Memories

{[WARNING!!!] THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS DISTURBING SCENES AND MANY MORE! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. PLEASE DO NOT CONTINUE READING IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED. }

The scent of summer, the laughter from children around my age. I stared at them, running around playing tag, under the tree. I clutched the envelope as I stared at it.

It's said Maddison on the front. So he wrote it for me...what for?

But for some reason, I can't bring myself to read it. I have no courage. I'm a wimp. So, I put it inside my book and put it beside me, and threw my eyes toward people who running around, giggling.

"Hey ugly, Henry called for you." I looked up at the boy, who are the same age as me. Who calls for me again? I looked at where he pointed and followed him. They are the older boys, who usually bullied this chubby boy in front of me.

I stood up and followed this boy, he glanced back at me from time to time, looking worried. Is it my turn to get bullied?

"Ah, Maddie, how old are you again?" one of the boys asked as soon as we arrived. I glanced at the chubby boy who glanced at me too. He obviously looked anxious.

"She the same age as me," he replied on my behalf.

I'm so confused.

"Ah, thirteen?" He asked me again. I nodded. Then the Henry dude whispered something to other people, and then they left the three of us in front of the barn. "Jade, you can go too."

I looked at Jade, who hesitantly leave me behind. I just sent him away, wondering why I get called.

"Maddie, can you help me with something? I need your help."

I nodded. How dumb. I followed him inside, thinking that no one going to hurt me here.

How dumb.

He yanked me, and tossed me to the ground, mounted me as his huge hand muffled my scream while the other crawled under my dress. I frowned and was scared that I started to cry when his hand ripped my clothes off. I kicked the air as I struggled.

"Shhuushh... it's okay...I'll make you feel good."

No!

"It's okay...It'll feel great, trust me."

I gasped as I open my eyes and sprang up from the bed. Cough come out of my mouth as my hands started to rub my body all over, I'm still wearing a cloth but it wasn't mine and the pants are gone. I can feel cold sweat dripping down from my forehead blood rushing through my brain as I looked around to process what was happening. It's not the barn.

It his room. I glanced next to me, seeing him sleeping soundlessly.

No...no...

I quickly jumped out of the bed, but my legs gave in and I fall. Why does a dream feel so real that my whole body is aching? I feel like the world when silent, I only can hear my own heartbeat.

I crawled myself to the door. It's similar to how I dragged myself when I was thirteen, crawling out of the barn. The memories made me stop. It's similar. Too similar. He even gave the same vibe.

"Hey, are you okay?" My heartbeat is harder, and I'm shaking. Is he awake already?

What if he does that too? Did he touch me? What if he like the guy in the restaurant...no..it's not similar...I can't fight back. It's a small room, where no one else in this room but us.

My inner thought told me that I need to act fast and run, but I'm scared. The room is too small, and I don't have any strength.

"Hey...what's wrong?" I flinched as I felt a hand touching my shoulder and back. He rubbed my shoulder, making me whimper, so I pushed him away from me and scooted under the desk nearer. He looked at me with a dumbfounded face. And where is his shirt?

He really gives the same vibe as that motherfucker.

He's going to kill me!

"Uh...are you okay? You're shivering. Is it cold? Should I take you to the clinic? Hospital, perhaps?" He said. "Come here, let's eat first before going there, shall we?"

I scooted deeper under the desk, as if it's big enough, and hide my face in the corner. Did he really do it?

As I feel another touch on my back, I flinched and bumped my head with the desk. He tried to pull me out but I keep struggled which make it harder for him. I even kicked his pelvis as self-defence.

"Ouch...Maddison, come here. I won't do anything, just come here. It's okay...no one going to hurt you."

"Lies...lies...lies...lies..." I keep chanting the word lies.

He sighed. "Come here." He forcefully drags me by pulling my waist. "Okay, ouch, stop struggling, baby."

I almost screamed because of that, pushing, kicking and biting him. "Let me go!"

My legs keep kicking him as hard as I can.

"I will when you stop struggling!" He yelled, giving me a shudder and another feeling that make me cry harder.

"Why are you..." he stopped and so do I. He looked down as he suddenly rubbed my back softly. Silence falls upon us.

"It's okay, it's okay. It's just pee, nothing more. It's okay, don't cry."

But he just made me cry harder due to the embarrassment and fear. I, me, A FREAKING ADULT, PEEING IN FRONT OF HIM DUE TO FEAR. He pulled me into his chest and patted me gently, comforting me from the tears.

"It's okay....it's okay...it's a normal reaction, you must be scared, hm? It's okay."

I keep struggling until I'm tired. My head felt heavy and throbbing. I'm shivering cold. I clung to his chest, hiding my crying face. His heartbeat calmed me for some reason. But I think it's a little too strong and fast, did I kick him too hard? I heard him sigh while his hands were busy rubbing my back. He rested his chin on my head.

