Chapter 28

Four days later.

Through the forest and the decorations of shade and autumn leaves, Cahya and Colson walked to their usual clearing, holding up his bokken, staring at the minor dents and blemishes from its months of use, imagining it as an extension of himself. Cahya, seemingly more distracted than usual, looked off into the distance, the waterfall's mist barely visible over the trees. Turning to Colson, asking if he had seen or felt any improvements.

He didn't answer. She smiled, brightly commenting on how he would figure it out in no time.

Carefully placing the bokken back in its sling, sighing with annoyance as he did so; the day before, he had stopped his training out of pure frustration. Her green blouse, and bronze hair in a bun with the rest going down the length of her back, Cahya sat back, leaning against the oak tree, most of the trees in Cassius she'd grown herself. The days before, her attitude had been different.

"You're gonna have to try harder than that," she said the day prior, her tongue flicking with impatience.

"'You' really aren't being helpful," Colson growled back, opening one eye to glare at her. Earlier she had told him to cross his legs and meditate; think back to Jashin's energy flowing in your body, how all movements felt light and easy.

"'You' aren't very good at being taught, then."

After watching Colson start to walk away, she jogged after him, not quite knowing if he was serious.

"Are you leaving again?" She asked incredulously as Colson slid the bokken across his back. She gave him a sad, wide-eyed doe look that constantly peeved Colson.

"I mean, clearly, this isn't working," he shrugged. "I'll just figure it out myself. Go help Ivy or something; I'm sure she needs it."

"Colson, look, I'm sorry, alright? It's just, I'm just teaching you how I was taught—the only way I know how," it was met with a scowl from Colson.

"Why don't you make them meditate?"

"Well, everyone learns differently; from what I could tell, you'd benefit more from how I've learned it. Plus, you need all the help you can get, with the other guys effectively going into hiding…."

He answered with an eye roll, "cowards are what they are," he thought. She removed the bokken from his back, holding it straight in front of her—chest level; with a deep breath, tan aura flowed from the sword, dripping off it.

"If clearing your mind doesn't help, try thinking of something that scares you, perhaps. Fills you with anxiety. Or maybe attach your thoughts to an event or a person; imagine them in danger," eyes flitting to the waterfall, "There's no real right answer for any of this—At least, I haven't been told it."

"A person," Colson echoed quietly.

The contralto voice of Cahya, who was now staring at Colson waiting for—she didn't know what, but she felt as if he were close to a breakthrough, "Yea, any person. One that's really close to you or means a lot to you—good or bad, I should add."

"What will it feel like when I get there?"

"It's hard to convey as it occurs in such a deeply altered mindful state; language ceases to apply. The best I can say is that you have to look for it. You either find it or you don't."

He closed his eyes and saw faces swimming around him: Zoe, Pearson, Ivy, Neph, Reiza, Nilson—his father.

Cahya sat at the base of her usual tree, near her several browned apple cores from the days prior, watching his unusual stillness and even breaths expectantly.

Pearson, a reoccurring face. Colson's active mind imagined him standing by his side, focusing on him. A brief acquaintance with another face started a train of thought that led him back to the bar. The man with the face tattoo, the fragments of skull and brain matter scattered across the room. Her scared eyes, staring right at him, walking forward demurely, ending up the same way seconds later. His mind shifted again to the rotten house, its smell so rancid that he could smell it even now. What if Zoe had won the game, gone in the home instead, met the tall, dark man with legs like tree trunks and a face like a grinning mask. The beast in the crawl space, the screams like nails to a chalkboard. Reiza standing next to him, the long dyed hair draping over her shoulders. Both staring out over the forest, with the dark skyline of Crater behind it.

Noticing his mechanical breaths had stopped, Cahya glanced up from her comic book, hearing an almost silent hum, a glint in her eye with a satisfied smile.

Colson stumbled backward, landing on his butt as his eyes shot open, "Wha-what was that? What just happened?"

"Looks like you did it…kind of."

"So now what do I do?" He asked, looking up into the sky, seeing the sun had moved.

"What were you thinking about?"

"Uhh, you know, just…stuff," glancing away awkwardly, feeling his cheeks heat up, avoiding her curiously skeptical eye contact. A knowing smirk crossed her face.

"Which one was it?"

"Was what?"

"Ivy or Zoe?"

"I-I wasn't! Shut up!"

"Oh-kay, if you say so," exaggerating her steps as she walked over to him, once she was next to him, asking, "can you do that again?" Her eyes blinked softly with mock innocence.

"I 'really' wasn't."

"Okay, okay," she held her hands up with exaggerated surprise, trying hard to keep a straight face, "let's just see if you can do it again."

Colson stood tall, each breath filling his lungs completely before being slowly pushed out through his nose, getting back into the same rhythm. Finding it harder to focus on the same things, this time letting his mind wander, stirring up memories, seeing Pearson and their father—up to his usual habits. Finished with his bottle, glaring at it, he held it up to the boys, questioning if either had drunk from it—both denied it profusely. He flung it across the room, grabbing Pearson by the shirt and pinning him to the wall, hot spittle flying from his mouth as he screamed. Nilson's mind that night had clearly left him as it did most nights. During the daytime, he was well-mannered and well-dressed, even if he was a large cog in Crater's underground.

