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Real Waifu Catalog: Warcraft Beta Tester

What happens after we die? Apparently we are shipped off to market to be reincarnated. In my case, I lucked out. I’ve been chosen to act as a beta tester for a whole artificial copy of the World of Warcraft, equipped with a moderately accelerated ability to learn magic and a collection of amulets that could condition their wearers to love me. No leveling, but I’ve got everything I need if I don’t do anything too stupid. Heavy on brainwashing, heavy on scheming, heavy on plot, modest on smut, and with far too many characters and far too many chapters, I proudly present this offering unto you, good reader. Based in the World of Warcraft and drawing heavily from SwiftRosenthal’s Waifu catalog, this is a harem building, mind control heavy, extremely nerdy story that I started on and it just got really out of hand.

Jerynboe · Videospiele
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234 Chs

This is Bad

6/2 late afternoon

Damn it all. One bad thing is unfortunate, two is a coincidence, three is enemy action. I still haven't hammered out the details, but it would appear that I've pissed off the Old Gods. Or at least that's the worst case scenario, which I will be assuming to be true until I get a clearer view of the situation. It is very possible that the wisest thing to do would be to reorient myself towards a total war against the bastards, but I didn't want to abandon all hope of completing the War of the Shifting Sands mission.

Far more upsetting is that they all decided to attack Shadowforge City of all places. My working theory is that it's a case of Resource Denial like when the Nightmare has been killing off Druids, but I can't be certain. I had dinner pretty openly in front of people that, in retrospect, almost certainly included Twilight Cultists; it's entirely possible that's why I'm under attack. What I know for certain is that I need to protect Thaurrisan and he's not being terribly cooperative.

"Sir, you are obviously their target, and apparently you are currently weakened. Why do you insist on going into combat yourself?"

"Sire." I gave him an inquisitive look. "The correct way to address me is Sire, human. Or My King, or emperor. I'm dealing with a riot and an invasion already. I will not deal with disrespect from my allies as well. Especially ones that haven't proven they can deliver on promises yet."

I grit my teeth. "Alright, sire, then may I point out that you won't be all that useful on the front lines against the elementals or the Horde except as a symbolic gesture."

"You may. Especially because my plan is already to focus on the internal conflict, where a symbol is most relevant." The plan wasn't bad, but it still made me extremely nervous. Riots are dangerous when they consist of a bunch of disgruntled poor people; one orchestrated by a murderous doomsday cult would be so much worse.

I turned to Doris, who had been disguised as an extra dwarven bodyguard for Moira for a while now, "keep him safe." Moira and Doris should be able to deal with most problems, and Thaurrisan did have his own honor guard like any sane ruler, but they would be outnumbered. The Twilight Hammer were probably the weakest of the three attacking factions, but they were also the most unpredictable and least contained. I currently had Valeera sneaking around killing anyone that seemed like a ringleader; I'm fairly sure I'll have a lot of new recruits for Sally, what with all the chaos, but no one person can stop an entire riot with the power of rampant murder.

••••••••••

The Stormwind Royal Guard were now fully pulled out of Silithus, and were taking the defense against the Molten Core in shifts. I teleported in to check on them, and things were going surprisingly well. Much like demons, elementals would reform on their own plane if killed here; the first few waves of this assault didn't care much about self preservation.

The bigger threats that relied somewhat less on fire to kill their enemies, giants and core hounds, had difficulty fighting in the relatively narrow tunnel where Dagran had set up the checkpoint. With near total immunity to fire and a line of dark iron and retinue spellcasters backing them, my dragonspawn could hold the line for now. I had my best apprentice priests in the back, mostly recently indoctrinated Scarlet Crusaders, explaining to Dagran's men that they could gain this blessing of fire resistance if they agreed to put on an amulet and declare their love to confessor Talaada. Things seemed mostly under control.

"Gizmo." I called one of the gnomes studying the hybrid runes. "Black dragons. What pairs well with them?"

"Um. Uh. One moment." He ruffled through some papers. "It looks like they paired well with imps, Man'ari, and humans. The human combination is so seamless we think we might be able to-"

"How overt is it when someone turns into a human black dragon hybrid? And what about dwarves?"

"Depends on the settings. In the most subtle case, if they are human and you set the tendency to be as human-like as possible, it just alters their coloration to be generally darker. Um. Dwarves and black dragons made a slightly unstable hybrid. The initial fusion is fine, but any additional combinations from there tend to have disadvantageous mutations."

"Send a tech over here as a dark iron dwarf/black dragon hybrid. Talaada. I need you to oversee turning anyone in the retinue that is sent here into hybrids before they are sent into the fray. We have a hard counter here with black dragon fire resistance and I don't want to waste it by overexerting the Guard. Speaking of, turn the dragonspawn into troll hybrids when they trade out to rest. The regeneration should help."

