Chapter 189: Confession

I come from a race that's known for their ferocity on the battlefield. We use our claws and fangs to rip our enemies apart and overwhelm them with beastly strength.

Cubs as young as five years old are taught to be to warriors—they grow up on the battlefield with only the knowledge to kill and fight for their masters.

I could still remember my first taste of blood.

My father was a captain of the Beast Lord Stripe's tribe. My father married one of his chief's many daughters and copulated with her—birthing me, a hybrid between a half-blood Lord and a Copper Fang.

Chiefs are ranked using four different minerals, depending on their hardness and quality if made into a weapon. A Copper Fang is the lowest out of the four "Fang" ranks.

The order from the lowest to the highest are Copper, Silver, Gold and Dragonsteel. Only the Beast Lord, Stripe and the Lion King are worthy of being Dragonsteel Fangs.

The Lion King—princess Shirley's adoptive father—plays a big role in how I ended up escaping the life of being born and dying a soldier.

My ability to undergo a process called "beastification" started even before I reached puberty. This was a rarity in my species since you need to be gifted and experienced to control that untapped power that always goes berserk.

Every tigerkin, or demihuman in general, can release that uncontrollable power—which is known as the "Berserk" state. 

[Beastification] allows our kin to control that power much better but at the expense of some of our sanity. In "Berserk" state we cannot differentiate which foe is stronger than us. This makes the state itself a double-edged sword.

[Beastification] not only grants us our true power but it also allows us to retain some of our senses. Despite this, we still cannot tell friend from foe, only calculate the threat level of the beings surrounding us. That's all that beasts are capable of, after all.

Having seen my potential, the chief ordered me to join his ranks as one of his elite soldiers.

My mother and father refused.

The chief did not give up. He had declared that I was valuable to his plan of creating a kingdom that matches the Demihuman Kingdom in might.

He told my father to fight him of ownership over me. My mother tried to stop the duel from happening because it was obvious who would win.

It was not even a fight. Just a one-way bloodbath for all to see, even the children. I—a mere cub at the time—watched as my father's jaw was torn open until the top of his head was dangling over the side of his lower mouth. It was not enough to just kill him in front of his family but our chief humiliated him by cutting off his manhood in the process and feasting on it smugly.

My fate was decided from that day.

I became the chief's obedient slave.

5 years old—I tore open a rabbitkin's stomach who they had locked up in a cage. It was a trial of sorts to see what I could do.

6 years old—I was given my first weapon, a spear. It proved useful at the time but I was more used to tearing things with my claws.

7 years old—I had to slaughter a village comprised of mostly humans. They did nothing to our tribe but our chief wanted them dead. Humans were just prey to him, a beast lord. Any humans found in our territory was slaughtered or kidnapped and stored as backup food for winter.   

8 years old…

9 years old…

10 years old…

11 years old…

The memories were all so vivid. I will never forget the things I had to do for the one who murdered my father.

My mother could do nothing. She had no say in anything—she was a mere breeding machine for her brother to produce strong nephews. Any nieces that were born were either thrown into the wild to fend for themselves or used as convenient breeding machines. The strong females were kept alive but if they showed a hint of weakness then they'd have the same fate as their deceased sisters.

On a certain day the Lion King came to our tribe.

-"I would like to adopt one of your sons and take one of your women as a concubine" he declared regally when he appeared in front of the chief, "That one—she is your sister, correct? I will take her as a concubine."

The chief could say nothing to this, merely bow his head while gritting his teeth.

He knew what would've happened if he showed an ounce of disrespect for that great man. He had tasted the consequences before and had bore the grudge ever since.

There was no demihuman powerful enough to take down the strongest beast lord to ever roam these lands.

My mother and I were chosen. The chief did not retaliate.

I had finally escaped my life of slavery at 11 years of age. I should've felt happy… however, hate consumed my soul.

But I was not strong enough to satiate that hate.

All my life I had dreamt to leave the life of a soldier behind. All the blood that I have consumed through tearing my victims apart, all the cuts and bruises that I have around my body, all the fear in people's eyes when they look at me… I want it all to end… I want to forget about it all.

All I wish for is to live a simple life, with one wife and a small tribe(family) of my own. I will teach my children that killing is never the only way to get through life just because you are a tigerkin.

We are bred for war, we are groomed for it. That is what makes us killing machines. If we continue to raise our children as killers then that saying will always remain true.

I will not allow that to be the case for my offspring.

                                ***

Hofir stared at the empty plate in his lap in silence.

Madilith left about 10 minutes ago after she finished helping Hofir with the food.

