Called You're Name.

And here, the day finally comes. I had no need to go to the city of demons, and my trip to the city of snow was light. As for the rest of my trips now, they are cities where I do not know anyone. Following your heart for a long time is very tiring. All the time it is not beating, and then it... Suddenly pulsating with madness, because of a memory, a dream, or a wish, there is a gathering in the City of Death to discuss the events of rebuilding the city, and to punish the officials and people from the clan who neglected the city, so it is clear that I am an unwelcome guest for some and a very desirable guest for others.

There is no logical reason for me, Shoshin, to go and look for people I do not care about at all, but I feel a huge void in my soul, and I am looking for any thread that will lead me to hope, even if it is a very faint hope. I am completely forgotten in my soul, and I want my soul to remain in the memory of people who love me. I don't want to receive or give love at all, instead, I want my heart to beat from happiness, not from regret, sadness, and wishing that the day will not come...

I don't know why love is difficult, but it's certainly easier than hate, but I don't have a choice. I can't stop my heart from loving and hating. I can't stop myself from the inside, as friendly and pleasant as I appear from the outside. On the inside, I can't put out my fire.

I can't wear black because of their problems with Demon City, it would make me look rude, instead I wear white, as I refuse to wear those gray clothes whose fabric looks like grass.The door suddenly opened, which made my eyes widen, and my heart beat quickly, which made me surprised. I slowly turned and looked.

"What? Why are you looking at me with surprise and disgust?"

I sighed, "I don't think I really need to tell you, do I?..."

Her facial features calmed down, "Where do you go in the middle of the day and why do you hide in your room for so long?"

"Xiao Yan, what's wrong with you in the middle of the day? I've been awake for a while, so I have a headache."

She rolled her eyes and walked towards me, "I will come with you."

She was a few steps closer, "Why would you do that? Do you know that people say that as my bodyguard, you act like a man and not like a princess?"

"Why would I care? No matter what I did, Shushin, something would have been said about me anyway. I like walking around with you, being close to you is fun. I can be your bodyguard. I don't mind that at all. It's better than being a princess."

"People aspire to be princesses"

She looked into my eyes, "But not us, right? No woman here wants that."

"I will go to the city of death."

She looked at me in surprise, "Huh? Why? You said you weren't really interested in receiving a reward for saving the city?"

"Hmm, I did it for myself, and in reality I will never refuse something I deserve, but I don't care. However, because I did it without the slightest care, it opened a door for me to do something I wanted."

"And what could you possibly want from this city in the first place?"

I looked at her, "My bodyguard, there are some things that should be secrets, because they do not please or free their owner."

I got up and extended my hand to her, "Go?"

She took my hand, while looking away,

"I was bored so I'm going..."

A portal opens next to me and her, like space colored gray. We put our feet up and enter a real world, but it is like a dream in our memories.

We open our eyes, and here we are, leaning our backs against something, and I feel something cold on my neck. When I tilt my head to the right, I find a sharp weapon on my neck. I move it away with my finger, "Be careful, my friend, the weather is cold, why would you do this?"

Xiao Yan whispered, "Are you really wondering?"

I smiled, then showed them my red jade, "What do you think, pretty right?"

The guards looked at each other and then bowed, "We are very sorry, no one is supposed to be standing here. So we did not know who you were."

"It's okay, I heard there's a conference going on inside, please lead me to the hall."

The guards looked at each other again, it seemed as if they did not want to, their leader faked a smile, "Come in, You Majesty."

I looked at Xiao Yao and winked, she laughed too.

We arrived at the hall. Everyone was shocked, of course only those who had attended my coronation ceremony or had seen me before. I bowed slightly to the clan leader, "I'm sorry for visiting without any introductions. I hope I didn't disturb you."

Xiao Yao was standing slightly behind me and she also bowed down with her sword in her hands. The clan leader denied with a cheerful smile, "Of course not!! You don't know how upset I was when I found out that you couldn't come earlier!! Thank you for coming!! We are very grateful to you."

