Warmth (1)

Mina's POV

Carrying a dying man while maneuvering my way out of this forest is not an easy task, especially with my mind preoccupied with what had just happened. Just recalling how she was mercilessly killed brought a certain pain that I could never describe. 

It can't be compared to when I saw Eren's severed head in the second world, but losing a friend is something that will forever haunt me. I took a sharp intake of air and accelerated even faster to make sure that the man I was carrying wouldn't lose his life. 

"First, calm down. Okay?" Her words resonated within me, her tone so gentle and sweet. "Breathe." 

Then it goes back to her last message for me, one that cost me my whole sanity. "I'm disappointed, Mina." 

I laughed, giggled, or whatever it may define. Just remembering it brought me to a fit of laughter, but no tears were ever produced. "Me too, Petra. I am also disappointed with myself." 

After minutes of carrying Eld to where the commander is stationed, finding them at the entrance of the forest, I finally saw where I could safely place him down. And just my luck, Gunther is also there. 

"Mina!" His voice, alive and well, called out to me. However, upon seeing the man I was carrying, he instantly panicked. "E-Eld? Is he alive?! Say something!" 

Devoid of any emotion, I answered, "He will be once a proper treatment has been applied." 

"And the others?" I flinched just when he had successfully acquired the wounded man in my arms. "Petra and Olou, are they safe?" 

There was nothing to say. 

No…

In truth, I do not know how to respond. 

Seeing such an expression, Gunther was enraged. He placed Eld on the cart before directing his anger at me. "You said that you'll bring everyone back." With a strong grip on my collar, he lifted me and cried. "You liar!" 

"Gunther put her down!" Captain Hange's command was primarily ignored as his grip only tightened. "Gunther!" 

"Put her down, Gunther. That's an order." 

After hearing the commander's voice, he has no choice but to do so. With a click of his tongue, he finally returned to the cart and helped in aiding his friend. 

Friend… Just thinking about that word almost made me laugh, an attempt to secure the insanity that was forming within me. 

"Mina? Can you hear me?" I looked up and saw the captain's stare, her eyes worried and anxious. "Do you know where Eren is?" 

Eren…

I hummed and carelessly gave out sensitive information. "He'll be fine. Mikasa and Captain Levi will save him."

"Will… save him?" Captain Hange grabbed both of my shoulders and leaned closer. "What do you mean?" 

Her eyes, so bright and curious, might be staring at a doll right now. No thoughts were forming inside my head, and all I could think about was how the fuck did I even manage to survive during the rumbling. I wonder… how much in pain I was back then.

But it was no use. Ymir did take my memories away. 

"I…" With one goal in mind, I took a step back while turning my head to look at the forest once more. "I have to go back… I promised Petra that I'd come back for her. Her body,"

"Will safely be acquired by the other soldiers." Captain Hange finishes my sentence, one that I found to be incorrect. 

So, I shook my head along with my body. "I… have to go get her, captain. I-I promised-"

Then, without any warning, she pulled me even closer and enveloped her arms around my head. It took me a while to even process what she just did.

A hug… Captain Hange hugged me.

Mother used to say that when my father hugged her, she felt giddy and excited as warmth enveloped every sense that she had. However, in my case, it felt cold. So… very… cold. Yet even with that act, my doll-like expression hasn't faded. 

"It's not your fault." She whispers, but enough for Gunther to hear. 

"It is her fault!" He yells as rage consumes his whole being. "You said… You said that you were going to bring everyone back!" 

Yes…

I did say that, haven't I? 

But before the captain could even retort, in my peripheral vision, I saw Eld's hand reaching out to Gunther's clothes. Such an act brought Gunther back to reality as relief was instantly shown on his face. 

"It wasn't her f-fault." He whispers, but just enough for everyone near him to hear. "S-she told us n-not to engage. W-we didn't listen." Then he coughed as blood came out of his mouth. 

Filled with worry, Gunther can only lean in, whispering words of comfort and telling Eld to rest. I took it as my opportunity to finally free myself from her grip as I once again entered the battlefield.

I wonder how many times have I ignored the calls of my superiors just for this day?

I might even be sent to a dungeon once this expedition ends due to how reckless I was being. Just imagining being confined in a cold and dark cell almost brought a sense of peace within me, recalling how being confined gave me a huge amount of rest back in my original world. 

After a few more twists and turns, I finally arrived. Landing directly beside her was an easy task, but it was hard to observe how serene she looked. Then, I whispered, "I'm back, Petra." 

There was no reply. The only thing that greeted me was silence. It was too quiet… she was too quiet. Whenever we had our usual chats back in their hideout, Petra would always talk about random stuff. But hidden deep within her surface image lies a gentle soul, something that can be seen when she would always greet me once our gazes would land upon each other. She smiled, waving her hand at me, asking if I wanted to have tea with her. 

So, as quietly as I could, I slowly lifted her cold body and held it tight against me.

Looking down to stare at her lifeless eyes, I mumbled. "Let's get you home." 

I couldn't exactly use my maneuver gear while using both of my arms to hold her body; now, can I? It was risky and a dumbass move, but I decided to walk my way back, thinking about how to get Olou later. It was answered seconds later after seeing a soldier in a far-off distance pulling himself in my direction. 

"Mina!" Moblit's voice called out to me just when I finally recognized his brown hair. 

"Moblit," Once he landed in front of me, my gaze immediately shifted to the man lying dead on the ground. "Can you get Olou? I can't carry two people." 

But instead of getting a reply, he was silent. It alarmed me, so I tilted my head once more just to see his lonely gaze looking at my figure. Seeing such an expression on him left me bewildered, not understanding why he looked at me like that. "Moblit?" 

"You…" He paused before finally shaking his head to get rid of any thoughts that were hindering his mission. "I'll go get him." 

Then, another soldier landed a few meters away from us, his blades unsheathed and ready to strike. "Get a move on! I'll cover you!" 

I raised my eyebrows and realized that the one who spoke was Captain Mike. After hearing such an order, I gave him a brief nod and jogged my way out of the place with Petra quietly resting on my arms. 

Captain Mike looked like he wanted to say something to me, but a titan suddenly emerged nearby, forcing him to take a stance of offense. I was grateful… truly grateful that someone came after me. My head refuses to make proper decisions, and I am solely relying on my emotions. It was reckless, careless, and selfish of me to do so, but after taking another peek at the woman that I am currently carrying, my gaze moistened – even for just a bit. 

"Come to think of it," I shifted my sight to what was ahead of us and continued. "You don't even know my real name." 

And I will never have the chance to properly introduce myself to you ever again. 

***