Sabrina arrived 5 minutes after Madilith left. She cut the chit-chat and got straight to the healing process.

There was a bag full of healing potions at her side. Was it really necessary to have that many?

Hofir looked down at Sabrina.

"Sabrina…" Hofir called out to her hesitantly as something weighed on his mind.

"Hm?" Sabrina looked up.

"…What can I do to… make girls like me…?"

"….Eh….?" Sabrina was dumbstruck for a moment, "…Are you serious?"

Hofir nodded with a poker face.

"I have a feeling you have someone in mind…"

"N-No… that is not the case at all…" he averted his eyes.

"Hmm, okay. Look, I'm not the type who can really teach you about how to impress a girl. Every girl is different so none of us will like the same thing."

Hofir nodded.

"Take expensive jewelry and handbags for example. Some girls go crazy for these things. There are actually only a few of them who actually like it—the weird shopping freaks and collectors. The rest of them only want these things to look better than everyone else. They want to flaunt their things and brag about how their boyfriends buy them expensive stuff. If a woman like that keeps asking for more stuff then it's a big red flag so avoid these types of women. Don't even try approaching them.

Next up are the women who go for looks. There are the freaks who have extremely high standards then you get a girl like me who is attracted to both average and handsome guys if they're interesting enough. Obsession over someone's looks is not a good thing. Most women prefer strong guys. The kind who makes you feel safe and can protect you. A guy who can protect his family in times of danger is sought after in today's times. I'm not into that sort of thing but I guess it makes sense to want someone like that.

Next up is personality: this is the most important factor in choosing a partner. Are they good people? Do they treat others well? Are they well-liked? That sort of thing. I know you probably don't want to hear this but take Arthur for example: he's the kind of guy that every girl dreams about. Smart, handsome, pure hearted and overall a good person. Look, I'm not saying you should change yourself entirely to get someone to like you—that would be lying and isn't fair to your partner. Of course, change is possible if you give it enough time. How others perceive you will determine whether you can get the girl you want."

"Hmm…"

"If you want to leave an impression and change how others see you then you should start by talking to others more. Stop grunting and growling like a cave monster." Sabrina wagged a finger at him.

"Uugh…"

Sabrina sighed.

"Okay, try it on me: Hofir, how do I look with this flower in my hair?"

"?" Hofir looked where she was pointing at.

There was a white flower tucked behind her ear.  He didn't notice it before she brought it up. Does his observation skills suck that much?

"It… is w-white and your skin is w-white t-too so…"

Sabrina burst into laughter.

Hofir's face reddened.

"You really do need help, hahaha!" Sabrina stopped laughing when she noticed Hofir's red face, "…It's not always necessary to be observant when it comes to the girl you like but women appreciate it when a guy notices what they're wearing and complimenting on it. In my case, I'd wear something just to impress my date. Whether it's a dress, a hairclip or shoes, if he likes it then I'll keep wearing it."

The green glow surrounding Hofir's hands disappeared. He had movement in his fingers again.

"There you go. Does it feel better?"

Hofir retracted his claws.

"The pain is gone. I think I'm back to fighting shape again."  

"Oh, you're finally responding properly to questions. I expected a grunt or nod from you."

"…."

"That's a good start. The bare minimum requirement to get a girl you like is to be a good conversationalist. There are exceptions though. Some girls like a guy who's shy and soft. I'd say you fit in this category. But there's no way to tell if the girl you want prefers a guy like you. That's why it's better to approach her first. Be brave at least this once. She'll be able to tell what kind of guy you are from this alone."

"I should… be brave…" Hofir looked towards a certain place.

He remembered Madilith going around that corner. The class clown had also gone there earlier.

He recalled the red mark on her cheek. It made his blood boil.

"But remember one thing before you pursue the girl you want," Sabrina looked at Hofir seriously, "If you're the kind of guy who falls for someone at first sight or just because she did something kind for you then you'll never be able to tell what kind of person she really is. She'll use you by manipulating you. Her body and charm will be used as a weapon to control you."

"…Is it easy to tell what kind of person someone is?"

"Not unless you're a good judge of character. It's hard to see past someone's façade and reveal their true nature. I've fallen victim to a lot of scumbags and their sweet-nothings. I was the airhead who fell for every rich or handsome guy. Now all I want is a guy who treats me right and doesn't use me. You should do the same. Since I've warned you, you might not experience the same things. Anyway, go get her!"

Sabrina smiled at Hofir. He smiled back, although it was a thin smile.

Sabrina packed up her supplies and stood up.

