C12: Evangeline

A thick cloud of dust surrounded the air as I unlocked the stock room that I haven't opened for at least four months now. Not just because I haven't cleaned it, but because I don't remember the last time that I cleaned it. I have a small apartment, yet, I keep on making myself busy on different things. But now that I'm going to leave the country a few weeks from now and dad would be here as I go there, I can't let him see this huge mess and worse, I don't want him to clean this. That would be embarrassing.

I pulled out the vacuum cleaner from my room and brought it to the stock room, plugged it into the outlet, and turned the machine on. As I do, I stumbled upon the drawer that, just like this room, something that I haven't touched for ages. I turned the vacuum off and looked for a cloth around the place that can be used to wipe the drawer. I pulled the drawer towards me, and it revealed my stuff during my school days. One of those is, my diary.

I pulled the violet ribbon to flip the cover open, revealing 194 pages. 350 entries. I scanned the pages, and among those pages, some entries caught my attention – one of those is Entry #78, highlighted with pink.

---

December 30, 2012

Dear diary,

Today is the second month of my relationship with Justin. He visited me in our house and asked my parents' permission if he can ask me out for a date – and we'll be back at (strictly) 8 pm. Normally mom and I would spend our Christmas and new year in the Philippines, but this year, it was dad who visited us. When we were walking in the park, in the middle of winter – he gave me a small clear bottle, which is the same length as my ring finger. It's half-filled with sand, and there's a small, rolled paper inside. "I want you to have this," he said, as he took my right hand and placed the bottle on it. "I'll tell you when you'll open that bottle to read the message, and all in all, I'll give you seven. I want you to keep it all until you receive the 7th bottle." I promised not to read it until he gives the go signal that I can. When he led me back to our home, he simply waved his hand with a warm grin. The weather was freezing cold, yet his smile gave warmth to my heart.

---

Okay. I almost forgot about this drama. Sure, it's cute, but I sounded childish. Justin already gave me six bottles, and he gave the 6th bottle two months ago, which is last year. The pattern that I've noticed is, he'll give it to me once a year, then he'll let me read it a month before or after we have an out of town together, or with our friends. Normally our squad in school goes out of town once or twice a year, and whenever that happens, Justin will find time for us to sneak out of the group, and talk about different things. Whenever we do that, it's the obvious hint that he wants us to talk about or relationship, or sometimes, our future. It's probably what I'll call, couple language.

An hour after I cleaned up the stock room, I began packing my clothes for my trip a few weeks from now. I know it's quite early to pack, but it's better than forgetting something along the way. Just like Justin, I like planning. It's one of the reasons why we understand each other well.

My phone rang as I gather my thoughts together, and as I accept the call, even without looking at the name, the voice is recognizable. Justin. It was like a week ago I was thinking of telling him something, then he suddenly came. Now that I'm thinking of him, he suddenly called. Déjà vu.

"Hey," we both said, hoping that it's the one we're talking to who'll say something first. Thankfully, he decided to speak up, because I don't know how to start.

"I … I want you to open the letter in the 6th bottle. You … deserve to know that. I want us to talk soon. Tell me when you're available. We have a lot to talk about."

"We can meet tomorrow. Right after worship service. Let's go to church together and talk during lunch."

"Thanks. It's just that … I don't want to waste the time you have left before leaving. Read the letter today and let's talk about it tomorrow."

Then with that, he hanged up. He didn't even let me say anything.

I pulled the small paper out of the 6th bottle to read what's inside.

///

Eve,

By the time you're reading this, I'm certain that you already know that at some point, I cheated. I already told you I'm sorry, and just like what I said, I already resigned, so that I won't see her anymore. Just like in your case, my boss told me to give him a month, and I requested to do my work at home due to personal reasons. Thankfully, he allowed it, and he's after the output as usual. But that aside, I just need you to know that … I'm so, so, sorry, Eve. I never meant to hurt you. You know that, and I promised you that a long time ago. I broke it, still, even if it's not completely intentional. You know the rest of the story. The next time we'll see each other, I want us to talk about everything. Everything.

Justin

///

Wait. He gave me this two months ago, yet, he sounded like he just wrote this last week since I found out about him cheating last week. I know that he's the kind who plans everything, but that means … he was already planning to resign a few months back? Now, this sounds too good to be true. I need to ask him about this tomorrow.

