Chapter 19 Destiny’s Diaries 4

What will I do from this point forward?

Why can't I experience a little joy and tranquility in my life?

My parents died first.

I only just managed to escape the discomfort.

Ayden was the source of my happiness, and I considered sharing my life with him.

For two years, I enjoyed having him around as a friend.

Why am I unable to experience any joy or rather do I not deserve any?

What is going to happen to Ayden is my biggest source of fear.

How am I going to leave this place with everything here and drift away easily?

What will happen? The future holds what?

Who should I speak to about...?

She clearly sobbed a lot while writing that, as Ayden can see.

He keeps tearing himself apart.

I put on cosmetics and wore clothes that Ayden liked on the day I considered proposing to him.

He once remarked, "You look so gorgeous in red; the color also complements your aura."

He has said that I look good in red lipstick.

On my birthday, he gave me a bracelet that I had never worn before.

I was always aware that he preferred I wear that.

However, I was keeping it for special events to show him how special it is to me.

Any of the things I wanted to say to him are now off-limits to me.

He used to invite me to join him on his shopping trips.

He always wanted to look the way I wanted him to appear, I knew that.

He applied the perfume I selected for him in order to smell the way I like.

He sees the movie I wanted to see.

He enjoyed the songs I liked.

My favorite song is "Everybody Loves Somebody Someday," yet when I once listened to his playlist, that was the only song there.

He made an effort to comply with my preferences.

However, I didn't disregard his preferences.

I was also aware of his preferences.

I enjoyed seeing him, so I did that.

I also asked his sister.

I found out because he enjoys Turkish food.

I mentioned that I enjoyed Turkish food since I could prepare it for him without creating a suspicion.

I couldn't claim that I enjoy preparing meals for him.

Who will now prepare his favorite dishes?

He enjoys seeing me completely covered because he doesn't want others to perceive me incorrectly.

I therefore always dress fully even in the summer.

He enjoys rose-scented cologne, which is Yardley, which is my favorite.

I started reading Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, and The Great Gatsby since he enjoys classic literature.

He might eventually write a book, in my opinion.

I won't be present to see all of his successes and rejoice in his joy.

I've always wanted to be the lead character in his life or the setting.

But…

The ink has since been re-smeared.

I was out cold in the lobby that day.

It had happened before.

I initially believed it to be due to low blood pressure.

I was driven to the hospital by the manager.

The doctor advised using CT.

I did that the following day.

I was only able to remember his face when I was there waiting.

During the two days while I was in the hospital, he called me a ton.

I told him in a message that I was visiting my grandparents.

When he didn't call me, I believe he wanted me to be with them.

The results of the CT scan revealed that I have a brain tumor.

There, the text is extremely smudged.

He struggled to contain his tears.

He lacked all knowledge.

He was aware that she had passed away from this 17 years prior.

But he was unaware that she had been given this diagnosis seven years earlier.

He finally understood her motivation for asking him to wed her best friend.

He is unsure of what to do.

He even struggles to fathom how she carries herself.