Chapter 10

To say I was shocked was the biggest understatement uttered in the existence of ever, though I really shouldn't have been surprised. I knew he was coming thanks to Uncle Adrian and I'd seen him through James' eyes, but I still didn't believe in all these things as much as my elders did. I'd be remiss in saying that the thought was intriguing, but it was still an odd concept to me.

Yes I did believe it existed – spirit magic was undeniable as was their effects I was living proof – but because our parents had lived through the worst of it they tried to shield us from it as best they could.

All my life I was made hyper aware of the fact that I was different, unique even, but that didn't seem to resonate with me as much as it did right there in that moment. While I was still trying to adjust to the fact that I wasn't actually the first or only one, I was secretly glad that I wasn't the only one who had to bare this cross, not that it was any huge inconvenience – just a figure of speech.

That someone was willing to travel halfway across the world to come help me through whatever was about to happen to me, though on the likely insistence of his father – it was rather heart-warming.

Declan had insisted that James leave us for the time being. He didn't react that well to the request, but Declan assured him that I'd be safe since my goons were outside. Besides who's really going to be able to get through me? Those were his exact words when James still seemed to hesitate. I wasn't sure if he was afraid to leave his brother with me or the other way around, but Declan was right about one thing – no one was going to get through him, not without a fight.

Before he left, James shot me a look that screamed be careful. It almost seemed like he didn't trust his brother alone with me, which might have been the most bizarre thing I'd ever seen James do. Or rather in this case, not do. It wasn't really like him to keep quiet in these circumstances, but I reckoned I understood him wrong.

Declan was sitting at the foot end of my bed, pensive and eerily quiet, I couldn't even hear him breathe, he was as still as a statue – an extremely well defined, hard, beautiful statue. I had the covers still on me and was vigilant in keeping it that way, because of how little I had on underneath. I didn't know Declan and while I wasn't scared to be alone with him despite our unfamiliarity, I wasn't about to give him a free show. Sometimes even I have no words, the little voice inside my head quipped and I almost laughed.

He turned his face towards me and my breath actually caught in my throat, his amber eyes warmer than it had been in the memory I had seen – which seemed kind of impossible, but it was right in front of me and I ached to reach out and touch him. This scared me for multiple different reasons, the biggest being the way he was looking at me like he'd never seen anyone or anything like me before. He must not look in the mirror much then. This time I couldn't help the laugh that bubbled in my throat and Declan regarded me with a sly smile.

A shiver ran down my spine by that look alone and I knew I was fucked in more ways than one. He's still an Ivashkov, those parting words Uncle Adrian left me with was like ice cold water right on my soul, pulling my mind and body back from the edge. He seemed to have the same revelation and smiled at me brightly.

"Dad really wasn't over-exaggerating when he said you were beautiful."

He had composed himself of what he had previously been feeling, but it seems like he was still in that trance. The same one I was in just moments ago, it seemed just a little dangerous.

"I really doubt you travelled all this way to make me feel uncomfortable."

I raised an eyebrow at him, not sure if it came out as a statement or a question. My voice was shaky and I was obviously not in control of it.

Declan frowned and for a second it almost looked like I had insulted him, however I couldn't really imagine that to be true. I couldn't imagine him being insulted by anyone, let alone little old me.

"Being called beautiful is not supposed to make you uncomfortable, I'll be sure to have a conversation with your boyfriend – he's definitely not saying it enough."

I was completely taken aback by his words and I had almost told him that the boyfriend he was referring to was fictional at best. For a second I thought of Micah, but he couldn't really be classified as a boyfriend – although sometimes I did wish he was. I wasn't going to mention that to Declan, because even though I didn't really know him yet I could already see the smile plastered on his face if I told him I wasn't involved. Declan was the most dangerous kind of guy and I wasn't sure I was immune to his charms, but I said it anyway.

"Your flattery isn't going to work on me."

"No, well we'll have to remedy that then."

He said immediately, almost like he didn't want to hear what I wanted to say next – or even caring if I wanted to say something. I eyed him suspiciously, but then he smiled the most dazzling smile I had ever seen and I felt myself fall into the familiar trap that was Declan Ivashkov.

It shouldn't have felt familiar, I didn't even know him – nor did he know me, but there was something about him that called to my soul and made me feel safe.

Even our simple back and forth banter had somehow taken on an air of comfort and after getting acquainted with each other he started explaining the intricacies of what was happening to me.

According to Declan I was supposed to have a feel for the person's mind I wanted to explore and he explained how everyone's mind had a different feel, color, or smell. Tapping into their specific frequency will allow you to access the last memory stored in their brain. He also said that with time and practice I'd be able to change those memories at will and pick out specific memories I wanted to see, but they took an insane amount of focus and control.

He also mentioned that because of this, we had an uncanny connection to our own memories and that we were able to retreat back into our own minds and pull up memories that we had long forgotten even existed. This seemed strange but by this point I was hanging on his every word like it was my only lifeline over stormy waters.

Sometimes these memories manifested as an internal voice instead of a physical memory and that it usually comes out in times of panic, high adrenaline, and excitement. This actually seemed to make the most sense out of everything he's told me thus far and I nodded along as I remembered my fathers' voice in training earlier this week.

"You following along thus far?"

Declan questioned and I gave him a small smile to continue, showing that I was indeed following – however bizarre it might be.

"I believe you've also noticed that you're a lot faster and stronger than your peers and you could rival many of the seniors as well. That speed and strength will only intensify as you get older. By this time next year, you would probably have achieved more than most guardians will have in their entire lives."

