love part 3

We were wearing shorts and sports shoes. Perfect trekking outfit. Emily insisted to take one more with us. But I wanted to be alone. I wanted to spend time with my girl. 

"I think, we should go by ourselves." I finally spoke up. She looked uneasy. 

"But we need someone for, you know give directions or something." She said.

"I have experience. I have it a lot." I said proudly. She smiled. "Besides I want to spend time with you alone." She laughed and punched me on the shoulder. "And if we take someone with us, he or she will be bored to watch us romancing in the woods." I said quickly. She punched me again. 

"Oh, the real problem is this. So we will take a couple with us." She found the solution. I sighed. "I will call Evelyn and tell her to bring her boyfriend with her." She said. 

"Okay." I sighed. 

We were waiting for them in the back of the palace. The mountain was not so big. It was actually a hill. It was like 200 meters from the building. The hill was covered with trees, not so dense. Small trees, and grass. There was a narrow path heading into the woods. After some time Evelyn came towards us. She was wearing the same outfit. She was with someone that I didn't knew. 

"Hi, ready." She asked. "Meet Trevor. We are dating." She announced. I offered him a handshake. He did. 

"Hi, I am Jonathan." I said. 

"I know." He said quickly. "Everybody knows you. I am Trevor Williams."

"Nice to meet you Trevor." We both said in unison.

"So let's go, I just want to see what's beyond." I said enthusiastically. 

"Yeah." Evelyn replied. She started walking on the path. I looked towards Emily. "After you." I said. She smiled and started walking. Trevor was with Evelyn. We were like buddy pairs, oh you don't know them? I will tell you. 

Buddy pair is a term used in military. It's not specific for any specific country. It is used all over the world. Basically, everybody gets one friend at the start of your training program. He or she will be with you for every moment. If any one of you will caught individual, then severe punishment will be given to the other. So you have to be with the buddy, at any moment. When we go to explore the woods, you and your buddy walks together. If any snake or some other wild animal will attack then your buddy will pick you up and get you to the camp. Yeah, it's very theoretical.

So we were walking on the path. After some time we vanished into the woods. We just kept walking upwards. The path was curvy, it had to. Because it was between the trees. 

"Hmm, interesting." I said to Emily. 

"What?" Evelyn turned to me. We were stopped because of my comment. There was a tree between the two trees. It was trying to hide between them, but I spotted it. And I knew it.

"Avocadoes." I went near the tree, the branches of the other tree were blocking the fruit. I cut down one branch with my knife, I think it was pine or something, I don't remember. I took 4 of them. They were raw, but they were edible. I gave it to all of them. 

"Wait, first rub the fruit on your shirt or any cloth. And then eat." I advised. They followed my instruction. "Well, let's continue." Everybody turned and started walking. Emily gave me a smile. 

The fruits in the neighborly woods can also be poisonous. So whenever you see a fruit, if you can wash it, its best, but if you can't just rub it on one cloth and then put it in your mouth. It's my advice, the poison cannot kill you, but if you will lay unconscious in jungle, there are other things that might kill you. So beware. 

After 15 minutes of walking people started getting tired. I just couldn't suppress a laugh. But it was not their fault. I turned my neck to see the palace, ah, what an amazing place to live.

"Emily, you never mentioned me about horse stable?" I asked her. 

"I forgot. We have 12 of them. I don't know the breed. I love the animal, but I don't know how to ride. Wait." She glared at me suspiciously.

"Yes, I know how to ride a horse. I will give you a ride with me. Now let's go." She smiled and we started walking. 

I think after 10 minutes or something, we were at top. Trees became dense. We couldn't see what's on the other side. We went on. 

"Wow. Beautiful." Evelyn yelled. We were back. We hurried towards her. We started running towards her. And after that, it was, beautiful. I don't have any words to describe this part. How can this be in our town? And I didn't knew it. Wait, wait, I am describing it. 

It was like a green plateau. But not just one. There were many of them. No they were green highlands. Just small hills. Just grass, no trees. There was lake, like 500 meters away from here. It was between the two hills. There were houses, but apart from each other, like 100 meters. No sign of human beings. Just houses. Abandoned, I think. The scenery was good. 

We sat there looking towards the scene. It was like bestest quality screen. Emily sat near me. We were just lost. 

"Anybody brought mobile?" I asked. Trevor stood up and took out his phone from his pocket. 

"Give me, I will take the pictures of both of you." I offered. He gave me. I instructed them for a perfect frame. The couple. Ha, interesting. After some photos we replaced them. 

"I think we should go to the lake. It's just there." I suggested. It was very much visible. Everybody agreed. We started walking down the hill. 

The lake was, like half of regular football ground. The white birds, honestly I don't know so much about birds, were playing on the water. They fly on the sky and come down, like barrel roll when fighter planes do it. Yeah I can relate anything to military, besides it's true. We just sat on the grass near lake. The reflection of clouds and blue sky was very clear. This part of the town had no effect of pollution. Ah, I lied there on my back. And I kept looking towards the sky. Emily did the same. 

"Don't drink it." I yelled towards Evelyn. Everybody got alerted. "Throw it back."

"What happened?" Emily shouted. I went near the lake. 

