C. 5 Mixed Feelings

Slapping my cheeks, I tried to get the worry to leave my expression. I was a nervous wreck and hadn't been in the mood to have my makeup by anyone but myself. Lacking the motivation to even get dressed the rest of the way, I twisted a brush between my fingers. I had been sitting in a corset and skirt that belonged to the underside of my dress at my vanity for the better part of twenty minutes. My hands were shaking, and it was near impossible to focus long on anything at all.

Tonight was my last night in Alowez. I could hear the chattering of excited guests drift up from the garden and courtyard through the open windows in my room. They had invited nearly everyone that was important to this going away celebration. Everyone, including Nicolaus, who I had stolen a glimpse of on my way back to my room. I had made an unnecessary detour just for that reason. Perhaps if I saw him beforehand, it would help. It didn't. It made my stomach turn even more and my mind go into overdrive.

He had been attractive, having grown into his awkwardly long limbs. He was tall. Even from a distance, I could see this. His skin was tan, face free of any hair at all, only adding to the definition of his smooth jawline. Someone had even groomed his eyebrows to look neat. If that was for tonight or just a part of his grooming pattern remained to be seen. Dark, almond-shaped eyes looked at the guests easily. His smile was knee knocking, lighting up the room and making me want to lean on his every word as I watched those plump lips. Someone had made him laugh and I couldn't help but feel my stomach drop as he sucked his lip into his mouth. I could swear we looked at one another and the heat that rose to my cheeks came creeping back.

Smacking myself again, I shot up from my chair, trying to shake the image from my mind. "Why did he have to turn out so hot?"

I wrung my hands together and paced the room. Hair cascading over my back, brushing my bare skin as it ended just below my corset. My chest rose and plunged, so rapidly in fact that the room spun. I did not know what to talk to him about or how to act around him. I didn't want to change my ways just to please him, or anyone else in Sobell. If this were to work, however, I would need to bend a little.

Shoving my head out of the window, I gulped cool night air. Deep breaths in through my nose told me that there was rain on its way. This brought a faint glimmer of hope, as I had a death grip on the window's ledge. Slowly opening my eyes, I looked down at the guests that were still arriving. I continued to breathe rhythmically to calm myself when the door squeaked behind me.

"Hey girl, how are you feeling?" Eryn asked as she opened the door further. "You look ready to go, except we need to get your dress on. I'm glad you picked this one. It's beautiful."

Taking a deep breath through my nose, I straightened and cracked my jaw, releasing the built up tension that made my ears ring. No matter what I did, this was my role now. Closing my eyes slowly, I turned to face Eryn. Her dress was completely opposite from what I had worn. The deep wine color of my heavy dress against the brilliant sunset like colors of her flowing skirts. It matched her hair perfectly; they did her nails and makeup to match. Her eyeshadow sparkled under the light every time she blinked. Small jewels were stuck to the corners of her eyes, extending out in three small rows to draw one in. It worked perfectly, her long eyelashes only adding to the intensity of her blue eyes when she blinked.

Eryn had piled her wild flames on top of her head in an elegant bun. Small pearls adorned the brilliant flames. Glimmering in the firelight as they sat in golden housings. However, she kept true to Eryn and allowed strands to escape the elegant mess and allowed them to brush her neck. The old family heirloom, what looked like a crest of some sort, the metal so worn it was hard to make out. She wore this around her neck. Wearing it proudly, she centered it on her chest for all to see.

"Leave your hair down. It makes you look wild and unpredictable."

Eryn blushed as she broke the silence I'd created between us. Giving a small spin as she continued.

"Just remember to save a dance for me, okay?" Heaving a heavy sigh, Eryn checked herself once more in the mirror, pushing her chest up and watching her breasts bounce back into place. "Try to get lucky tonight. I know I am." Eryn winked, holding back a snort of laughter.

Shaking my head, I pulled on the rest of my outfit and my heels to match. I grew at least three inches, coming eye level with Eryn now. It was the only time I didn't feel as small as I truly was. Eryn looked me over, adjusted the skirt slightly, tucked hair behind my ear and patted my head.