I unlocked my phone by tapping my index finger on the phone's sensor and checked my messages on a texting app. I have an unread message from Megan, and this certainly is about her first day of working in our restaurant. The next one is from Max, informing me that he already arranged my request about my paintings, and when it was displayed in their gallery three days ago, someone bought two of my paintings so far out of 12 – 'Raindrops in summer' and 'Four seasons of love.'

'Raindrops in summer' is a painting of a girl who intentionally soaked herself under the rain, but happiness is written all over her face. Her arms are outstretched in front of her as if savoring the rain even if it's a sunny day.

The 'Four seasons of love,' however, is a painting divided into four boxes – spring, summer, fall, and winter. In the spring box portrays a scenario set in the springtime, and a couple facing each other, holding each other's hands. In springtime, the couple was walking together, the woman holding a bouquet and she looked pleased by it. In the fall season, the man looked angry at the woman, while the woman was hiding her face with her hands, crying. Lastly, in winter, as the snow falls from the sky, both of them are walking part-ways. It's a mere fact when it comes to relationships. There are different seasons, only that my painting was symbolical.

The next day, Justin and I went to the church to attend the worship service, and we weren't sitting next to each other. After the prayer and announcement, the congregation left the church little by little, and that includes us. I decided not to bring my car, with the thought that we're going together. And so as a start, I left my home booking an Uber ride.

Justin walked towards me as the service ended, and I can't help but notice his swollen eyes, with bags under it. "Hey," he called, who can't look at me in the eyes.

"You weren't able to sleep … why?" I asked, letting out a sigh. "Tell me."

"I don't want you to pity me or anything if I'll say that I wasn't able to sleep thinking of what I should tell you today. On how to make this work, how to apologize and … you get the idea. I cried to sleep. But, don't worry about that. I'm fine. It's nothing I can't handle." He defended.

"There's no need to be ashamed if you cried. It's not a weakness. Although, being that emotional was something I wasn't expecting from you. You weren't like this, but that's okay. We all have our moments," I smiled a bit, and reached for his face, hoping to comfort him. "Let's go."

An awkward silence surrounded both of us when we were in the car, neither of us has the idea on what to say. I hate it when we're like this. It doesn't feel right.

"Where are we heading to?" I asked, trying to break the silence.

"I don't know, if possible, I want us to talk to somewhere silent. Just the two of us."

"Maybe in my place. I'll just order something. We can always have food delivered to our doorsteps."

Justin nodded and changed the route, heading to my apartment.

Half an hour later when we arrived, we sat across each other, and I waited for him to gather his thoughts together until he finally did. He ran his hand into his hair and heaved a breath. The deafening silence squeezes my heart, and I want to burst out. Not just because of the pain, but also because I can imagine how hard this is for him. It pains me more to see him like this, which is ironic because I'm supposed to feel bad more about being cheated.

"You've read the letter, and I told you everything the last time we met. I assume that you're wondering how I wrote something that was given two months before sounded like something that was written like a week ago or two," I looked away as he hits the idea right. He knows me well.

"You can tell that I've been cheating for months now. As I said, I kept on spending time with her after office hours, or during lunch. But I figured that I'm cheating only two months ago. The most idiotic part is, I already know that something's wrong, yet I didn't do anything. I let us happen, with the thought that we're not doing anything disturbing. I've been an ass. Sorry isn't enough, and even if you said that you forgave me already, it felt too good to be true. You are too kind. I don't deserve mercy. Last time I said that I don't want to waste time because I want to fix this. In a couple of weeks, you'll leave, and I don't know when we'll see each other again. I don't want us to part ways without fixing it."

"You said that you want to keep the relationship, even if you don't deserve me. Believe it or not, I simply can't get mad for long. I'm forgiving you because I can see your sincerity, and I saw that you did an immediate action after admitting it. We're going to be far from each other, but I want to trust you. That even if I won't see you always, you won't do anything that can … end us. However, I'd like to ask for one condition for me to completely forgive you and be willing to have a fresh start. I'm willing to forget everything." I asked, smiling as I blinked some tears.

"Anything. I'll do anything, just say it," he replied, his eyes filled with hope.

"What's her name?" His facial expression falls as I revealed the condition.

"W-What are you planning?"

"You said anything, right? That's all I need to know. It's not like I'll kill her or something. I just want to know her name." I'm not going to kill her, but I'll press him if I have to – this girl, whoever she is, will learn her lesson.

Justin avoided my eyes for a while and looked at me directly in the eyes.

"Her name is Ivy Fernsby."