Zed's Personal Hell

An awkward silence hung in the air as the three made their way east. Even Alexx found himself unable to start up a conversation as his mind kept drifting back to the sight of his friend having a complete breakdown in front of him.

It was almost a relief when they found themselves ambushed by a large pack of Moss Wolves, too distracted by the situation to notice the beasts until they were nearly on top of them.

The battle was rougher than normal, but nothing the three couldn't handle. Alexx and Zed had already experienced being swarmed by enemies that outclassed these wolves in both quality and quantity, and while Yang suffered a few minor injuries in the time she needed to re-equip her armor the battle ended quickly.

The end of the battle even gave them something new to talk about.

"Oh shit," Yang said excitedly, "new Skill!"

"Wait really?" Zed asked. "What did you even do?"

"Let's see… Rapidly equipped armor during combat?" Her eyes widened slightly. "There's a second one for equipping my weapon too!"

"You got two?!" Alexx exclaimed. "How did you get two Skills just for using the new game features?"

"Yeah, we used the inventory too, where are our Skills?"

Yang glanced at them. "Did you equip your weapons in the menu, or just pull them out of the inventory?"

Neither Alexx nor Zed had any response to that. Zed had simply pulled his spear out of the inventory directly, and Alexx's bracers were always equipped. Equipping weapons through the menu was slightly slower since you had to drag and drop them into the right slots. Yang had already been equipping her armor so doing the same with her weapon didn't seem like an issue.

Their armor wasn't even worth mentioning, as they both wore their armor while traveling since it didn't weigh them down as much as Yang's did.

Yang turned her attention back to the menu as the Skills finished generating. "Okay, so one Skill to have armor slots that can be turned on and off, and another to do the same with weapon slots." Yang frowned. "They cost SP? Why the hell does equipping my weapon cost SP?!"

Alexx shrugged. "Because you're doing faster?"

"It's not over costed or anything, right?"

"A little. They both cost 10 SP."

"Then what's the issue?"

"If this game wants to keep us here I will bitch and moan about every tiny problem it gives me!" She shouted with exaggerated annoyance, drawing a chuckle from Alexx and a groan from Zed.

Yang decided to learn both Skills, naming the armor one [TOGGLE ARMOR] and the weapon one [TOGGLE WEAPON] partially as a joke. Although she seemed to be the only one who found it funny.

"Why?" Zed asked, rubbing his temples to ease his frustration. "It's so dumb."

"I'm kind of with Zed on this one. Why not something like Auto Equip?"

"These Skills are practically basic game features," Yang said. "If this game is going to make us pay for this shit I'm going to mock it every chance I get. Besides, this game gave us the ability to name Skills; why not make a few of them funny?"

"But it's not funny!" Zed shouted, causing the other two to jolt in surprise. "....Sorry, but it really isn't."

"Are you dissing my sense of humor?" Yang stared at Zed, seemingly daring him to answer the question.

Zed squinted at her, feeling a challenge in her question. "....Yes."

Yang sighed defeatedly. "Then you leave me no choice."

"What are you talking about?" Zed asked, concerned.

A sly grin spread across Yang's face. "From now on, every Skill I name will be a joke or a pun."

Alexx and Zed's eyes widened in shock and horror respectively.

"You're lying."

"Just imagine, every Tank in the future would be kitted out with nothing but gags, references, and deliberately shitty names."

"You wouldn't."

"Totally would."

"That is evil," Alexx said, smiling at Zed's reaction.

"Please," Zed clasped his hands, his voice on the verge of begging. "Please have some dignity."

Yang used her new Skill to unequip her armor and began walking east, feeling better than she had all week.

