Order of the Phoenix

Remus Pov.:

There was another order meeting today, we were introduced to a new member of the order that Moody had brought along. The newcomer had already been admitted and, according to Albus, was not a spy. Everyone who didn't know anything about him introduced themselves briefly, including me. "I'm Remus Lupin," I announced to Jack Alskin. "You're him, the werewolf who taught at Hogwarts last year." he gasped, with a short nod I signalled him that he was right. He stared at me with disgust and I skillfully ignored him. This often happens to me, but more often after the incident at Hogwarts.

I haven't been listening properly for a long time, they were all talking about how we should solve the situation that we are slowly being forced into. I didn't care, not at all, it was just tiring so I swept my gaze through the people present. There were Sirius and James, whispering non-stop. Snape, who just sat there with a grim expression and listened, in his case he could simply be spying on us and report everything to Voldemort. But I trusted Dumbledore who firmly claimed that he was our spy in the ranks of the Death Eaters. "I hate to interrupt, but aren't there other problems than some bases destroyed by You-Know-Who?" an unexpected person asked, "Because I heard rumors that the prince is currently building an army. An army out of outcasts." Alskin looked at me when he said his last word, which didn't surprise me too much. Albus cleared his throat: "That's not completely wrong, it was found out that the Dark Prince is building a kind of army of magical beings on his own. But that's not all. Our spy reported that he is bringing more and more structure to the Dark Order, by personally punishing those who break the rules and quickly implementing his ideas. Unfortunately, our spy is too low in rank to bring us more information about the prince." Jack Alskin nodded and said: "But what if we manage to infiltrate someone, someone who has the potential to rise quickly and seek closer contact with the prince." "That's almost impossible," Tonks murmured. "You're right, Nymph-Tonks. It's almost impossible. But if the rumors are true and the prince is actually personally collecting such creatures...", Alskin stopped in the middle of his sentence and looked in my direction, grinning.

This newcomer isn't seriously suggesting that I'd be a Death Eater. I looked around and noticed that many people were thinking about it seriously, perhaps they even had similar thoughts. "This idea is ridiculous." To my and many others' amazement, it was Snape who said those words. "Lupin is probably already on the list of those who they would rather see dead than alive. So you're just sending him to his own death." "Severus is right, we can't sacrifice Remus for the tiny opportunity of getting a little more information. It's a suicide mission. There are certainly other ways, and it's unclear whether this information will help us any further," said Lily.

I didn't know exactly how long they've been discussing whether I should also become a spy. I hadn't taken part yet and no one seemed to be interested in my opinion. It was frustrating watching this discussion about me, I just felt like leaving. The atmosphere in the room suppressed me. I wanted to get out of here.

I got up. For a brief moment everyone present payed me attetion. "Let me know the result later."

It was evening, around 7 p.m., so I knew that the children should still be awake. But I didn't want to see them right now, I had to be alone. I slowly climbed the stairs to my room. But I was stopped during the climb. I looked at the three children in front of me. Fourteen-year-old Charles Fleamont Potter, who had inherited his father's looks as well as his talent for Quidditch and a penchant for pranks, seemed to be on his way down with one of those Weasley ears. His 10-year-old sister Viola Lily Potter, who stood behind him and talked to her friend of the same age, took more after her mother. She had Lily's dark red hair and sharp mind, but she also loved playing Quidditch. However, both of them had inherited James' hazel eyes, neither of them had Lily's green eyes. The child next to Viola was Lyra Cosma Black, Sirius' daughter. Lyra was a female copy of her father except for her eyes, which she got from her late mother Cosma, a beautiful sky blue. Despite the fact that her father is a prankster and she lives with marauders, Lyra had a calm personality.

Raising my eyebrows, my gaze wandered from Charles to the girls and the Weasley ears. I pretended not to see them and just walked past them. They should try listening to what happened inside, it would be fruitless anyways. I wanted to think in peace so I just let them be.

Since that one day, nothing has gone well in my life. I found out about my father's death. I was fired from my job, couldn't pay my rent and ended up on the street. Every job I tried to do didn't last more than a year. And then when I got to Hogwarts, of course it had to be the cursed position. Some students found out about my lycanthropy and I had to leave Hogwarts just like the small apartment I was living in. Still, there seemed to be no end to it. Suspicious order members who hardly spoke to me or hints towards my expulsion from the order. Now this Alskin came along and basically demanded my death. How? How did this all happen? Why wasn't I there on that fateful day... haaah. October 31st, 1981. If there wasn't a full moon on that day, I would have paid a little more attention. If only they ... we hadn't trusted this traitor. Harry wouldn't have disappeared without a trace that day. Dead. This quiet child who was only one year old, these bright green eyes similar to his mothers, which sometimes sparkled in a telltale way. A lonely tear fell at the thought of little Harry. I remembered my unfounded jealousy when Sirius was named Harry's godfather. Or when his first word was "Papfood". But I also remembered the pain I felt at the sight of the burned house. When I saw James and Lily there crying and realized we were all betrayed. 3 months after Harry's birthday, in the late afternoon of October 31st, 1981, the rat, Pettigrew claimed that there was a massive attack by Voldemort near him, of course the Order immediately rushed to respond to the cry for help. I would have gone too if I hadn't been watching over Harry, as I should have and the full moon hadn't have been. It was all my fault, I had blindly made a stupid decision and left Harry in Pettigrews care, who seemed wounded and came by. If only I had been a little more attentive. Just a bit. Just a tiny bit. He wouldn't have... died. No. I aggressively rubbed off my tear stains. He's not dead. He's alive. He has to live. Harry Potter someday I'll find you.

After making sure that my face showed no signs of my despair, I went downstairs, hoping to at least hear some good news.

My hope shattered at the sight of my friends.