87. Chapter 87

Chapter 87

Meagan and Kate's father arrived at the loft together a little after dinner.

After hugging Kate, Jim asked, "Is my grandson awake?"

"Nice to see you, too, Dad," she answered, but she still smiled.

"Castle is changing him. Go on in. Get in on some of that male bonding time." She turned back to Meagan as Jim went to see the rest of the men. "Welcome home. How was the assignment?"

Meagan didn't answer the question, just smiled and commented, "So the man is rich, good-looking, brilliant, loves you to a fault, cooks, and changes diapers? You do know how lucky you are, right?"

"Not a doubt in my mind."

As she said that, the sounds of two grown men, who were laughing and communicating with a tiny male who seemed to be doing the little bit his age allowed to reciprocate, came drifting from the master bedroom.

"They're having too much fun in there," Meagan said. "Let's go crash the party. I want to see this baby."

Kate chuckled and led her friend through the study to the bedroom, where they encountered a proud Grandpa holding Jamie.

He turned when they came in and said, "Meagan, I'd like you to meet Richard James Castle." Kissing his grandson's head, he continued, "And, Jamie, I'd like you to meet Meagan. I think she likes you already."

"I think she does, too," Meagan said, directing her words to Jamie. "I think she's going to like you a lot." That was said with a baby talk sound that no one expected to hear from the ex-Marine, causing smiles and surprised looks among the other occupants of the room. "What?" Meagan asked. "I may not have my own children, but I have six nieces and nephews who all think Aunt Meagan is the best thing since the invention of the wheel. And they all got a little bit of baby talk."

Jim shifted Jamie toward her, and she took him carefully into her arms, talking to him as she walked around and bouncing him slightly.

"It does look like you've done this before," Jim commented, still looking amused.

"Tell Granddaddy to wipe that smirk off his face," she said to Jamie in the same voice. "A little baby talk never hurt a baby did it, Mr. Adorable?"

"He's fed, clean, and dry. Let's take this where there's more room," Castle suggested, smiling, and led them back to the living room. They had their conversations around enjoying the baby, and eventually Kate and Meagan ended up on the sofa with Jamie positioned safely between them. The two women had time to talk while Castle got advice from Jim about a legal situation in the next chapter of his book.

"Did the assignment go well?" Kate asked.

"It was fine. I was there for the last weeks of PT and training before the client was allowed back on active duty. Her parents wanted her at home, and they're a long way from the closest VA Hospital. They could afford us and wanted to be sure their rebel child was in the best shape she could be in before they sent her back to the Marines. I admit it was good seeing the new respect the parents gained from watching her work her way back. They regarded the Marine Corps as the worst mistake of her life, but she showed them a different side of her decision and a determination they had no idea she had. It was a rewarding assignment."

"It sounds like there's a 'but' in there somewhere."

"You must be a detective," Meagan answered wryly. "But…I've decided I'm categorically exhausted with being away from home so much. This is a big security company, one of the good ones. Lots of branches and departments, and I've worked with most of them. The company pays really well, and the more difficult or hazardous assignments come with definite financial benefits, but almost all of them have me away from home a lot."

"So what happens next?" As they talked, both women were responding to Jamie's sounds and movements and playing with him.

I don't know. I've been thinking about that. When I started with the security company, they made good use of my military training, and they offered additional training for things they needed from me later on. The pay was great, especially with nobody to take care of but me. It didn't take long for me to realize I could use my entire military retirement check for savings and investments, and that's worked out well for me, too. When your work takes over your life and it's just you, it isn't hard to do. So the gist of it is that I have good options. I've gradually eased down to safer assignments for the most part, and I've thought about retiring from this too; but I don't want to be bored. I've built a good reputation. If I want to stay busy, I could certify to teach in the areas I've worked in. Maybe open a small training center…self-defense classes up to more advanced training with individual sessions offered. Other things have crossed my mind, too, but it's all just vague notions right now. There's a lot of thinking and weighing and balancing to be done. I… It just feels like it's time for a change. It's been building for a while now." Looking down at Jamie and playing with his little hand as he watched her, she asked in the sing-songy voice she had used earlier, "What do you think, baby boy? Is Meagan having a mid-life crisis?"

