Chapter 22

Everything is black, it's dark. There's no light here at all. I'm in a void of nothing. But the strangest thing is I've been in something like this before. I've spent years, decades, eons here.

"Fan-fucking-tastic I'm back here again. I really didn't miss this place." I grumble to myself. "Fuck me! If I'm here does that mean I died again?"

The void doesn't answer me.

"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!" I roar into the abyss.

"What the hell I died to a seal? A seal from Tsunade of all people? What kind of an idiot seals something alive in a seal! Everyone knows that doing that kills people! I didn't even go out in a blaze of glory! I didn't die to a foe of unimaginable power, I didn't even die to Orochimaru. Hell I didn't even make it to Shippuden! And why the hell do I feel tingly all over? That is wrong on so many levels."

~Host?~

"Shut up Jiongu I'm ranting to myself." I bark out. "A SEAL! How sad is that? I'd rather have been burned to death, at least it'd be memorable. Besides, me going out by fire? Talk about karmic justice."

"Fuck, who is going to look out for Sasuke now? I changed too much, Naruto isn't going to do anything for him and Sakura is... here somewhere. I wonder if I'll ever meet her in this abyss? Then I can apologize for not being able to save her."

"Oh Kami what if Orochimaru decides to use me for an Edo Tensi? That would be crazy. Wait, I could work with that! Madara regained control of his body by knowing what hand seals to make! Crap, that idea's out. I don't know how to do the Edo Tensi."

Silence.

"Hold up. Jiongu?" No. No fucking way.

~Yes Host?~

"Jiongu!" My voice is laced with pure elation. "Oh man, I am so glad you're here! I have company this time, I'm not alone! We've got to figure out a way to get back. If you steal a heart while I'm an Edo Tensi zombie -feel free to shuffle through my memories to figure out what that is- will we come back from the dead? I'm grasping at straws here. Sure I've sorta cheated death once but I have no idea how to do it again."

~Host, we're not dead.~

"... Sorry what?" Even I know that you don't seal something alive.

It's been theorized as to the actual cause of death, my two favorites are oxygen deprivation or the human body is just too weak to take the sustained exposure to pocket dimensions. No one has really figured out exactly what happens to cause the death since no one has ever made it back out alive. Even Minato and Tobirama cheated with their Hirashin, they were nearly simultaneously put into and taken out of their seal's pocket dimension. Their exposure time was milliseconds, probably even less. In fact that's how Minato got his title as The Yellow Flash. For that brief moment in time his opponents could see into his pocket dimension which for some ungodly reason is bright yellow.

~We're not dead.~

"FUCK YEAH I'M ALIVE BITHCES!" Talk about a close call. "Wait, how am I alive? I should be dead."

~We would be if it weren't for me. I've formed a protective cocoon around each heart to keep them safe from this void and I'm using heat by friction to keep our skin from freezing.~

"Ah, so the tingly sensation is coming from you? Gotcha, I thought I was losing my mind there."

~You and me both.~

"Cut the sass." That's new, the Jiongu is developing a personality. Good for it! "How am I able to breath then? I do need to breath right?"

~Not necessarily. Because I devoured your lungs I learned how to absorb oxygen and release carbon dioxide. Therefore, by reverse engineering, I learned how to do the opposite: absorb carbon dioxide and release oxygen. I am also capable of circulating said oxygen around our body for us since we need it to keep our skin and hearts alive. That's why I got rid of our blood. It is inferior.~

"Wow, this is the most broken thing I've ever heard. When did you figure out I don't have to breath?"

~When we got here. Something had to be done to keep us alive.~

"Jiongu, you're awesome. I want you to know that." I never have to be worried about being strangled to death or drowning. That's a relief.

~Thank you host.~

"So... how long do you think it'll be until someone releases us?"

~How should I know? Does time flow consistently through multiple dimensions?~

"... I take it back you suck. I never would have thought of that."

~I got that from your memories, so you did think of it.~

"Okay so maybe I have thought of it bef-"

POOF

"TSUANDE IS GOING AFTER OROCHIMARU!" I roar the second I'm outside of the seal.

Hell yeah, time is inconsistent through dimensions! I got out super early. I should have been in there for hours if time flowed consistently and I was released right before everyone goes after Tsunade.

"How marvelous! I'm so glad my seal worked, I wasn't sure if you would survive. That makes three experiments you've passed. That has to be a record. My child, you're becoming quite the specimen." I never wanted to hear that voice again.

I quickly take in my surroundings. I'm outside of town in a clearing somewhere. There's one tall blonde woman and a lean pale black haired man who has seen much better days.

"What the fuck Tsunade? You brought me to Orochimaru?" So much for time being inconsistent. I was released before I expected if the still dark sky is anything to go by.

