The Worst Web Novel Ever Written

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

The shout exploded from behind the closed door of an apartment room, startling a young couple who'd been stumbling drunkenly back to their own room. As they scurried away with a yelp, furious swearing followed them.

"This is the STUPIDEST web novel I have EVER read!"

Yan Jiayi boiled with rage as she scrolled aggressively through the last chapter of Proud Immortal Demon Way, hunched over her laptop. She'd been faithfully reading this web novel for the past several years, despite its rapidly deteriorating plotline.

But this ending – it was just too horrible!

"Damn it, Airplane!" Yan Jiayi cursed the author. "I could've written such a better ending!"

Slamming her laptop lid shut, Yan Jiayi pushed herself away from her desk – too forcefully. The wheels of her desk chair caught on the cardboard box she'd forgotten about, and her chair tipped over backwards.

Yan Jiayi yelped and windmilled her arms, but the chair hit the ground with a resounding thud. The back of Yan Jiayi's skull cracked against the hardwood floor. Pain shot through her entire body.

She groaned, but couldn't move, and everything started to fade into darkness.

Then she heard a strange voice, like Google Translate.

"System activated. Activation code successful: 'I could have written a better novel'."

Suddenly Yan Jiayi could see again: colourful stars like fireworks whirled in front of her eyes. It felt like she was moving, hurtling through the air.

It only lasted a few seconds before everything went completely dark.

---

Gradually, Yan Jiayi became aware of her surroundings: a soft surface under her back, bright light hurting her eyelids, the nearly overwhelming smell of herbs, and something else… alcohol?

With a groan, she opened her eyes, blinking rapidly against the bright daylight shining through a window beside her.

She lifted a hand to her face and rubbed at her eyes. She felt… weird.

"Shizun!" someone cried. Yan Jiayi heard the clattering of dishes before a small hand grabbed her shoulder. "You're awake!"

Still woozy, Yan Jiayi forced herself to sit up.

"Ugh… What happened?" she muttered. I must have passed out. Am I at the hospital?

Her eyes finally focused, and she frowned in confusion at the person kneeling by her bedside: a young girl, eight years old at most, who stared up at Yan Jiayi in relief and adoration.

She wore a pale pink hanfu, like someone in a wuxia novel, and two pink and silver hairpins were stuck into her hair above each ear.

"Uh.. Who are you?" Yan Jiayi asked.

The young girl's eyes widened. "Shizun, have you lost your memory?!" she cried in a panic. "Wait here, I'll go get Hao-shixiong!"

Before Yan Jiayi could stop her, the young girl sprinted from the room, yelling "Hao-shixiong! Hao-shixiong!"

"…What the hell is happening?"

"System initiating."

Yan Jiayi nearly jumped out of her skin as a glowing blue screen appeared in front of her.

A loading bar popped up on the screen, which floated ominously in midair.

"Entering world successful." The robotic voice appeared to come from the screen. "Proud Immortal Demon Way. System activated."

Proud Immortal Demon Way? Yan Jiayi thought incredulously. The webnovel?

She realized the screen was still speaking, and caught the last few words: "We hope you can improve the story. We wish you a happy journey."

Yan Jiayi buried her face in her hands. "There is no way. There is no way. I ended up inside that crappy webnovel?!"

Inhaling deeply, trying to stay calm, Yan Jiayi straightened up and looked around the room. Beside the bed she sat in was a low, oval-shaped wooden table laden with empty and half-empty jars of wine. Arranged around it were four red cushions.

On the wall facing Yan Jiayi was an open doorway, round and intricately carved of light brown wood. A desk was pushed against the wall farthest from the door, covered in papers, scrolls, and dust.

The sun shone brightly through the round window above the low table, propped open with a book so that joyful birdsong filtered in with the light breeze.

"Okay, okay. So I'm here. Am I the protagonist, then?" Her eyes widened. "No, no, no, please no! Not Luo Binghe!"

She looked down at her hands in a panic, then abruptly noticed something on her chest. Something she'd wanted for years and years, but never had.

BOOBS!

Yan Jiayi cried out in joy, clutching her chest. Then, to be sure, she peered down her pants.

"Oh. My. God. Is this really happening?!"

Tears prickled at her eyes. Like in a dream, she finally had the body she'd always dreamed of.

"Character binding successful," the screen announced in its calm, robotic tone. "Heaven's Sky Clan, Zui Xian Peak's Peak Master, Yang Qinghui."

"Yang Qinghui," Yan Jiayi repeated. "Who the hell is that?"

"Weapon, Sui Gu," the screen continued. "Starting B-points: 100."

I seem to have the same physique as I used to, Yan Jiayi mused, flexing her arms. I think I'm about the same height, too.

Before she could stand to make sure, she heard footsteps thundering towards her room.

Two children nearly crashed into the doorway before skidding to a stop beside Yan Jiayi's bed.

Ah, it's the little girl from before. With her shixiong, I guess?

Glowing words appeared above each of the kids' heads.

Lu Ying

Yang Qinghui's second disciple

The other child was older, probably fourteen, with long hair tied back in a simple knot, and wearing grey robes far less ornate than Lu Ying's.

Zhuang Hao

Head disciple of Zui Xian Peak

So these are my disciples? Yan Jiayi realized.

"Hao-shixiong, shizun's lost her memory!" Lu Ying cried, near tears, clutching at the robes of her senior martial brother.

"No, no, it's okay, Ying'er," Yan Jiayi assured the young girl, reaching out to pat her head.

"OOC! OOC!"

Yan Jiayi flinched back as the screen appeared in front of her, flashing warnings.

"This action is out of character. 10 B-points deducted."

Huh? What's out of character? Yan Jiayi frowned at the screen in confusion. What are B-points?

