The Past: Ava

"Didn't realize he was so brazen," Caroline jumped at the voice, clutching her pounding heart in relief when she saw her friend. Ava, who was walking over to her, seemed off. Her brows were slightly lowered and knit together as she stopped in front of her.

Their amber and green eyes met and Caroline was the one to look away first. For some reason, it was hard to look her in the eye, "So you heard all of that? Didn't know you liked to eavesdrop."

An angry snort sounded in response, "You guys were out here for, like, 45 minutes and I came out to make sure everything was ok until I realized you guys still weren't done talking. Or rather, he still wasn't done talking." Ava said 'he' in a disdainful snarl. Did she have sudden animosity towards Drew now? No… it had always been like this.

"Well, we kind of sat in silence for a while," she muttered, "I guess he was trying to figure out all his words or, um, something?"

"Or something… Are you actually going on a date with him?" Her voice seemed distant and when she looked back up at her face, she saw Ava looking like she was struggling with something. Whatever it was made guilt well up in her chest for reasons she didn't understand.

"I guess," she responded softly, "He just seemed so… desperate for it. I felt like I couldn't say no."

"You'll just lead him on like that. Prolonging eventual pain…" Ava's voice fell off as she gazed at the ground.

Caroline's brows drew together at the change, her arm slightly reaching out, "What do you mean?"

Ava's eyes stared into her own and she gulped at their intensity. She couldn't tell what the brunette was thinking. She couldn't place the emotions flickering in those beautiful amber eyes.

The brunette took a step closer, "I'm saying that if you have no intention of dating him, just say no. Why let him think he has a chance? He's fallen so hard for you, do you really think he'll even look at another girl if he thinks he has a chance to be with you?"

"I just… don't want to hurt him. It probably takes a lot out of someone to confess their feelings so…"

"Yea?" Ava's hand reached out and started playing with the blonde, frizzy hair next to her face, her fingers brushing against her ear. It gave Caroline a tingling sensation, easily weakening her knees and making her face heat up. She hadn't noticed how close they had gotten.

"Confessing to someone is like ripping yourself bare of all of your defenses and presenting it in front of someone… willingly letting them know what's in your heart. Letting them know they already have a piece of it. Inwardly begging to the stars above that they might share a piece of their heart in return. Hoping that what's honest is also what you want to hear. An act of desperation because of how much it hurts to keep those feelings locked inside without letting them out to breathe. Confessing in and of itself is a painful process. It's a brave yet brainless moment that can feel like an eternity. I think that's why they say that whoever falls in love first always loses..." The brunette whispered solemnly.

Caroline could feel her heart squeezing, unknowingly leaning more into her friend's touch. The brunette had her full attention. The way Ava spoke was different from usual. She said confessing was like giving someone the option to completely destroy you. A tragic but unavoidable occurrence. For some reason, Caroline wanted to tell her otherwise. That it didn't have to be that way.

But Ava just continued, her voice noticeably quivered, "It's horrible to even think about… And afterwards, nothing ever goes back to being the same…" Caroline's eyes drifted down to her friend's soft, plump lips, absorbed in the words as they took shape and flew away. A different energy began to replace the melancholic one. Avangeline' s voice was drawing her in like a moth to a flame.

The world began to fade around them.

"But that brainless moment brings another infinite yet finite moment of freedom that soon becomes a far off dream. So brief and vital, like a breath of fresh air," she whispers.

Did Ava always look so… sad?

Ava's hand slipped past Caroline's ear as her fingers traveled through her hair and to the back of her neck, no longer just idly playing with her stray locks. With their heads almost brushing against each other, Caroline felt her eyelids beginning to drop.

Unconsciously, she had started gripping Ava's jacket, slowly drawing them even closer together. It felt as if there was a muffled electric current between them just waiting to be set free, similar to when they touched, but in the air instead. Neither of them could move, seemingly lost in the moment. She couldn't tear her gaze away from Ava's lips despite them no longer moving, licking her own as her heart beat began rising. Why was it suddenly hard to breathe?

One step away…She wanted to reach out. She wanted the brunette even closer. She wanted—

Caroline's grip suddenly tightened on her friend's jacket, but her sudden movement seemed to shock Ava out of whatever trance the two were in and she quickly pulled away. Her hand had seemingly moved on its own accord, a response to a feeling she hadn't had the chance to act on. An empty feeling replaced the warmth she didn't even know she was feeling just a moment ago, letting the cold, night air take its place once again. She suddenly felt like she was worlds apart from her best friend even though they were standing a few feet from one another. Part of her wanted to grab Ava's jacket again so she could pull her closer and reclaim that lost warmth, but the other part was rooted to the spot in some sort of daze, trying to figure out what had just happened.

"Sorry, Care," Ava mumbled, keeping her eyes to the ground, "You can head inside before me. I need to take a walk to cool my head."

Without even waiting for Caroline's reply, Ava walked away, making this the second time tonight she was left to watch someone fade from her view. But this time… it felt like a wound was placed on her heart and she knew she immediately regretted letting Ava leave without…without? Her face went completely red as she caught herself.

Caroline's legs felt like jelly as she stumbled back inside the house. She pressed her back against the door as she closed it, sinking to the floor directly afterwards. Her hand lightly pressed on her chest before squeezing her shirt. Why was she just realizing it now?

Heat went from her face down to her neck as she realized she had been staring at Ava's lips. 'I… wanted her to kiss me, and I wanted to kiss her,' came the painful realization.

