Transitional Boogaloo

With the odd sensation of having his entire head feeling full of cotton Jay regained consciousness. He found himself sitting in a posh leather armchair, the type one would expect to see beside a roaring fireplace with a narrator sitting with a cup of tea. Just as he was getting his bearings an ominous ringing was heard. Down the long halfway he found himself in was a two meter tall grandfather clock. The angle was two sharp to read its face and before he could count the tones he was startled by a old gentleman clearing his throat. "Mr. Jay Cason, I am ready to begin your hiring interview, please follow me."

In an almost hypnotic daze he stood from the gloriously comfortable chair and trailed behind the silver haired man who looked like he would be a cover model for beard trimmers. They rounded a series of sharp corners down halfways with oddly soothing wallpaper before coming to a large bronze set of doors. Contrary to his expectation the door was beaten and tarnished, the patina cast a variety of colors almost like mother of pearl. Waiting with one hand on the right door knob his guide caught him gaping. "It is said that time heals all wounds, yet some kinds of damage build character found no other way. The coating of corrosion, once complete becomes airtight, thus preserving the underlying metal. If this door were to be regularly polished then slowly over the decades it would get thinner and weaker, whereas in this state its character catches the eye and protects what lies beyond as any good door should do." With a hint of a knowing smile he opened the right side of the doorway and beckoned the captivated twenty-five year old through. Jay stepped into large wood paneled office with the same reverence he would entering a cathedral. The smell of cedar and freshly baked cookies blended with the ever rare aroma of good old fashioned books. A high backed chair sat behind a massive desk facing away from him. Jay awaited the action movie cliche of the villain turning around dramatically to greet him. He was only slightly disappointed when the man he assumed was a butler approached the chair and turned it to reveal a massive white cat. This resplendent Maine Coon gave a yawn that showed all of its matching snow white teeth then regarded the humans with its judgmental mismatched eyes, the left was a pale green like a sky while the right was the kind of blue one would hope the sky to be when out on a picnic. With only the slightest grunt of exertion the man whose hair nearly matched the car lifted the feline and set it in his lap. It headbutted his hand to signal it would allow him the honor to scratch its cloud soft self which he did promptly. "I would offer you a chair but you'll soon find that you no longer tire my good man. Before I start the explanation of the staff position allow me to finally make the introductions. Gesturing to the now purring cat with his free hand he exclaimed," this is Mister Snowfall von Reginald tom Thicclas Biggleton of Biggleshire. Legal owner of the Frivolity Fund of All Humankind. Also no, he can't speak, as much as we've funded such research efforts. I am the Synthetic Neural Intelligence known as Geoffrey Sebastian Jeeves, while I am required to allow you to call me anything you wish I feel inclined to tell you I will judge you harshly I you refer to me as Lurch, Sea Bass, Gee, or J-Money as those nicknames are reserved for certain individuals who have achieved phenomenal accomplishments." Jeeves then reached into his best pocket and withdrew a notepad and set of horn rimmed reading glasses. "As for the matter asked frequently asked questions: Yes, you did die. No, you'd isn't the Afterlife, I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of one or many of such. Yes, this is the future, 321 years have passed since your... Accident shall we say... No, I can't turn back time and help you survive, Yes the hit Japanese series One Piece did finish, you can catch up on your own time. Lastly, yes your remaining assets were managed while you were "indisposed" and have grown considerably due to interest and donations from the fans and enemies of the Truck-kun Deliverer of Heroes franchise. Unfortunately the cryonic preservation company your remains were stored by was recently acquired by the Frivolity Fund of Humanity and there is a grey area as to legal status of digitized entities such as myself and the being you consider "Yourself". In order to earn the inheritance from your corporeal life you must provide Equivalent Exchange for the process. After in depth analysis of your life history, career experience, and mental profile you are eligible reintegration to society after the completion of a tour of duty as a fellow Butler to Humanity. Your primary duty will be management of terraforming for the budding colony of planet Rowling in the Tolkien system." As he was about to continue the astounding affluent cat bit him to indicate that grooming sessions was finished then hopped down with a thud and curled up under the desk. Almost immediately the soft hum of purring was joined by resounding snores more befitting a human. Jeeves verified his boss didn't have further desires and said aloud "System execute protocol Lint Roll." As if by magic the multitude of shed hairs disappeared from his clothing, the chair, and surroundings. Pleased the senior butler continued, "I apologize for having your querying disabled, it is a matter of policy to have the FAQ read and individuals brought up to speed before computational resources are allocated to their Querying functions. Any second now you may feel the questions begin to bubble up and fizz out as the existing information is filed away in your consciousness. When you regain the ability to speak after the alternate options settle in your mind please respond with your answer to the job offer as the simulation budget for this interview was mostly taken by obligatory exposition, the rendering shed hair physics and Mr. Bigglesworth playing with the reset button." Jeeves then gave a sigh so profound even Jay couldn't help appreciating. The influx of answers and questions arriving in his head simultaneously only to cancel out finally died down and Jay spoke up "I know understand that it is possible to simulate books, cats, and comfortable chairs in addition to the other job perks like access to the Intergalactic Internet. I will definitely be taking the job Mr. Jeeves when do I start?" The old man gave a grin that revealed he expected the answer. "Actually you already have started. Your consciousness earlier opted into our Forked Multitasking upgrade, this interview is happening while you catch up on media and get adjusted to the System. Mental Merge should establish soon. Welcome to the team."