C36: Evangeline

Being with Victor tonight after the wedding is the loudest silence I ever felt in my entire life. The silence felt eerily loud, and I was almost relieved when I realized when I saw the noticeable coconut tree behind the red steel gate with accents of black – my house's gate.

"Thanks for today. I'm sorry if I ruined the mood," I sniffed and forced a smile, trying to pretend that everything is already okay and to convince myself that I'm brave even if I shed a lot of tears in one night.

I was hoping for him to say something, but when I sensed that there's nothing else, I opened the car's door and when I stepped one of my foot out, he held my wrist.

"Look, I'm sorry," his eyes may look cold, but hints of guilt and regret are written in them. He mentioned that he planned it, about us heading to the beach when the wedding ceremony

ended, but after being fun for a while, I ruined everything by being emotional upon remembering Justin.

Justin Spencer, what have you done to me? I thought I've already moved on. My mouth may keep on saying that I have, but my heart would never lie. I don't regret my decision of breaking up with him and in fact, it felt like it's one of my life's greatest decisions because for once, I didn't decide based on my feelings.

I don't regret meeting him, loving him, and being hurt because of him, but I surely learned a lot from that and I guarantee that it won't happen again. I want to believe that this will be the last time that my heart would be shattered into thousands of pieces. Twice is more than enough.

"I shouldn't have brought you there. I had no idea that your last date with Justin was on a beach. If in case I can do something to help you, please tell me. What can I do or get you?" he added.

"I'll be fine. A good night's rest would suffice. I'll try if I can go to work tomorrow because I feel more exhausted than usual. Have a good night. I'll see you soon."

"Do you –" he retorted, stopping me from stepping out of his car, making me look back to face him once again. "How about some sweets? Would you appreciate an extended date at an ice cream shop again?"

He made my heart melt. If I'll be really honest, all I want is to sleep. But saying no might disappoint him, and for some reason, this is the moment where I want to let my feelings out. It won't be because of the ice cream this time, but the person.

I let out a chuckle and ended it with a sigh. "That's not a bad idea," I answered.

"So that's a yes, then? Then step in, we're going to get you some ice cream. Perhaps with two or three extra scoops?" he smiled teasingly, with the confidence that he knows my heart's innermost desires.

"I couldn't say no to a great offer," I smiled at him, and doing that gave warmth to my heart. "Thank you, really."

"It's nothing. Consider it as a peace offering." I buckled up upon hearing his reply, but for some time, he was looking at the window, and his lips curved down into a frown, his eyebrows knitted. Without any other words or actions, he decided to drive. I couldn't help but stare at him.

"What are you staring at? It feels like you want me to melt by looking at me like that," his eyes are cold as usual as he drives, and his facial expression grim.

"You look angry," I commented, feeling guilty inside. He was the one who offered the idea, and now he's angry? What's with him?

"I'm sorry," his facial expression softens, but there are no hints of calmness in it either. "I think … I think I saw something outside your house. I saw two men taking photos outside your house, and they hid when they saw that my eyes found them. I have a bad feeling about them."

"I didn't see that. Now that you mentioned it, that certainly sounds fishy." But for some reason, I don't feel bothered. Maybe because I have no idea who those people can be and their intention.

Not yet at least.

Victor stole a look at me with an eyebrow raised. "You don't seem to be worried."

"Maybe because I don't want to be that pessimistic. I want to believe that I'm safe," I claimed.

"I can guarantee your safety when you're with me. I'm not letting anyone lay a finger on you."

My eyes widened on what I just heard. "Is that a promise?"

"Guess," He gave me a reassuring smile, a way of saying yes.

Less than 30 minutes later, we reached the old ice cream shop that we visited a few weeks ago. Just like before, he ordered for us and I'm the one who looked for the seats. When I found a perfect spot, I sat there and brought out my phone, seeing a message from Meg.

///

Megan: It felt like you've been distant to me recently.

Me: We talk like, every day at work …

Megan: Let's go out sometime, my treat.

Me: Sure. When? I'm available except Wednesdays and Sunday mornings.

Megan: What's your issue on Wednesdays? Isn't that your day-off?

Me: Well yeah, it is. I paint every Wednesday.

Megan: Maybe Thursday? It's my day off.