But this couldn't be happening! It was against everything she had believed in. Against everything that she was taught growing up. She was straight! She had to be straight! Society would shame her, shame them. The community they lived in would make sure of that.

In all of America, they lived in one of the worst places possible to develop those types of feelings. Ava's words resonated deeply with her. These forbidden feelings could ruin what they already had; their friendship. As long as the words were left unspoken, nothing had to change.

There was a chance that she was the only one that was struggling like this. Maybe Ava needed to cool her head because of Drew and she would have to write herself off as a delusional pervert or something.

'But I can't help it…' she started crying to herself, feeling hurt at the mere thought of her parents finding out. To them, she was the perfect Christian girl but she knew better… That ticklish feeling from whenever Ava had teased her was not quite so innocent. She had ignored it. She continued to let it happen. She wanted to let it happen. She wanted her.

They'd call her a degenerate! Sinner! Reprobate!

What was she meant to do?

Her thoughts kept spiraling for hours until she fell into a disheveled heap on the floor. The exhaustion had caught up to her and she'd fallen asleep at the front door in tears. Her sleep went undisturbed until late morning the next day. She was very confused at first until she felt the sting of her eyes and touched them to find them puffy. Caroline shot up from the ground, realizing she had fallen asleep at the front door. Her brows creased, anxiety surrounding her heart.

She let out a pitiful and unsteady voice, "Ava?" No response. She walked around and looked at the dogs she had forgotten to feed and crate train last night.

A rush of shame washed over her, 'I'm so selfish… the whole reason I'm here is to take care of these guys…' Quickly, she fed them and let them outside into the backyard before looking around for Ava once again.

'Maybe she left.'

The thought gutted her like a fish, but soon the thought was dispelled as she realized that all of her things were still here except her phone. Her eyes widened. Ava couldn't have come back without waking her up at the door, which meant she never came back.

Worried, she tried calling her but to no avail. Dread was slowly building up as she raced out the front door, phone in hand. She had to find her. Whatever happened yesterday could wait but she had to find her!

The blonde rushed in the direction that Ava had taken last night and started calling out for her. Maybe she had just fallen asleep like she had?

'Not likely,' her inner voice spoke out. Ava was always more careful than she was when it came to safety.

She asked the neighbors if anyone had seen an 18 year old girl with brown hair last night or today but nobody had. Finally, she reached the end of the road with misty eyes as she looked around.

Ava was nowhere in sight.

She had searched the whole area. She had said she was only going on a small walk but…

Caroline sat on the ground, biting her lip so hard she could taste iron. She was doing all she could to try and keep herself from crying like a small child, when her hand hit a shard of glass. Blood began seeping out as she winced. Why was there glass here? Caroline turned and looked to try and find the source of the glass when she froze, her blood turning ice cold.

'No,' she took her phone out to find Ava's contact again. She shook her head as it began calling the line, whispering out loud this time, "No…" But the broken phone rang out and a familiar ring tone from their favorite anime began to play. 'This can't be happening.'

She began shouting Ava's name again, holding on to some desperate attempt of hope that her friend was nearby and ok. She rummaged around nearby bushes looking for anything else that might be Ava's or better yet, Ava in the flesh. But instead, she found evidence of a struggle.

The ground was roughed up a little bit away as if there had been a chase and blood on the pavement not far away. One of Ava's shoes was beneath a bush and her jacket, the jacket she had been latched onto just last night, had been torn at the seams and was missing an entire sleeve.

Taking it off the ground with shaky hands, Caroline didn't need to see any more. Frantically, she dialed the police as tears threatened to overcome her again. She called the authorities, she called her parents, she called Ava's mom, she called her and Ava's friends, and she called anyone else that came to mind and soon the scene was flooded with people. The police asked her what happened last night as she told them that Ava had left to go on a walk not too long after Drew had left their house.

Drew was then asked questions about any suspicious behavior while he was driving home. Confused but cooperative he went back over his drive home, telling the cops in great detail about confessing to Caroline—not that they asked or cared. In the end, he couldn't recall anything. The questioning went on and on and the police began fanning out to ask others questions, check the house, and check the scene itself.

At the end of it all, they concluded that it was a kidnapping and that this was only one of many current cases they had right now. Caroline felt lifeless as she heard the news. Her lips quivered as Drew came up to her with a solemn look on his face. He seemed to somewhat blame himself, thinking that if he had stayed even a bit longer maybe she'd be fine, but Caroline knew better. She knew this was her fault. And more than anything, she wanted to take Ava's place.

Years went by and she finally gave into Drew's pursuits, hoping to numb herself and block out the pain. To try and be a loving couple for everyone else's sake. To be who others wanted her to be. Even still, she would always stop him when he tried to do anything more than kiss her, though she would prefer to do without all the kissing as well. It felt wrong. Everything felt wrong.

Her parents were thrilled when Drew asked for official permission to court her and told her that they knew Ava would love to see her with him, but she knew better. Maybe Ava wouldn't mind it if she was happy, but she wasn't happy. She was just existing and she felt the guilt of that night play over in her head every single day.

Over the years, a few more of their friends went missing as well as many others all across the world. The authorities were getting criticized everyday and everything was reaching its breaking point. Then the world itself seemed to groan in despair when the sky went red and dark creatures were released into their everyday lives. The world went to war, resulting in World War III and the scientists that had caused all the mayhem were brought to light. But it was simply too late. The New Dark Age had begun.