I smiled back at him with courtesy. The eldest son said, "But why did you come? You also brought your bodyguard?" Then he laughed sarcastic.

Xiao Yan looked at him from the corner of her eyes, then laughed and said to the clan leader, "I apologize for not introducing myself. I am Xiao Yan, the third princess of the royal family."

The leader raised his hands in excitement, "Oh, that's why I noticed this wonderful sword!!! You have a great reputation! Even five strong men can't lift your sword!!" Then he looked indignantly at his son and said in a high tone, "Aren't you going to apologize to the princess and the queen?!! Where are your morals!" He banged on the table at the end of his speech.

We both looked at him with our cold, winning look, then I smiled out of the corner of my mouth. In the middle of this noise, no one would have noticed this except him. I looked to the side, and found a boy looking at me. When he noticed that I had discovered him, he looked in front of him with embarrassment and fear. This made me look at the leader and smile, "It's okay. We are all children of this country."

The clan leader laughed happily as he looked at his servant, "Look at them! Such a beautiful, intelligent, and respectful girl!!! She saved our city! We owe her our lives! She cleaned up the mess my family created. It makes me feel really bad..."

The first son was looking at us indignantly, while his wife was trying to calm him down. I smiled again, "This is my duty, so there is no need for you to feel worried at all, and from my humble point of view.." I pointed at the first son, "He who talks a lot always has something on his mind." "I wonder if he was responsible for ignoring the spirits. Maybe you did not choose to be born here, and live for people who have already died, but they never chose to die. Their world has already stopped, and there is no need for them to be stuck here looking at the sky, hostile to their homes. The Lord will curse you for your despicableness, and every soul that passed by will appear in your dreams." The smile did not leave my face after my speech, just as if you kill someone and cry at his funeral, this is how I was without any pride in this....

He was so shocked that he did not speak, so I quickly said, "Of course this is your eternal punishment, but those souls understood the meaning of life. They are not interested in inhabiting you for a long time. They prefer to inhabit the soul of their loved ones in hope, but never underestimate a soul that has nothing to lose. Get your shit together."

The clan leader stood up and said, "Queen, what a wise woman, I feel as if I will die in peace with you in our midst!! What a reliable woman!!"

I can clearly tell that this man has become completely intoxicated with me, even though that was not my intention in the first place

He looked at the first son and his wife and became angry at them, "What are you doing while making the queen and princess stand!!! What did you do to deserve to sit!!."

She whispered to me, Xiao Yan, "Are you chess? Wherever you are, people fall."

I looked at her as she went to sit and then laughed at her words. I was sitting in front of the boy, and he kept looking at me, so I also exchanged looks with him.

After several hours of giving them advice, I was tired. I heard that another incident had happened. Some completely evil spirits had entered the bodies of some people and it was difficult to find them, so they follow a harsher protection system. This is why the guards suspected me.

I had to rest here today, since in any case I had not made any progress in my mission. Instead, I made successors. I entered the room where I was supposed to stay. But I heard the sound of footsteps. I smoothly opened the cover of my sword, turned to the source of the sound, which was next to me, and hit him. Blood spread everywhere, and on my white clothes and my face. The man's eyes were red, which is clear that he is one of the evil spirits. I shook off my clothes, I looked sideways at the door, and that boy was standing there, shocked, but not enough. He had obviously seen it from the beginning, but I didn't feel it at all.

I turned to him indifferently, "Did you see everything that happened?"

He motioned to me, "Come in and close the door behind you, and let the room light up."

He looked around, "Why?"

"We need to clean up this mess!"

He said softly, "This is my room, you can leave."

He came in and moved his hands over the corpse, and it turned into dust, flying in the air. I asked him, "What is this?"

He looked at me, "We make a bow to trap the spirits. If one of them becomes or is already an evil spirit, they can't be buried anymore, they can just die and disappear completely without a trace."

I went to sit on the chair in front of the door from the inside of the room, "What if a non-evil spirit completely disappeared? What might be the reason for this?"

He came and sat next to me, "Hmm, maybe the spirit chose to leave."

