XVIII.
The weeks leading up to the Netherfield ball had been some of the best for the Bennet family in general, but some of the worst for Elizabeth Bennet in particular. Jane Bennet was glowing with joy as Mr. Bingley made his attentions ever more pronounced. While Elizabeth wished to be happy for her sister, she could not find it within herself as she was routinely suppressing the urge to flee on a near constant basis as their cousin attempted to flatter her with his attentions. Mrs. Bennet had never been seen in such high spirits over the attentions to her eldest daughters! This naturally led to an unfettered exuberance in her manner of parenting toward the younger girls, who were entirely too happy to make use of her high spirits for their gain. In fact, Mr. Bennet was becoming nearly insufferable in his mutterings that he could not find a single place within his own home where he might enjoy peace and quiet. His second eldest felt nearly as mad as he was behaving, but contented herself with long – whenever possible, solitary – walks throughout the grounds between her home and Netherfield and attempted to bear Mr. Collins' unwanted attentions with equanimity knowing that her dearest sister would at least marry a kind and worthy man.
Furthermore, Lizzy reminded herself often that she only must tolerate her cousin through the ball and then he would be forced to return to Kent where she felt quite certain she would never have occasion to visit! His patroness had "graciously" extended his leave for an additional several nights to accommodate the ball – Lizzy had been exceedingly displeased to learn of this! – but was requiring his return the following day, apparently having emphasized precisely how put out she was as a result of his absence. Mr. Collins had boastingly showed this portion of the letter to any with eyes to read or ears to hear as he apparently thought that this was a credit to himself and his importance in the world to have such a great lady aggrieved by his absence. Elizabeth could not fathom the concept of missing that man and inwardly decided that Lady Catherine must be short one player for her card table.
Elizabeth had tried – repeatedly and unsuccessfully – to divert the gentleman's interest to Mary, who both shared some of his scholastic interests and did not appear to find his presence entirely repugnant, but for reasons Elizabeth could not decipher, he was unwavering in his focus. Indeed, it almost seemed to her that the more she attempted to escape his notice, the more this spurred him forward. She was quite at a loss to know how she might make her own intentions clear without injuring her cousin or appearing unladylike and forward. Under other circumstances, she may have considered his fidelity a strength of character, but here she could grant no such generosity! She must be content therefore to tolerate his person for an additional day, but she found herself nearly overjoyed with the thought that by this time on the morrow, he would be safely stowed within a carriage bound for Kent! The thought brought her a smile as she dressed for tonight's event.
Jane noticed the expression – a true smile, which she had not seen for well over a week now – and inquired, "Lizzy, what is it you are thinking of?"
Elizabeth was surprised and slightly embarrassed at being caught, "Hm? Oh, 'tis nothing, Jane, merely a passing thought is all."
Jane persisted, "Lizzy, please do tell me what brought that smile to your face? It has been so long since I have seen you look happy." She did not share her observation that since Mr. Darcy's departure her sister had not been herself and her mood seemed to be worsening with time.
Lizzy fought not to wince at Jane's innocent observation and deflected, "Nonsense, Jane! You only have not had so many occasions to look at me since you gained a daily suitor! Not that I can blame you as Mr. Bingley's smile is certainly more engaging than mine!" "
Jane blushed, "Lizzy!"
Elizabeth continued, teasing, "I can certainly imagine the look that will be upon your face this evening! I am sure it will quite put my smile to shame! In fact, I imagine your and Mr. Bingley's smiles will be in competition for who can outshine the other tonight! The rest of the guests do not stand a sporting chance!"
Lizzy's deflection worked as Jane blushed even deeper and made a non-committal noise of embarrassment as she resumed dressing.
Elizabeth sighed in relief internally. Though she had once shared her every thought, hope, and fear with her sister, she could not bring herself to dampen Jane's bliss with her own melancholy. While she tried to convince herself that she would regain her humour once their cousin left, some part of her recognised that this was not honest. Elizabeth did not once doubt her joy for her sister's felicity – indeed, she could think of no one who deserved such happiness more! – but she could not help her awareness that some part of herself could not quite feel the pleasure of seeing another's dreams realised when, it seemed, her own now felt so far away.