"Look at how tall you got!"

Grunting laughter, I shook my head and took a deep breath. I wasn't ready. I doubted I ever would be, but it was now or never and never wasn't really an option.

"Say the word and we can escape together." Eryn whispered, her eyes darting back and forth as we moved to the door. "We can climb down the vines outside your window. They'll never notice!"

Snickering between one another, I reached for the door handle and dragged it. If this was to be a war, I would be ready.

Just outside my door, Lynx stood there, ready to follow me down to the great hall. Looking around, he didn't have Rhinard with him. That, at least, was a relief. I would have to see him soon enough. However, what happened earlier, I didn't know how wise it was to be around him. He seemed to know something, but he also liked to scare me any chance he got. Even if this was my last night, he couldn't help himself.

Eryn chatted away. I listened absently. The sound of music and conversation echoing through the halls the closer we got to the old ballroom and great hall. Luckily, I didn't draw any attention right away as we entered the room. At first glance, I also didn't see Nicolaus. I felt a weight lift from my chest. I wasn't trying to find him when we made eye contact.

My father stood across the room, close to the head of the table. When we made eye contact, he took a slow drink from his large goblet before turning back to a man I didn't recognize. Judging by his posture, the conversation was heated, albeit in a civil way. Neither party seemed to be overly concerned with what it was.

Thankfully, when I looked over my shoulder, Lynx had somehow known to keep a distance. He still did his job as he was supposed to, but didn't interrupt the natural flow of the gathering. Having him that far away was another breath of fresh air. At least he didn't feel the need to breathe down my neck. His staring, however, was another matter. Rolling it off and putting a faint smile on my lips, I made my way to one of the long tables that sat filled with food and drink. Everyone had taken to eating where they stood. When I approached, they turned, expecting me to engage in conversation. This, at the moment, didn't matter to me. I was after the sweet nectar that I knew my father had ordered special, one request at least that I had been granted.

An almost overly sweet wine that settled heavily on the mind after a cup or two. The faye knew how to grow their grapes and didn't bother to share their secrets with anyone. Those that tried to discover them mysteriously disappeared.

After pouring myself a cup, much to the horrific look of a relatively new kitchen maid, I sipped and savored the drink. It coated my lips, flooded over my tongue and flew to my stomach as easily as water. Pulling it back, I took another deep breath and then drank again. Licking my lips, I had attributed the burning feeling to the wine. However, when I pulled it from my lips again, the feeling was still there. One more deep breath and I turned back to the throng, nearly missing the man just next to me.

Giggling nervously, I put my hand on my chest, heaving a sigh. "Sorry, you snuck up on me."

Nicolaus smiled so deeply that the corners of his eyes narrowed. Dimples appeared on his cheeks as his throat bobbed. Looking me over smoothly, I took it upon myself and did the same. Avoiding the urge to truly linger. It was difficult. He looked slender but had a structure to him I didn't expect.

Luckily, he didn't seem to mind the cup that I held in my hand, already half empty.

When he opened his mouth to speak, he tilted his head to the right, his neck extending to show the minor difference in tone just below the collar of his shirt. "Do you mind if I join you?" His eyes seemed to narrow further, looking at the cup in my hand. "That will make things fun."

When he spoke, it was like smoke over water. Sooth and light, only meant for me. Taking a step toward me, he closed the gap rather comfortably. From here I could see that where I thought his eyes had darkened over time to brown, they were actually a deep shade of blue. Reminding me of a stormy night on the Pollock.

The way he looked at me was like someone taking down a helpless animal. His eyes were clear and focused, dark and beautiful.

'Be a little wild.' Eryn's voice penetrated my memories. While I knew I was remembering it incorrectly, I didn't mind the thought.

"I don't mind at all. Are you familiar with the sweet wines of the faye?"

Nicolaus nodded, turning to the table. "The food looks great."

Smacking myself mentally, I tried to keep the smile on my face. This was awkward.