"Hmm, interesting." I said, I was studying the plant in the water. 

"What happened John?" Evelyn asked me. 

"Don't drink it. I think it's a Water Hemlock."

"Who?" She asked nervously. 

"What?" I corrected. "It's the most poisonous plant in north America." Everyone drifted backwards. "It's okay to sit here. Just don't drink it." I went back to my earlier position, looking in the sky.

Emily came to me and punched me. "Let's get out of here." She roared. My eyes flew open. I stood up and went near the lake. I took out my handkerchief out of my pocket. I dipped it into the water and placed it on my neck. I realized everybody was looking at me. "What? I said it's poisonous to drink. It's not poisonous to cool your neck." I announced. Emily punched me again. We went back.

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Come to my house. 

It was Emily's text. After all the fun and weekends, 6 days were remaining, for the farewell. Yeah, usual routine, frequent visits to palace, we went to Victor's also, but I don't want to describe it. 

It was 8 pm. I was taking notes from the book, because the test was coming up, the final test. After that I would be welcomed to join the secret service, um, not welcomed but you know, eligible. Yeah, eligible. And after all I was going to leave for Washington D.C. Yeah. I was going to leave Emily. I was not ready, but I wanted to serve this country, I wanted answers, the mission was more important than Emily. Was it? I don't know. I didn't knew then, I don't know now, I won't know in the future. My life was so meaningless. Or doubtful. Or miserable, yeah miserable is the best word which will come at the beginning. 

Wait for half an hour. 

Okay.

I put the phone down and started studying. I just wanted to pass the test.

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I knocked on the door. Emily opened the door. Guards were not there. I thought they were in disguise or something. My phone buzzed.

We are watching you. Just be careful. 

It was their message. The guards were watching me. I turned towards the road and waved nowhere. Just waved. And gave a thumb. And went inside. But why they were not there. 

"So what's the matter." I asked her. We were sitting on the bed. 

"Why we never had a sex?" She asked suddenly. Wait, what? Yeah, this reaction will last forever. I actually laughed. 

"What do you mean? You actually invited me here to have an argument." 

"No, I just want the answer."

"I don't know." I started getting reddened. My cheeks were red now. 

"So let's do it." She came towards me suddenly it was very fast. She started kissing me. And took off my shirt. I held her hands. I stopped her. 

"You sure you want to do this?" I asked her. "Because I don't feel like doing it." 

"Why?" She asked.

"Um, I don't know. I really don't want to have sex with you this early." I said gently. "We are more than a physical or sexual attraction, or I would say, you are more than just a good looking girl. You are more than just a girlfriend." She stopped being horny. Yeah you can say that, there is no other word for that thing. She fell on her back. She started crying. I understood why she wanted to do this. 

"I know, you think, I will not come back. So you just want to lose your virginity to me rather than other boy." The tears came out of her eyes like a waterfall. It was also cute, but she was crying. I dragged her towards me. I was lying on my left side, and my right hand was on her waist. I wiped her eyes. I also started feeling teary. The thought of me being away from her was more than just a miserable thing. "I will come back, ok." I kissed on her lips, her tongue was hot, and she was burning. But I kept kissing her. 

"I am not going to war, besides I am just going for training and then I will join the secret service. I will call you and then you come there. It's no big deal." Nah, it was pretty big deal. I just wanted to make her believe. "So…" I asked her. 

"Okay, what should I do here after you are gone?" The final exams were like day after tomorrow. So there was nothing to do after exams. 

"You are head of a company, you should start working."

"I don't want to work in the company."

"Why?" I was not sure why she didn't. Because it was like multimillion company or something. 

"I don't have much confidence to do. I can't even handle people."

"Who told you that? You can handle everything."

"It's, it's just hard."

"Hey, life is hard." The motivational speaker inside my mind started waking up. It comes out of nowhere. "Life is MISERABLE. Life is painful. It has to be painful."

"What if I don't succeed in future?"

"The path on what you are walking or how fast you are going, it's not really important. If you will just sit on the path of the life, you can see the roads, but you couldn't even get up to walk because you have pain in your limbs, nah, just started walking, just start feeling pain, the paths will overlap with each other time to time. But the main problem is getting up and start walking on, something, success and failure are not the endpoints in the life, they are just the highway cafés. Wait for some time, enjoy the success, mourn for failure, and start on the path again. Don't think about success or failure, they are not important, you have to start walking, that's important." She was becoming confident. Her eyes were starting to glow, I could see those blue eyes becoming full of belief, in herself. "Don't believe anyone else, believe in yourself, get up and start to run, don't stop until the café comes, stop there for a day or two, start running again, with more speed." The room was silent now. "So is it clear?"

"I feel energetic and confident, how do you do that?" 

"What?"

"The thing, the voice was not yours, it was heavy and you suddenly changed into some monk or something." I went near her.

"No I am no monk." And I started. 

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My test and all finished up. Only a day was remaining. The result was, of course, good. It was not excellent, but I passed it. I don't know what was the point of taking exams? because my joining letter for the training came before the results. What a pity? I was happy about the letter, but I was sad about, you know, Emily. 