He went on to explain that while our bodies and wills are strong, our mental state could sometimes be fragile and that I should never be afraid to ask for help if and when that happens, even if that help comes only in the form of a sympathetic ear.

I pondered upon that for a second and while I didn't know Declan well, I did in fact feel safe with him – and since he'd been through all of this as well I figured that he might have some tips for me. It was almost like he knew I was contemplating something, so we sat in silence for a bit while I was raging an internal war against my conscious and sub-conscious minds.

I gave in eventually, not quite sure which of the two had been the successful party, but I took a deep breath as I carefully picked the words I was going to say.

"I have been feeling a little crazy lately, unstable even. It's like the voice in my head keeps getting louder and sometimes it impossible to tune it out. I've been struggling to sleep and when I do, nightmares seem to be the flavor of the week. Tell me Doc, what do I do about that?"

I laughed, but it sounded sarcastic even to my own ears and even though Declan seemed impressed by my revelation he also seemed saddened, almost like he had dreaded exactly this.

"I'm impressed to be honest. I wasn't sure if you would understand the gravity of the situation. I had this whole speech prepared to try and coax you into talking to me, but it seems I have underestimated you – which isn't something I'll ever do again by the way. As for your mental state, I do have some suggestions."

I sucked in a breath to tell him that if he were to suggest medication, that I wasn't interested, but he didn't give me time to even put one syllable together before he spoke again.

"I don't believe in anti-psychotics and anti-depressants, it didn't work for my father and I'm sure it's only good as a short term fix – merely a band aid for a stab wound, bleeding out anyway."

I smiled at this, suddenly hyper aware of how similar we were in that aspect and he smiled back – making my heart race again. My heart was ratting me out and I had just about had enough. I was close to stabbing it with a pencil so it would stop giving away my emotions.

"My methods aren't conventional either and according to therapists – while they do have calming effects – it's not even worth pursuing, but it has worked wonders for me and I believe it will for you too."

I nodded at this and Declan seemed really satisfied that I was on board.

"Get up and I'll take you through some quick breathing exercises."

I panicked and he immediately picked up on my discomfort

"Don't worry, unless you're naked under there, I doubt we have anything to worry about."

He quipped and his honesty actually made me more comfortable, no matter how brash his words had actually been.

I got up without hesitation, but being a hot blooded man he couldn't really control the desire that momentarily flashed behind his eyes. I wanted to retreat back into myself and crawl under the covers again, but the damage had been done and no matter what I did he'd already seen what he had.

Declan moved in behind me and moved my hair behind my ear and away from my neck. I had no idea why he would need to do that, but his hand lingered for a while and I could have sworn I heard him swallow before he abruptly dropped his hand back to his side.

His ragged breath against my ear was warm and it raised Goosebumps on my skin involuntarily and I brushed it off as being ticklish, ignoring the fact that I knew it wasn't true.

His voice took on a sort of hypnotic tone as he asked me if I was comfortable and ready, I just replied with a slight nod knowing my voice would betray me if I spoke, just like my body had been betraying me since the moment I laid eyes on him.

"Now breathe in deeply, until you feel your lungs are about to burst and then you breathe out slowly and steadily."

I complied and he had me do this 2 more times before we fell into a steady breathing rhythm.

"In, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four, five, six, seven eight. In two, three, four. Out two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight."

It felt like the rest of the world was fading away as his hypnotic voice melted away all the stress I was feeling, the longer we breathed in unison the more relaxed I felt.

I was vaguely aware of his hands now resting on my hips and his chin in the crook of my neck as he coached me through relaxation and into peacefulness. It was a lot more intimate than I had cared to admit, but at the same time I didn't really care. My mind was quiet, no voices and no humming, the only thing I could hear was his voice coaxing me.

As the last of the tension left my body, I felt like I was slowly falling into a metaphorical pit of nothingness – though it felt like I was legitimately falling as well, but at the same time unwavering and steady.

Then it happened, behind my closed eyes I could see a magnificent array of the brightest purples in multiple shades and textures – I could literally see the textures. The colors made me excited and then like and invisible hand pushed me, I was really falling.

I braced for impact, but when it didn't come – I opened my eyes slowly and was instantly drowning in warm amber as Declan looked down at me smiling. His one arm was supporting my neck and his other was dangerously low around my waist. He blinked in surprise, obviously catching me out of instinct alone, but he didn't let go nor did he make any attempt of helping me upright.

We stayed in that position for a lot longer than was normal by anybody's standard and I felt like I had been doused by a bucket of ice when I heard a familiar voice speak my name.

Declan instantly had me upright and his hands disappeared equally as fast and four pairs of eyes stared at us from my open bedroom door. I looked from face to face as crimson spread across my cheeks, from Ilya to Andrei, James and then Micah.

At the sight of their faces and my visible discomfort, Declan positioned himself in front of me completely obstructing me from view – oh the perks of being small. It's then I noticed the nine molnija marks at the back of his neck and I made a mental note to ask him about them later. For now we had to get through this impossible situation.

Ilya and Andrei had their stoic guardian expressions firmly in place, but James and Micah were a different story altogether. James didn't seem too bothered by the scene, but he was throwing glances at Micah – compassion for the situation shining in his eyes. Micah was wearing a look of pure unfiltered hatred, but his eyes were sad – broken almost – and I couldn't help the fact that my heart ached as result.

None of them said anything, instead they turned around and left. Before the door closed, Micah looked back once more and I could feel the utter disappointment on his face.