Reading my thoughts, he took half a step back, reaching his hand up to take mine. Taking a deep breath, I let it out in a halfhearted chuckle, a breath, really. I expected to feel nothing but chills from him, however I was mistaken. A jolt of energy passed between us as my hand slid into his. Something lit behind his eyes just then. This didn't help the ball of anxiety that rolled and thrashed in my stomach. How had he remembered our last encounter?

"My lady." a head servant Sebastian bowed in front of us. "Your father requests your presence and apologizes for pulling you from his highness. He also hopes you do not see it as a negligible offence on the Willow household."

"Thank you, Sebastian." Blinking quickly, I had ripped my hand from Nicolau's. He looked at me as though I had just harmed him. "I will speak with you again."

What he said next chilled me.

"Take your time, my trinket. We have all the time available to us now."

Sebastian nodded and turned, allowing us to pass. It was easy to make our way through the crowd. Even in their drunken state, most every man and woman turned and lowered their heads. It had always made me feel uncomfortable. The attention and status were nice to forget on the days where I could get lost in the Tiber or Spine. Despite this, I stood tall against it, weaving our way to the table that sat above the others. 

"My lord, my lady. Our honored guest, prince Nicolaus Yarrow." Viktor emerged from the crowd, starting at the doors across the room from where we sat. He gestured as he came toward the table. Everyone visibly leaned back to get away from him. "I have a treat for you. As the spirits have granted us with rain, the fight shall be held in here. A fight for reassurance."

Sitting forward in his high-backed chair, the lord of Alowez rose his eyebrow. "Reassurance, general?"

"Yes." he held his chin up as he spread his arms in an exaggerated bow. "I would like to show the strength of the men you have against the one my lady chose today. Or your fiance if he feels up to it." He seemed completely serious. Even as his lips quivered, his stare never lost that undertone of a challenge. "I joke, of course. Shall we continue?"

Shaking my head, I made to decline the event, however, was quickly shut down.

"By all means, continue." He waved Viktor off as he settled back in his chair. "It is tradition, Nyx. Your brothers also had this. I did as well, your grand father, his father."

"Of course." As barbaric as I found it. We were still in my father's home. And despite what I wanted to admit, the bouts were something I looked forward to.

"By all means," Nicolaus strode forward, eyes meeting mine as he rose his chin to continue. "I would like to see how this tradition is performed. We have similar dealings in Sobell, however, one's honor and reputation are on the line."

This was not something that reassured me. It made the move to Sobell slightly easier. If I could find a sliver of home there, perhaps it wouldn't be that bad. This was something I could live with, but there were others I knew I would need to give up in order to keep everyone happy. I would try as best I could to shake Lynx. As of right now, it didn't matter. Lynx obediently walked forward and up to face me. He stood a short distance away, but it was clear what he wanted. He wanted my approval for this fight.

Looking him over, I wasn't sure what to expect. As much as I hated to admit it as well, Viktor was correct. This could be a perfect way to have weaknesses exposed and put a crack in what I thought was a solid foundation. Sitting up, I took a deep breath, nodded once, and he seemed to thank me. As he pulled off his clothing, I, along with many other women, had to bite our tongues. He was massive. His chest alone looked rock solid. His torso, well defined. Light skin etched into that of a statue stood before us. His back, when he turned, was no different. Muscles bulged when he flexed and discarded his shirt before moving to the center of the room.

This was quickly shadowed however by his opponent. My eyes nearly popped from my skull as I felt my jaw go slack. Already undressed from the waist up, his gnarled scar was hard to forget. I wasn't sure where it had come from and never asked. Rhinard wasn't the easiest person to talk to. Then again, thinking back on it, I never gave him the chance to form a relationship with me of any kind. He belonged to my father. He was a wolf under my father. Just as my brothers had been.

Glancing at him, my father looked down at the two men easily. He didn't care one way other the other, at least outwardly. I could only imagine what happened inside that mind of his and what he said aloud.

Just beyond him, a familiar ringed hand presented itself. On the ring finger of his left hand were two bands. The thickest of the two holding a snarling wolf's skull. Petyr had arrived. I didn't see him before. I had been eager to get away from Nicolaus, however, that was a failed attempt as I caught him from the corner of my eye, making his way to the table. There had been an empty seat next to me for a reason. Why didn't I notice before?

