Chapter One: Everything is Possible

Adres hawke Start. What is it? It is said that it is the point from which something starts, is born or arises. That thing is supposed to be me, but am I ready? Or rather, are they prepared? Yes? No? Where do I begin? I don't know, but does that matter?

I've never been good at narrating, at least not when it comes to me. It's difficult for me, because it's my own beginning, my own preamble. However, I ask again, Are you ready?

If they are, this is my story.

I will start with the basics, introducing myself and I will tell you a little about what my life is or what it was before ... a number of events that you will already find out. My name is Adres Hawke, I am 19 years old, with a height of 1.78. I grew up in a small town called Asfasican, in a small farmhouse that is located almost on the outskirts of town, in the center of the Seytan forest.

I am in the last year of high school. I'm not a bad boy or a high school nerd, nor do I fit into the group of ghosts you are used to reading. My story may not be the typical stereotype, or the topic that you always read. However, it will carry a special touch as all history does.

I will not say that my life is normal and then move on to the part where it becomes unstable and irregular, where everything changes. My life is not ordinary, in fact I am sure that nobody's is, since we are people with different morals, we do not see things the same way, we do not react the same and we do not think the same. We are not common, we are different internally. If we belong to the same species, but that does not make us ordinary.

It is difficult for a person to think the same as me. That is, there are usually people who share ideas or specific ways of seeing things, their world and life. It is difficult to want to see everything from the same perspective as others do and not be able to. It's hard to want to stop acting, to be yourself and not be able to. Wanting to feel pleasure in being you, but forcing yourself not to do it for the good of those around you.

You might think I'm crazy and maybe I don't act like other characters or maybe I do. You may say that today I try to sound like a pimple in the butt, with a shitty character and then have a pretext, to be able to play the victim and like you. However, I don't give a damn what you think and I speak honestly.

Throughout my life I learned to love others, to accept them as they are, even if they look so miserable and simple.

All my existence I have feigned emotions, which I do not have, that I do not feel. I copy people's actions like a smart device. I observe others and imitate what I think is good, which will help me to act the same as them and try to be someone normal. It is irritating. I know. It seems stupid. I know too. If you will say that it is unheard of, believe me I know and I do not expect you to understand.

My parents have taken me to specialists so they can help me. I have reached the point of having to pretend that I am getting better, since encounters with them are irritating, but in reality I remain the same, like a phenomenon that devastates everything and only causes damage without thinking or reacting. Or like a stone that only wants to be in the same place without feeling and can only cause harm or be useful through others.

Nobody believes that I am not capable of feeling, that nothing matters to me, that I do not care what my actions or those of others may cause. They end up believing that I'm just pretending I'm a different or difficult person. To hell with that. For years I have not been able and have not been able to do anything. Nobody understands what I am. Not even me. Am I a freak? No An alien? I don't know, creature from another world? Maybe being supernatural? A posibility. Do not get crazy ideas, because you will end up with a charred brain.

Every morning I look in the mirror and wonder who am I? I look at my reflection and the result is the same. I am a human being, a person equal to all others, of the same race, same ethnicity, same origin, nothing different physically. However, I cannot feel physical or emotional pain, nor can I love someone, or want, or worry. It is as if it were an undead or a robot or a zombie.

Every day I see people complaining about the pain, about the problems; that worry, sadness, illnesses overwhelm them, among other things, and the truth is, I don't understand, I just can't. I find it so pathetic and irritating. Everything mentioned above for me is an enigma, it does not exist. It's like something that needs to be discovered, but is still in the works, however, I don't know if I will ever be able to experience it in my life? Feel it?

I am someone completely abnormal, but I like it, I like it a lot, because I know that I am not common and although many times I would like to feel what others feel or how to be equal to them, even if it is stupid, I think that for something I am different, that for I'm here for something and I have a purpose, I just need to discover what or who I was created for. But it makes me sick and many times I just resign myself to being one more puppet of fucking life.

The clock on my nightstand reads 4:30 am. I know that I have not slept at all and that I have been awake all night and early morning. Although that does not affect me. Normally I sleep with a sedative, since I do not suffer from sleep - another effect apart from those previously read. Yesterday I took the last pill and did not remember to tell my parents that I had run out. Probably today in the morning, at breakfast time I will.

My family consists of only three members. My mother Adeline Atwater a forty-two-year-old woman, my father Lucas Hawke a 45-year-old man, and myself. I have no siblings, my mother and father tried to have more children after me, but it was difficult for them, since my mother had many complications during pregnancy. After several attempts and visits where doctors and other specialists in the field gave up.

My parents met in a mental hospital, something very gloomy. They lived in this same town, which was smaller then. However, they were never aware of each other's existence. The two of them came to that place for the same reason that you will later know and understand. I have no other family apart from the two of them, since they died in a tragic event that took place here in Asfasican, where there were no survivors. I know you wonder what that event was, but chapters later I will tell you and you will see how it all makes sense.

There are many things I want to talk to you about and you need to know, but bear with me. You will soon know. Perhaps at some point you do not understand what is happening and you ask yourself many questions. But, little by little you will realize the reason for everything. I just hope and be prepared for what is coming.

If you got here I hope and you stay, I do not promise a story with a perfect plot, but I do promise that you will not regret reading me. I will tell you everything my way, my way and from my perspective. I'm not perfect, but with your help I can get close to being perfect.