Kate laughed. "Wouldn't that mean you'd be looking for a boy toy, not interested in somebody my dad's age?" she asked quietly. Both women giggled, and Jamie kicked and made use of the extremely limited conversational responses of a newborn as if joining the teasing. "So how long have you been feeling this need for a change?" Kate asked.

Honestly, I think it started slowly creeping up on me when I was working with you after you were shot. I began to realize that Mark would have treated me with the same kind of care as Castle treated you. I had stayed so buried in work that I had let friends drift away and had to consciously carve out time to see my brother and sister and their families. And I hadn't let myself realize how much I missed it…that connection to somebody else. You and Rick can be quite an inspiration sometimes." There was a calculated pause before she spoke to the baby again. "Other times you make us all sick with all that sweetness, right, Jamie?"

They giggled again, and Rick took notice. "Uh-oh, Jim. Two kick-ass women are across the room from us giggling. That can't bode well. Maybe we should look into this." The men went to join them, and the four of them talked for a little while before Jim and Meagan left.

"Give me my boy," Rick said, taking Jamie from Kate. They walked to the bedroom, piled pillows against the headboard, and then the adults leaned back and enjoyed having their baby to themselves for a while.

xxxxx

There was finally another morning when the loft was empty except for Kate, Castle, and Jamie; and again, they took advantage of the time Jamie was sleeping to simply hold each other, indulge in loving touches, and enjoy some time together, as well as a little extra sleep while Jamie was napping.

Martha was back at home that afternoon, making her entrance as Kate sat on the sofa feeding the baby.

Martha put down her suitcases and peeked over Kate's shoulder at her grandson. "I've only been gone three days, and I'd swear he's already bigger."

"The doctor was happy with his progress," Kate reported.

"And how are you, my darling girl?" Martha asked, planting a kiss on Kate's head.

"Fine, Martha. Your son and I are both recovering from a few days of almost non-stop visits. There was quiet time this morning, though, so we both slept while Jamie did."

"Good. You have to take that time when you can." She sat down next to Kate and lovingly stroked her grandson's arm and shoulder. "It's like a whole new life, isn't it?" she asked.

"I was thinking about that this morning. On the one hand, I can remember life without having Jamie in my arms. But, on the other hand, it's hard to imagine not having him."

"It doesn't take long for them to slip in and assume a place in your life, does it? Or for you to know you wouldn't have it any other way?"

"No, I wouldn't." Kate agreed. "He's… Martha, I don't have the words."

"I understand. We annoy each other regularly, but I still look at Richard sometimes…" After a sigh, she added, with a chuckle, "However, just wait until this one is a teenager. There will be plenty of words for a while."

"I thought I heard the dulcet tones of Martha Rodgers making her entrance," Castle said, coming back into the living room with a burp cloth. He sat down on the other side of Kate and put an arm around her shoulders. "How was the audition?" he asked his mother.

"I got a call back on the second day, and I have the role. It isn't a huge part, but it's a character who's very important to the plot; so it's good exposure without keeping me away from the school for too long. I think it's good publicity for the school to have my face out there now and then. Credibility, I suppose."

"It probably is. And, if I haven't said it lately, Mother, I'm still impressed with the effort and expertise you've shown in establishing your school. I don't know what I expected; but, whatever it was, you've surpassed it."

Turning to Kate, with a hand over her heart, Martha said, "And even now, sometimes I still don't have the words." Standing to get her bags, she said, "Thank you, Richard. That was a fine welcome home."

"I'll get those for you," he offered and got up to take her luggage to her room.

"I might rest for a while. That was a long flight, and I'm not getting any younger," she told Kate as she went up the stairs behind her son.

Castle came back downstairs just as Jamie had decided he was full, and took him from Kate after throwing the cloth across his shoulder. They were establishing routines already. "Come on, Son. Let's get rid of that bubble."

"You just like that big, manly belch he makes, don't you?"

"What can I say? It's a guy thing. Ryan and Esposito thought it was pretty cool, too. Even your dad was impressed."

"Why am I not surprised?"

Castle gave her a quick kiss and resumed rubbing and patting his son's back until the big burp happened. "Do you feel up to a walk around the block? It's a nice day…warmer than yesterday. We can see how he likes his stroller."

"Sure. Might as well go now. Maybe he'll be ready for another nap by the time we get back. I'll get his warm clothes and bundle him up."