But the promise I had made to my mom, to serve the country, to make people happy, and, and not to remember mom? I was thinking about the promise, I am thinking about the promise. So I wanted to spend some time alone with Emily, on our spot, on the calmest place in the world, the tree on the hill. Ah, how good! 

Want to meet you, have time?

I texted her. I was in the room, packing stuff. Someone knocked on the door. 

"Come in." I shouted. Uncle was there. He just leaned on the side of the door, he watching me. Yeah, he was sad. He was my mom's brother. I forgot to tell you, I am sorry. 

"So, day after tomorrow, right?" he asked in cold voice. 

"Yeah." I said not to sound so enthusiastic.

"Thank you for everything." What? 

"For what?" I gave him my full attention, I immediately stopped what I was doing. 

"You helped Peter to get into college."

"It was not me, Emily helped him."

"But you were the connection between them. Besides what will you do after the training?"

"How do you know about my training?" I asked him suspiciously.

"Oh, come on, the letter that came yesterday, it was not delivered by postman, a guy in the suit dropped It." Oh, he is genius. 

 "Hmm, nice. You got a good brain." I said him playfully.

"I am not that old." He said. His eyes were tearing up. I got up and gave him a hug.

"I am not going away. Why everyone is like I am going to war. Aunt was also doing these stuff." I patted him on the shoulder. 

"Okay, okay. So how often will you visit then?"

"Hmm, so after the training and everything I think, I will be able to visit you, like, every summer or sometimes in winter." This was the only family I had, I don't have anyone. 

"Okay." He went in his room. I started packing my stuff, I was not leaving tomorrow, but I had to pack. Just in case, you know. I didn't have so stuff. Just some jeans and t shirts, one I-pad, a mobile, a cap, and shoes. I think that's it.

Yeah, I am waiting outside. Let's go somewhere. 

Emily replied. I stood up wore my t shirt and went out. And I was stunned, yeah I get surprises from Emily where I get stunned. 

"Hey, it's my car." I shouted towards her. Car was, Dodge Challenger SRT Demon, demon, yeah. I just love that car. Yeah, google it, you will see the beauty. 

"You have this?" she asked. I went near the car, I slide my hand on her, she was smooth, stylish, fast, sexy, everything. I just love her. 

"Hell, yeah. I have her in Washington DC." 

"Oh, she is the oldest car in our garage, Mike drove me here." 

"Who?" I asked her.

"One of the bodyguards."

"They have a name!" I shouted. She punched me. I knew they are watching me from somewhere across the street or there will be microphone in the car or something. They are good. 

"So let's go somewhere. Here." She handed me the key. Keys were no fancy. They don't make them fancy. I started the engine, it was so powerful. I was stunned by the sound of the engine. 

"I think, the car's engine is changed. It is more powerful. My can doesn't sound like this. But that's okay, let's go." This car can go from 0 to 60 miles per hour in just 3 seconds, I am not saying about this one, I am talking the whole Demon category. "You made my day, thanks." I said Emily. She smiled. 

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"We will go to the hill, tomorrow. Don't give this car to anyone. Keep it with yourself. We will go there in this one only." I said. We were in the café. 

"Okay, so what you want to talk about?" she asked.

"Nothing, I just wanted to spend time with you."

__

I wanted to go to swim, near the waterfall, my friends agreed immediately. So we went to swim and it was really fun. The mischievous people with their dirty tricks, that's really friends. Yeah, I will kind of miss them.

Why I would miss these people? I just come here for holidays, I live here for some days. I go back to my home. Nothing happens. So why now? Somewhere inside my heart, I just know or I knew I would not come here once I am gone. That is what serving the nation means, you have to forgot relation, surrender to nation, and become the property of the country. This is what life is. 

I have read so many books about war, international secret agencies. The Mossad, RAW, KGB and of course CIA. Why I wrote Mossad first, I love their tactics. The RAW, I love their determination, they can do anything to gather intelligence. And KGB I don't want to talk about them, or I can't talk about them. CIA, everybody knows them. 

About war genre, I love Indian Army, and the movies have been produced, they are like full of patriotism. The conflict between India and Pakistan, and also between India and China. Nah, I am not into it, I am into it but not now. I only shared my wish list. 

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So don't consider above paragraph. Okay, just chill. Relax. Enjoy my romantic life. Emily and I are going to spend time together, just you know. Yeah, I also think sometime like, I get that feeling, I will not come back. Why? I don't know, you never know, you just know about something. You just know about it. It's just, just.

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"So, I don't have anything to say." She said me. We were sitting in the car, I parked her (I mean car) on the side of the road. I didn't know where we should go, I didn't have a clue about anything. Of course we were in 'my car'. Yeah you got that right. We were on back seat. You know, stuff. 

"Really, I mean you really have nothing to say?" I asked. I was sad but surprised. 

"Thank you." She hugged me. I couldn't see her eyes, because she was fully in my sweatshirt.

"Nah, thank, you. You came in my life, I struggled to convince you first, but it's all right." She had teary eyes. Why girls cry that much, I mean no offence, but girls are really emotional. They dump guys, but they feel sad about it. On the other hand, guys will drink with their friends and will celebrate freedom. Yeah, I really have respect for the girls. 