She shook her head to clear the ridiculous thoughts! After all, what is truly different now than before Mr. Bingley leased Netherfield? She ignored the protesting answers her mind quickly listed, stifling them and reiterating, Nothing! And once Mr. Collins leaves, all will be well again. She busied herself helping Jane dress and prepare for the festivities. When she was busy, she did not feel the sadness quite so keenly. And so the afternoon passed relatively quickly as she assisted first Jane, Kitty, and then Mary, before finally putting on her own dress and smoothing her hair quickly. However, when her mother came by to check on their progress, she pronounced Elizabeth's hair entirely unsuitable and immediately redirected Sarah, who had only just finished Mrs. Bennet's hair, to correct the matter. Elizabeth sighed in resignation and sat without a fight; she was simply too tired to argue.
ooOoo
Charles Bingley's bed chamber was a disaster! The man could not sit nor stand still for more than a moment before he bounded off in another direction – in fact, his valet nearly killed him during his shave that morning due to his restlessness! After spending an ungodly amount of time choosing the perfect outfit for this evening – and then changing three more times before returning to the original he had selected – he had begun his rounds of the house, only to be instructed rather forcefully by Caroline that he was not to leave his chambers until three o'clock. He noted that Hurst – who was asleep on a sofa in the same parlour – had been given no such restrictions, but he knew better than to argue when a party was being prepared. And thus had he found himself for the last hour and a half. He had spent his time pulling out various knick knacks from his shelves, trying on and taking off the various garments he had already rejected for the evening, pacing the room countless times, and even practising his speeches in his glass. He nearly wished he had books to read!
Nothing was helping to relieve his anxiety until he recalled the token from his darling Jane hidden carefully in the back left of his dresser's second drawer. He nearly ran to it now but was careful handling the delicate kerchief. Once in his hands, he felt himself relax as it reassured him that he was not alone in his feelings. She had not exactly gifted it to him – that would have been grossly inappropriate and not becoming of a lady of upstanding character – but she had seen him retrieve it and surely she had noticed his failure to return it to her. He had naturally concluded that she was not opposed to his keeping the item. He was certain that Jane Bennet loved him as well; even if she had not spoken the words! Heaven willing, tonight he would secure her hand!
ooOoo
The drive leading to Netherfield's entrance left no doubt that a large event was about to commence. The youngest Bennet girls gasped and sighed with delight as their carriage rolled past the lanterns and ribbon-wrapped posts lining the road. Mrs. Bennet did nothing to discourage their behaviour and Lizzy sighed internally with frustration at the embarrassment they were sure to make of themselves soon enough. Still, Elizabeth was grateful that their coach could only seat six so at least she was given a reprieve from her cousin's company for the short ride.
Too soon for Elizabeth's preference, it was their carriage's turn to disembark. Lydia and Kitty bounced up from their seats at once, eager to be out of the coach and in with the guests. While Jane, Elizabeth, and Mary were more demure in their postures, Mrs. Bennet seemed that were she in a physical condition to do so, she would have jumped up immediately as well. Elizabeth steeled herself for the event and attempted to find a glimmer of hopefulness; although she had always enjoyed dances and parties, she feared that there was little to hold her interest at this one. Still, she had danced with Mr. Bingley at the Meryton assembly and he was an enjoyable enough partner, as were Charlotte's brothers and Mrs. Long's nephew. She contented herself that the exercise would be invigorating and hopefully take her mind off of her cousin for a little while.
A servant relieved the ladies of their pelisse coats and then they were announced to the hosts. As always, Caroline and Louisa were impeccably dressed in the latest fashions of London and their haughty expressions left no one who had enough sense to take notice in doubt as to their feelings about the Bennet family's taste and income; nonetheless, their words were the epitome of politeness as they welcomed their guests and Mrs. Bennet's praises and vigorous compliments were received with rather impressive grace. Mr. Hurst, as usual, appeared bored but nodded when his wife gestured to him. Mr. Bingley, like Jane, seemed alight with pleasure at seeing their arrival. Elizabeth thought that even had she been blind she would still have felt the connection between her sister and the gentleman; they were parts to the same whole. While Mr. Bingley greeted each member of the family as he was obliged to do, his eyes never left Jane for long and hers seemed permanently affixed once she allowed herself to look up at him. Once the mandatory greetings were complete, he wasted no time in claiming her hand as he reminded her of her promise to him of the first two dances. They set off for refreshments and the rest of the family moved away from the entry and into the ballroom.
