Chapter 2: My Suicidal Ideations
I frequently get bad thoughts about ending my own life and sometimes I just need to let my emotions out so I cry and cry until my eyes hurt and then go back to being normal is it alright for me to cry when I'm alone or should I just keep suppressing my emotions, I don't want to talk to anybody irl about it because I don't want to be judged by people so I'd like to ask you.
Therapy has never helped me and I merely said it did so my peers stop being worried about me, my suicidal ideation have been getting worse and more frequent lately to the point I feel like giving in I hear life gets better over time but is that really true? They say your life should be exciting but mine just isn't. They say as a man you shouldn't cry so I've tried my best not to but it really just hurts me inside more and more! I want to end it all just so I don't have to live this life anymore it's so boring so stressful so irritating I wish everybody would just leave me alone but I'm too scared to pull the trigger I know on the inside I'm too scared to actually commit suicide but I just turn to cutting myself, pentrating myself with objects until my skin tears and I bleed and it helps for some relief but the scars left behind will worry people I guess sometimes you just gotta cope through it but it's hard