I would like to give one new fact about the girls, just one. If you help the guy, he will probably remember you for like months. But you get the idea what I am talking about. If you will help the girl, they will really remember you for long time. I mean if a guy helps a girl, in future like after 10 years or something, or after her divorce or something, they both could probably get married. So I love the concept called woman. There is always new to learn in it. Now you will probably be thinking, why I am telling you this rubbish, because Emily don't have anything to say to me, I am just writing my thoughts down. Okay, back to the back seat.

She was just crying. "I didn't help you okay, I just loved you. I just love you more than any living thing in the world. But not more than my mom and dad, okay, don't be overconfident about that." I knew the punch is going to come in my gut. It was hard. But she started feeling relax. Ooh, this girl gives me heart attack. 

"So how much time?" Should I wait for you? This was the real question. 

"Don't wait for me. Live your life. You should live your life, do some fun." Yeah do some, fucking fun. How could I say that? "After some time, I will call you there and we will live together in my cottage. It's like cottage, in comparison with your palace." Ha, how funny! This is a serious situation, a*****e. don't be a d******d. Yeah solve this one in 4 seconds. If you didn't, it's okay, you will make it, after some time in your life. Why am I telling jokes this much? I think I never mentioned any joke earlier, this is fucking tragedy book. 

I started crying. Yeah I couldn't help it. If you will meet me in future somewhere, and if I am joking, like in every line, then assume I am going to cry in the next moment. I couldn't help it, it's like inherited from someone Okay.

"Hey, I never thought you would cry." What? I actually laughed on this comment. But I continued. Now I was hugging her and she was setting my hairs. It was for like 15 minutes or something. If I cry I do it wholeheartedly. Fully into it. 

Her eyes were like, like she is soaking that pain from my whole body, yeah like my mom's. I think I mentioned earlier, yeah. I am crying right now, also. I mean, while writing, because I did jokes above. Nah, I am kidding, but actually the thought of leaving the love, it's not important if it is 2 months or 2 years, its love, boys and gals, its love. Yeah, that's it, back to the story.

"You have to focus on the training." She said. She was right. I nodded.

"Yeah, I really don't want to leave you. But, I can't stay." 

"It's okay, it's just a year or two." How simply she uttered those words! Is this Emily. I started crying, again. After some time I quickly wiped my eyes, and went to the driver's seat. 

"Let's go to your house. We will watch something." I started driving. 

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We were sitting on the sofa. I was holding her hand to my chest and my head was on her shoulder. I was just thinking, I was not paying attention to the movie. I spread my hands around her. After some time, I was on her lap, she was ruffling my hairs. My eyes got shut. I fall asleep. I was holding her other hand to my chest. 

"How you did that?" I asked her. I got alerted because of sunshine felt on my face. I was on her bed. But I slept on sofa. 

"What did I do?" She asked. She was lying near me.

"I mean, we were on sofa. Oh, yeah, I got it." 

"What? Mike dropped you here." 

"Yeah, I got that. So today I am leaving. Any special kiss, you want to offer me?" She came near me. 

"First, brush your teeth." She whispered. I quickly jumped, literally jumped, from the bed. I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and came back. I think it was 40 seconds or something. She was laughing. And we started. Her lips were like, yeah mints. She is always ready to kiss. Ha, how lucky I am!

__

I was at the airport. Peter and family was there, Robert and some other friends were there, Emily was there. 

First my friends hugged me, they patted on my back. It was beautiful moment. 

"Take care guys." I said to all of them. And they went home, I think they had a game or something. 

So I turned towards other crowd. They started tearing up.

"Oh, come on. I don't want to cry now. Please don't." uncle gave me hug. I burst out. He patted on my back. Then aunt gave me hug. I couldn't see in her eyes, she was like my mom. 

"I want you to play with the senior team of man united. Okay." I gave Peter hug. He agreed to the condition. I turned towards Emily. She launched herself into me. I was near to fall on the ground, but I balanced myself. She was crying hard. 

"Whoa, girl, calm down, calm down. I am going to call you every day, I mean after 6 months. They don't allow, I think they don't, mobile phones. But I will try." She was in my hoodie. I couldn't see her eyes. But, I wanted to see. I needed them. I lifted her chin up, her eyes were hollow, no sign of expression in them. They were like Deep Ocean, where there is no life. Nothing. I gave her a good hug. She was not ready to leave me. "I think I have a flight to catch." I told her playfully. She went apart, yeah apart. And punched me on shoulder. 

"Go. Now." She said. I went on. I was near checking, they were looking through the mirror. After the checking and stuff, I glanced back, I waved to them, and went on, to fulfill my dream, to accomplish the promises. For mom. 

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Ah, Washington D.C. my home, I mean it's not that good, it's not like New York, or Las Vegas, but it's my home. I live here. 

Well, I landed in Reagan (DCA). Yeah, it is closest to D.C. The joining date was tomorrow, so I went directly to home. I had keys in my bag. I didn't forgot them. I don't forget so much things. I went in it was clean, yeah, because my mom's colleagues always come to my house. They had the spare keys. I think they cleaned it. So I went in, I was good, no jetlag. So I took shower. It was 2 in the afternoon. I texted Emily. And called uncle and family. Now I am good. 