Until then Lizzy had managed to be strategically unavailable to Mr. Collins as she was walking between two of her sisters. Now that Jane had left, however, Mr. Collins appeared to be adjusting his position to be nearer to her. Thinking quickly, Elizabeth scanned the room and spotted Charlotte.
"Oh Mama! I see Charlotte Lucas. She will be quite upset if I do not say hello as I have been neglecting her recently," and with that, she was off, moving as quickly as possible without breaching the demands of decorum. She heard her cousin call after her, "Cousin Elizabeth –" but she pretended she had not heard and continued across the room.
Once arriving, Charlotte spotted her, "Lizzy! Oh my, but you look lovely tonight! Is there perhaps a gentleman you wish to impress?"
Elizabeth's left eyebrow raised and Charlotte had her answer, but Lizzy responded anyhow: "Charlotte, it is such a pleasure to see you! But you must not tease me so – my patience is already near its limit! Surely you are aware of my mother's schemes for me with my cousin?" She could not help but to shudder slightly at the thought.
"Come, Lizzy! You take such things too seriously. I have not met the man, but to be sure, he is quite eligible. Then again, perhaps you are still setting your sights higher?"
Her none-too-subtle reference to Mr. Darcy irritated and wounded Elizabeth, particularly as her implications were both true and untrue; true because Elizabeth was still thinking of Mr. Darcy, despite her best efforts to the contrary, and untrue because she had never pursued him in any form, let alone for his fortunes. "Charlotte, do not be ridiculous! I have set my sights on no one, but as you well know, I intend to marry only for love and I can unequivocally assure you that I am not in love with Mr. Collins!"
Charlotte was amused and slightly intrigued by her friend's defensiveness, but chose to change the subject rather than risk Lizzy's ire. "Indeed, I am most certain that you are not in love with Mr. Collins! However, it appears that at least one Bennet is in danger of cupid's arrows."
Elizabeth followed her friend's gaze to see Jane and Mr. Bingley standing slightly closer than propriety would dictate and talking over refreshments in anticipation of the first set. Elizabeth smiled, "Yes, I do believe that they are well-suited to one another. In fact, I cannot think of two people more perfect in their match!"
Charlotte agreed, "I can see what you mean. I must say that I have not before seen a man so taken with a lady as Mr. Bingley appears to be with Jane."
"I believe that the feeling is quite mutual."
"Is it indeed? Well, that is quite felicitous!"
"Did you doubt Jane's feelings after seeing her talking thus with the man?" Elizabeth asked with some disbelief.
"Not in any manner that would disparage Jane, of course! It is only that I have always understood that it is best, when securing a husband, to display a greater level of affection than one may actually feel. Men need to be helped along."
"Charlotte, surely you cannot believe that to be best! How should a lady display feelings that she cannot yet have without having spent time with the man? She would need to learn more of him first."
"Lizzy, not everyone is a romantic like you! Marital felicity is entirely a matter of chance! In many cases, it is better to know as little as possible of your future partner." She did speak aloud her thoughts that with five thousand pounds per annum and such handsome features, Charlotte felt quite certain she would need no additional information.
Elizabeth was spared from responding by the arrival of Mr. Collins. She knew it would only be a matter of time for him to seek her out, but there was nothing to be done for it. She proceeded with the introductions and was mostly quiet while Charlotte made polite inquiries. Naturally, he embarrassed her with nearly every word he spoke, but luckily, not too long after that, Elizabeth and Charlotte were each claimed for dances and Mr. Collins unwillingly moved away.
Lizzy was grateful for the dances as they provided an escape from her cousin, but as soon as each set was complete, he was at her side and offering to escort her away from each partner. She was embarrassed by his attentions and the proprietorship his actions suggested.
The only true smiles she had for the first half of the evening were in watching Jane's and Mr. Bingley's matching expressions of happiness. She was also rather fond of dancing with Mr. Bingley, who was as a brother to her by this point. Their dances were filled with stifled laughter as they each suggested what thoughts were presently in the minds of various guests about the room. Their suggestions became more outrageous with every round until Elizabeth nearly missed a step when Mr. Bingley offered that Thomas Lucas, one of Sir William's younger sons and who was currently in conversation with a clearly displeased Caroline, was most certainly seeking advice related to the raising of "rare and colourful chickens," such as those that gave the feathers for Caroline's headpiece. She was nearly unable to breathe for holding her expression to polite standards, but her eyes gave away her enjoyment of their game.