She noticed Lu Ying and Zhuang Hao were still staring at her, both perplexed.

Lu Ying sniffled. "Are you sure you're okay, shizun?"

So being nice is "out of character"? I'll just be a little rude, then, I guess.

Yan Jiayi cleared her throat. "I'm fine, silly girl," she said gruffly. "Run along now, I'll speak to your shixiong."

Lu Ying left with a bow while Zhuang Hao stood stiffly beside Yan Jiayi's bed.

Yan Jiayi sighed, rubbing her forehead. "What happened to me, Hao'er?"

"You suddenly got a high fever while eating dinner, shizun, and collapsed. You were only unconscious for a few hours, though," Zhuang Hao assured her.

"I see…" Yan Jiayi cleared her throat. "Well, I'm alright now. You can go back to… training or whatever." She waved her hand dismissively.

"Yes, shizun." Zhuang Hao bowed and strode from the room.

As soon as he was gone, Yan Jiayi threw off her blanket and shot to her feet, rounding on the screen with an accusing finger.

"Alright, what the hell's going on? What's the "OOC" thing about?" she demanded. "What are B-points?

"B-points are deducted for out of character behaviour. If all B-points are deducted, you will die."

"Die?" Yan Jiayi repeated, growing angry. "Die?! I'll tell you which of us is going to die, you – "

"Shizun!"

Lu Ying appeared at the doorway again, an excited grin lighting up her face.

Yan Jiayi cleared her throat and straightened up. "What is it?"

"Gongyi-ge is here to see you!"

"Gongyi?" Yan Jiayi repeated. The name sounded familiar. Gongyi… Xiao, maybe? "Bring him here."

As Lu Ying hurried away, Yan Jiayi spun towards the screen.

"Quick, what does my character normally act like?" she demanded.

"Yang Qinghui is a notorious drunkard."

Yan Jiayi blinked. "Excuse me?"

"She is a moody recluse with little interest in running her Peak, leaving the work to her disciples. She is cold towards her disciples and martial siblings."

Yan Jiayi made a sound somewhere between a groan and an exclamation of shock before two people arrived at the doorway again: Lu Ying, and an older boy, around Zhuang Hao's age. He was dressed in white and silver robes and wore a simple silver hairpiece in his short ponytail.

Gongyi Xiao

Disciple of Huan Hua Palace

"Gongyi Xiao is the son of Yang Qinghui's younger sister, who married into Huan Hua Palace sect," the system supplied helpfully.

Oh, so it is that guy.

Gongyi Xiao bowed, then looked at Yan Jiayi with concern.

"Ayi," he greeted her. "Lu Ying tells me you're not feeling well?"

"Ah, it's nothing." Yan Jiayi waved her hand dismissively. Gotta act cold. "My disciples are overreacting."

Gongyi Xiao sighed, then looked down at Lu Ying with a kind smile. "Ying-meimei, will you leave me and your shizun for a little while?"

"Okay!" Lu Ying bowed quickly to Yan Jiayi and Gongyi Xiao, then ran from the room.

"Kids have so much energy…" Yan Jiayi sighed wistfully.

Gongyi Xiao turned back to Yan Jiayi and crossed his arms.

"Ayi…" he began in a scolding tone.

Yan Jiayi immediately felt inexplicably guilty.

"You have to take better care of yourself," Gongyi Xiao continued, casting a glance at the table, piled with wine jars.

Oh, right – I'm an alcoholic. Then an idea popped into her mind. Do I gain anything for being in character?

"I know, I know." Yan Jiayi brushed him off and sat down heavily on one of the cushions. She swiped a jar of wine from the table. "What are you doing here, anyway?"

She took a swig of the wine. Hey, not bad.

"Your behaviour is 90% matching with the character," the system screen announced. "Please keep up the good work."

Yan Jiayi smirked into the wine.

"I'm here with an order of rice wine for Huan Hua Palace," Gongyi Xiao explained, kneeling carefully on the cushion across from Yan Jiayi. "Your disciple said he could handle it, so I came to see you."

Yan Jiayi frowned. "My disciple?"

"Zhuang Hao."

"Oh, right. He said he could handle it?"

Shouldn't I, as the Peak Lord, be doing this? Yan Jiayi wondered. Oh, right, I leave the running of the sect to my disciples, don't I? Ugh. What a lazy woman.

"I'm also here," Gongyi Xiao continued, "because last time we met, you promised to give me a tour of Zui Xian Peak."

He smiled at her, obviously barely containing his excitement.

"A tour. Right." I can do this. "Let's go, then."

"Oh, but you're not feeling well," Gongyi Xiao remembered. "It's alright, ayi, we don't – "

"It's fine, it's fine," Yan Jiayi assured him, standing up. "Just let me get dressed."

Gongyi Xiao left to wait outside, while Yan Jiayi stared, perplexed, at the contents of her wardrobe. Everything had far too many ribbons and knots and laces, although it all looked beautiful and flowy.

After a moment, she muttered "Screw it," and grabbed a loose, navy blue robe which she pulled on over her white shirt and pants.

She combed her long hair back with her fingers and checked her appearance in the bronze mirror on her desk.

"Huh," she murmured, studying her new face. "I'm actually pretty good-looking…" She had a strong jawline, a good nose, and dark eyes shadowed by eyebags. "Although I could use some sleep. How old am I supposed to be, anyway?"

"Yang Qinghui is currently thirty-nine years old," the System answered.

"Thirty-nine? Jeez, I'm only twenty-six back home…"

Home. Yan Jiayi sat at her desk and idly brushed her long hair, thinking deeply.

When her hair was free of knots, she set down her hairbrush, silver with an ornately carved handle of flowers, and stood up. She'd made up her mind: she was going to play along with this story, and do her best to not die.

From now on, she was Yang Qinghui.