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There were so many letters for me. Some of them were from, you know secret stuff. Some of them were from my mom's friends. I just took them out of my post box and threw them on the dining table. I didn't want to read them.

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Laurel, Maryland. 20 miles north from Washington D.C. the HQ, I think. So it was like 4 to 5 hours by car, so I had to take train from Union Station. So it was like 40 minutes or something.

I was in a James Bond type suit. So people were really staring at me. After some time, my eyes were shutting up, I fell asleep. 

"Hey, I think it's your station." Someone was yelling at me. I jumped from my seat. "Calm down, boy." Yeah, she was a girl. She was also in, suit. Hmm, something is wrong. I first ignored her. After like 2 minutes I got out of the train. She was following me. Or she was going elsewhere. 

I got out of the station, I wanted taxi to go for James Rowley training center. So I waved to one, stopped, I went in. "Fuck. What are you doing here? Are you following me?" I asked her. She waved this question aside. To my surprise, she told about the training center to driver. It was like 20 minutes or something from the station. 

We were in dead silence. After like an eternity with that girl in the suit we were there. We were on time.

__

After introduction and everything about the secret service, trainer was pretty rough, but he had to, you know. So it was lunch time, after one day stay there, at Laurel, we would depart to Federal Law Enforcement Training center, Artesia, New Mexico. 

Our training was divided in two sections, 3 months at Artesia and 3 months at Laurel, after Artesia. Yeah, it's a good stuff. 

"Hi gentleman, nice to meet you." She said. I glared at her. She was sitting near me, I mean she came near me, I mean came to sit there with me, ah, whatever. I wanted to run, but I thought it is some kind of test, so I just ignored her. After 5 seconds of silence, she slide her elbow on my arm. "Hey man we will work together now. Anyway, nobody in the boys is so fit than you. Who are you man? Every girl in the this room is looking at you." I looked around, and my bit was hanging in my throat. I tried to push it down, I drank some water. Everybody was really looking towards me. I was alone, I thought that's why. You know. 

"Hello, young lady, I am Jonathan Clifford." I told her. And started eating my veggies. 

"Can I call you John?" She asked desperately.

"No you cannot." I roared at her. 

"Are you gay?" she asked suddenly after another 5 seconds of silence. I was like, what?

"No I am not. Who told you that, I mean it's not crime to be gay, but I am not."

"So why are not flirting, I mean giving any girl any kind of attention."

"It's nothing like that." My face darkened. I thought about Emily. "I am sorry, by the way, introduce yourself." I asked her.

"I am Olivia Rodriguez. I am 20."

"Well, pleasure meeting you Olivia. Can I call you Ol?" 

"Pleasure is mine, yeah you can call me Ol, John." I wasn't angry on her, because I was thinking about Emily. 

"You look good in this dress, I mean you have a good shape."

"Of what?"

"Sorry?"

"You said you have a good shape, of what?" My face reddened.

"You are in a good shape. Just that, nothing more." I said nervously. 

"Ok." She stood up. "Boys and gals, this gentleman right here is Jonathan Clifford, and you can call him John." She announced. I took her dress and dragged her down.

"What are you doing? This is secret service training."

"Yeah, but from tomorrow, not today. Today we are free."

Ok. This is more than I imagined. This is like out of control. 

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So, I am not allowed to talk about the training, but I will give some glimpse and some stories from the training. Okay. So far so good. I was doing great, I mean nobody is doing great, so everybody was doing it good. 

Well, if you want to know about Olivia and my relation, it is b******t. okay. You should not even think about it. It's another thing that so many girls tried to seduce me, but that's another thing, yeah. And she was no less than other girls. I think I should tell you that one.

So what happened was, we were in our cabins, it was pretty hard day, or every day is hard day in this training, assume it was harder than the normal, okay. So I touched the bed, and fell sleep instantly. 

"Hey wake up." Olivia was near my bed, she was shaking my shoulder very hard. My shoulder was in pain. I suddenly jumped up from the bed, I thought it's an emergency or another fucking drill torture of the training. So I was ready to take pain, again. It was my mind, but my body was hurt. 

"What happened?" I asked her. 

"Nah, nothing. I thought you want to go on the roof, for stargazing." Ah, the stargazing, I tried it with Emily but it ended up something not good. 

"Are you mad? I cannot even walk today and you want me to climb on the fucking roof and see those stars. Nah, I am sleeping."

"Please, many of the boys are already up there, and some girls also. Let's go, please." 

Hmm, I think I have discussed the different species called Woman. These species manly found in everywhere in the world. Nowadays, these species are setting records in nearly everything. They have scientific name as girls also. If you see any species, don't ever look into their eyes. Their eyes are poisonous, if you will look into them, they will start controlling you, and the poison from those eyes will cover your brain. So never look into their eyes, please. And if you had to look, just don't look into them when they are pleading for something. They are more dangerous than cats, or more dangerous than most dangerous specie called baby. So be aware of them. 

"Okay, should I put some clothes?" I asked her. I wore a t shirt. We couldn't switch on the lights, because, you know. 

"You don't have clothes on your body, man you should have said that earlier, I would have touched something else." What? This girl is killing me.

