PROLOGUE

On this morning, the clouds dominated the heavens. Call it weird but I could already tell from the sunless sky that today was going to be a tough day. As always, I had no motivation to move a muscle. Maybe I could pretend to be sick to avoid going to school, I thought quietly to myself, nah I can't do that, that was my excuse last week. My mom will definitely know something is up.

I glance to my left to see my alarm clock. It's 7:25, 35 more minutes till school begins...

I'm going to be late and I couldn't care less.

MISS ANNALISE PARKER!!!

I KNOW YOU'RE AWAKE, GET DOWNSTAIRS AND COME EAT YOUR BREAKFAST BEFORE YOU'RE LATE FOR SCHOOL!

My mother, Laurette Parker, she has always been too loud for my liking. She's what you'd call an "extrovert". With her always perfectly styled blonde hair, pretty blue eyes, long legs, slim body and perfectly tanned skin. Mother dearest is truly one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. No wonder father married her.

And me?

Well it must suck to have me as a daughter, I'm nothing like my mother. Dark hair, black as the night, lifeless green eyes that tell a story of stress and frustration. Dark circles under my eyes from constant lack of sleep. Pale skin... almost like the pretty sun has never touched me. Skinny body, from years of improper eating. I hate being me. I hate this body. I hate everything. I'm useless. Completely and utterly useless.

I pity my mother, it truly must be shameful to have a daughter like me. The complete loser, the psychopath, little miss crazy.

A drop of water falls on the sheets of my bed.

But water? From where?

Is the ceiling leaking?

I look up at the ceiling of my grey room and there's nothing wrong, and then...I touch my cheeks, and they're wet. I'm crying?

"You truly are pathetic Anna"

A voice from behind me says, I turn around but there's no one there. Not today. Please not today.

ANNA GET DOWN NOW!!!!

Ughhh why can't this woman just leave me alone!!!

Without brushing my teeth or taking a bath, I finally get out of my queen sized bed and change out of my pyjamas. I put on a black tank top with a stain on it, is that mustard or is it soy sauce?...never mind. I wear my grey sweat pants, paired with my dirty white vans and red baggy check shirt that I wear on the tank top. All gotten from my favourite shopping mall.... the laundry basket. I know what you're thinking, aren't those dirty? Yes. Yes they are. But like we have established previously "I couldn't care less". After all nothing's going to change. I do get bullied everyday. What's going to make today any different?

Before I go downstairs, I take a look at myself in my full length mirror, I can't even recognize myself anymore, I'm looking but all I see is a skinny lifeless girl with chapped lips and clammy skin. I could no longer bear to look at myself so I headed downstairs

Good morning Anna, what took you so long to get downstairs? My mother asks as she kisses my forehead and hugs me.

I don't give her an answer. I just grab an apple from the basket on the kitchen island and begin to leave.

I'm stopped by the door by my mother.

"Honey", she holds my shoulders with her perfectly manicured red nails, "did you take your medications today?"

Yes I did mom.

"LIAR!!"

I look behind me to see who said that. There's no one there. It's true that I am lying to my mom though, I haven't had a single medication in 3 weeks. I just can't stand the feeling. Well... there is no feeling, once I'm on my medication it's like I'm no longer me, like my body doesn't belong to me, I go through the day without even knowing what happened. It does help me, I no longer see hallucinations as frequently as I would, the voices are there but it's quiet chatter and I feel relaxed...but at what cost? I rather feel all these emotions in me at once than feel nothing at all.

"Okay dear, stay safe okay? I love you my sweet baby girl" she says and kisses my forehead once again. I could see sincerity in her eyes. It felt good to know that she loved me.

I finally walk out the door, my mother wanted to say something else but I didn't want to listen, she was probably going to ask me to stay and have breakfast or ask why I'm wearing the same clothes as yesterday.

While walking on the street I remembered my mother telling me she loved me not too long ago Oh how I badly wanted to tell her that I loved her too, b...but I just couldn't.