"Shall we go shower before going to the clinic? It would be bad if your fever gets worst."

Fever? I have a fever?

No wonder my head's hurt.

"Hm? Shall we? Or do you want me to call Susan and help you shower instead?"

I shake my head. I don't think it's a good idea. What if he attacked me inside the bathroom?

He sighed again, pushing me away and stood up. I tried to hide the fact that I wet myself with my hands.

"Don't move." He commands. And I obeyed. I heard him humming himself, and rummaging sound. "Just wait for a second okay, I'll prepare the tub for you," he yelled again, but I think it's because he was in the bathroom.

Meanwhile, he's filling the tub, I tried to wipe the liquid with the hem of the shirt. Now that I think, this is probably his shirt too. I cried again.

Did he really do it?

"I told you not to move, princess." He said as he come back. I scooted behind a little bit since he suddenly squatted and leaned toward me, grab me and lift me up. I shriek since I felt like I'm about to fall, so I grab his neck to balance myself. He carried me to the bathroom and put me in the warm water.

"Take a bath, I'll go clean the floor. Tell me if you need anything, okay?" I just looked down and he left.

I lifted my shirt and felt a little relief that I still have my underwear before the relief turned into anxiety.

But what if he did? What if he does that thing? What if he..raped me? I can't turn him in, since I'm soaking in the tub already, am I? And I'm dried? Did he clean it already? I can't charge him, right? Unless there are CCTVs. Crap, who put CCTVs in their bedroom?

Me. I did.

Overthinking is hard. It's hurt your brain. It's hurt so hard that you thought it would explode. And the thought wouldn't disappear just like that. It wouldn't disappear within a second. It can be long for hours, days, or months. Longer than you would think. And it happened now.

I feel like every artery inside my brain has been exploding. I bite my bottom lip as my thumbnail starts to prick my finger.

Is that why I've dreamt of the past? Because he did it?

"God's sake, what the hell are you doing?" I shuddered as my hands were snatched by the person who yelled. I felt like I wet myself again because of that, and burst into tears again.

"Shit..." He cursed under his breath, and enter the bathtub and he hugged me again. One of his hands is holding both of my hands and the other one is patting my back.

"So-sorry, I didn't mean it."

"Look at me, hm?" he cupped my chin and force me to look at him. He rubbed my bottom lips softly and sighed. "It's bleeding..." He checked his fingers next, and he let out another sigh.

"We will go to the clinic after shower okay, and I'll send you back home? Alright?"

He will let me go?

"Why are you shivering? Are you cold? Should I add more hot water to keep it warm?" His hand touched my forehead as he said that. "Can a person who has a fever take a hot bath?" he murmured under his breath.

"Do you want to shower alone? I'll get out now, can you do it by yourself, Maddison? You probably want to be alone, right? I'll step outside, and find something for you to wear, okay. Call me when you're done." he got up and stood outside of the tub.

"Oh, by the way...I didn't do anything if you're thinking I did. I did not touch you, sexually. Not even a hair."

He rubbed his nape as he said, " You lay down in the laundry room when I'm home, and I don't know what to do. I tried to wake you up but you didn't move at all, you breathing hard and sweating a lot. I tried to call Susan, but Susan is always off her phone when she clocks off, and you have a fever, so I thought maybe I should...let you sleep in my room since it's the comfiest. And uh, you're sweating and seem like having a hard time so I changed your cloth. Nothing happened between us, don't worry about it." he said and finally step outside. I stare at the door for a long time.

I looked down at myself in the bathtub. Did nothing happen? I step out of the tub since it was already unclean, so I drained it out.

I glanced at the bathroom door, and slowly come closer and locked it. Then, I took off the shirt I'd been wearing and checked every corner of my curve to making sure nothing happened. I sighed in relief and step under the small waterfall. I flinched as the cold water touched my skin. Somehow, I finally calmed down and drifted into the world, where I can't even hear the sound of water.

Nothing happened. Nothing happened. Nothing happened.

My head keeps chanting the words over and over again. I was finally done showering and took out a towel from the upper cabinet.

Knock knock.

"You're done? I'll leave something for you to wear on the bed okay, come out after you're done. I'll take you to the clinic and home."

I stared at the door. Slowly approaching, creaking out the door open, peeking if he's still there or not. Slowly, I tip-toed outside and grab the clothes. It fit me perfectly since it's huge. But the pants keep falling, so I have to hold them. It would be weird if I don't wear the pant, since he didn't give me any underwear. Obviously? It would be weirder if he did. I looked down at myself to make sure I look decent and modestly.

I glanced at the spot where I wetted myself and laughed. It's already dried and clean. Did he wipe it off?

"Pathetic..."

I heard another knock making me turned my head around.

"Ready to go?" his head tilted as he peeks through the door.