"I'm kind of interested in who it is but it's none of my business. Come see me if you need any help."

"Sabrina…" Hofir called out before she walked away.

"Yes?"

"…Can we be friends…?"

Sabrina smiled awkwardly as if that was a strange thing to ask. Maybe making friends isn't as straightforward as just asking people to be friends? If that's the case then Hofir had no idea.

"Uhm, sure we can."

She then turned around and walked away.

Hofir touched his cheeks. He could no longer feel his face tensed up nor his furrowed brows. He wasn't glaring at the entire world anymore. 

Hofir clenched his fists.

"I'll do it… I'll ask her to be my girlfriend…."

◇

Hofir was currently rehearsing what to say. He was in a secluded spot so no one will be able to hear him talking to himself.

"W-Would you please be my girlfriend?"

No, that's too straightforward. The two had only recently began talking to each other. They never had much opportunity to.

"...I knew from the first moment I laid my eyes on you that…"

Hofir shook his head.

"What about… Your kindness made me fell for you…"

That doesn't even make any sense. Truth be told, even Hofir doesn't know why he fell for her despite knowing very little about her.

Sexual desire might be it. Every women that he's ever laid eyes on sparked his carnal desires. Seeing a girl fanning her cleavage on a hot day was enough to make Hofir go into heat. Not to mention the female pheromones leaked through sweat.

Hofir could smell it all. Even so, he can't do anything about his urges. No girl has shown interest in him. He could've gone to brothels but tigerkin demihumans aren't allowed in those establishments given their violent nature. There are many cases of girls being torn apart or brutally assaulted by the one they're servicing.

The whole stigma started from his race's nature and it will haunt him forever.

"My heart gets hot when I'm near you… I want to listen to it… So—"

"—Hofir? What are you mumbling about?"

"!?" Hofir's back straightened when he heard that voice.

He creakily turned his head to look at the person.

Madilith looked up at him in confusion.

Immediately, Hofir's nose was assaulted with the fishy odor resembling semen.

A vein appeared on his temple. It was obvious why that prick took Madilith to a secluded spot.

Hofir had overhead people say how Bradwyn mistreats her every day at the academy. He'd constantly bug her friend group who she usually hangs out with during every lunch break. It got to the point where Evelyn had to intervene so that he would stop.

How many times had he hit her in the past? Was today the first, second or third? Maybe the hundredth time?

Hofir didn't know.

"Hofir?"

"Y-Yes!"

"How are your hands? Did Sabrina manage to finish up your treatment?"

Hofir showed her his hands, "They… They feel fine. I think I can fight with all of you now…"

He froze when Madilith grabbed his hands. She surrounded his hands in her mana.

Her small soft hands ran over his skin as she inspected his fingers. Her hands felt so delicate that he thought one squeeze from him can break them.

"No fractured bones but I can feel some cracks in your wrist. Did Sabrina give your potions for when the fractures get worse?"

"….She gave me a small bag with some potions inside. She told me to drink them if I feel a stinging sensation in my wrists."

"I see. That's good. Don't transform again, okay? Arthur might accidentally kill you next time. He doesn't want his comrade's death on his conscience."

"Yes… I'll be careful when in combat."

Madilith smiled, "Good. Uhm, I have to go ask Sabrina something. We'll talk later, okay?"

"W-Wait!" Madilith was about to walk away but Hofir grabbed her with both hands.

"Eek."

"P-Please listen to me! I have something to tell you and it can't wait!"

"E-Eh? Uhm, okay…"

Madilith looked like a small animal backed into a corner by a large predator. Hofir awkwardly let go of her and inhaled deeply.

He dropped to his knees and smashed his forehead on the ground. A tiny rumble resounded.

"PLEASE BEAR MY CHILDREN!"

…

…

…

"…Eh?" A dumbfounded expression appeared on Madilith's face.

Hofir immediately realized what he said and hurriedly tried to explain.

"W-What I meant w-was t-that I… I… Y-You see… I really… you… and... Nghrr…."

'Dammit! Why can't I say it!?' 

Hofir lowered his head.

"…I like…. Like…!"

"…You like me?" Madilith finished his sentence.

He slowly looked up. Madilith averted her eyes when the two made eye contact.

There was a faint blush on her cheeks that was barely noticeable.

"I just wanted to tell you… even if there's no chance for us to be together…" Hofir slowly stood up, "…I'm not experienced in talking to girls so… sorry for confessing so awkwardly…"

Madilith suddenly giggled and hit his chest softly.

