CHAPTER SIX

VINNY

“This guy I was with last weekend while mid-stroke back shots say I have an attractive a**hole that he wants to feel it!” Miriam the office secretary narrates her sexual escapades as they do with Blake on a slow day.

I am ever present to listen to the thrilling stories so I can go download them onto the boys while passing some as my own experiences. Yea, I am not going to admit I am so green on sexual matters on guys who practically live in pussy. I know people think I am a prude and so naïve but, in my head, I am so naughty, a sex master in my made-up world.

Anyway, I pull myself out of my reverie not to miss this conversation.

“Is that your first time to experience the back door request?” Blake asks with her signature bad bitch face. She has been in such a mood for two weeks and it’s all because Jamal never called her after that Saturday they hang out.

We have been having fun teasing her about it and it only makes her crankier.

Miriam who is plump, short, massive hair with big round thick-framed glasses shakes her head no. You can tell she is horrified but intrigued by Blake’s question. I am more than intrigued but I maintain my uninterested face but cross my fingers for Blake to explain further and to my absolute delight, she continues to speak. “Most guys I have been with always ask for it, like little psychos. I, of course, have never given it up. I think guys would be okay with fucking anything with a hole. You know what? If noses and ears would be fuckable, I bet there would be something like a nose-fetish or ear-nose combo fetish.”

I almost laugh and blow my nonchalant attitude. There is a loud evil laugh behind me that startles me. The laugh is from Eve, she has this awful laugh that sounds like an animal's battle cry.

“Why is you so testy honey?” Eve asks Blake and we all burst out laughing.

Blake, however, is not amused, “Ha! Ha! Oohhh, I see, I am testy because I haven’t had sex in four weeks? Ha! Original Eve!” her sarcastic tone only makes us all laugh harder.

In between laughs, Eve calls Blake a liar, “We both know you like taking it up your bum when the guy licks your cookie! Ata kama it is just the fingers”

I am shocked and disgusted by all that information. I don’t even want to know anymore.

Thankfully, Blake doesn’t say anything more on that topic but she smiles only slightly, like someone who is recalling a very pleasant memory. I am powerless so I just take a sip of my cucumber room-temp water.

Miriam gets up and collects all her files ready to depart our little gossip corner, “I need to get back to Mr. big man boss before he pops a vein in his head. That man needs to get laid! Heyyy, Blake why don’t you go up there and you can both benefit from a good lay?”

Miriam walks away before Blake fires back, filling the atmosphere with such a peal of hearty laughter it's impossible to resist laughing with her. She is so adorable but she is a hard-ass trust fund kid who likes defying daddy’s orders by working in this non-profit organization. I also think her sexual escapades are a subconscious rebellion to mummy’s desire for her to find a respectable young man from a wealthy family to settle down with him.

“Why hasn’t that Jamal called?” Blake whines and I almost feel sorry for her. She really liked the guy and it is too bad he seems to not have liked her as much in return. Eve pulls one of the uncomfortable blue-black office chairs next to Blake and gives her a side hug. Blake’s eyes are filled with longing, the kind that lovers get when they miss their loved ones. The same look I had every time I thought of Eve or even saw her in the arms of another man. I immediately feel sorry for B, I didn’t realize how much she had been taken up by Jamal. Eve, on the other hand quickly changes the topic to some gossip about big-nose-Jeff marrying sleeps-with-everyone-Sally. I am honestly scandalized by how judgmental the love of my life sounds but I know she means no harm. If tables were reversed, she would have been that Sally person. And at that moment, it hits me how it will appear to people when they know about Eve and myself. We will be the end of every bad joke, a cliché, and on every gossiper's lip and I am horrified. My body gets hot and I begin to sweat and breath heavily, but the moment I watch Eve’s lip move rapidly, I feel calm and appreciate that all that won’t matter if I go home to her.

