Back To The Day Of The Breakup

The last thing Chen Fang remembered upon dying was not the loud cries of the panicking people nearby, nor the abrupt pain that later drained the life out of him. It was also not the parents he had never seen nor the people he owed money to. Strangely, it was the scene where her then-girlfriend, the only girlfriend he had in his entire life, broke up with him.

Was he that affected by it? So much that he could still remember everything that happened on that day?

'That can't be…' A hollow laugh escaped out of his lips. His sight began to blur and the loud noises sounded so chaotic, like an alien language, to his ears.

Then... after an unknown amount of time that felt like an eternity to him... after the pieces of memories flashed by, Chen Fang opened his eyes, finding himself back on that fateful day.

"Freshly fried dough sticks! There are also dumplings that could be enjoyed with rice and drinks! Very cheap and delicious! Buy now!"

"How about steamed buns, everyone?"

"Handsome lad, you seem hungry. Want to try my masterpieces?"

A hawker's voice made him blink repeatedly before he looked down.

"Young man?" Chen Fang bypassed him, still observing his hands and body with a slight look of disbelief on his countenance. His bizarre state rendered him to ignore the low grumblings of the thin middle-aged man who lamented about the manners of today's youths.

"How can this be?" Chen Fang softly muttered to himself.

There were no ugly scars on his arms and palms gotten from toiling in the construction sites. The skin roughened by constant exposure to the sun and lack of sleep suddenly turned back to how it was in his college days. And he was not wearing clothes and shoes that had colors fading from constant washing.

He blankly looked around and grew more and more confused. His eyes contracted myopia, yet there was still no way he would not know that this was the park right across from the university's main gate. Everything appeared so real. He subconsciously slapped his left cheek without care for the odd stares thrown his way.

Still disbelieving the realness of the place and the situation despite the pain, the phone in his right hand suddenly buzzed.

As the screen lit up, the words in the notification box registered in Chen Fang's line of vision.

"Meet me in the usual spot. I have something important to tell you." The message was sent by Long Lingqing. The date said 'October 25, 2016.'

'October 2016? One and a half years ago?'

Confused about whether he was dreaming or not, Chen Fang proceeded toward the place. As he walked, he finally remembered that this was the day his life turned for the worst. Every detail, like the signboards of old shops on the side of the road, matched the ones in his memories. The cloudless sky looked the same as on any other fair-weathered day. When he stood in front of the crossroad waiting for the green light, he heard people complaining about the hot weather. It was all the same with that day.

Does it mean, he would later see his girlfriend kissing another guy and experience being humiliating before a crowd?

The thought strangely made him laugh. Minutes later, he arrived at the designated place. He did not sweat much from walking. He remembered the first time this happened, just to not make Long Lingqing wait for any second longer, he ran like a madman. But now that he knew what would happen later, why would he do that again? Wouldn't that mean he would look pathetic again to those two?

If this was a dream, this time around, let him retain a bit of his dignity and pride.

"Sorry, I don't love you anymore." The same words rang in his ears. In front of him was the woman he loved the most in his life. Like in his memories, she was beautiful and dignified. Nobody would easily guess she was from a normal household. The expensive clothes on her body would make one assumed she was a rich girl. Before, he would always feel proud standing next to her, receiving her sweet smiles.

Chen Fang stared at the proud face of the man by her side giving him disdainful glances. Pursing his lips, he looked back to Long Lingqing, and after studying her familiar yet unfamiliar face, he said, "Alright. Let's break up. I wish you and this gentleman happiness."

He left those two stunned.

Chen Fang's steps as he walked away were not light as he still felt a painful throbbing in his heart. Truth be told, he was confident that he had long moved on, helped by the fact that for the past one and half year he had been constantly worrying about what he would eat the next day.

But when he saw her again and heard those words again, the terrible memories sprouted in his mind one by one. Those images were the really painful ones.

Yet when he thought about it again, leaving was actually easier than he imagined. Maybe because it was already the second time? And that he was no longer as emotional and blind?

Instead of going to a convenient store and filling up a table there with beers and other alcoholic drinks, Chen Fang went back to his dorm room. On his way, he made sure to delete any traces of Long Lingqing in his phone and social media accounts.

Upon seeing his belongings there, he could not help but cry a little. When he died, maybe this was what he actually regretted the most, throwing away his chance to finish university for a love that was not meant for him.

…

"Hey, bro. You okay?" The moment Chen Fang woke up, a worried voice registered in his ears. His hazy eyes found a perfectly ordinary face framed with thick eyeglasses in front of him.

He unconsciously asked, "What time is it now?"

"Almost 9 pm. Hey, how are you feeling? You okay?"

"Ah, yeah." All Chen Fang had in mind was the time. He actually slept for more than six hours. It felt odd for some reason.

"Hey. I just checked on you coz your breakup with Long Lingqing spread on campus and one of our neighbors said he saw you crying at the doorway." The roommate named Gong Weisheng worriedly looked at him.

Chen Fang slapped both of his cheeks to wake him up. The other's words barely registered in his mind.

'There is something wrong with this situation.'

When his mind cleared together with his vision, the things around him were still as real as before, and he was still in the dorm that should have only existed in his memories.

"Chen bro." Gong Weisheng anxiously passed a glass of water to him. "Here, maybe this is what you need to come to your senses."

"Water? I just wake up," replied Chen Fang light-headedly.

His brain was still confused, busy weighing a certain possibility.

He already died and perfectly accepted this fact.

What if he then got sent back in time? He himself thought that this was too good to be true, but what if this was indeed the case? Because if it was not, how else would he explain the genuineness of the things he was in contact with right now? Or maybe he went crazy after dying?

"If you don't want to drink that, you can also consider splashing it to your face. Maybe that would sober you up better?" came the half-doubtful, half-sarcastic reply.

To Gong Weisheng's surprise, Chen Fang did raise the glass up and pour its content on his head.

"W-wait! I was kidding!" The guy stepped back to avoid the droplets of water that began to bounce from the skin of the seemingly insane man.

"It's okay. I, I'm fine…" Chen Fang savored the sudden coldness brought to him by the icy cold water. Now, he finally understood it. He was really alive. Mysteriously brought back to life. Breathing and living in the real world again. There was no way all these things would be a mere product of his imagination. Even he didn't believe his brain could be that capable.

"I'm alive..."

The realization made him so emotional that he felt like crying in that very moment.

Therefore, he stood up from his bed and ignored the bewildered roommate who mumbled to himself if the breakup had driven his roommate crazy.

After washing his face in front of the bathroom sink, Chen Fang waited for his emotions and tears to subside before he changed clothes and tidied himself up.

Chen Fang messaged a classmate to help him get an emergency leave for tomorrow's classes. Then he bought a ticket online and took the bus to visit the kindhearted lady director of the orphanage where he grew up. The urge to go back there just welled up from within him for no reason at all. Maybe after experiencing death and then going back to life, he just missed the orphanage and the kind people there, his real home.