Near the end of their sets, Mr. Bingley asked if she might assist him in getting Jane to take some fresh air off the drawing room's balcony, and she could not repress the smile as she agreed to help. She was pleased to see relief mixed with pleasure in Mr. Bingley's answering smile and she felt certain she knew what he was about.
They were now only a few sets away from the supper set, which Mr. Collins had insisted Lizzy sit out so that he might escort her to the dining room; much to Elizabeth's dismay, her mother had loudly assured him it would be done. Elizabeth sought Jane in the crowd and informed Mr. Collins when he approached that she was in need of a moment to mend a bit of lace with Jane in privacy. Mr. Collins, ignorant as he was of ladies' garments, could not dispute her claim. He was forced, much to his continuing displeasure, to acquiesce, but with the reminder that she was claimed as his dinner partner. Elizabeth revolted at the word, but contained her ire internally – for Jane's sake.
Upon locating Jane, who was completing a set with the eldest Goulding son – who was no more than sixteen, but already clearly quite infatuated with Jane – Lizzy grabbed Jane's arm and whispered, "Jane! I need to speak with you right away! Will you repair with me to the drawing room?"
Compassionate and loving, Jane was concerned for her sister and asked, "Of course, but Lizzy, are you well? Shall I fetch Mr. Jones? Or perhaps –"
Lizzy cut in, "No, no, I need nothing of the sort. I only wish to speak with you, but right away."
Jane relented and they carefully exited the room through a less conspicuous doorway that connected through another parlour and then to the drawing room. Once to the balcony doorway, Lizzy saw the door was already slightly ajar. Knowing Mr. Bingley was on the other side, she whispered to Jane, "I will be right here," before she gave her a quick hug and pushed her gently through the door and out onto the balcony.
Poor Jane was extraordinarily confused! First, Lizzy was pulling her out of the ballroom and seemed to need her assistance for a matter of some import, but the next moment, she had pushed her outside alone. It only took another quick moment before Jane registered Mr. Bingley's presence on the other side of the balcony. The nerves and joy seemed to flood her body simultaneously and she felt her knees wobble slightly at the sensations overwhelming her. Mr. Bingley, previously smiling, now looked concerned and, within two steps, was at her side, his hand at her elbow.
"Miss Bennet! Are you well? Is the evening air too cold?"
"Mr. Bingley, I apologise for concerning you. I am well, thank you. I was only surprised as I did not know there was anyone else out here."
Mr. Bingley's face fell a bit as he took in her words, but she quickly added, "Not that I am displeased by your company! It is just that Lizzy asked me to join her, but then she did not accompany –" Comprehension seemed to dawn in Jane's face as Mr. Bingley's confirmed her new suspicions. "That was not a coincidence, was it?"
Bingley shook his head ever so slightly and sought to decipher whether or not his actions were well received.
At first, he could not entirely make her out, but then she blushed as she quietly replied, "I see."
He drew courage as he observed that she was remaining on the balcony with him when she most certainly could have departed; she could be in no doubt of his intentions now and she must welcome them! He took a breath and began, "I do apologise for the misdirection. I assure you that I meant no harm by asking your sister to bring you here; I only wished to speak privately with you, but I did not want to draw the attention of the other guests. Will you grant me a private audience with you?"
At his last request, Jane could not help but to look up into his face. His expression was warm and his smile was slight, but also almost teasing. He knows that I will not deny him. After all, I have not left as I ought to have done. But I cannot! What if his purpose for this meeting is to propose? At that thought, Jane nearly stopped breathing and so her answering reply was quieter than she might have preferred, "Of course, Mr. Bingley."
Still, Mr. Bingley did not appear concerned with the softness of the reply, only the content, and he smiled so broadly that Jane felt herself moving closer to him, quite without any conscious instructions to her feet!
Mr. Bingley moved closer to her as well, but then, to her surprise, he dropped to one knee! Jane's breath caught as she watched him and waited.
He looked up at her and his eyes burned with sincerity – she was sure that she would faint! Was she even breathing? She could not tell! – as he spoke, "Miss Bennet, I hope that it will not be a shock to you that I admit I am hopelessly and irrevocably in love with you. I can say that from the first moment I saw you, I was bewitched by your beauty, grace, and charm. As I have been privileged to be more in your company these last weeks, I have found that my early feelings were but infatuation to what I now experience. You are an angel on earth and while none may be worthy of such loveliness, I cannot be happy without you! I wish to be with you always. Miss Bennet, will you consent to make me the happiest of men and allow me to strive to be worthy of you? Will you be my wife?"