With no deadlines to meet, they stopped and talked to Eduardo, who fussed over Jamie the way he used to over Alexis. Then they walked around the block, taking their time and enjoying the occasional interaction with others they had often encountered on their walks while Kate was pregnant. They stopped at the coffee shop on the way back and got hot chocolate, and there was more attention for Jamie from the owners.

"I think he's going to have his father's charm," Kate commented.

"Well, of course he will," Castle answered.

"Martha has already warned me about the teenage years."

"I'll do my best to point him in the right direction," he promised.

"I'll trust you to do that," she answered.

He put his hand over hers and simply said, "I know you will...and thank you."

They both smiled, then in silent agreement, stood to go home.

As they walked back to the loft, Castle said, "I mentioned Esposito's ring shopping request to Mother, and she immediately seemed to have several ideas for places to look. I probably won't need my guys this time. She was a little too excited, though."

"I can see it now. Javier Esposito ring shopping with Martha Rodgers. He'd probably love it and hate it all at the same time." Kate said with a grin.

They both smiled at the thought before Castle said, "For future reference, strollers and fresh air are often good baby nap encouragements," he mentioned as they approached their building."

"I'll remember that, Obi Wan," she answered with the smile she reserved just for him.

When they got Jamie out of his outerwear and he snuggled sleepily into his father's arms, Castle looked at his wife and said quietly, "I'm the baby whisperer."

"I think you might be," she whispered back. "And just for the record, the big, ruggedly handsome dad snuggling the tiny little baby still totally does it for me. Can't wait to be able to do something about that again."

"Me, either," he answered and kissed her forehead, reciting, "Patience, patience, patience."

xxxxx

During the next few days, Martha was so excited about the engagement ring project that she used her off time for scouting missions to several shops she thought would be appropriate for what they were looking for. When Esposito called, he did indeed have the Castle family, minus Alexis, helping him out. Other than looking a little overwhelmed, he took it pretty well, though.

Martha took Kate into the first store, but Castle stopped Esposito outside the door and gave him his accountant's business card. Before he could explain anything, however, Esposito told him, almost angrily, "If you're about to offer to help me buy this…just…no. A man needs to buy his woman's ring himself, even if it won't be as big as what you bought Beckett."

"I know that, Javier, and I wouldn't insult you by offering. All I'm offering is a no interest loan if you want it. I'm out of the process completely, but the money's there. Might as well use it. You call my accountant, and you handle everything through Tyler. I've told him I'd make the offer but that you're a proud man and might not take it, so if you decide to call, he'll know who you are. The two of you set it up on your terms…payment amount, number of months, your choice. Take all the time you want. I'll never ask. I'll never even see it. It'll be like you're paying it back to somebody else. Pick out the ring you want, call Tyler, work out your payment terms, and he'll take care of a cashier's check so you can come back and pick it up."

"Thanks, man."

"No problem. If things were reversed, you'd do it for me, right?"

"Yeah," he agreed, then he smirked. "Probably."

Castle laughed and backhanded Esposito's arm. "Let's go find Maria a ring."

Martha had done her scouting well. She had suggestions at three different jewelry stores. They looked at the entire selection of rings in each store; but Kate agreed with her choices every time, and Esposito took Kate's word for the practicality of them. Back at the first store, he ended up with just Kate for backup and left feeling confident about his choice. He asked for it to be held for him and immediately called Castle's accountant.

xxxxx

Two weeks later, Kate was bemoaning the fact that her maternity leave was fading fast, and it was clear to Castle that she was simultaneously looking forward to getting back to work and dreading it.

After a longish thinking out loud session noting what she did and didn't want, she ended with, "But I don't want to leave you and Jamie."

"And if you think you'd be happy being home with us all the time, you don't have to. You never have to go to work again as long as you live if you don't want to. You married a rich guy, remember?"

"You saying you'd be my sugar daddy, Castle?"

He wiggled his eyebrows and grinned. "Any time you want, Sweetheart." Then he paused, sounding more serious. "But I'm not sure that would make you entirely happy."

"Does everybody go through this much guilt about liking their job but still wanting to be a good parent?"

"'Fraid so. Babies don't come with an owner's manual, but they do come with a full guilt package. Periodically, for your entire life, you're going to feel guilty about something child related. It's part of being a parent."

