CHAPTER 51: GOING HOME

Though I did say I'll take care of it, in reality, I don't even know where to start. Let alone what to actually do and what things I should actually take care of.

I sigh for the nth time that day and realize I've been getting stuck on the same page for the last hour. I lean back against my chair and try to focus on the screen of my laptop, trying to edit the pictures I took over summer break.

Class will start soon and I'll have to organize his portfolio for his internship. I'll be a fourth year student in March and I won't have time for leisure after summer break's over. I have lotsa thing to do and that is apparent by the state of my room.

Very me. Hahaha.

Speaking of school, Allen and Joy will graduate in March and I don't know what to feel about that.

Well no. That's a lie. I do know what I feel. Sadness, mostly. Also relief, somehow.

Sad because then I won't be able to see Allen again after he enters the workforce. Relief because I won't have to see him again after he enters the workforce.

...….

Is that how I'm supposed to 'handle it'?

Should I just wait until he graduated and just…. Forget it ever happened at all?

That's a good idea… Isn't it?

Please tell me it is, because I'm starting to really like the sound of that idea….

Okay. I probably should think this through before making another very bad decision.

Because even to me, ignoring the problem (him?) is very cowardly of me and surely that won't solve anything, will it?

And I'm pretty sure I won't be able to just 'ignore' it (him), though. I've done a stellar job at doing the exact opposite so far.

I never missed anyone this much before.

Well, there are my parents. But that's a totally separate issue. I mean, they're dead and I mostly feel guilty rather than missing them. But I won't get into that. I'm miserable enough as is.

Maybe I really do need an actual vacation….

I have too many things on my mind to be able to relax, especially at campus where I can easily see him.

So far, all I can think of is Allen and my portfolio. Next week is the start of class and I probably have to go back home at some point to at least give my sister her birthday present and the twins the presents from Allen.

Maybe I should start packing now and arrange my time to go back? I decide as I open my phone and look for train tickets and whatnot. I need to pack and tell Marsha and Chuck about this….

They'd probably be surprised… Knowing them, not only surprised, they'll also be slightly concerned. I sigh again at that thought. Really… At this rate I'm just making trouble for anyone everytime I decide to do something even remotely normal.

"You're going back?" Marsha asks, her frown is so deep I can see it clearly even through the video-call. Chuck's too. Kenneth just smirks at me and I really don't like it.

"Yes," I tell them, "I've booked the ticket and I'll be going in three days," I tell them guiltily.

"That soon?" Marsha asks again, frowning even deeper.

"Why didn't you tell us before you book it? We can go together…" Marsha tells me.

"Well, you and Kenneth are going to play some more before he has to go back to London, right? I don't wanna intrude on that. And Chuck has practice," I shrug.

It's not like I don't want to go back with them, but they have their own lives, you know. And it's just going back home and not like I'll be somewhere with a war going on or something.

Sorry. Bringing up a war is so uncalled for. I apologize.

But you get what I mean. I trouble them enough.

"I don't really need to practice, though…" Chuck hesitates.

"Huh?" Is my answer because that's a very un-Chuck-like thing to say.

"I mean, I'm confident in myself and well, we've practiced enough… A few days off would be heaven-sent for them… Lest they overwork themselves even before the competition and ruin what we had built, no?" his words are slightly unconvincing, surely even to himself.

"Are you sure?" I ask him nonetheless. I am selfish like that, it turns out. It'll be good if Chuck's with me when I go back home…

I can see Chuck nodding on the screen so I give him a smile, "So I'll book another ticket, then?" I ask him, teasingly, because he still seems conflicted.

"Give me… an hour? Okay?" he says and abruptly ends his call which then leaves me and Marsha looking at each other and chuckling while Kenneth just shakes his head.

"Sure you'll be okay? I can postpone my trip…" Marsha says slowly, glancing over to Kenneth who rolls his eyes.

"Yeah… No… I don't want to be a dead body for him to practice on," I tell her, shivering in horror.

"Okay…" she gives me a small smile before proceeding to lecture me about travel safety and going out too late at night and about paying visits to my parents' grave and about my grandparents and whatever else she thinks worth mentioning.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate her for that… But an hour lecture is too much, no?

We finally hang up after the lecture and me promising her not to cause any trouble and to make sure Chuck does the same. I said I'll try, though… So, yeah… Hehehe.

And with that… Concluded my plan of going back home. All I need to do now is to finish packing and posting vacation notice and let people know I won't be taking any jobs before class starts.

And Allen…. Him. Again.

Should I tell him I'm going home?

But I mean, it has nothing to do with him, right?

Maybe I shouldn't…

Should I?