“Marriage is a pitiful affair these days, it is like publicly declaring your decision to overlook suspect habits or the utter lack of discernment skills. But you know what, I am all for marriage and love because if we were to find love based on our merits only, I bet none of us would ever be deserving of love.” Blake really is in a mood. “I am sorry Jamal hasn’t called you yet B,” I tell her in a sincere tone because I am torn up at how much she appears to be affected. She recently told me about her past with her family and stepdad’s extra-curricular activities. All I can see is a fragile, broken girl who desperately needs love and attention. But I know she doesn’t need any of that because she is an iron lady. I make a mental note to stop my unnecessary pity feelings towards her.

Blake throws me a killer look after I apologize on behalf of that a**hole Jamal, as we have been calling him, and I can see she is about to retaliate with something fashioned to wound me deeply. I take a deep breath and welcome her on-slaughter.

“Anyway, Eve! What are you doing here? I have never seen you visit our workplace before?” Although she directs the question to Eve, her hard, unforgiving stare is focused solely on me. I swallow hard. I must admit, she terrifies me a lot sometimes. She doesn’t allow Eve to answer since she clearly knows why Eve is here. Eve reads the mood and backs out, away from the swinging length of Blake’s arms. It’s a smart move, I cannot put it past her to not slap us especially in her foul mood. I know she is not violent but as they say, it is better to be safe than sorry.

“Have you told Neema about the two of you?” she points at me before resting her fingers on her chin, her impeccable chin.” My silence gives her the heads-up to continue. “You should have already told her; I will not sit here and pretend to be okay with disrespecting Neema like that. She may not like me very much but I respect that lady so much and especially because you threw me under the bus with this whole issue.” Eve makes the mistake of making a sound, Blake pounces on her like a mama bear. “You are only off the hook because I do know Neema would kill you, literally if she ever heard it from you.” Blake has both her arms now under her chin making mini-gestures. I immediately remember how my sister would act when mad. Blake is doing the same exact thing and my heart contracts with emotion. I miss Jen so much and it is because of this that I decide to break the news to Neema this weekend. That means tomorrow! I don’t want to disappoint my sister Jen; I mean I don’t want to disappoint Blake. I want to honor my sister’s memory the best way I can.

“Geez, okay! MUM! I will talk to her tomorrow,” I resist the urge to roll my eyes at her. After all, I am still a man, toxic masculinity lazima!

“But until then, there is no harm in wanting to bang the girl I love,” I say this smiling at Eve who blushes immensely. I have her so swoon and I am over the moon that I can finally be with her. I stand from my seat and take Eve’s arm; my destination is the women’s second-floor lavatory. I need to feel her intimately and you can guess it, I called her to be here today. I can’t seem to get enough of her and by the looks of it, she can’t get enough of me. Before I make any further steps, I am tagged back by Eve and I whip my head in disarray wondering why she doesn’t want to go with me. She wiggles her hand out of mine and dips her hands into her handbag. She fishes out a clear plastic food container with a very delicious-looking white forest cake with tiny red velvet muffins crowning it. My mouth waters as I watch as if in slow-motion as she hands them over to Blake with a toothy smile. “I knew you wouldn’t be pleased with me coming over so I baked you your favorite pastry.”

Blake lights up and grabs the container. In just a nanosecond, she transforms from a medusa to a cute kitty cat. “Why, thank you, Eve. You can come here whenever you like, my apartment too for all I care.” For the first time in two weeks, Blake smiles a genuine smile and I am glad that Eve is such a sweet soul. “Now go have fun kids! Just don’t be too loud. We are in an office!” The word office gets lost in Blake’s mouth as she stuffs her face with a muffin. Eve skips over to me and practically drags me away. I want cake too!!!!! Sensing my hesitation she whispers, “I have yours ready at home, you will swing by and collect them, and they are better than hers.” She giggles and bites my ear lobe. I almost howl! We rush into the lavatories and lock the doors. I am thankful for the no-cameras-in-washrooms bill we all voted on three months ago. I didn’t know it would come in handy….