Shopping with Lady

"That was a bit...", she was gasping for air, "...unexpected, huh?"

"Lady...", I answered as I lay dying on my back, short on oxygen and legs feeling like they had melted, "You are crazy."

We were in the middle of nowhere, under a thick tree that was shedding its fall leaves, I could barely recognize the place. So how had we ended up in this situation, drenched in a liter of sweat despite the cold autumn winds and no apparent dog chasing us? Well, that's because we had left the dogs behind.

This morning, as I sat calmly in my little bunker that peeked outside through its singular window (a shaft in its wall really), I sipped on my hot, seemingly tasteless coffee. I put down my mug and stared at the flower pot that now housed a tiny cactus. I realized I don't like cactuses. For such a calm, bland, utterly static morning, I was having an unsettling feeling, a premonition that this day was about to get quite stormy. And what do you know, I was right.

It began with a knock on my door.

"Lady?!", I didn't know she knew the way to my bunker. Each of us were housed in some back rooms of the church which served as the headquarter of the Valkyries.

"Ho!", she was about as shaggy as ever with an oversized woolen coat that looked heavier than her and her long blonde hair waving on her back all the way down to her hip. To put it most accurately, she was a really stuffy midget.

And so what had she come here for? She barged in and looked around my room.

I should let you know that the only one who didn't have a room was Chopper. So when he came around, he would bunk in with me. It just so happened that he had left at some point last night and wasn't around right now.

"Hey Seraph, do you two share the bed?"

"Huh?!", she was smirking, faking innocence, that was characteristic of her, "Eh...we don't."

She chuckled and then proceeded to sip my tasteless coffee which she eventually showered on the wall. Apparently, it was too sweet and therefore, not coffee. She continued to brew me a coffee which I admit was brewed from the pits of hell. I didn't know coffee had the capability of being that dark and bitter. She seemed to consider that fine craftsmanship. Chopper was right, I thought, she was a witch.

Finally, she sprung it on me, the reason she was paying me a visit.

"Shopping...?", I was dumbfounded as to why something like Lady wanted to try this venture.

"Since I've never tried it before, I figured I'd take you with me", she went on to dismiss any of my expected excuses, "Everyone else is asleep."

And so it was that we were walking to the city. The place was starting to get pretty busy and I was mostly concerned what she might do next. Since neither of us had any money, I understood that either the witch intended to steal something or do something other than what she brought me here for. In either case, I was on the short end of things.

"Lady", I wonder why I asked what I asked when I asked, "Do you believe in God?"

She stopped and looked at me, smirking, "Isn't God the coolest?"

I wondered if she meant it or if I should even answer that.

She laughed.

"Well, I'm sure there's a God. And I'm sure he's a great guy. But that's the thing. For being such an awesome guy, God doesn't need me. I bet he just finds me annoying", she replied lightheartedly.

"But if God didn't need you then you wouldn't have been alive, right?"

"Who knows? Do you? God's probably saving me for the last. So you know, I'm thinking I better run around while I can. I know that someday I'm gonna have to meet him. And we're gonna have a talk. And he's gonna have a lot of questions", she was walking in front of me but then she stopped and turned to me, "You thought I'd say God doesn't exist, didn't you?"

That was indeed true.

She chuckled.

We went on and before I realized we had left the shopping district behind. She had some other plans, which was a frightening thought.

Eventually we came around a bank which was being sealed off. Robbery and hostages. Those were the two words I heard. Lady stopped right in front of it. Naturally, we couldn't get close due to the police.

I do believe I noticed the most evil grin on her face before she spoke.

"Seraph, I have an idea."