By "angel," the tears were filling Jane's eyes but she could not bring herself to care! She had hoped and dreamed of this, but had never fully allowed herself to believe that a man would say such beautiful words as these to her! Even in her fantasies of a marriage offer from Mr. Bingley, she never imagined he would share such tender feelings!
At first, she was at a loss for words as her happiness overflowed in tears, but recalling that she had not yet actually replied, she managed "Yes! There is nothing that would bring me more joy, Mr. Bingley, than becoming your wife!"
No sooner had she spoken than Mr. Bingley impulsively took one of her hands into both of his own and muttering, "Dearest Jane," so quietly it seemed almost a prayer, he kissed the top of her hand before carefully turning it over within his and pressing his lips once again to her palm.
Her quiet sigh of "oh" brought him back to his senses and he pulled his face away at once, his body then following as he gently released her hand as he stood. "Miss Bennet, I apologise for taking liberties –"
Jane stopped his apology, in a rather uncharacteristic display of assertiveness, despite the small smile, which softened her words, "Mr. Bingley, please do not apologise! I cannot regret your actions and I cannot hope that you will either. If we are to be married, such liberties will be acceptable in our future. I –" she blushed, but stammered on, "I only hope that you do not think ill of me for not stopping you?"
Bingley found himself entirely transfixed by every movement of her lips as she spoke; her words conjured images that were best not contemplated during a ball in his own home. Nevertheless, he found he was gratified by her reaction; he had never been especially intrigued by over-forward ladies but he found that Jane's appreciation for his attentions was not the same. With other ladies in London, they sought his attention to gain access to his money or trap him into matrimony for other social reasons; he believed their attentions and seductions were purposeful and false whereas Jane was clearly an innocent but she displayed a trust in him and welcomed his affection without any hidden motive. He found himself wishing desperately, almost painfully, to hold her and kiss her lips, but he knew he must refrain.
Instead, he replied, "My dearest Miss Bennet, I could never think ill of you, least of all for my own actions that I put upon you! If you are not hurt or offended, then I cannot regret my actions either." And here, he carefully took one of her hands with only one of his own and placed a chaste kiss on the back before releasing it. "But I will strive to better control myself as you are quite right that such liberties are intended to be within the institution of marriage and not before. For now, I think I must leave to find your father to seek his blessing. Will you be comfortable returning to the dance until I can rejoin you?"
Jane's head was so filled with feelings, images, and thoughts that she could not even form a coherent string of words. Instead she responded with a small smile and a nod of her head. Her betrothed's answering smile sent her heart beating nearly painfully in her chest as he gave her a slight bow before escorting her through the door back into the drawing room and then disappearing through a door opposite the one she had entered through with Elizabeth.
Almost as though the memory of her sister conjured her presence, Elizabeth stepped into Jane's line of sight from a chair by the fireplace. "Jane?"
Jane jumped slightly in surprise, but regained herself quickly, "Lizzy! Oh, Lizzy, I am so happy to see you! I have the most wonderful news!"
Elizabeth found her own smile mirroring Jane's as she teased, "Now, let me see, what ever can you be so pleased about?" She tapped her lip with her index finger, pretending to ponder.
Jane laughingly accused, "You knew he would be there! Why did you not tell me?"
"Did he propose?" Elizabeth could not contain her excitement any longer and made a gleeful noise when Jane nodded, eyes still wet from her happy tears.
The sisters embraced as Lizzy said, "Oh Jane, I am so happy for you! No one deserves such happiness more than you!"
.
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A/N: First, I am very, very sorry for the long wait between chapters this time! I have had tons of RL demands cropping up and it really impacted my writing. That said, I promise I will NOT abandon this story, so thank you all for sticking with me, even when it takes a bit longer than expected for an update! I hope that this, at least, felt worth the wait! Next chapter is the remainder of the Netherfield Ball... ;)
As always, HUGE thanks to ArtemisDesari for pre-reading and encouraging me!
And last but not least, the support for this story from all of you readers means the world to me! Reviews, in particular, just make me indescribably happy – I cannot thank you enough! I also appreciate all those who added this story or me to alerts and favorites!