"Just go."

After some time, effort and more pain, I was on the roof. There were like 6-7 people or something. I just lied on my back and watched the stars. Olivia was also lying near me.

"Do you believe in love?" She asked me after some time. I knew the answer, because I was in love with Emily. 

"Yeah." I was thinking about Emily. Is she all right? Or she has gone mad? No, no. She is all right. 

"Have you ever fell in love?" What should I tell her? I couldn't live without Emily. She is more than just love. My eyes got teary, I started crying. 

I think, I cry in some emotional situations too, okay. I sometimes do some jokes before crying, but sometimes it doesn't feel like joking also. 

She looked towards me. "Hey what happened? You are….crying?" she asked. I quickly wiped my eyes. 

"I think we should go now, I want rest." I didn't wait for the reply. I climbed down and went straight in the room, I locked it, and went back asleep. 

__

"You didn't answer my question last time?" Olivia asked. Now we were at second phase. We were in Laurel. It was last month of training. This girl was not ready to leave me alone, because we all confirmed about the relationships. We were eating lunch, I was sitting at the corner of the hall. Yeah, alone. But Olivia, ooh, I just don't want to tolerate her now, it's going beyond limit. 

"What question?" Although I knew the question, I played innocent.

"You fell in love?" This time, I mustn't cry. I had to control it. So what should I tell her? Truth?

"Yeah." I sighed.

"Really, so who was she?"

"What do you want?" I asked her. The tone was rude. 

"Do you believe in love at first sight?" 

"Yeah sometimes." It was love at first sight, me and Emily. We were made for each other. On this comment some people would laugh, those bastards didn't fell in love, you suckers.

"Do you have any experience about it?"

"About what?" 

"About love at first sight."

"What do you really want?" I asked in so low and cold voice. 

"I think, I like you." What? Oh, come on. "I think, I love you." She said it after some pause. I shook my head. 

"I am sorry for hurting your feelings, but it is not love, it's just an attraction. It's no love." Her face got darkened. "And I am sorry but I don't have any, that kind of, feelings for you. We are great friends. Let's not push to another level."

"So you don't have any girlfriend, and you don't have anyone to care, so why are doing this?" She asked suddenly. I sighed. 

"I, I am sorry. But it's something I don't want to talk about." I finished the lunch. Went back into my room. 

__

Someone knocked on my door. It was 8 pm. I was so tired. I didn't even want to get up. But I did. Yeah, you are right reader, it was Olivia. Tomorrow our training was going to end. 

"Can I help you?" I asked in low voice. I just wanted to go back to sleep. She pushed me aside and came in the room. She switched on my table lamp. We cannot switch on the main lights, you know why. 

"Well, can I help you?" I asked her again. My eyes were shutting already. 

"I want answer." She growled at me. My neighbor, I mean the room near me, hammered his fist on the wall. We were disturbing him. I completely ignored him.

"I think I gave it to you already." Now, my dear reader, you may be thinking, why I am stretching this much? Why I am not telling her about Emily? Because I didn't wanted to affect my training. But it was last day so I thought I should tell her that. 

"No, you didn't."

"Okay, okay. I want to tell you something. Love is not what you think, love is what you become, after felling in it. It's not that divine, but it is more than just divine. I want to tell you something."

"What?" She asked suddenly. 

"Patience, Olivia."

"Ok."

I told her everything. I mean nearly everything, I told her how we met, I told her how I fell in love.

"So, we will move together after a year." I sighed. 

"Why didn't you tell me that before? I am sorry. I am really sorry." She started crying. My respect about Olivia, you can say, increased. 

"Hey, it's okay girl. We are not that apart."

"But, so how are going to get posting in Washington D.C or anywhere, I mean, stable?" She was right.

"We will see. I think you should sleep now. We have an interview tomorrow." She stood up. She gave me a hug. 

"You are very good, I am sorry I misjudged you. By the way, how did you proposed her?" She kissed on my cheeks. Well, I blushed, of course. I told her about the party and song.

"Okay, goodnight."

"I don't think so." Well, she went out. Why she said that? Ah, I don't care. I just fell on the bed. 

__

There was another knock on my door. I was really frustrated right now. I opened the door. 

"What do you people want?" I growled. My eyes were half closed.

"Hey, boy. Calm down. I am your instructor." 

"I, I am so sorry sir. I am really sorry. So many disturbances were there, so. I am sorry." I was full awake now. Why he was there? 

"Oh, it's okay. I was just inviting you for the campfire. You people are leaving tomorrow, so we thought we should spend good time together." Yeah, that was right. Instructors were more than just trainers. They were small family to us. And some of them were really old.

"Ok. Let's go." I didn't want to go, I just wanted to sleep, but the honor we have to give them, is much more important than sleep. So I went with him. 

__

We were sitting on the campfire. I mean around it. It was cold night, so I felt really good. The flames were perfect. 24 from trainees and 10 from trainers were present there. And to my surprise our head was also with the beer can, so I felt really good. We discussed about personal life, I didn't mention Emily at all. But after all, nobody can stop feelings to show, I just brought down my weight from my shoulder. I told them some of the things. I just mentioned Emily. 