"You literally asked me to bear your children~ That's very brave of you~"

"…." Hofir's face reddened, "T-That..."

"You definitely need to practice more~"

"…I know… I'm sorry, I'll leave…"

"Do you really like me…?" Hofir stopped, "Even though I'm such a dirty girl?"

He turned around and looked at Madilith who was hugging her body.

"I might not have been so open about my relationships with men… I've been with so many men after Al and I broke up… I wanted to find love again, even though there were no signs of love blooming. Yet I continued letting them take advantage of me, ravaging me to their heart's content." Madilith faced Hofir, "All of them wanted to use me… None of them gave me the love that I wanted. I would've stayed even if they just pretended to love me. Fake love is better than nothing at all. I must sound like a miserable person, don't I?"

"…."

"Not even my best friends know what a dirty girl I've been over the years, all because I wanted to feel loved again. I felt pleasure whenever they were inside me but the love was just not there…" she held her hands against her chest, "I can't remember the last time I felt special to someone… Even if it was fake… Each and every one of them wanted a cute obedient s-slut who spread her legs for them on command… I-I had to end it all… start anew…They were all flings and didn't impact my schoolwork… but were they worth it at the expense of my dignity?"

Tears streamed down Madilith's cheeks.

"My engagement to Justeth… My responsibilities as a heiress… I can never be with someone I love ever again…"

Madilith collapsed against Hofir. Hofir didn't know what to do. He just stood there like an idiot while Madilith cried.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry I led you on and made you fall for me… I-I can't give you what you want... I-I'm going to die being that man's plaything. Beatings and sex day in and day out. H-Hey, Hofir," Madilith looked up at Hofir from his chest, "You know... there's nothing more I want than to have children of my own… Being a mother is one of my dreams. A boy and a girl… Yes, two of them is enough… Even more will feel like I hit the jackpot. I-I told Justeth about my dream but you know what he said? H-He said that he doesn't want a daughter… only sons. He said that if I ever give him a daughter then he'll force me to abort it or give it away… I don't even have a choice… He's my husband so I…"

Her eyes looked dead and empty. There was a lifeless smile on her face.

"—must obey." 

Hofir gritted his teeth.

That scum.

That piece of shit.

That fucker.

That bastard.

Hofir felt like beating his face in. The animalistic violent urges, which he had been suppressing for his whole life, were trying to claw their way through his reasoning and judgment.

He can't lose his sanity now. He might end up hurting Madilith in the process.

"If…" Madilith bumped her head against Hofir's chest and continued, "If only he disappeared then I could give myself to you, Hofir…"

Hofir's mind blanked.

If only he disappeared…

If Justeth vanished then his marriage with Madilith is over…

An engagement between nobles cannot be annulled unless the house with the most power pulls out or one of them dies.

"I'm sorry, I ruined your tracksuit with my crying…" Madilith rubbed her cheeks with her blazer's sleeve, leaving a trail of snot on it, "Hofir…"

She then called out to him in a sweet, gentle voice.

"…?"

"Being in your arms… I really like it…" she said as she averted her eyes and rubbed her cheek, "I feel so much better now that I've let everything that had been bundled up in my heart, out. Thank you."

Hofir's face reddened again seeing her cute smile.

How could such a cute girl have gone through so much…? How did she manage to stay so strong for so long? All she wanted was to feel loved. Now she can't even experiment because she's stuck at a dead end.

She's one of the top 3 students in the school and has a bright future ahead of her. It's safe to say that Madilith made it in life. She's gifted in both academics and magic.

Yet she still lacks one thing: someone who loves her.

"Hofir…"

"Huh?"

"I know it's not what you wanted but please take this…" Madilith stood on her tippy-toes and planted a kiss on Hofir's cheek, "Don't ever go back to how you were before, okay? You're so much cooler and sweeter like this. You're someone a girl like me can rely on, I can tell. Mfufufu."

"…."

'She's so cute…' Hofir could look at her smile for hours in a daze.

Every women he's known up until now had only sparked sexual attraction but Madilith was different.

"—Everyone, it's time to go!!" Arthur's voice boomed, interrupting Hofir who wanted to say something.  

Madilith smiled and grabbed Hofir's hand.

"Come on! Let's go get those artifacts~!"

Hofir looked down at Madilith who was pulling him forward. Her beautiful brown hair danced as she jogged with Hofir.

This girl… He will protect her with everything he's got.

Why did this sweet girl have to go through so much? She cried so easily when she let out all her feelings. What can happen if she bottles all those feelings up next time?

That Justeth guy… He needs to disappear.