered down to her wounded hands. It wasn't the pain that concerned her, but the bleeding that ran down the backs of both hands. She looked around. No bandages. 

Octavia realized that she needed to see a doctor if she didn't want to slowly bleed out or risk further or even permanent damage. Niylah! Probably the only person she could trust right now. Or talk to at all. And luckily, she was exactly the right person to treat her injuries.

Covering her bleeding hands with her shirt, she left the room and began her search for Niylah. Her quarters, which Niylah had even invited her to share for the next few days, was her first and obvious guess.

As soon as she arrived, she knocked on the door. When the door opened, Niylah's eyes widened as she saw the reason for her visit. "Octavia!" Her shocked but still soft voice greeted her at the door before she added, "What happened?"

"Had a little accident", she replied curtly. For a moment Niylah thought about digging deeper, but she realized that Octavia's wound was the one that needed her sole attention first. "Let's go to the medical station," Niylah said, but as she was about to take the first step, Octavia stopped her.

"No, not there!", Octavia insisted. Arguing with Octavia wasn't easy, if it ever was. Niylah sighed but complied, "Fine, but I need to get a few things," she said as Octavia followed her invitation inside.

"Stay here, I won't be long..." Niylah told her, and before Octavia had even fully entered her room, she had already left the quarters to search for the necessary items to treat her injuries.

In the meantime, Octavia couldn't tell how long she'd been waiting for Niylah, because time didn't really matter to her. The pain wasn't the problem. She had endured much worse. But the many cuts, bruises and maybe even fractures definitely required professional care. Warm blood still ran over her hands, bleeding on her black top. Octavia let out a deep sigh, trying to release some of the pain and frustration from her soul. But there was more brewing inside her. Steaming up her throat.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!", Octavia screamed her soul out of her body. She didn't care who might be resting and listening in the nearby quarters.

"FUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!" She let out another scream. Although her throat was now sore and even slightly painful, she was already starting to feel better. Maybe she should have begun by screaming first, before she mindlessly started hitting against a thick metal wall. At least then she wouldn't have been forced to show up here.

Octavia spent the rest of the waiting time looking around Niylah's quarters. It was cozily furnished and seemed almost orphaned. Only Niylah's black jacket, draped over the chair next to the desk and the untidy bed, indicated that the quarters were indeed occupied. To her surprise, it didn't take Niylah more than a few minutes to return with some bandages and a first aid kit.

"I probably don't want to know how you got those...", Niylah commented on her wounds as she prepared bandages, "You didn't...?"

"No..." Octavia replied curtly, trying to avoid eye contact with her. She followed Niylah's gesture and sat down on the bed. Without further ado, Niylah began examining Octavia's battered and bleeding hands. Her eyes glanced at Octavias. "Please tell me you didn't beat..."

"NO, I DIDN'T," she hissed back at her angrily. It was hopeless to get through to her. Right now, she seemed even more upset than she had been a few hours ago. Since they had met Echo. Octavia felt her soft and gentle hands begin to work on her hands.

"You know you can come here if you need a room," Niylah broke the silence as she cleaned her wounds.

"Thanks... I'll think about it..." Octavia lied to her, while her mind was already rejecting her generous and kind offer. She wasn't in the mood for company right now. Not even Niylah's. 

"Thanks for helping me at Clarke's door," Niylah thanked her, trying to keep their conversation going.

"I talked to Abby about it..." Niylah continued, getting her attention even more.

"Clarke's mad at us..." Octavia stated sobered.

"She begged me not to tell you about Madi's nightblood..." Niylah revealed, "She begged me, and I told her I would tell you if she didn't tell you herself..."

"Great..." Octavia muttered annoyedly, not even caring as Niylah began to sew up her left arm, which had a large laceration. "You didn't tell me... Madi did it herself..." Octavia said after remembering how Madi had told her that she was a Nightblood.

"I pressured Clarke..." Niylah confessed, "I gave her an ultimatum. I love her, but at the same time I couldn't betray you. You saved my life. And I will never forget that.

"Clarke saved my life too..." Octavia said softly, looking down at her feet with empty, shining eyes.

"Clarke loves her more than any of us..." Octavia said "Just like Madi loves Clarke more than anything and anyone..." She pointed to her nose, "She did. Echo and I tried to calm her down when she heard Clarke was shot." 

Niylah gave an amused smile, "Six years is a long time..."

"What are you doing now?" Niylah asked her curiously.

"Wait for Bellamy to come back. I need something to do. I can't just sit here all day doing what?" Octavia said.

"You'll have plenty to do when we get back down to the valley. Any plans for the time after?" Niylah dug deeper as she finished bandaging Octavia's wound.

Octavia slowly shook her head. "The valley" She had almost forgotten this place completely.

"Thanks," Octavia acknowledged Niylah's efforts.

"Where are you going?" Niylah asked her after she had jumped up and was about to leave the room.

"Being useful," Octavia said before walking out of the room, leaving a speechless but unsettled Niylah back in the quarters. She knew that it would be pointless to go after her, to gently but forcefully invite her back to her quarters to get the rest she so desperately needed.