"He can sing." Suddenly Olivia shouted from somewhere. She was sitting with one instructor, perfectly in front of me. Just the campfire was between us. 

"Nah, I can't sing that much. I can't sing without ukulele." I just made an excuse, in front of all the senior trainers. Damn.

"Oh, don't worry. I have one of them in my office." Our head said. I was like, why?

One boy, literally ran to his office and came with, one ukulele and mouth organ.

"Okay." I sighed. I took it, I tuned it perfectly. "Give me some." I said to mouth organ blower. He gave me clue. Yeah, he was good. Hell of an old man. I gave him thumb. I thought about the song, which song should I sing? 

"Start the show, son." Our head growled at me. 

"Wait, sir. I am thinking. Okay." I turned towards mouth organ. "You will understand the beat."

I started singing, CISELED IN THE STONE by Vern Gosdin. I think it's the saddest song in history. I shut my eyes and I lost in another world. The organ sound was perfectly tuned. I just went singing, I didn't even looked upwards, I didn't even opened my eyes. 

YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT LONELY….

And the song ended. It was pretty bad choice of singing in front of old instructors, everyone gone silent. I just feel bad for these guys, but I think I feel bad for myself. Nobody said anything. 

I wanted to sing more, I wanted to feel more. I began singing WISH YOU WERE HERE by Avril Lavigne. It was pretty tough. 

After the song ended, I started crying, it was cold and it was 1 am. I started crying hard. I just looked downwards, and kept looking. I couldn't do anything about it. I was helpless, hopeless, everything. I was miserable, there were no eyes who could feel my pain, which could soak my pain in themselves, I was just miserable, I was crying in despair. I slide from my chair, I sat on the ground. I closed my knees to my chest and just sat there, my head was buried inside my knees. I was just, hopeless. I wanted to run, I wanted to go back, I wanted to hug her, I wanted meet, Emily. I just sat there for long time. 

After some time, someone patted on my back. He was head instructor. Yeah, he was good man. 

"Son, it's okay. I think you should rest." I stood up, I was crying hard. "It's okay, son. It is life." And after that he told me, same things that I told Emily. Not same but same. And after some time he gave me hug. I also hugged him hard. I really wanted that. 

"Thank you." I wiped my eyes. 

"You sing well. You gave me tears."

"It's not singing, it's just feelings. I couldn't stop them, when I have ukulele with me. I am sorry."

"Nah, don't be sorry. You should rest, and you are dehydrated." I laughed. 

"Yeah, see you tomorrow. Goodnight." I gave him salute and went back to sleep. 

I dreamt of being with Emily, living with Emily. I dreamt of taking punch on shoulder, that growling, sad voice, cold tears, warm body. Everything. I just slept like an idiot. Because you have to be alert, even while sleeping. But I just got lost. 

__

It was the biggest day of my life, I mean second biggest day, no third biggest day. Yeah, third. First one was I got a mom like my mother, second was Emily. And this was 3rd. It was a happy day. I was fresh, it was like, nothing happened yesterday. So that's it. 

"Mr. Clifford, you are next." Announced the secretary. But nobody came out of the room, I thought the exit was any other side of the room. I was waiting for my turn. It was not job interview, it was just an interview for the experience and blah, blah, blah. So I went in. I gave a salute to the penal, they were 4 of them. One of them, I have seen him somewhere. But others were not. They were unknown. They gave me permission to sit. 

"So Mr. Clifford, how are you?" asked the middle man. This was really unexpected.

"I am fine, sir. How are you all?" I asked them all. They just gave me a nod. 

"I am sorry for your loss, John." What? I was shocked. I don't want to go back after this all. 

"I am sorry, sir. I, I don't understand what you are saying." I was stunned about the question. They glanced at each other. 

"It's okay. I think it's time to share you the secret." I just sat there. I didn't want to say anything. "Your mom died in a mission last month." 

"What the fuck you are talking about?" I didn't care about the interview, I just wanted to know about my mom. I stood up from my chair. I went near them. "Spill everything, or you have to deal with me." Yeah it was complete madness to challenge the head of the security of the USA. But that was me. 

"Calm down, John." He patted on my back. "She was my friend."

"I don't want to know about you, I want to know about my mother. What happened to her?" I growled at them. But after some seconds I started crying. I didn't know why? But I sat back in the chair and eyes started dwelling up. He came near me, sat on his knees, he placed his hands on my knee.

"Yes, she was a secret service officer. She died last month in an operation, which I am not allowed to tell you." 

"Why I can't remember her?" 

"Before the operation, she cleared your memories, with help of psychiatrist. You cannot remember her as whole."

"But, why?" I started crying hard.

"She was really caring and wanted to help every person who seeks it. She mentioned a name to me, Dorothy Norton, the women was Mary's best friend. Mary told me that Dorothy needed help, I think about the family matter."

"What does all this mean? What is going on?"

"I have her diary. Here." It was in his pocket. He placed it in my lap. I opened the diary, ah, what a beautiful face, she was the most beautiful person you will ever see. One tear dropped on the photo. I quickly wiped it with my sleeves. "Read it afterwards, and for now your first mission was accomplished." 

"What?" I asked, I started controlling myself. 