"Of course, my prophet."

••••••••••

The front gates were far more of a madhouse. There was an army of orcs at the gates, and unlike fire I didn't have a ready made force of warriors who were nearly immune to axes. The dwarves were fully capable of defending their own city from a known threat, but this was an unusually intense assault backed by dragons, and they had been forced to retreat to fallback positions multiple times. With the city going up in flames, many of their reserve forces were busy trying to restore order before an angry mob marched on the throne. Many others, those with Twilight or Anti-imperial sentiments, were joining that very mob.

In other words, General Angerforge was not overly hard to persuade when I offered my assistance while showing him my psychic paper. An actual set of orders seemed like it would have taken Dagran much longer to write.

There were several chokepoints that needed reinforcements, and lucky for me I had individuals capable of providing that very service. Ysondre was placed in a fairly narrow tunnel, where a single cloud of sleeping gas stopped the enemy's melee assault cold. The orcs could still shoot through it, and the Dark Irons were just as affected as anyone else, but just a few of Onyxia's personal Dragonspawn, the ones she employed to defend her lair, were more than able to hold the line with Ysondre healing. They could even pick up and send home quite a few enemy troops; I was starting to run low on storage space. Might need to repurpose the Stormwind Stockades. For that matter, why wasn't I just ghost capturing everyone in Stormwind's prisons? Putting a pin in that for now.

There were several other side passages where the dwarves were still trying to mount their defense. That was where I pulled out the Heavies. They weren't fresh; I'd had them scouting the areas around the hives for good staging locations, but they were still my best fighters by a long shot.

The largest front was on the highway leading into the city proper. I grudgingly allowed Aegwynn to go for peak efficiency, and was rewarded with the entire front rank of orcs, trolls, and ogres with limbs or heads blasted off by a storm of arcane missiles. She wouldn't be able to maintain this forever, even with innervation provided by the three spirit druids and Tony, but hopefully the Dark Horde would lose its nerve before the Guardian of Tirisfal ran out of mana.

I felt pretty confident that my forces could hold Shadowforge city, but if they were here, they were not in Silithus. I needed to resolve this, or at least get it into a manageable state, and fast. I let Dremuus's team off the leash to hunt Twilight's Hammer instigators in the form of Dark Iron Dwarves, and hoped that I wasn't losing too much in terms of opportunity cost.

I needed to eliminate one of the forces pincering the city. It wasn't a hard decision where to focus. Above I had a dragon that seemed to be phoning the assault in, given that I was mostly seeing orcs here. Below I had enemies who relied on an element I was largely immune to if I bothered to put any prep time in whatsoever.

It was time to take the Molten Core, I think. I called the heavies back to me and returned to the Royal Guard. Imriss would need to go to the meeting with Vaelan; I was booked.

••••••••••

Nefarian was hard at work on his amulet while he had his assistants analyzing the mission log. Trying to figure out what, exactly, the enemy's objectives were. There was a surge of energy during the day, and suddenly the list updated. Nefarian had passed out as he realized, in a stroke of insane insight, what these were. These were not missions from Netorarian. They were somehow for him, and maybe the enemy's sponsor would accept another supplicant.

Minor

This Place is Hell

Convince the Cenarian Hold Quartermaster Calandrath to leave the Cenarian Circle.

Rewards: instant capture of Calandrath

Moderate

The Pariah

Assist the Centaur heretic Leh'prah to gain a position of power among his people. You will be penalized if you capture him.

Reward: 1 credit, mercenary camp: Barrens

Really Just Misunderstood

Without mind altering magic, establish a rapport with the Bloodscalp troll tribe. This mission will be completed when you can openly enter the city of Zul'Kunda safely while in your primary persona, escorted by at least 5 of your non-troll retinue members.

Rewards: 1 credit, Bottled Consent

Out of his League

Assist Messenger Meven Korgal in the process of entering a romantic relationship with Lillian Voss. Bonus if you do not capture either individual in the process.

Reward: 1 credit, Power Trader, 1 scroll of true resurrection, Lillian Voss will be sent to the Scarlet Monastery for training

Bonus: Stealth Skill Chip

Zero Chill

Kill 30 Chillwind Yeti in Winterspring. You must kill them all over the course of one hour or less or you will be penalized.

Rewards: 1 credit, Epic Purple Shirt, Entrancing Orb

Special Snowflake

Kill the albino gorilla Uhk'loc in Un'goro crater. Target tracker app has been disabled for this mission.

Rewards: 1 credit, Luxury Goods (bracelet/anklet)

Major

A better future

Liberate the Dark Iron Dwarves from Ragnaros. Penalty if Sorcerer Thane Thaurissan is killed while you have this mission.

