Blue

Fun fact: did you know the dictionary defines identity as being defined by a unique set of characteristics that can be used to signify a person as one's self?

According to New York University, every human forms a personalized opinion of another within a hundredth of a millisecond. We base our judgements off not only our and others preconceptions of that person, but also their physical appearance.

Question: when was the last time you judged someone before ever holding a conversation with them?

"We do not learn from experience… we learn from reflecting on experience." -American philosopher, John Dewey

I… got a second chance. I won't waste this!

I have died. Incidentally, I have reincarnated. Furthermore, my gender seemed to have been swapped. I'm now a girl.

In all honesty, when I realized this, my reaction was somewhat akin to this:

…

Ohhh shit

…

I had just before accepted the fact that I had reincarnated, so it wasn't nearly as much of a hit to my self esteem as I would have expected. Still, I wasn't sure how to feel about the situation.

Truthfully, I still don't. Not to say I didn't have thoughts and feelings towards the abrupt change, I was anxious, things felt eerie, I felt tired, and a little unsure of myself. But I was also… free. A new start.

My voice strained as I pushed against the ground.

But what can you do?

I lay on a regal red rug, attempting my best to coordinate my body. The fireplace, only two or so meters away from me, blazed with a bright dance. From behind me, I could feel, very clearly, the stare of a maid pointed in my direction.

This was not modern day earth. Infact, I came to question if this was earth in the first place. While there were medieval carriages, stone roads, and trotting horses, there were also flying carriages, wind roads, and, well, no flying horses. But still. There was something at play here, something that didn't exist on earth. Something was fundamentally different.

It reminded me of the concept of magic. Which, for all I knew, could be exactly correct. Realistically speaking, I didn't know what was realistic anymore, so I had no means to deny anything. Numbers are only half of math, you also need to know the rules and laws that govern those numbers.

Lingering on the subject, numbers were much easier to memorize, in fact they were the first thing I learned, one way or another.

For the time being, I dubbed this flying carriage variable "Force X". Until I could read up about the subject, the label would be inclined to stay.

Which also happened to mean I needed to learn how to read. But I couldn't read about how to read. So currently speaking, I was rushing to grasp a basic understanding of my second, first language, Liechaex. My progress towards deciphering "Force X" would be much faster then. Knowledge is power after all, and who doesn't want power?

I did. And harnessing this "Force X" was the first step to that. No matter the world, if you were powerless you'd lack the presence to decide your own rights. If history taught you anything, it was that. I just wasn't sure if I could walk that path.

I struggled to lift my body, my shaky foundation collapsing under itself. While I had a mentality years beyond my age, I was still only three months of age. Currently, my physique is a liability. A baby's body is a baby's body, and strength simply wasn't included in the infancy package deal.

Because of this, I have been making mobility my greatest focus. Strength was never going to be my ally, so I needed to compromise. Right now, I need to be able to consistently crawl. Once I obtain any mobility what so ever, my options will be no bounds compared to my current predicament which was mainly comprised of the same three options:

A: Sleep

B: Cry

C: All of the Above (trust me it's already happened)

"Lets udiegh kie bed" the maid said, her soothingly high pitched voice reaching out for my ears that could only understand the basic meaning behind her words.

I had met a myriad of maids, though I was generally assigned one, and I had met my mother many times, who always seemed to be cooped up in the house. She made sure I was cared for by the maids but besides that I didn't see her often.

I never saw my father, however. I don't think I was relevant in his eyes.

I turned, not that I needed to, to see the bright maid grasping out for me, probably trying to drag me back to bed. I started to cry grey tears. She stopped. This was no time for bed, I have important subjects to attend to. Like trying to crawl.

The world was a big place, and exploring it started with one foot in front of the other… or would it be one hand in front of the other?Either way, one day, I will own my own life…

I pushed myself to get up, not wanting to be so incompetent I couldn't even raise my head.

I had made a few observations in my short time here. One, very noticeable observation, being that weaponry was quite standard within this household, and we even had a hall for what I assumed was our lineage of warriors, considering they all shared the surname, Sicht.

