Anadama

Kosaki knew this was a monumental moment with him willingly inviting her. This was not a chance she could afford to pass up, for there may not be another shot later. Though she wasn't prepared to have him allow her to follow him, which meant she had no idea of what to say.

"Well, back to reading." He said, sitting on the lounge chair in the middle of the study." Anadama grabbed out another thick book from the small table besides the chair and handed it to her.

"What is this?" She asked.

"A recipe book." He answered quickly. "You should study it." Kosaki didn't understand. She thought this was a breakthrough, but it seemed like he only brought her here to dash her hopes yet again. "There's a lot of good concepts in there to bring your skills to everyone else's level.

"Okay…" She replied, looking down at the large book. Kosaki looked around, realizing that all the possible spots for her to sit at were far from him. With the size of the book, there was no way for her to stand by him and read it at the same time.

So Kosaki took the next best choice, which was to walk off, take a chair, and set it besides him. The process took long enough to make things awkward in her eyes, despite persevering through it all. She could sense his judging eyes on her as she slowly walked back with chair in hand.

This brought her back to her junior high days. When she had first been growing up with Raku and Ruri pushed her to move her desk to his so that they could work together on a project. It was equally as stressful then, as it were now.

Without saying any words, she placed it besides him and sat down. Why can't she move on, she wondered, only ever comparing these actions to her past school life?

"I am 100% not surprised you just did that." Unlike Raku, Anadama didn't even attempt to be nice about her actions. "Honestly, if you just sat down at the table I was going to join you." He didn't appear that he would've left his comfy chair, but it turned out she made the worst possible decision in the moment.

"Oh, sorry…" Her face turned bright red over her actions. Why didn't he speak up earlier? From his attempts to stifle his laughter, it was evident he enjoyed the sight she gave him.

"Anyway, you're probably wondering why I invited you." He said, returning his gaze to the book instead of her. Anadama proceeded to fall into silence, not answering the question he had asked for her.

"Um, why?" She asked, wondering why he didn't continue speaking.

"Was hoping you wouldn't ask that." He said, playing it cool. "Honestly, no clue why."

"Eh?" Her face contorted from her bewilderment. He was the one who told her to come, yet it was also him who had no idea on why he wanted her there? Though despite this oversight, it also brought her comfort. That somehow during a time when there was no reason for her to be with him. That he still wanted her.

"There's nothing wrong with wanting company, is there?" He responded, knowing how silly he must've looked to her. "You're pretty talkative, but it's not that annoying. I mean, your voice is nice. So there's that."

"But, you want me to read. So it's hard to talk and read at the same time." She hadn't met someone who seemed to act like he wanted her around less, despite saying the opposite. "I guess there's nothing wrong with sitting besides you." Kosaki cracked open the book to begin reading the long and arduous text. As it would turn out, something as fun as baking could also be dry in its explanation.

"You don't mind if I speak, do you?" He asked, still not turning his head towards her. "I might end up distracting you from some important studies."

"No, I don't mind at all." It was uncommon of him to be the one saying anything to her unprompted. She couldn't help but be curious on what he could bring when no one was forcing him.

"Good, because it's about what you said before." He began. "You see, I was just thinking…" Instead of saying what he had in mind, Anadama then began to go on a tangent of saying a bunch of words without saying anything of substance. Most of it was accompanied by him stuttering and repeating himself with no end in sight.

"Um." She spoke up to interrupt him so that he wouldn't continue this strange conversation forever. "When you said what I said before. You mean about that boy I liked?"

"Yes." Thanks to her cutting him, he finally got to his point. "Look, I've never been rejected before. So I admit I can't relate to that personally." Anadama had never even asked anyone out before. Though he was aware if he did try, then he'd be successful 99% of the time. "Yet I'm the one who gave up on love."

"I still don't understand what you mean by that." She didn't even know someone could give up on something so basic. It did hurt her, and there was growing doubt on how much she had moved on, but there was no way she'd think she couldn't fall for someone again.