"Not a chance in hell."

~~~~~

Yang, Alexx, and Zed sat around the campfire, stuffing their faces after a long day of travel.

"This meat tastes like shit," Yang grumbled, her mouth full of half-charred Moss Wolf flesh.

"It's alright," Alexx said, "Loran's cooking was worse."

"It couldn't be that bad."

"No, it was that bad," Zed confirmed. "It wasn't inedible or anything, but it almost was."

"He also tried cooking Iron Ant. I don't think any of us could cook that right."

They all hummed in agreement as they continued eating. The Moss Wolf meat had a robust flavor that was very off-putting to the three of them, made worse by the charring. This was the first time the three of them were experiencing unseasoned wolf meat, and the gameness was almost too much for them.

It had been four days since they had left the village, and they have gone much farther than even the expedition had taken them. Not wanting to provoke the Iron Ants too much, they were currently moving along the edge of the ant's territory, wondering just how far that territory spread.

They maintained their distance from the swarms of Drones as they continued their way north, finding themselves pushed ever closer to the eastern mountains as they went. Herds of Mountain Goats were becoming more common, making their way north or south and leaving trails in the grass. There were more young goats as well, with some so small that they didn't reach Yang's shoulders.

"It's a little hard to believe how far out we are," Alexx said, looking out into ant territory.

Their current camp was on a large hill overlooking the Ants from nearly three hundred feet away. Even after having lit the fire almost an hour ago not one ant had tried to approach them, so it was presumably safe. At this distance, the movements of the giant insects were almost imperceptible, but every so often a large group would come through, looking like a blurry, black dot moving across the green grass.

Zed glanced over to the nearby mountain range. With every step closer the enormous peaks became more and more imposing. The ground was slanting higher and higher, so much so that the hill they were on almost felt like a ridge as it seemed to flatten instead of descending on the east side, and they could now see the ground turn into steep cliffs farther on. They had slowly ascended a few hundred feet without realizing it over the last few days, but now the incline of the mountains was becoming more pronounced.

Noticing that both Alexx and Zed were looking away, Yang sneakily reached into her inventory, pulling out a small bowl filled with hot stew.

But she was a Tank, and not nearly sneaky enough.

"Yang, put it away," Zed said without looking at her.

"Oh come on!" she shouted, shoving the bowl back into her inventory.

Alexx shrugged. "This was your idea."

"And I'm hating everything for it."

After having defeated the pack of wolves several days ago, their inventories became loaded with thirteen carcasses worth of meat, kept perfectly preserved and ready to cook. Knowing that none of them were as good at cooking as the Kitchen players, Yang suggested that they start rationing the remaining stew while using the fresh meat for the rest of their meals. She thought that it would be better to have some good-tasting food on hand to avoid spending too long with nothing but their poor cooking; instead, it became a constant temptation.

"If you don't like your own cooking why did you want to make dinner?"

"Because I thought I could do better than this! And sorry, but I don't really expect either of you to be able to cook either."

Alexx didn't argue. He didn't know if he was a bad cook or not, but he knew he had never made anything more complex than a bowl of cereal, so cooking with an open fire seemed like a poor idea.

"Actually, I'm not that bad," Zed said, drawing skeptical stares from the other two.

"Really? The murder machine knows how to cook?"

"I spend a lot of time solo hunting, and sometimes I would spend a day or two out on my own."

"And it wasn't just charred bullshit?"

Zed shrugged. "It's not great, but why not let me cook tomorrow?"

"I think I'd sooner eat this shit ra-" Yang stopped suddenly, getting a curious look on her face. Reaching into her inventory, she pulled out a strip of raw wolf meat that had been leftover. She squinted at it. "Hey guys, what's stopping me from eating this raw?"

"You mean aside from making you sick?" Alexx said, stating what seemed obvious.

"Yeah. Because the game confirmed that can't happen during the version update."

Alexx opened his mouth to speak but realized that she was right. Viruses, bacteria, and other forms of pestilence were things the game would need to add in. The strip of meat in Yang's hand was 100% free of anything that could make her sick.

"What about spoiled food?" Alexx eventually asked. "I know the Kitchen gets rid of food that sits for too long."

"Yeah, but that's because the game artificially makes the food taste bad over time," Zed said. "It's still good to eat, it just tastes rotten."

"How did you know that?"

Zed shrugged. "I think some of the Kitchen players were testing out how long food lasted."

"So what I'm hearing is that there is nothing wrong with this?"

"It's pretty gross."

"I mean it's basically just wolf sushi right?" Alexx asked.

"The word you're looking for is sashimi," Yang corrected, "and beef sashimi is a thing in reality."

"It is?" Alexx and Zed asked simultaneously.

"Yeah." Yang stared at the meat in her hand for a few more seconds before taking a bite. Her face scrunched up slightly, but she didn't stop chewing.

"How is it?"

"The texture is awful, but the taste is better than me trying to cook it."

The same gameness from before was present, but slightly more subdued since it hadn't been stimulated by the cooking process. There was also the taste of blood, which didn't taste particularly good when combined with the wolf's natural flavor, but for Yang it was tolerable. The chewiness of the raw meat was the biggest issue, but Yang could tell that was because she was eating a randomly cut piece of meat. In real life, sashimi was always cut in thin slices, and she knew it was to avoid this exact problem.

"That is so gross," Zed said, visibly uncomfortable.

"No, I'm with Yang on this one." Alexx had taken a piece of meat from his own inventory and was now chewing on it. "The texture sucks but it tastes okay. Not good, but I can eat it."

"Pass me the cutting board, I want to try something."

Zed raised his hands in surrender. "Both of you are gross. I'm going to sleep." Lying back, Zed closed his eyes and tried to ignore his teammates as they continued their dinner.