Downfall

Fun fact: according to German Philosopher Nietzsche, a society's ethical and moral values are determined by the outlook, ideology, and actions of the powerful. Or, rather, the weak's interpretation of such. Never did humanity's ancestors kindle a flame of black and white, good and evil, it was simply the instinctual desire for power, and to hold back those with power. Thy follow power, thy destroy power, thy replace power.

Question: do you believe in morality? And do you agree with Nietzsche's philosophy?

"Morality is just a fiction used by the herd of inferior human beings to hold back the few superior men." -German philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche

The world of the study of Mayaki seemed to be very… zen. In tune with themselves if you will. The inhabitants of this planet seemed far more honest than the inhabitants of earth. The inhabitants of earth…

Wait, am I an alien now? I suppose the people of this planet are fundamentally different. They seem to have… spiritual bodies? their skin is paler, their blood is even blue. Well, we are called Ji. So we aren't human.

I wonder… where am I? Why hadn't humans discovered this Mayaki? Was it something you could only access if you had the Mayaki Triangle? Even I hadn't discovered how to circulate or even feel my Mayaki. If I had any.

I had spent the equivalent of days attempting to feel out my Mayaki, but something simply hadn't clicked. Eventually, I deemed my methods insufficient. Now though, I didn't know where to go. I sighed.

There's so much I have yet to know, there's so much I'll never know.

Why did I reincarnate? Does it really matter? I shouldn't be questioning what happened, I should be questioning what will happen. At least I could change the future, I can change myself. Hopefully.

I looked around, this was my new home. Why was it only sinking in now? I had spent months of time in this very room, reading and learning.

I stared in front of me.

To either side of the old cobblestone fireplace, which sang and crackled with life as it hugged me with a warmth that reminded me of a freshly ironed piece of cloth, one dark wooden bookshelf stood, knowledge weighing at it. Leaning on the edge of the rightmost bookshelf was an old wooden ladder, probably used to scale the high shelves.

Behind the bookshelves, a sturdy wall planted itself proudly. The wall was wrapped with a patterned evergreen wallpaper, and a few paintings hung from it. From time to time, dark wooden beams were shoved from the wall, allowing for the perfect placement of many drawers, cushioned seats, and boxes, and even a baby chair between them.

I turned around, shifting my focus.

On the wall opposite of the fireplace, a tower of lightly colored painted bricks stacked atop one another stretched the entirety of the far side wall, hopeless dust laying in the shadows of every crevice. What were the maids doing?

Perched against this wall, a large, or rather, long peach couch, stared me down. Its frame was carved with extravagant detail made of dark wood, which shone with health and care. At each of these couches ends, there was an up tightly woven dark green pillow with what seemed to be a religious figure embroidered in it.

At the side of this couch, a small wooden table sat, its small legs holding the lamp and candle which melted atop an old wood candlestick, vanilla softly drifting off it and through air, tucking itself in my nose.

Turning to the considerably smaller rightmost wall, which wasn't actually a wall, a large arch curled up, its wooden frame licking the bottom of the ceiling, and grazing the edge of its neighboring walls. Creating the main entrance to the living space. Evergreen wallpaper once again lining its remaining wall space, a dark shelf hanging from either side of its arch, flowered plants blooming on them.

Taking my attention to the wall at my left, more lightly painted colored bricks built upon one another, reaching for the tips of the ceiling. Two creaky doors hid away on either end of this wall, not so far that they were shoving against the other walls however.

Brushing my hand against the shaggy red rug, each bristle knelt and tangled with one another, forced down and crushed from years of being stepped on. At the edge of the room, a myriad of dark wooden planks peeked out at me, nervousness lining their neatly cut wood.

Above, a golden chandelier, which was easily the most expensive thing within the room, hung down with shimmering life from the poorly painted, almost dead and crumbling, ceiling.

A warm, cozy feeling rested on my tongue, the sweet crumbs of the freshly baked cookies the maids always brought me sleeping on my taste buds. Life was good. The world was growing… animatic. It made me smile.

I had never gone outside. Right now, my entire world, everything, was this estate, this family. Nothing else. Infact, I had barely seen outside. I was still considered too young for such exploration. Plus, I never really pushed to see the outside world.

Sometimes, though, I heard the roaring of thunder crashing against the wet and cold skies. As weird as it sounded, something about it comforted me, it was one of the few familiarities I had left. It reminded me of certainty. It was an outlet.

Up until this point, I had lived off a food, or liquid, it could classify as either, known as pap. And my mothers, and occasionally, the maids breast milk. Breast milk didn't taste all that different from normal milk, not that I expected it to.

Oh, and Pap. Pap was… surprisingly good. In a sour way. Not recommended though. No matter how much you like something, eventually it will become unsatisfactory. Pap, as holy as it was, was no different. Still, it was all I really had.

The majority of my new life had been wrapped up in some assortment of white cloth. I'm not sure what it was called, but it made me feel very much like an apostle of some sort. Certainly, I'm the second coming. Maybe I will be painted in the local cathedral one day. If we have one.

At night, I would practice standing up in my crib as I leaned on the bars the miniature bed held me in. Due to this, I was confident I could half consistently walk. Not that I would show it.

While it was irrational to most, I feared my constant reading and early crawling capabilities had lifted the expectations of the adults within the household. And while it felt surprisingly good for people to be proud of me, it wasn't on my agenda to succeed.

The higher expectations people had of me, the more I would stand out. I needed to blend in. I needed to be ignored.

When you put yourself below another, their natural response was to become arrogant. Everyone did this in some way or another. Simply put, if I wasn't a threat in their eyes, I had no reason to be regarded. This would assist in giving me ample time to develop and grow.