"Oh.. so then.. this is good.. really good."

"Can I ask you something?"

I looked at him, "Yes?"

"Life... What is the meaning of life? My family told me that as I dealt with corpses, I would know, but I never knew until now..."

"If you give me your hands, I will show you the meaning of life."

"What does it mean?"

"Life is death, life is love, love is death and death is love. When you love and when you die, life begins."

He looked at me in amazement, "But you didn't die, how do you know that?"

I laughed, "I have died before, so I know, I think I have died more than once, but death does not mean that you stop breathing or bleed. It is much deeper than that. Death is that you hate everyone you once used to love. Death is waking up and feeling disgusted by the idea of being alive. Death is not caring about the pain of others anymore, not being able to empathize. Death is... crying alone, or longing for others to love you."

"Oh, am I in front of you? Everyone sees me but they don't see me."

"If you take my hand, you will very likely regret it. You are still young, and my world cannot promise to reassure you."

He looked at me and nodded, "I don't care what kind of world you live in, but it seems as if... it hurts you but gives you hope for tomorrow."

I smiled, "Indeed... you're right... it broke me badly, but I still have hope for tomorrow. But why do you want to leave?"

"This place doesn't allow me to dream. I thought I could forgive, but I'm more spiteful than I ever thought. I could never be grateful."

"Are you trying to forgive others?"

"I was told, 'I have to endure the pain. That's what good kids do.' My family really loves me and is kind to me, and that's why I love them, but suddenly they treat me with filth, as if I were a slave. They belittle me and my dreams. They say things about me that I'm not, making me wonder if I'm really a monster... and it makes me hate them. The more I hate them, the more they treat me with kindness. They make me crazy. They can't love me like they're supposed to.."

"Whenever someone dear to me hurts me, I remind myself of the beautiful memories between us, which means that he is a nice person, but later I learned that this is a big mistake. Kindness and memories of the past do not mean that you can hurt others as you wish. Memories are just memories that we cannot hold on to forever. If someone hurt you... You must leave. Maybe you will regret it later, but that is because your eyes will widen on many things that you did not see. But it is still the solution to walk away while you can keep your heart above all else."

"Did you leave? Did your departure comfort you? Did you find a home..."

"I thought that I would finally find a home, but I found that there was no home for those who wanted freedom."

He sighed, "That's how it is then..."

"What is your dream? The dream that you are not allowed to have here?"

"I want to be the strongest the world have ever seen."

"Oh That's a Nice dream, little boy. But dreams belong to sleep, or death, so don't take it with you out of bed, because sometimes being strong is just a curse."

"Honestly...this was not what I expected to hear at all. Hearing this...hurts me so much."

"Honestly, I also dream of things like that. I know they are impossible, and dreaming about them destroys me, but I can never stop. You may not believe me, but I have witnessed the meaning of power. People have awesome power but they never find happiness. Their power makes them far away, and they cannot protect even their loved ones..."

"I believe you."

I looked at him and laughed, "Really? Why?"

"Hmm, have you heard about the forbidden rumor?"

I was confused by his words, "Huh? What? What is this?"

"It is said that it is about the most dangerous people in the entire kingdom, the 'forbidden rumour' because if you mention their names you will have bad luck, perhaps you will meet them."

I looked at him, "You Called my name then?"

"When you entered the hall, you looked beautiful like an angel, but that smile... It seemed as if I was the only one who witnessed it. I knew the meaning hidden behind it easily. My body shivered. I knew the meaning of Their words at that time... I never mentioned your name, I did not care about this vast world as I thought..."

The door opened in front of us, his father and mother stood, looking at the blood on the floor, then at me. The parents naturally rushed towards their son, but I put my hand in the air in their faces, "Don't even think about approaching."

I looked at him again and put my hand in front of him, "Have you decided? Regret or death, maybe you won't die and maybe you won't regret it, but it's clear that you will die more than you will regret it, so regretting it with a beautiful girl is better, right?"

