People You Can't Save

"I'm the only thing wrong with me, I can't tell you just how bad I suck at life", saying that her expression didn't change a bit. But then her image faded away.

"There isn't one person that its okay to kill or hurt. But even if we know that, why do we continue to hurt? There isn't a single person I hate. But even still, why is it that I can only kill and kill ruthlessly, without end? This is absurd, meaningless. And yet, knowing that, we still choose to go on...how absurd!"

Her back was turned to me, and her voice seemed to echo from every corner. My focus was on her shriveled up figure, it grew smaller by the minute but I wasn't capable of thinking just then.

"Heroes don't exist. No one comes to save you even if you keep waiting. If there is such a thing as justice, why is it so unjust in who it reaches? Where was the hero when the villain needed him? How can they expect justice from someone that has never known it? How are we at fault? Why do they fling God around like they're His keeper? Where even is God?"

The shriveled up figure now had a childish voice, it was just a little girl now. Yet, she didn't lift her head to look over her shoulder, I couldn't catch a sight of her face. After a period of silence, she sounded like she was weeping. So I had no choice but to walk up to her and console her, possibly find out why she was in such a place to begin with. I got down on my knees and gently placed my hand over her shoulder.

At this moment, I began to think that what I was considering weeping might be her chuckling. Since she wouldn't look over, I grabbed her and turned her around. Soon as I did that, I was horror struck at the sight of her. She had two empty voids staring back at me, her skin was like sand, and her lips crumbled like wafer. She seemed to be cracking in places, like some dried up mummy.

She opened her mouth to say something and gasped for breath, the sight of which was so terrifying that I threw her back and jolted up.

Soon as I opened my eyes, heavily breathing from the terrible nightmare which I immediately forgot, I found Lady staring back at me.

"Bad dream? You didn't piss yourself, did you?", she scrutinized me before sitting back in a chair.

It took me a while to remember that the last time I was around, I had gone out with Deli. And I had ended up almost killing her, or perhaps really killing her, since I had no idea what became of her.

"At least one of you is up", Lady's statement confirmed that the latter hadn't come to pass.

I looked up at Lady again, this wasn't how I last remembered her. She was back to her normal state, completely recovered from that dazed phase she had had.

"Nothing wrong with a bit of games and fun, I suppose, but you should know when to stop. We can't have you lying around for days, and someone having to nurse you. And you destroyed half the forest, it looks like early signs of balding, you dimwits", she wasn't particularly loud but didn't seem in a very pleasant mood either, "But at least, you didn't let her drink your blood. That was the right call."

"How do you know...?"

"Because if you'd let her, she'd have been walking around a long time ago", she sighed after a pause, then spoke in a low voice, "I can't tell you what happened back there but she genuinely believes her sons are still alive. Even though...you and I both saw, we all did, that she killed them herself. Her old man, what was he called...Magnus! He told her, we heard him too. She should know and yet she doesn't. Its not something as simple as just trying to forget that memory, it simply can't be."

"Why are you saying all this now?"

"I'm saying, what if this missing piece of memory comes back to her, when she awakens her true strength after drinking blood? What would even happen then? She wouldn't be stable, and she would be unbelievably stronger, and those are the two things that shouldn't go together."

I nodded slightly and then hung my head, I was still a little fuzzy, even though I'd heard her loud and clear.

"Well, that being said", she stood up from her chair, "You should get up and going, haven't you rested long enough? Your better half came back too, don't keep him waiting."

She teased and proceeded towards the door, it took me a while to get who she was referring to.

"Hey, what do you even mean by that?!", I yelled, to which she spared me a cheeky grin and strode off.

It was easy for her to say, but I couldn't feel my legs enough to actually be able to get up. This got me wondering exactly how long I had been out. And knowing Deli still hadn't woken up, she must have been in a worse shape than I imagined. I prepared to get up, slowly attempting to drag myself out of bed. I instantly knew it wasn't going to happen.

"Don't mind the hag, take it easy, kid", a voice came from beyond the window. Looks like my "better half" had been eavesdropping all the while.

He hopped inside and dragged the chair his way. But instead of sitting down, he glared at me. Disgruntled, he let out a puff of smoke and crushed his cigarette at the window sill.

"You're back early this time around, Chopper-san", I said.

"Relatively, but you wouldn't know any better. You've been out cold for three days. And here I thought you realized better than anyone, what the demon is capable of."

I couldn't say a thing in return so I just sat there solemnly.

"So what's going to happen to her...from here on?", I asked after a long pause.

"She'd be fine. Anyone but Deli might have died but unlike the rest of us, she's got a reason to keep going, even if it might not be reality."

"No, I...", I held back a while.

He looked at me.

"You're talking about Lady?", he guessed, to which I nodded slightly.

He sighed rather loudly, took a fresh cigarette which was crumpled regardless and lighting it, put it between his lips.

"Haven't you realized yet? You can't help her, no one can. Sometimes you have to give up on people, even if they are begging for help, not because you're that weak but because you know better. Not everything is possible, kid. Just leave her alone. She can't come back to us. Ya gettin' me? Just leave her be", he released a puff of smoke before leaning back in the chair.

"Well, then, why haven't you left her already?"

He sniggered, "I don't have a choice. I lost fair and square, I can't run even if I want, all I can do is to look away when it really matters. Instead of letting her build her hopes on me, I'd rather pretend that I haven't noticed. I simply don't look her way, because I know that's a mile I can't cover."

"Isn't that...", I thought as I said this, "a lie, Chopper-san?"

Chopper sighed, hanging his head, he let the cigarette burn itself, ashes falling to the floor.

"There isn't a single good thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life", he spoke in a grave voice, "And there isn't a single good thing that I can ever give back to this world. Yet to be given her, I had no choice but to look. Even if she was just playing at being a hero, even if she burns the whole world to ash, I'm obligated to watch. I'm forced to look at her, as a reminder of how weak I am, even when she's screaming, I am forced to stay silent. But you know, lately, she's stopped screaming. I know she's given up. What do you think? Perfect, innit?"

I couldn't decided if I was supposed to answer that so I emptily stared at him, he wasn't even looking up to face me. I suppose he was really ashamed to admit his failure. This made me grin and before I knew it, I was laughing.