What I found interesting, however, was the fact these warriors had their selective weapons hung under their portraits. And there were wooden staffs with colored gems in them.

While it was likely such weapons were simple replicas, I doubt they'd assign weapons that were entirely a facade to only some warriors of the lineage, and, obviously speaking, they weren't conventional weapons either. Which strung my thoughts to believe in the possibility that these staffs were related to this "Force X".

But more than this, what more so caught my eye was the fact that we seemed to have a long history of violence, and not only that, death at a young age.

If you check the date of birth and the date of death, the numbers were eerily similar. if we're being generous half or so survived to their twenties. What impacted me the most, however, was the fact that they were all men.

This further confirmed to me the fact that women weren't designated the right to enter the battlefield, which had its upsides, but it also had some very crucial downsides. All things considered, I should have expected this considering the era I had been thrown into.

Simply put, I could expect my life to be caged to this household and whatever my future husband told me to do, if I let it. This had the upside of considerable safety and leisurality, but it also had the downside of helplessness, a compromise I wasn't sure I was content to live happily with.

Freedom, peace. They were two things I dearly wished were the same.

I furrowed my not yet grown brows, unsurity and insecurity licking my heart.

On one end of the stick, I didn't want to put myself in bloody shoes, not again. But on the other hand, I didn't want to be the puppet to a higher power. I didn't want to be disposable. Even if that puppeteer, that man, had one hand.

I bit my thumb, or, I tried, my teeth not yet developed enough for the action. I frowned.

My cultivated strength wouldn't be supported and I'd have to think under the mindset that it never would. By that logic, living out my days as a housewife wouldn't be so bad. A kid shouldn't play with fire after all.

Truthfully, I wanted a life where I could do as I pleased. And, honestly, I only wanted two humble things: living out my life leisurely, and ruining other peoples lives with no consequence.

The problem was, neither of my two options seemed to get me what I wanted.

If I stood content as a housewife, placed into a prearranged marriage to expand the family upward and offered the heart of my value, to birth a son, and then after that, help manage whatever I was told to manage, chances are that with a little luck I could live my life out peacefully, but vulnerably.

If I decided I wanted to walk with the option of blood, which I didn't, I could find myself with the power to do next to whatever I wished, but the path would be far more erratic and difficult to walk and I'd most likely die before I exited my teens.

I wanted power, but I… I wasn't sure if I could deal with seeing my own blood again. And I knew, if I went down that path, I would see my own blood. Many, many times.

I should play it safe, all I needed was a little luck. But I didn't want to rely on luck. But I also didn't want to give up my life.

For the time being, I would learn all I could and keep both options realistically plausible.

If I wanted power, I'd probably have to rely on myself to teach myself magic from an early age to get a head start. I doubted I had the talent to learn martial arts or any other fighting technique without a mentor, which I couldn't count on appearing, no matter how much of a genius I was declared. Not that I couldn't fight at all.

And if I wanted to be a valuable housewife to secure a luxurious future for a well off husband, I should learn how to present myself and act like one. Though, in this case, I could probably rely more upon my environment to secure me such a position.

Of course, this all hinges on the fact I have magic at all. If I don't, well, I guess my fate was decided for me. But I'm reasonably confident I do have magic, it runs in the family after all.

Dragging my focus away from my worries and antics, I discovered I had completely forgotten to resist against the carpet. And now, because if it, the maid was reaching out at me from behind again. I could see it vividly.

I turned my head and hissed. She quickly contracted her hands, confusion lacing her eyes. I turned back and rebooted my efforts.

At the very least, I had built up reasonable expectations and limits. I also had an advantage, a big one. I had a consciousness far more reliable than what I was supposed to. No matter the path I scaled, I intended to use that advantage to secure myself a satisfactory position.

If I wasted this opportunity, I knew I'd regret it for the rest of my life. Whether I chose the blue, peaceful path. Or the red, violent path, I wouldn't waste the advantage I hold now.

Advantages lead to more advantages if you played your cards right. And I intend to win.

A rye smile spread across my face, the first smile I had made since I came here, and a smile I made with a little regret. No matter the path, I was going to get what I wanted.

I felt terrible.