Thirty-eight

Something was wrong with Roan. I didn't know what, but when he had me repeat the story of how we met, I knew.

But after day in the meadow, I didn't have time to contemplate how to figure out what could be wrong. June had me train all day the next day, then Aspen and Cat were hovering the day after that. I had enough.

I packed a pack and made sure I had knives on my belt.

"Where are you going?"

I glance up to see Roan leaning against the door, brows raised. "The wolf den. I need to get away for a bit."

He frowned. "What's wrong?"

I shake my head and sling the pack over one shoulder. "Just need to go see the wolves for a bit, have some fun, maybe forget for a while."

I didn't let him question me further as I strode out of my shelter and out the village. He didn't come after, which was fine since I didn't really want to explain my thoughts to him. I knew he had something to do with the others being around me all the time. I loved him, but I didn't like how he's keeping stuff from me.

When I got close to the den, I howled, a signal to the wolves that I was nearby.

Many howls answered mine, and before long, I had furry bodies all around me: big and small. Laughing, I let them tackle me to the ground and greet me, petting any ball of fur I could reach.

It took a long time for them to let me get up and go to the den, Kenyon carrying my pack while Jimmy nudged me along with his head. I stroked his head as we entered the den and Cinder and Graham walked up to me and gave me hugs. "It's been a while," Cinder states.

I nod. "I meant to come a lot sooner, but I haven't had the most pleasant of times with the village recently."

She smiles sympathetically. "No worries. I'm sure the pups will be happy to see nonetheless."

"Loki should be here soon," Graham said. "He and Seth are with the pups now, teaching them to hunt."

I grin. "That should be an interesting story."

They agreed. I sighed, happy to be among the pack once again. It was more home here, for some reason, than the village. I found myself not wanting to leave.

Cinder must have sensed something wrong because she kissed Graham and told him she was going to spend some alone time with me. She took my arm and led me out of the den, giving her sons a look before leading me to the clearing where we were supposed to have sparred last time.

"You're scared, Zahra. What's wrong? What happened?"

I sit against a tree and hug my knees to my chest. "My brother isn't telling me something," I say softly. "I know something is wrong, but he was avoiding me, had others around. He must have told them to keep me occupied because they wouldn't stop."

Cinder sat beside me. "That's not the only thing."

I look at her.

She smiled. "You may not have been told by your adoring pack brother, but wolves can smell when a person has changed after a certain amount of time."

"What do you mean?"

"You're pregnant."

I blink. "He knew?"

"He told us the day before the celebration. He said not to bring it up, that you didn't know yet."

I sigh. "Him too? Why is everyone hiding something?"

Cinder took my hands and said, "This is the reason Graham doesn't have you stay here. Because he knew you wouldn't like being so protected."

I frown. "I don't mind being protected, Cinder, but I do mind when something important about me is being kept secret."

"My pack males have no thoughts sometimes for how we, females feel. Their job is to protect, no matter how it is done."

"My brother doesn't have that excuse."

"Your brother, like you, is very much a wolf inside. He has the urge to protect his pack, even if it means hurting them in the process."

I scowl. "I don't like it."

Cinder laughs. "If you don't like it, then become an alpha and tell him."

"Is that what you do?"

"Always."

I nod, keeping that piece of advice in mind for when I return to the village.

"Now, tell me about the child." She gives me a serious look. "I already know it wasn't that male's you were kissing."

I blush, then feel tears in my eyes. "Roan suspects it's Lucas's I don't remember him doing nothing, but then, that isn't surprising. It's just that I am not ready for this. Not to mention, I think he plans to lure me back with the baby somehow."

Cinder frowns. "Zahra, I'm so sorry. It's wrong for someone to take away something so precious and to take the memory of it happening."

My voice cracked as I said, "They're supposed be safe. They're supposed to be part of the one I love, not a monster! They aren't supposed to be created this way!"

Cinder pulls me into her arm and holds me tight. "You'll be okay, my sweet daughter. You'll be a wonderful mother. I will help you in any way I can. There is no need to be afraid of them. This male who hurt you will be watched for, by everyone I'm sure. You'll be alright."

"I didn't even do anything to him! I didn't even know him before I met him!"

I continue to cry, feeling like I've held back for so long. Cinder didn't say much else, just held me. I felt as though she was my mother, the mother I never knew, that I always wanted. I curled up into her embrace and savored the feeling of motherly love.

Some time later, I sat up and wiped my eyes, sniffling. Cinder cupped my face. "Let's forget about the problems for one night. You are to have fun and live freely. I will find you tomorrow to discuss this further, okay?"

I nod. "Thank you."

She smiled warmly. "Zahra, you are the sweetest girl I've met. It's a wonder you haven't gone insane with all the troubles you've had."

I laugh a little. "Sometimes I wonder."

She laughs, then we stand up and go back to the den.