Reward 10 credits, Science talent

Higher Education

Assume control over the Keep Caer Darrow, also known as the Scholomance. You may use any method you desire, so long as you or an organization you have substantial sway over are able to occupy the island and keep with some degree of security. Bonus if the keep is still owned and operated by some member of the Barov family.

Reward: Tantric Rod

Bonus: Crypt Queen Zagara

Romeo and Juliet

Release the spirit of Zaetar, first son of Cenarius. Bonus if you accomplish this goal without harming or capturing Princess Theradras.

Reward: 10 Credits, Lunara

Bonus: Deluxe Mission Ticket, 5 Credits

Grand

Livin the Emerald Dream

Gain control of The Cenarian Circle, becoming influential enough to reliably dictate policy relating to the world's druids through political maneuvering, even if not by raw edict.

Reward: Lesser Insurance Policy- Every 48 hours, you may resurrect a single dead member of your retinue, retrieving them from beyond the veil of death unharmed and unchanged.

Regional Missions

Wetlands: defeat Nek'rosh Skullcrusher

Bottled consent

Tanaris: defeat Chief Ukorz Sandscalp

Reward: Sacrificial Knife

Burning Steppes: defeat Nefarian

T1, T2, T3, T4, and T5 Capture Coupons

Badlands: Defeat Grimlock, chief of the Stonevault Troggs of Uldaman

Rewards: The Innkeeper's Daughter

Feralas: Defeat King Gordok

Instant capture of the ten highest ranking ogres in King Gordok's chain of command

Eastern Plaguelands: Defeat Kel'Thuzad

Rewards: Soul talent sharing, power swap: necromancer, deluxe mission ticket, Death Bringer Sonya, tantric rod, power swap: T5 Undead, Mission Ticket

Note: purchase of Kel'Thuzad has been disabled

Thousand Needles: Defeat Amnennar the Coldbringer

Rewards: Deluxe Mission Ticket, paralytic poison, seal of joy, Quillboar will be redesigned to resemble Monster Girl Encyclopedia high orcs

Dustwallow Marsh: defeat Dr. Weavil

Rewards: Deluxe Mission Ticket, Grand Waters of Lethe

Hillsbrad Foothills: Defeat Kormok, ghostly Ogre Necromancer

Rewards: 5 credits, Slightly Off Lady Blaumeux, Seal of Joy, the spirits of Purgation Isle will be laid to rest

Western Plaguelands: Defeat Grand Inquisitor Isillien

Reward: Instant Capture of Uther the Lightbringer

Southern Stranglethorn Vale: Defeat King Mukla

Reward: Instant Capture of Princess Poobah, Paralytic Poison

Bonus missions

The Scourge's Cradle

Convert Andorhol into a stronghold either owned by or friendly to the Forsaken. Bonus if the Forsaken lose no resources or people in the process.

Rewards: 10 credits, instant capture of Sylvanas Windrunner, Royal Apothecary Morales, Heart Stealer

Bonus: Luxury goods: Masks, Fiendish Contract

The War of the Shifting Sands

Kill 20,000 Warrior caste Silithid. Worker caste Silithid count as 1/5th of a warrior, minor silithid such as eggs and light sources count as 1/20th of a warrior.

1472.4/20,000

Provide 500,000 gp worth of war materials, such as rations, raw materials, standard issue equipment, potions, magical reagents, and medical supplies, to the Alliance war effort. These need not be free donations, but the value of any given contribution will be calculated based off of the market value that would be offered by a rational purchaser with no mental influence. Profit in excess of that will be deducted from your total.

733/500,000

Provide 500,000 gp worth of war materials, such as rations, raw materials, standard issue equipment, potions, magical reagents, and medical supplies, to the Horde war effort. These need not be free donations, but the value of any given contribution will be calculated based off of the market value that would be offered by a rational purchaser with no mental influence. Profit in excess of that will be deducted from your total.

2207/500,000

Reassemble the Scepter of the Shifting Sands

Defeat Ossirian the Unscarred

Defeat C'Thun

Rewards: each successful mission will grant one of the following and extend the deadline by 15 days.

Sweet Home upgrade to pocket planeCapture: Broxigar the RedSuccubus Kerrigan (HotS powerset only)Instant capture/retrieval of Xal'atath, Blade of the Black EmpireHypnosis App binding unlocked100 credits

••••••••••

The blue skinned, white haired angel stalked onto the grounds of the Darkmoon Faire, flanked by a very plain human man in black and blue robes. She made a beeline towards a two foot tall man wearing a green suit with a wide brimmed hat and purple vest. As she walked, people who might otherwise have gotten in her way abruptly stopped or changed direction. Nobody took note of her presence or obstructed her in any way.

"Silas. We have a problem. Some of the tier tens are getting uppity." The gnome smiled at that.

"Oh, hey Auriel. Don't worry, I'm aware."