Colson gritted his teeth, pushing the drunk off Pearson; in return, he received a heavy fist to his temple, tripping backward, hitting his head on the corner of a coffee table. Picking up a nearby pan, Nilson limped over to the boy; the floor was stained red. Without thinking, Pearson pushed their father out of the way, grabbing Colson by the hand and sprinting away as fast as possible, knowing there would be an expected and inevitable return. Hearing the words behind them, "Take him and don't come back!" He doesn't remember any of that.

That's what he always said. Take. All he ever did too. At the time, they had a lot, more than most. It was never earned, only taken. All he taught the two was how to take. Taking money through cheap tricks or mind games.

Years prior, Nilson had almost crippled himself before a high-paying mission, expelling him from any future missions and glory, leaving a scar and anger as a reminder of what could have been—he'd burned the bridge with just about everyone, leaving him to heal alone.

Coming to into the hospital's waiting room, Colson sat, watching a girl a few years younger, blonde hair, wet cheeks, red eyes, her forearm bent at an impossible angle, causing him to retch and have to look away. The whole display seemingly cheered up the girl—making her laugh, distracting her from the pain.

"That was the first time I had experienced a lack of reality—nothingness. When I'd first conceptualized 'nothing', when I was a kid, it was a legitimately scary feeling. It was as if I was submerged in the ocean on a pitch black night. Suspended in a void of nothing. Feeling nothing. Thinking nothing.

"I don't remember much of my mother's funeral. But I remember what my father said. He'd shown up late. He'd shown up drunk. He had stepped in between Pearson and me, his heavy hands placed on our shoulders; steadying himself so he wouldn't fall. 'There she is! Nothing!' he said.

"Ever since then the thought was always at the back of my mind. What if that's all there is? I wouldn't classify myself as a nihilist per say. I'd say I've witnessed miracles and the like; but still the thought persists. But that night; the first time I'd ever experienced that, I wouldn't say I'd mind. Peacefully floating in void forever."

He opened his eyes and felt as if he had stepped back from an abyss. As he took a sharp inhale, the world seemed to regain its color. A radiant glow surrounded his frame—a green cocoon made of light. The tension in his bones and muscles dissolved. A glowing tingle worked its way up from his feet to his head. He glanced to Cahya, seeing her surprised face, not hearing a single word she said—no longer reaching his ears but watching her lips form words. At that moment, he felt the cool confidence blow into him like a breeze, a wide toothy grin on his face, embracing the upgraded consciousness and newfound freedom.

Standing next to him, a satisfied smile on her face, surrounding herself with her own sea-green aura, nodding in the direction of Cassius, "Shall we see what they're up to?"

Feeling the wind rush through his hair as he sprinted through the forest, Cahya was close behind him, holding his forgotten bokken. Through the woods, taking a right at the cobble silo, a mile-long sprint along the dirt road, turning left, and they were looking right at Cahya and Jashin's house, startling Zoe when they walked inside; her eyes widened with surprise and envy when seeing both of them stand there draped in energy. Closing her book, hopping up from her chair, circling around Colson, fastidiously studying him, poking at his aura.

"Did you just get that?" Totally awestruck.

"Yeah! Just figured it out a little bit ago. Pretty cool, huh?" Colson held up his hands in front of him, still not totally believing he had done it. "Anyways, Ivy's gotta see this; where's she?"

"She should be back…." Zoe glanced behind her, seeing the backyard completely empty, "Uhh, well, uh oh."

"Where'd she run off to now?"

"She was just here."

"I swear I told her to stay here," Cahya hummed.

"Don't swear," Zoe mumbled

"What?"

"Never mind."

"So, how'd you get it?"

"Well, she helped me, but it was like a mix between meditation and thinking about stuff," Colson said.

"Stuff," Zoe said quizzically.

"Well, you know, just things and people that are important, you know," both glanced away, turning to Cahya, "is it normal to feel this tired after activating this?"

"Mhm, they call it energy for a reason. What you're looking at now is your life force leaving your body, so yeah, you're going to feel a little tired. I'm honestly surprised you've had it activated this long; most can only hold it for a few minutes their first time."

"Oh man," feeling light-headed, he deactivated it, catching his breath.

"Don't worry; the more you practice, you'll learn to pace yourself. Your brain is gonna feel pretty scrambled, though."

Zoe's eyes turned glassy, "my brain…."

"So we gon' find that girl or what?"

Ivy's clothes were draped over a tree branch, her boots placed neatly on top of a heavy flat rock next to its dark orange roots. A few feet away from the north bridge, it spanned the gap between the east and west halves of Cassius. Colson walked over the bridge from the opposite side of the farm, noticing something hanging in the branches.

"What the" Colson muttered, walking over to pick them up and examine them, glancing around, then calling Ivy's name again.

He heard a splash; turning around and leaning over the railing, he saw Ivy swimming against the bone-chilling current of the river.

"Ivy!" He screamed, taking the bokken off his back, climbing down the riverbank, holding it out to her to grab onto. He took out his walkie-talkie and yelled "north bridge" into it before tossing it to the side. Opening her mouth to yell something back, water rushed inside, causing her to choke and briefly submerge under the water.

Cahya appeared above her on the bridge, looking down, bewildered, "Is she good?" Her face turned from concern to confusion, seeing Ivy only in her underwear.