Ever since I turned 14 and was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, a mental health condition including schizophrenia and mood disorder symptoms, my life has never been the same. I can remember that day, after my diagnosis... my mom told me that I was special and different from other kids. Although that isn't what the kids at school said. They said that I was a psychopath and I would one day turn into a murderer so I should be locked in a looney bin forever.

I couldn't wrap my head around how th...they had found out about my mental health disorder. Turns out my mother had blabbed off to Mrs. Katherine Long "her dearest friend", who then told her daughter Jessica to stay away from me cause I was crazy and unstable.

Jessica being who she is, the "mean girl" of Evermore Valley, went ahead to tell everyone that I was a psychopath, and that I was crazy.

After that... people began to stay away from me. I was like the plague. I had no friends, nothing. It was just me all alone.

I'd get messages saying so many rude things like "freak, kill yourself, die you stupid bi**h"

And I'd come to school and on my locker they'd be writings with red markers telling me to die.

"They're not wrong and you know it, you should just kill yourself and save everyone around you from being related to you"

SHUT UP!!!! Shut up! Shut up, shut up!!! JUST SHUT THE FU*K UP PLEASE!!!

I began screaming and holding my head in the middle of the streets. This definitely caught the attention of a few passerby's.

Oh No no no...

They'll think I'm crazy too.

I ran away quickly with my head down before they all began whispering and thinking different things about me.

hearing voices is one of the symptoms of schizoaffective disorder. To me, it's the worst.

The voices sound like they're behind me sometimes and other times they're in my head. They don't belong me to me though, they sound completely different.

Sometimes it's just senseless chatter, like about the weather, or food, or just little comments about what I'm doing. But when I'm off my medications...the voices or hallucinations become quite dark and personalized, kinda like they're about me. When it gets really bad, it turns to command hallucinations, telling me to perform all different forms of self harm.

I'm roughly shoved back and I fall and hit the ground. I was so lost in my thoughts that I hadn't realized that I was in the halls of school and unfortunately for me I had just bumped into Axel Quincy, the school's star boy, every girls crush and Jessica Long's boyfriend.

"Not only are you a freak, you're also blind" he say in he gruff voice. His friends standing behind him laugh at his little comment. For them...things like this are comedy, hurting people and making them feel like they're less than them is somewhat comedic to them. How twisted.

It doesn't take long for his girlfriend to come and stand right next to him. They begin to make out publicly, I scrunch my face up in disgust, I stand up from my position on the floor and begin to leave, I can't help but think I'm invading on their private moment, but as I am about to leave one of Jessica's minions shoves me back really violently, as in telling me to stay put. By now the whole school is watching everything play out.

"Oh Tiffany, you should let the psycho go... don't keep sweet little Annalise here against her will". Jessica says in a sickly sweet tone as she turns to face her little minion. Anyone who heard her would think she was saying something nice.

"Little miss crazy here just doesn't want to see what she'll never have, we all know that she'll never find love and that she's going to die alone in some mental asylum being sad and depressed, I mean... just take a look at her," she steps forward and sniffs me, her face turns to one of disgust, she turns around to face the whole school, everywhere is so quiet that I could hear her heels click on the floor.

"She smells, only the Lord knows the last time she had a shower... who would want to be with this smelly piece of shit?", so torture her no more, being herself is enough torture already".

There's a stupid smirk plastered on her face.

She knows, she's hit home for me.

I never had hope or motivation to do much, but I've always believed in love, seeing my parents who were high school sweethearts so in love till the very last day my father died on the hospital bed because of cancer, gave me so much hope of finding love and being with someone who would love me for me, but hearing Jessica say all those mean things, made me realise that she's right.

Who would want to be with me? Someone who rarely takes a shower and brushes they're teeth, someone who is failing woefully in school, a complete loser.

The truth of the matter hurts more than the words do.

I feel the tears start to gather in my eyes and before I could embarrass myself any further.., I run into the girl's toilet and lock myself in one of the stalls and cry my eyes out.