"Ignore his swearing." Orochimaru says from his relaxed position. "When he gets emotional his verbal filter disappears. I find it rather amusing."

She rolls her eyes in irritation. "It was part of the deal Alvarcus. I bring you to him for a nice chat and then I heal his arms and he'll bring my loved ones back. Sorry squirt, you've got spunk but they mean more to me than you."

"Are you a fucking moron?" I yell at her face. "The dead don't come back!"

"Isn't that hypocritical?" Orochimaru asks in curiosity. "You're living proof that the dead do come back."

"Fuck you, you know that was a fluke." I snarl at the insane bastard.

"Are you sure? I believe I can re-create the process." He turns to Tsunade. "Here's my proof, Alvarcus Mar has come back from the dead. I raised him and I can do it for your loved ones once my arms are healed."

"You sick bastard don't you dare!" I roar at the lunatic. "You know exactly what you did! You eradicated the soul of a barely formed fetus just to see if you could and I happened to get sucked up into the space left behind! I will kill you before I let that happen to someone else! You don't even know if you can choose who goes in! I was picked at random!"

Tsunade's face is deathly pale. "Is that true?"

"Yes, it is. That's how I brought Alvarcus back on accident. I've refined my technique since then, it was thirteen years ago."

"You haven't done shit with it sense then, don't lie to her." Malice is laced into my tone. "Despite all of your Edo Tensi research you considered me a failure until we met in the Chunin Exams. You haven't done any research to see if you can or can't do it again. You haven't had the time."

Tsunade is still deathly pale. "No. Not that. Alvarcus you've died before?"

"Why the fuck is that what you care about?!" What is wrong with her? "He's talking about sacrificing unborn children to maybe bring back someone who maybe will be one of your loved ones!"

"You didn't answer my question." Tsunade barely whispers out.

"And I'm not going to!"

"This is not how I imagined our conversation would go Alvarcus." Orochimaru casually cuts in. "I wanted to see if you've thought about my offer at all, but it is obvious you're not ready to accept it. Oh well, I at least got something out of this. I know my stasis seal works."

"No shit I'm not going with you." I venomously spit out. With his arms out of commission the odds of me being brutally murdered are drastically lowered. "And just as an added fuck you, your seal didn't work. If I didn't have your other 'gift' I would have died."

"Pity. I thought I finally had a way to transport live specimens without all the screaming. It's a tedious process the whole thing."

"Tsunade let's kill him." I draw a kunai in my right hand and slide into a battle stance. Honestly I should have attacked the moment I was out of the seal and knew he was before me. I've lost the only chance for surprise I had. "He's injured. He can't use jutsu. He's alone. We can take him."

Tsunade doesn't respond.

"Tsunade? Are we going to kill this asshole or not? Cuz if I have to I'll go through you too." I know exactly how I'll do it and everything. She won't be able to stop me.

"Tsunade, darling teammate, could you put him back in the seal for me?" Orochimaru says unconcerned.

"Pfft like Tsunade is going to take your side in all of thi-"

SMACK

CRACK

THUD

"Ow." That really hurt. What the hell was that? "Tsunade what the fuck? Did you just backhanded me through a tree and into a boulder?" I peel myself off of said boulder. There's a body sized indent in it. That was one hell of a hit.

"You can still move?" She casually asks while she is walking towards me. "Consider me impressed. Grown men have died to lighter blows than that."

"So we're not teaming up to kill Orochimaru." Wonderful. I don't know if I can do it alone. Well, now is my best shot at it. He's limited and I'm not. I just have to go through Tsunade first. "Never thought I'd fight two Sannin back to back ever."

"You want to fight me still?" Tsunade rolls up her sleeves. "You've got spirit. Konoha must be very glad you're one of her shinobi, you bring her honor."

"Yeah and you bring her disappointment." I sneer at her. "Beside, I'm not going to fight you. I'm going to win." I rake my kunai across my left hand. "You have a terrible case of hemophobia! You become paralyzed when you see blood!"

Tsunade freezes. Her eyes go wide and she recoils back half a step. Then she does something she shouldn't be able to do. She relaxes her whole body.

"Well you're not wrong about that." She resumes walking towards me. "Good try, better luck next time."

What the fuck? She should be riveted to the spot in fear!

~Host, we just talked about this. We don't have any blood.~

"Fuck me sideways." I really fucked that up. There's no way I can beat a Sannin without a serious handicap like the one Orochimaru has. I only have one more shot at this. "Jiongu hurry up and make me some blood!"

~Working on it!~

Tsunade lunges forward in a crazy burst of speed and stops right before me. "Not going to happen squirt." She reaches out and grasps my neck. She lifts me off my feet and pulls me close to her face.