Tucking my thumb under my fingers, my nail bit into the first knuckle of my pinky. Taking a deep breath, I glanced back to where my brother sat.

Petyr leaned forward as he waved at me. I should have known that he was behind this. The fight began before I could do anything. The sound of flesh hitting flesh echoed in the vast room. Turning to them, I was amazed to see Lynx still standing as he and Rhinard exchanged a series of blows to his ribs and liver. The deciding move, however, was delivered by Lynx as he knocked the ladder's legs from under him, sending him to his back. Rhinard's head slammed against the polished stone floor as Lynx straddled his waist and struck Rhinard's face.

Gripping his throat in one enormous fist and picking him up, then slamming him back down. It was clear the other was dazed. Still, the swiftness of the match left everyone in a state of silence as Lynx stood and turned to me once again. His eyes seemed to be gold from this angle, but when he blinked again, they were back to their normal soft green.

Everything happened quickly, and I barely had time to process it, as Nicolaus let out a laugh.

"Well, that was certainly quick, wasn't it? Will there be another?"

No doubt there would be another, but for now, all I wanted to do was eat and drink my fill before going to bed. The journey we had in front of us was going to be long and the last thing I wanted was to be half awake while sitting nearly seven feet above the ground.

I managed a nod as I turned to face my plate, my eyes following Lynx. He was calm, even helping Rhinard up after his defeat. No matter what this man seemed like on the surface, he was trained. How well I didn't know, but Rhinard was not a simple man to take down.

Either they staged it, I thought to myself. Or he has more to be seen. I smiled to myself gently before wiping it away with another swallow of the sweet wine in my goblet. We shall see.

"Walk with me, little viper?" Petyr offered his hand. The cold metal of his rings presenting themselves in a gleam. "It will be awhile that we will have time to spend together again."

Excusing myself from the table, Nicolaus was partially distracted by the next bout that was about to occur. Sighing lightly, I turned back to my brother. While I enjoyed them, I preferred to have the fights held outside. The smell of meat, wine, and sweat only amplified when men danced around each other for sport. Rolling my eyes, I followed my brother out of the hall, through a small door that one would barely notice unless one looked for it. The door was quiet as it swung back on the hinges. The old oil lamps still burned brilliantly as we tiptoed through this and to the other side. Coming out on the south lawn, just out of sight of anyone from the party.

"Look at that," Petyr looked at the dark midnight sky. The stars that dotted it winked and faded as the moon came into view. "Do you remember how you used to come out here and sleep in the grass? Used to scare your governesses. It was never hard to find you. Do you remember what you used to say?"

Vaguely, I recalled something about spirits and their dealing with the moon. My views had changed through the years, as my pleas for my mother's return continued to go unanswered. "I really don't Petyr."

He waved his hand. "I suppose it doesn't matter. Either way, you will be leaving. I will join you, but not tomorrow."

Rolling my eyes, I didn't believe he would ever leave Alowez. Even if he was ordered, I could see my older brother disappearing into the Tiber and living off the land, or return permanently to his wife. Regardless, his life was in Alowez. He was the only one that had not fully left our father's side.

"We will see about you actually following that kind of order. For now, what are we doing out here?" It was cold but not raining, only the smell of it sat on the air as I followed Petyr.

"Like I said, we are just out here for a walk. Nothing more." His voice trailed as he spun quickly around. Unsheathing his sword as he did so.

Stepping to the side, I gave him a wild-eyed stare. "What was that for?"

"You are still jumpy as ever around these things. Is your aim still decent?"

"I could kick your ass in hunting game." I smiled, recalling how I had excelled at a bow but still struggled with a sword. "Besides, I would rather not have to explain any unexpected injury to my future husband or father-in-law."

Something flashed in his eyes as he looked away, sheathing his sword once again. Nodding, he turned to the moon again. Silently, he started his walk, just like any other night. And like on those particular nights, I joined him in the silence that came with the night. A drop of rain hit my cheek as the rumbling of distant thunder could be heard in the distance.