48

It all started when our uber geek, Dixle Normous, woke up in a foxy forest. It was the second time it had happened. Feeling abundantly relieved, Dixle Normous stroked a dangerous oil-soaked rag, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Before anyone could take off their pants, he realized that his beloved Holy Grail was missing! Immediately he called his bed-friend, Mike Koch. Dixle Normous had known Mike Koch for (plus or minus) one million years, the majority of which were electric ones. Mike Koch was unique. He was intelligent though sometimes a little... pestering. Dixle Normous called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Mike Koch picked up to a very glad Dixle Normous. Mike Koch calmly assured him that most legless puppies yawn before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually wildly yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Dixle Normous. Why was Mike Koch trying to distract Dixle Normous? Because he had snuck out from Dixle Normous's with the Holy Grail only six days prior. It was a eccentric little Holy Grail... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before Dixle Normous got back to the subject at hand: his Holy Grail. Mike Koch sneezed. Relunctantly, Mike Koch invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Holy Grail. Dixle Normous grabbed his rhinocerus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Mike Koch realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Holy Grail and he had to do it aggressively. He figured that if Dixle Normous took the amphibious vehicle, he had take at least two minutes before Dixle Normous would get there. But if he took the Lesta? Then Mike Koch would be alarmingly screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Mike Koch was interrupted by ten dimwitted Dragons that were lured by his Holy Grail. Mike Koch sneezed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling concerned, he thoughtfully reached for his ripened avocado and aimlessly stroked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Lesta rolling up. It was Dixle Normous.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Seven-Eleven to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so he knew he was running late. With a quick leap, Dixle Normous was out of the Lesta and went indiscriminately jaunting toward Mike Koch's front door. Meanwhile inside, Mike Koch was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Holy Grail into a box of gerbils and then slid the box behind his rhinocerus. Mike Koch was pleased but at least the Holy Grail was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Mike Koch exotically purred. With a deft push, Dixle Normous opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some insensitive noble genius in a time machine,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Mike Koch assured him. Dixle Normous took a seat exotically proximate to where Mike Koch had hidden the Holy Grail. Mike Koch turned red trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Dixle Normous was distracted. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, Mike Koch noticed a dimwitted look on Dixle Normous's face. Dixle Normous slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Mike Koch felt a stabbing pain in his fingernail when Dixle Normous asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Holy Grail right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A selfish look started to form on Dixle Normous's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's carrots from when she used to have pet Indonesian devil cats. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Dixle Normous nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Mike Koch could react, Dixle Normous aimlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Holy Grail was plainly in view.

Dixle Normous stared at Mike Koch for what what must've been eight minutes. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Mike Koch groped surreptitiously in Dixle Normous's direction, clearly desperate. Dixle Normous grabbed the Holy Grail and bolted for the door. It was locked. Mike Koch let out a striking chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Dixle Normous,' he rebuked. Mike Koch always had been a little funny-smelling, so Dixle Normous knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Mike Koch did something crazy, like... start chucking bananas at him or something. Giggling like schoolgirl, he gripped his Holy Grail tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Mike Koch looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Dixle Normous. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eleven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Dixle Normous. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Mike Koch walked over to the window and looked down. Dixle Normous was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Dixle Normous was struggling to make his way through the imaginery desert behind Mike Koch's place. Dixle Normous had severely hurt his kidney during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Dragons suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Holy Grail. One by one they latched on to Dixle Normous. Already weakened from his injury, Dixle Normous yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Dragons running off with his Holy Grail.

But then God came down with His plucky smile and restored Dixle Normous's Holy Grail. Feeling puzzled, God smote the Dragons for their injustice. Then He got in His neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket and zipped away with the fortitude of 2,000 legless puppies running from a shrunken pack of man-eating capybaras. Dixle Normous flipped with joy when he saw this. His Holy Grail was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in six minutes his favorite TV show, Contest of Seats, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When South American hissing sloths meet gun'). Dixle Normous was elated. And so, everyone except Mike Koch and a few ebola-toting legless puppies lived blissfully happy, forever after.