This started with delaying how long it took me to walk, pretending I didn't know anything I was reading, and acting untalented in any and every regard. While it wouldn't justify much on its own, it would be the start of my viewed downfall.

Once I reach a stable foothold in my development, maybe then I can start succeeding. That's when I would want to draw their attention. Though, I'd prefer not. No matter if I were a child or an adult, I'd rather blend in. Until then, I will keep backstage and sew things into order for later. I… was a lady after all…

On the note of children~

Childhood was a valuable thing, you could gain much in this period of your life. Nobody expected a child to have ulterior motives besides short term rewards. I mean, a light of innocence and honesty was even cast on a child. Not only this, but the majority of one's actions were forgiven.

This was a valuable tool. Right now, I could make connections and set strings to pull later easier than ever before. It was always good to know people in high places.

I slowly flipped another page. According to "Purple Theory; a guide for artists around the world", when you mix the primary colors with one another, you end up with brown. Interesting.

I let go of the book, bookmarking the page. One of these days, a cut would be drawn. I rest my head in my arms as I lay on the red carpet. I kicked my feet through the air, my eyes unfocused.

I had never been a big artist in my past life. I had spent most my life working my way up in the world through the use of some expendable resources. Not that it was a long life. But I had climbed decently far.

Still, a bullet was a bullet. No matter what social class you find yourself in, a bullet to the head, or, in my case the shoulder, would be your death. Death was the great equalizer, as they said. Death gripped my heart with a sly grin, always making it stop. Still, I always appreciated death.

Not only did it add and create value to life, but it was also an immaculate and permanent use of disposal for anything I didn't like. But it wouldn't continue to be. And while I had always made compromises to account for the stage I was placed on, this would be different. Probably. The ends justify the means. Not that I cared to justify my actions.

I gripped the rug, disappointment infecting me.

I breathed out and closed my eyes.

What a convoluted world. Though, I suppose that was the fun of it. Who knows where I would be if adrenaline didn't exist. If death didn't exist.

Death… the word rolled on my tongue, bitter and sour. I have been questioning many things lately. Death gives value to life… right? If not, then what does? Does inherent life hold enough value to experience?

Were we born to live or to die?

By me getting the chance to live again, what child had lost their chance to explore and experience this world in counter to that? Who would have this body and life belonged to if I hadn't stolen it from them?

I opened my eyes, eyes so guilty and dark you couldn't determine their iris from their pupils.

I suppose it doesn't matter…

I turned, my face stone faced, serious.

"Pap" I said to the maid, my voice ringing with squeakiness as it took on a ghastly and hollow air. Pa-, haplessly for me, my personalized menu was still phenomenally lacking in products.

The maid regarded me for a moment, her bright hazel eyes widening slightly with surprise. After a second, however, a determined look washed over her, a quick nod rising from her as she pumped her fists, giving me a thumbs up.

She got up from her knees where she would watch over me as I ate the cookies she brought, making sure I wouldn't choke. Her short and neat dirty blond hair bobbing after her as she hastily exited the room through the archway.

I smiled slightly. I didn't talk much, I usually tried to minimize my presence as much as I could. Really, the only one who bothered to offer me any attention was the maid. I mean, beyond everything, it was mandatory, it was her job.

She would make for good use later. Later.

I turned my body over so that I was facing the ceiling like a starfish. I krinkled my forehead, an action that I hadn't realized how much control over my body I required, until lately that is.

I didn't want to fight. Not physically anyways. And currently, my largest issue stemmed from myself. At the pace I was heading, I was going to be controlled, no more than a puppet. And if I acted too late, there would be nothing to help. This was the last thing I wanted.

Yet, acting meant contradicting my own desire. Power and influence.

I snorted and turned myself back over. Lifting myself up, I crawled over to the entrance of the room where the maid had left through. Immediately, the passageway led to a corner that only led me right. I went right, and found myself at the top of a double staircase that led downwards, in between the two sets of curved carpeted stairs, a balcony lay, a place where I could sit and overlook the main entrance.

The estate I belonged to was rather… absolutely ginormous. I had a feeling it would take me a few more years to envision its layout.

Gripping the extravagant bars of the balcony, I shook them. They were rather steady, then again, I was only six months old. They were made of a shining black metal that coiled around itself, like a snake strangling the thin trunk of a tree.

I had heard of this metal from my geography book. It was called xi. Essentially speaking, it was an incredibly hard metal that often signified wealth and power.

Gold dust sparkled from within the xi bars and made it look like many glittering stars of life in the vast ruins of space. Every so often, miniature golden animal heads poked out from the railing, with various golden engravings dancing from bar to bar.

These bars were considered one of the family's most valuable treasures, as it was conveniently the first thing someone saw when they entered the estate. When one thought of the Sicht family, they thought of this railing. I softly smiled.

"Lady Advika! What are you doing here? Come, let's go back to the living space"

Turning to my maid with innocent eyes and a disappointingly greedy heart, I nodded and started crawling back. Let today be a testimony to the future. I will make this mine, peaceful. One way or another.

Finding my way back to the worn out rug and plopping myself down, the maid placed me in the wooden baby chair in the corner. Fastening a bib around my neck, she placed the pap in front of me with a warm smile. Scooping up a spoonful with the small spoon she brought, she slowly pushed it to my mouth.

"Say ahh" she coddled.

"Ahhh" the spoon entered my mouth and I gulped down the pap held by it. A sour taste comforted me as I swallowed my meal. I wonder how my family is doing.