This could be my chance! I really hate myself for doing this, I can't believe I'm about to say this. "Jiongu push whatever blood you made out of my eyes!"

~I'll try! It might not make it in time!~

"Oh hell no!" Tsunade slams her free hand into my chest and I hear paper crinkle.

It didn't make it. I failed again.

She leans down next to my ear and whispers, "Don't hate me Alvarcus. Please. It's an act. It's all an act. I will kill Orochimaru but I have to earn his trust first. This is how I will. I'm so sorry."

I'm sucked back into the seal.

"Well done Tsunade!" Orochimaru happily calls out from his spectators spot. "Now shall we heal my arms?"

Tsunade straightens up. "We can't yet. We have to wait until noon tomorrow."

"Why?" Orochimaru says in pure fury.

"You're arms weren't just hurt, they were damaged on a cellular level by The Shinigami, The God of Death. If you want them back we need to heal them when Life's power is at it's peak, when the sun is highest in the sky. Hence noon tomorrow."

"So be it. We will wait." Orochimaru moves over to the tree Alvarcus was thrown through and sits down on its fallen trunk. "The seal. I want it back."

Tsunade tenses. "You don't care about the seal. You want what's in it, who is in it. You want Alvarcus."

"Yes. Once he sees what I am truly offering him in person he will be mine. And why wouldn't he? I'm offering him everything." Orochimaru gazes off into the distance with a smile on his face. "He's exactly how I imagined my child would be. Creative, cunning, versatile, resourceful, manipulative, insightful, yet not afraid to speak his mind to me. I simply must have him!"

"We'll see." Tsunade growls out. "After my loved ones are back."

Orochimaru narrows his eyes. "Agreed."

Unbeknownst to Orochimaru, a slug wriggles away with a suspicious piece of paper stuck on it's back.

It's eerily quiet in the seal. Not a noise is being made. Nothing is going on to break up the endless black abyss.

~Host?~

"Yes?"

~You're not screaming.~

"No. No I am not."

~You should be. I can feel your rage. Your anger. You feel betrayed by her.~

"I don't feel betrayed by her, I was betrayed by her." I hiss out through clenched teeth. "But I know where she's coming from. I hate myself for saying this, but I understand why she is doing what she is."

~You should have used me. We could have stalled for more time until the blood was ready. We could have won. Why didn't you?~

"I saw her eyes." I say in a soft voice. "They were so full of pain and sorrow. You don't understand what Orochimaru offered her. It was something she knew she could never have again. He spit and pissed on something sacred to her, something she remembers every day of her life. Her precious people. He belittled them, said he could bring them back. He used them as a bargaining chip."

"She's the world's best medic nin, of all the people in the world she is the one most familiar with Death. She's rescued hundreds, thousands, from his clutches. But how many more has she lost to him? How many patients has she been trying to save when Death comes and takes them? How many times has she tried to help someone cheat Death and lost? It's uncountable."

"She knows that there is no way back from Death. I can promise you she's already tried everything she could think of to get her precious people back. I bet she's lost countless nights sleep trying to think of crazier and crazier ideas."

"It's human nature to want what you don't have. Sometimes you walk past a nice house and you say to yourself I want that. Sometimes you see someone who is an absolute monster on the battlefield and you say I want to be S-rank. Sometimes you see a mom and a dad happily eating ice cream with their child. I want that."

"So I know where she's coming from. Orochimaru did something he should never have, he promised her something she knows he can't deliver. And she's going to kill him. That's the price for his mistake. I only wish I could watch it. Of course that's assuming she actually can kill him."

~You humans are so strange.~

"Yeah, we really are."

Poof

Instantly I take in my surroundings. I will not miss another chance for a surprise attack on Orochimaru. Tsunade, Shizune, Naruto and Jiraya are all in the hotel room looking like they just went through hell.

When did I make it back to the hotel? "Oh. Did I miss the fight?"

"Yep! It was awesome!" Naruto cheerily informs me. "I totally see why you don't like snake face. Creepy as fuck."

"Naruto! Language!" Shizune disciplines him.

"YOU LEFT ME IN THE DAMN SCROLL THE ENTIRE TIME?" What the hell people! "You do realize how dangerous I can be right? I could have helped!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't know how you'd react after... yeah. Figured it was for the best to have you out of the fight." Tsunade nervously says from a corner of the room. She's put as much distance between us as possible. Smart call. That doesn't mean I'm not going to hit her.

I boldly stride across the room and stand right in front of her. I'm definitely in her personal space. "Did you kill him?"

"No."