Me: That's not my day off. Maybe we can go out Sunday afternoon.

Megan: I see. Okay. Btw, I'd like to work full time this summer. I no longer have classes so …

Me: Sure thing.

Megan: Is it just I or you're tired today?

Me: In case you haven't noticed, it's almost 1 am, and we're only fortunate that this shop is still open 'til 1 am, thanks to us.

Megan: Wait. You're with someone right now?

Me: Oh, that. Yes, actually. Someone's treating me for some ice cream.

Megan: At this time of night? It's 1 am! I didn't know you have friends.

Me: I'm a highly extroverted person, I can have friends everywhere you know? Anyways, so much for that. Have a good night.

///

"Who are you texting at this time of night?" a familiar voice asked as the cup of ice cream landed in front of me. I looked up to see the person – Victor as expected, his eyes filled with unbelief.

"It's Megan. She's been checking on me," I answered truthfully, but there's no hint of satisfaction from my answer that can be seen from his face.

"Tell her that kids like her should sleep early so that she'll grow up," My eyes widened in unbelief upon hearing his request.

"Are you serious?"

"What do you think?"

I don't know if he's being sarcastic, but I'm certain that he's serious this time. After all, he's not the kind of person who'll joke around. It's not so him.

"Just call her already," he suggested, and I unlocked my phone, having the second thoughts if I should follow or not.

"Let me have that," He snatched the phone out of my hand and dialed Megan's number, and she picked up right away. "Kid, go to sleep because the monsters under your bed will eat you if you won't." he tapped the loudspeaker for me to hear.

"Hey! Wait, what? Is that you, Lance?" Megan reacted.

"It's Victor now. Go to sleep, so that you'll grow taller," Victor was trying to keep his cool, talking as if that's his default. However, what's obvious here is he wants to annoy Megan.

"Why are you two together?!" she fired back.

"You talk too much," He tapped the red button to hang up, and handed me back my phone.

"What is wrong with you? You basically told her that we're dating!" my heart was beating hard inside and it feels like it's going to jump out of my chest any moment from now.

"You're keeping that from her? I thought she's your best friend?" he blinked, and as I chose to be silent, he shrugged and scooped his ice cream with his spoon and placed it to his mouth.

It's not like I'm not proud that we're dating, but to put it simply, I don't think it's wise to tell others that I'm consistently having friendly dates with someone because we're friends. Is that really it or it's because I don't want others to get the idea that I replaced Justin that fast?

Maybe a bit of both.

"In case you don't know, I didn't tell anyone that we're dating because I thought we're not supposed to. I mean, it's friendly. There's no need for others to know, right?" knowing him, I don't think he'll approve.

"Whatever," he said, breaking eye contact, a muscle in his jaw twitched. What was that for? Earlier he looked just fine, but now he looked less delighted than earlier. Was it something that I said?

"Anyways, just tell me the things that you want out of your chest. That's the main purpose of this anyway."

I couldn't help but look away. Justin is the last thing I want to talk about. As far as I know, I already expressed everything that I can, and if I can only delete my feelings for him, I would. "I don't want to talk about him, I really don't. I just want to forget, okay? And honestly, I've been doing fine since I got here. I mean, when I let it out to you last time. You know that right? The improvement that I'm proud of is I'm no longer thinking about him that much and moreover; I no longer cry every night."

"So the purpose of us going here is defeated?" I couldn't tell what he's really feeling at the moment – if he's annoyed, trying to be mean, or what. I trust my intuition that he won't do anything that will be bad for me.

Ugh, I should stop overthinking this.

"What if you just tell me about what you were supposed to tell me earlier at the beach? You said you have a story to tell." He suggested, his tone lighter than earlier.

"Ah," the feeling of warmth rose against my face, and I can imagine how red I must be turning right now. "T-That. Well …"

He looked at me intently, and he narrowed his eyes, obviously unimpressed. "You're eating something cold and yet, you're turning red like a tomato. What's wrong with you, really? Are you sick?"

"Since I have no choice but to say it now, I will. Just … don't laugh, okay?"

"I'm the kind of person who won't laugh easily. You know that already, don't you?"