He smiled, and put his hand in mine. I moved my hand away from him and gently stroked his hair, then looked at them, "I will take your son with me to the palace. He will learn many things, and he will really benefit me," I said in a low voice muffled with laughter, "He will help clean the corpses..."

His mother collapsed to the ground, crying. I said in a voice that they could not hear over their sobbing, "Oh, so weak of character.."

I cleared my throat and said, "Look, he's still young. He won't do you much good. Children should enjoy their lives, not deal with corpses!! You don't deserve to cry over him when you can't make him happy. Parents really do anything for their children to have a happy life, not make them suffer from illness. For their happiness, what nonsense..."

(I did not know this, but I had already called for her before, in my prayers. I prayed that someone would free me, even if he was a devil, by looking at her... God gave me a devil to free me.)

I pulled his hands, and suddenly we fell backwards from the chair, plunging into blackness...

I opened my eyes to see that we were in a rural village. The streets are shrouded in mystery. The buildings are crumbling and abandoned, and the streets are filled with mist and fog. The atmosphere is creepy and eerie, and the air is still. The shadows cast by the houses and trees add to the sense of unease, and the sound of footsteps and voices echo down the streets, sending chills down the spine. It's a place where the laws of time and space no longer apply, and the world seems stagnant and suspended in limbo. His mouth almost dropped as he walked in front of me, "What is this....??"

I went ahead, "This… a dream?"

I walked to a nearby chair and sat down. He could only sit next to me, "What is this really?"

"Boy, I don't know your name yet??"

He looked at me, "Oh really?.. my name is Yue Yun."

"What a very beautiful name... If I have a child, I will name him that!"

"Don't you think you should explain this?"

"Hmm. Do you like dragons, boy?"

He raised his eyebrows, "Dragons?"

I nodded to him. "Dragons."

I told him the things, and he still thinks I'm crazy, maybe because he's a child, and maybe because he doesn't know me like others... We sat in silence for a while, then I resumed talking.

"do You feel sad because they abandoned you?" I asked

"I would not have said, 'Abandon me.' They had no choice."

"No, they do. They can choose to die with you, for you, to fight for you. Perhaps fighting for someone you love is difficult, but if you love him very much, parting with him will be more difficult than war, but do not be sad, because later you will be grateful that they did that."

"Should I be grateful for them abandoning me? Who would be happy for the people they love to abandon them so easily?"

"Yes, you will be grateful, as there are some families that cling to each other and do not abandon them, but in reality they do nothing but let them down, abandon them, and break their hearts. However, despite that, they think that their fading love is sufficient enough for others to bear the weight of their love. As for you, you have a chance to escape from hell. Family, family is the only curse from which we are destined to suffer until death. You cannot be freed."

"So am I freed?"

"Only you will know the answer. You have the vast world in your hands now, but I do not think so. No one is completely liberated in the end, but if you pretend and live as if you are free, you will find your freedom and salvation one day."

"Maybe you're right, but it would be better if I could free myself."

"Why? Don't you like that I helped you?"

"It would be better to free myself by myself, rather than to be freed by a woman who is supposed to be a queen but kills a man in a hidden room alone. This is very suspicious, you know, since you have already freed me but will also abandon me."

I laughed at his words about me. I like to talk to a cute child. This means that his words are real but not hurtful. In the adult world, you will not see someone like that.

"I can't say for certain that I won't, but I won't abandon you, because I don't have you, Yue Yun."

"How come you don't own me?"

"Ah, humans are something you cannot own. You cannot own them at all. You can only be passing memories. As for that sky, that sky is not ours. We cannot truly own it. But nevertheless, it is completely ours."

"Oh wow, your words like a piece of art, what have you been through that your words seem to bleed and tear all apart?"

Neither of us said anything after that. I sighed and said, "Mmm, how about you say you just didn't understand? There's no need for us to make things difficult for each other..."

He nodded, "Indeed, this is my fault."

He continued, "Is this a place where we used to meet? What a lonely place..."

"Indeed, they are all lonely places, but they carry a deep nostalgia."

"Oh right.. I will wake up in bed, but what about Xiao Yan?? Haha... She will kill me..."