I reel back and punch her as hard as I can in her stomach. My forearm breaks, it looks like I have a new joint with the angle it's bent at. I've punched rocks less hard than her. "Don't you ever do something like that again! Next time I ask you to help me kill him you better help me kill him! You're lucky I know why you wanted to do it yourself otherwise I would hate you forever. Instead I'm just unbelievably pissed off he's still alive!"

She winces. "I could fix your arm for you? Would that help get me back into your good graces?"

"No. I can do that myself." The Jiongu straightens out my arm for me. About damn time. It could have done that the moment after it broke. "If you want to get in my good graces, then haul ass to Konoha and heal my team. We'll be even then and we can go back to how we were before. Unless you decide to go on another trip that takes up decades of time."

Tsunade smirks at me, "You're looking at the fifth Hokage squirt. I'll be in Konoha for a long time."

"Oh thank Kami!" Everyone stares at me. I can't blame them, I did just flip from pissed off to relieved in an instant. "If you declined either Jiraya or Kakashi would be the next Hokage. Could you imagine that? The kunoichi would be forced to wear a racy uniform or the Hokage would never show up to anything on time. Really, it is for the best you accepted."

"Can we go back now?" Naruto asks. "We could already be on the way, but we had to get Alvarcus. I can't believe I'm the only one who remembered he came with us."

"YOU ALMOST LEFT ME IN THAT SCROLL FOREVER? WHAT THE HELL PEOPLE!"

We made it back to Konoha without any issues. If you don't count me complaining about almost being abandoned forever as an issue.

"Alright old lady let's go heal my team. You did promise." I will not wait any longer.

"Fine, fine. Then leave me alone. I've had enough of you!" Tsunade and I head to the hospital.

"Please, I'm a dream compared to Naruto. He can ramble on about anything all day long."

We go to Sasuke first. Tsunade simply walks up to him, lays a hand on his head and says, "Done." Then walks out of the room. How underwhelming. "I'll be outside. We'll go get your sensei next."

Sasuke stirs on the bed. He cracks open his eyes. "Alvarcus?"

"Hey Sasuke. Welcome back to the real world." I smile down at him.

"I'm back?" He asks me.

"Yep. You're back. You've been asleep for a little under a month now. We're in Konoha's hospital."

Sasuke sits up. "How did you wake me up? That technique broke my mind."

"Nothing major." I smirk at him. "I only got the best medic nin in the world to come wake your lazy ass up for me."

"You're damn right I'm the best!" Tsunade calls in from outside the room.

"Oi! I thought you left to give us privacy!" I call back.

"No, I just didn't want to watch your sappy reunion moment." Wow, thanks Tsunade.

I sigh, "We're waking up Kakashi next. Want to come with?"

"Kakashi got hit too?" So Sasuke didn't know. Good, I thought he just didn't tell me when we left the village.

"Yeah, come on. We'll go wake him up."

Sasuke and I exit the room and meet up with Tsunade.

"Come on, I don't have all day."

We go down the hallway and stop in Kakashi's room. She walks up to him and lays her hand on his head.

"Done. I'm leaving. I've got more important things to do than listen to this. Like figure out how to run a village. Why did I agree to this?"

Kakashi stirs in his bed. His one eye flies open and takes in his surroundings.

"Kakashi-sensei, you're late. A whole month late. This must be a record." I tell him.

He chuckles, "Well you see there was this big bad pair of missing nin."

I laugh at him. "The sad thing is, in any other situation I could see you using that excuse."

"So you fought Itachi too." Sasuke says.

Kakashi tenses. "Too? You didn't. You confronted him didn't you?"

"He did." I throw Sasuke to the wolves. "I just tagged along."

"Please! Alvarcus took on the other one. You're just as guilty as I am!" Dammit Sasuke!

"You both took on Itachi and Kisame and lived?" Kakashi asks in disbelief. "I must be one hell of a teacher."

"Oh no, don't misunderstand. We got destroyed." I inform Kakashi. "Heck Sasuke here got hit with the same thing you did, and I got my head cut off and lost a heart."

Kakashi and Sasuke look at me in surprise. "You lost a heart?" Sasuke asks for clarification.

"Yeah. It's okay I have spares." I toss his joke back at him. He cracks a grin.

"Well I am glad you both are okay. Never do that again. That was reckless and poorly planned!" Kakashi reprimands us. "How did I get woken up anyways?"

"Nothing major." Sasuke says, "Alvarcus just tracked down Tsunade and convinced her to come heal us both."

"Really?"

"Yeah." I add on. "In fact, she's the next Hokage. Sorry Kakashi I guess you'll have to be the next one."

"Oh thank Kami. I was not looking forward to that." Sasuke and I laugh at Kakashi's reaction.

"Well up and at them you lazy jerks! Konoha has to stay strong, we need to start taking missions like crazy. You've had your rest."