"Right," I pulled a glass of water as I start and cleared my throat after drinking the whole thing. "In my dream, I was in our restaurant's rooftop. I was relaxing there, savoring the fresh wind. Then suddenly, you called. You asked me if I can go to a wedding with you. I refused because I wasn't in the mood. Then you said, 'You haven't seen a wedding where it's only the groom and there's no bride, is there?' Then I asked what's the connection, then you said that I'm the bride, and you're the groom so," I sighed. Looking at him now is the last thing in my mind, but to my surprise, he didn't say anything. With the curiosity killing me, I looked to him to see his reaction, and he's wearing his classic blank facial expression.

"That's it?" what's with that reaction? He's making it sound like everything is okay!

"I was expecting that you'll laugh or something," he ate up the last of his ice cream and drank water after. If someone told me THAT story, I would be disturbed. How can he not? I can't even sense how he's taking all of these things.

"If I'm going to laugh or react, you're not going to finish it. What's next?" he made a good point there. If he'll react too soon, I would lose the mood to share the entire story.

"Then you were suddenly behind me. Far. We're facing each other when I turned, and neither of us planned to close the distance. It ended there."

"What did you feel then, when you were in that dream?"

"Well," how should I say this … "I had mixed feelings. I was suffused with happiness, confusion, and of course, at some point, I was panicking. It felt like it's too good to be true, so it felt like a joke."

Victor chuckled this time and pressed his lips together. I pouted as I saw his reaction because finally, he revealed how he really feels about the story.

"See? I told you it's funny. You happy now?" I sighed, feeling relieved that I finally let that disturbing dream out of my chest.

"No, no. I'm just teasing you. Why did you say that it's too good to be true, though?"

"I …" so how do I say this? My brain feels like it's about to explode. I laid my head on the table, with my face down. "Ugh, can we just drop the topic? You have no idea how hard it is for me to share those. I think it's embarrassing."

"You said part of you feels happy. Why's that?" he asked, and when I heard his reaction, I immediately pulled myself up to face him, and without words, I closed my eyes and ran my fingers to my hair. "I don't know, okay? I don't. I'm just telling you what happened, that's all."

"Fine, I won't push further. Should we get going? It's almost 1:30 am." He advised as he stood up.

"I don't want to go to work later. I feel too tired. It's been a long night," my entire body feels weak as if the last of my energy was consumed from telling those things to him.

The last hints of his good mood written on his face finally faded, his expression turning grim. He cleared his throat right after drinking a glass of water and replied, "Suit yourself. You're the boss so, you can take your leave whenever you want."

"You seem angry," I commented, but he didn't bother to reply. What is wrong with this guy? I was expecting a better reaction! What is he unhappy about? That he was just laughing earlier and now grim? I wish I knew how to understand this guy in a deeper way. Every time that I'm with him, it feels like we're close, but at the same time, it feels like we're far from each other, as if he's a man who's hiding something.

Victor Castillo, what are you hiding? Or rather, what is Lancelot hiding? Am I missing something?

----------------------------------------

The next morning, I invited Megan to come over so that we can talk since it's her day off, but she refused because it's Arthur's flight to Canada, together with his twin, Vincent, and their mother. Of course, I understand that, but it's somehow disappointing. Also, even if I want to go out to buy something from the grocery, I'm not in the mood of going either. I feel totally lazy, but at the same time, I think I'm simply being honest to myself.

After a couple of hours of finding a good recipe, I found a good recipe for adobo from YouTube, which gives me the typical question if I should invite him over as usual.

I climbed upstairs to take my phone, and as I enter my room, I picked it up from the bedside table. I tapped on his name and dialed his number. Fortunately, he picked up immediately.

"Hi," I said, suddenly became puzzled on what to say next.

"Let me guess. You made dinner?" he chuckled in amusement as if he's already expecting it.

"Yes, actually. Will you come over?"

"I can, of course," he replied enthusiastically, but for some reason, I noticed his tone changing. "If you're in your room, can you please take a glance at your window? Tell me what you see." I did as he requested, and when I swept part of the curtain to see, I saw two men who are on the opposite side of the road but are watching my house. My chest started tightening at the thought. This can't be. It can't be the same people again, right?

"There …" I tried to calm myself down by patting my chest, but fear simply arises inside me.

"Someone's outside the house, and I'm being watched."