At the same time, he was the one who read a bunch of romance novels. If he hadn't suffered brutal rejection, then what part of his life would cause him to be disillusioned with an entire concept?

"I assumed you've probably noticed my mom hasn't shown up around here since you got here." He spoke slowly with uncertainty. "Her and my father, they aren't together anymore."

"Oh, I'm so sorry." She didn't know what else to say. Kosaki didn't know anyone else whose parents were separated. Actually, most of her friend's parents didn't live together, such as Raku's, Chitoges, even Marika's. Yet it was quite evident they loved each other dearly.

"I don't know why you would apologize." He replied. "You do that a lot, but this time it's not your fault." Anadama recounted back when it happened, which wasn't long ago, perhaps about a year or two in the past. That day when he watched her walk away from what they had all called home.

His mother didn't keep it a secret and told him the reason why. His dad would later tell him the same story. Both of them with that same sad look of disappointment, not the kind they'd give him if he had ever messed up, but one where they held that emotion in themselves.

For Anadama, he was certain on why things happened after listening to their words. "It's because of all this stupid baking stuff our family is known for. I should've realized, but I was way too busy with the academy after dad had me take over. At some point, it feels like we stopped being a family."

After she had left, he didn't know much about what his mom had gotten herself up to. All he knew was she now resided in New York and apparently worked with some fashion related company.

"Wow, I don't know what to say." She couldn't believe it, but nothing about what he said appeared to be false.

"It's all my dad's fault anyway." He continued, ignoring what she had said. "All this time expanding with bakeries and the academy. He doesn't even do it for the money. Just so he can spread the so-called joy of baking around the world." Anadama shook his head after speaking that phrase. "It's miserable, and I'm stuck having to teach a bunch of people while he's busy working himself to death instead of enjoying himself. You know what he was doing during the party?"

Anadama shifted quickly back to that night. Kosaki recalled not seeing the man, despite him inviting all the students. "He was busy working in the kitchen to make sure everything was all right. Even though they already hired catering, just because he wanted to make sure everyone was happy with the food." He couldn't help but give a false laugh when explaining it. "He's got this reputation of making everyone happy, but he couldn't even do that for his own family."

"So this is why you're a little cold?" She asked in response to his story. It certainly made more sense for Kosaki to see him be negative towards members of the academy, but apparently much warmer to strangers.

"A little?" He took offense to her lightly putting his harsh attitude. "You're either the kindest or dumbest person I know." Anadama put a lot of effort into his act, so he'd hope she'd use stronger language than just that. "You're certainly much more resilient than me."

"How so?"

"When my parents split, it made me realize the lie of all this idealized fantasy. In real life, love doesn't win out in the end. You know in this country nearly half of marriage fail? I don't know what it's like in Japan, but it's no picnic over here." She frown hearing his lament. Kosaki never thought much about adult relationships because her parents were happy and she was more focused on her on youth's romance.

Though listening to him showed her another side. Something she hadn't been given from her friends. "But I still can't stop reading this." He lifted up the book to show her directly. "I guess because reality does suck. So I just read this to try and get something I can't have."

Are you sure that's even true?" She asked, leaning towards him.

"I knew you'd disagree because you're you." He said. "But it doesn't matter if you do. I just told you because… Because it's safe with you. I know you wouldn't judge or rat me out." She giggled a little from his admission. He did respect her, even if he pretended not to.

"Don't worry, I'm not telling anyone about this." Kosaki leaned over his armrest and gave the man a hug.

"H-huh? Wh-what are you doing?" He was caught off-guard from her sudden bold move.

"I know when I felt down. The only thing I wanted more than anything else was a hug from someone. So, I'm just paying that kindness to you."

"Well, I don't need you to pay me anything." He pushed her off him, his face bright with embarrassment. "But thanks anyway."

Anadama opened up his book once more and returned to reading. Without turning to look at her, his closed their conversation with some final words. "Talking about it… Makes me feel less lonely."