She flopped down on the sofa and growled. Jamie was asleep, so Castle flopped down on the sofa beside her to talk her down. "I know you feel guilty about leaving Jamie. What else really bothers you? And what do you want to do…or think you should do…or need to do for your own satisfaction? What worries you the most? Do we need a pro and con page?"

"I don't even know where to begin."

He already knew the answers, but he put the questions to her anyway. "Then let's start with your job. Why do you want to go back…not considering anything other than going back to work? You could have quit after you were shot, and nobody would have blamed you. Why does the job draw you in?"

She thought a few moments before she tried to answer. "Because I know how it feels for a family member's murder to be unsolved. I know how good I am at finding answers, and I like being able to provide that to victims' families. It doesn't make it any easier to live without your loved one, but having your questions answered helps. And I don't want another family to have to depend on a detective like Raglan. As a lieutenant, I've had a hand in training a few of the younger new detectives, and that gives me a chance to influence them in the right direction…and share techniques that we know work. I'm contributing to something bigger than just our family, and I like the way that feels. And I enjoy the challenge of solving the mystery, finding the pieces and putting the puzzle together."

"When your mother went to work in the mornings, did you think she loved you any less because she was at work?"

"Not that I remember, no. That's just how it was. Mom went to work."

"Did you love her any less because she went to work?"

"No. When I was little, I was just excited out of my mind when she came home and hugged me like I was the most special thing she ever saw. And all the way up until I left for college, she always found time for me."

"Were you proud of her?"

"Yes." She smiled at the memory. "And once I was old enough to have a better idea of what she did, it was more like, 'Oh, my god, yes.' She was a good lawyer, Castle. And on a business day, she looked the part…always work appropriate stylish, and her demeanor looked like she was always right on top of things; she always looked so…in charge. I didn't always like her telling me what I should do, but I loved knowing that she could go into a courtroom and stand up to a judge or a tough opposing attorney and that she could hold her own. I saw her in action in court once…one of those 'take your daughter to work' days. She was impressive."

Castle smiled as he heard her speak of her mother in such glowing terms. "You don't even recognize that you've just described yourself in your job, do you? Think back to that case we worked with Karpowski's team, the one with two families murdered. We all saw the news footage of you speaking to the press, containing the reporters, controlling the questioning process so it didn't turn into a free-for-all, concisely presenting the information, looking completely together and in charge. You shouldn't think for even a minute that Jamie won't grow up thinking of you the same way you felt about your mom. Alexis already does, and so do I. Sometimes I'm so proud of you I feel like I might explode with it."

"So you think I should go back to work?"

"I think you're an asset to best part of the NYPD; and, if you want to, you should go back. You have a lot of options ahead of you before much longer. Another year and you can consider sitting for the captain's exam. Or, with your record at the academy and since then, you could probably teach there…find opportunities to work in positions that give you more predictable hours. You could consult on your own terms. There are all kinds of other possibilities to keep your foot in the door if you want to back away from working full time later." Giving her his little smirk, he added, "However, if at any time you decide that you want a sugar daddy, I'm your man. I wouldn't try to talk you out of it."

She leaned in and kissed him lovingly. "You're my man anyway."

"Mmmmm. You're right about that," he answered, landing another little kiss.

"I feel guilty about you, too, you know."

"Why?"

She took his hand and started in normal conversational mode, but as she spoke it took on a different tone. "I love working with you, but I know you love being with your children. And I don't want Jamie to be with only babysitters…or be without either of his parents all day. And I know you got more writing done when you stayed home with Alexis, more than one book per year. But I know you like working with us at the precinct as much as I like having you there, and I hate that you can't do that anymore if you go back to being a stay-at-home dad, and I love that you're willing to do that, but I…"

"Hey…shhh…shhh. Slow down," he said gently, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "It doesn't have to be the end of working together. I can probably still find a way to come in once in a while when you get a tough one, or a really weird one. Or you can bring home a copy of the file and bring the boys over. We can work on it here. We'll figure it out."

"And then there's leaving Jamie… Guilt with a huge capital G. I…"

He pulled her into his lap and held her close, feeling her settle trustingly against him. Nuzzling her hair, he said, "We haven't done this since Jamie was born. It feels good." Then, kissing her head sympathetically, he reassured her. "It's going to be okay, Kate, I promise. Try not to worry so much. Whether you're working or not working, it's all going to be fine. We're all going to be fine."