"You are in the secret service, child. I mean you are an officer. You were joined us two years ago. You did good job here. You will understand after reading her diary. So, have a nice day, agent." He saluted….me? What?

"Why are you doing that?" I was wiping my eyes. "What's my age?" 

"You are my senior, your age is 20. I am your partner. I think this belongs to you." What is happening in my life? Yeah, this same question every teenager asks to himself. He gave me my id, GLOCK 22, well and a gun belt. I was officer? I mean the real officer. Mother, I need your help. 

"Okay, Mr.…?" I wore it, my mood got lighten up. 

"David Cornell, sir." I slid my gun in the case. 

"First of all, don't call me sir. Call me John. And second give me ride back home." He seemed confused. "Oh, I am sorry. My mother's home." Ugh, life really sucks.

"Yes, sir. I mean John, sir." Ugh. 

"Let's go."

I went out of the room with my, I mean mother's diary. We were walking towards the car. I didn't know which so I just walked behind him. 

"Hey, how was your interview?" Olivia yelled from behind. I turned. She came near me. David emerged behind my back. "I am really sorry, sir. I was just calling John."

"You mean, John Sir." He growled at her. Yeah, these people are really good. I turned to David. 

"David, she is friend." She mouthed me 'David?' 

"Ok, sir. I mean John." Yeah he is learning. He went behind my back. 

"So what is happening, I mean sir?" she asked, in a very bitter way. "You got the gun." She touched it. I showed her my id. She read it. 

"I will tell you later, I have a work to do. Give me your phone number."

"We are not allowed to use phone in this area."

"You are with senior person, and, I order you to give me your phone number, right away." I said the last part loudly, not too much, just loud. She smiled, she gave me her phone number. "Well, I will call you later. Where do you live? Where do I live David?" I asked them both. 

"I live in Laurel." Olivia answered first. 

"You have to keep it secret sir, I mean John. I will tell you in the car. I think we should go now. The car is coming." 

"Okay, ooh." I turned towards Olivia. "Okay, so we will go on some mission sometime." The sound was so powerful, not mine, but car's. Well, not fancy, but dreadful. She was a, tank. Yeah, Rezvani Tank X, bulletproof, and everything. 

"Hmm, nice." David went to the driver's seat, and the person in it got out. He came near me, saluted me. Fuck, man. What is this going on? I knew the answer was mom's diary. So I just followed the protocol, I gave him a nod. But Olivia gave him salute. I smiled. 

"What?" she asked. 

"I am your senior, don't ask questions." I told her playfully, but my voice was serious. She didn't understand the joke. She bowed down. "Hey, I am joking."

"I think we should go John." David yelled. I went in the car, I felt like, I am in the airtight container. I waved Olivia. I slide the glass down. 

"By the way, you are looking beautiful today." I told her, but we were on the go. 

__

The life, ah, what a beautiful concept. We never can really pretend or assume everything will go alright. What is after we die? Nah, I don't want the biological explanation. Nobody know that. If you know the answer please write an email to me. 

__

"So where are we going?" I asked David. 

"New York."

"What the hell? Don't tell me I live in new York." He gave me a nod. "What about the other house?"

"It was one of the agent's. Mary washed your memory, about your old home." I gave him, nod. 

"So, I am not serving president?" I asked him nervously. 

"Hell, no. And you didn't want to just sit in the white house or travel with the president. You did it already. You wanted to go on abroad missions."

"Okay. So, how are we going to get to my new home?"

"You'll see."

"Okay." I just kept looking outside the mirror, why she did that? I was going to find that out in like 5 hours or something. 

__

After some time, we stopped. He turned the tank, yeah tank, through the gate. We got inside, it was quiet a terrible place. Old waste cars and their parts some other iron junk. Yeah, it was mess. 

After like 10 seconds or something I got stunned by what I saw. Yeah, I think you are right, if you imagined a jet, you are good. But it was not a jet. 

"What is this thing?"

"CH-47F Chinook, it's good."

"Hmm, are we going to fly in it?"

"You did fly this helicopter before." Oh, I am cool.

"Cool." He gave me the toddler look. Yeah I forgot I was 20 and not 18. 

So we were in New York in like 90 minutes.

__

John, I am so sorry. I am sorry for wiping your memories. Of course, this is not my diary. It's just a note for you. 

I think you have done your training for the second time, I hope you are doing well. 

About Emily and her mother, Dorothy came to me a year ago. And after some time the news about her death was so unsettling for me. I was on one important mission, and you were free at that time. But, I asked you, you refused to do it. It was not your fault, you were always enthusiastic about the missions and everything. 

So, I thought I should do the other way, yeah, it really hurts, but I know you, you are more than just a son to me. You are very valuable to me. Emily had seen you somewhere, I think something happened. And Dorothy told about it. So I thought I have to help Emily, by using you. 

I am really sorry, but you never refused to help. I hope you will not. 

I think I might be dead, I think, but anything happens don't remember me, just remember my teachings, remember the actual meaning of life. Remember yourself. 

Love, Mary. 

"Yes I will, mom. I will. I will help everyone, I will accomplish the mission you started. I will." I started crying. It was hard to believe, but I know my mom. I don't remember her, but I know her.