Chapter 25: Seon-Ho

When I heard she was ill it pained me more than I could imagine, even if it was only a simple fever. But I couldn't do much with my father home. Her absence in my room had suffocated me even if we were only a few steps apart. I couldn't do anything in his presence and I didn't dare in case it did her more harm than good; knowing my father, anything I cherished he destroyed 'in order for me to grow stronger'. I couldn't even trust the servants to bring her foods or to change her wet cloth as my father wouldn't allow a doctor to be called upon unless she was in a dire situation, only to motivate her brother for his own dirty deeds of course.

In her presence I was calm, without her I was growing even more short-tempered than I was to begin with. My days had gone back to its demeaning routine of being humiliated and degraded by people in my home, my work and even on the street....but for the first time I began to fight back as finally had something to fight for...something precious and delicate waiting for me at home that could wash away all of my hardships, my tears and my labels with a simple look and a smile. I was a normal man made of flesh and blood to her and that was all I wanted to be...a man she would forever rely on and look up to....my god if only I could keep her at my side for the rest of my life...I could even go as far as to give up my plots and schemes to reunite with her brother and the 3 of us go someplace far away where people could simply live as people in peace...if such a place existed.

I was still gong out of my mind as I had not been able to see her yet even once...my god I didn't think it was possible to miss someone who was within my reach so much...my mind kept wondering back to when I used to watch her when I could; when she was working, when she was sleeping...when she bathed...when she dressed and undressed...I was so restless that I could no longer fight temptation and I snuck out of my room just in time for her guards to fall asleep. I made my way inside quietly as I saw her in her nightgown. It just wasn't fair...she wasn't still supposed to be this pretty even when she was sickly without makeup. I couldn't help but swallow as I took couple of steps towards her and placed my hand on her forehead to see how she was...and it was not what I was expecting to say the least...but at that particular moment a windy breeze blew through the window that I had forgotten to shut, opening up her dress a little...but it was enough. Enough to enact my desirable curiosity as I was no longer in control my actions; for the first time in my entire life I put my mind aside as my body seemed to be acting without instruction...and before I knew it I found myself untying her dress slowly. I had never been so...excited and exhilarated all at once as I saw nothing but pure, soft, untouched fair skin. I felt myself almost double over with desires so deep I did not know how to compose myself.

I tried...I really tried with all my might to walk away and give her the respect she deserved which was a lot more than most of the false noble people deserved...but yet again her scent distracted me completely...but I had this sweet angelic girl who must secretly desire me deep down just as much as I desired her, she had to! I thought back to all the times she would watch me quietly with that longing look in her eyes, I couldn't help but chuckle a little darkly to myself. Forget social etiquette and respect, she wanted me and I knew it...I felt it...looking at her now the little girl I grew up with was so damned sensual in everything she did since she started keeping me company...I knew she was putting on more perfume the usual! And she wore slightly heavier makeup...her dress was always swaying in the right angles when she would pace back and forth in my room and her touch...I felt my eyes light up in desire as I began to trace her facial features...then her neck...before I started kissing her again in her sleep, eager to taste her again just a much as I was desperate to feel her touch again...my god I was desperate to immerse myself in her. I had begun to spend my free time thunking of ways to get her the hell out of this god forsaken place but it wasn't simple; I then had to get her brother far away from my father as possible and reunite them before I got them the hell out of there. I closed my eyes, fear and guilt taking over me once again like a bad nightmare at the thought of telling her the truth...I could already imagine the look on her face as I told her, thinking the worst of me...I suddenly felt as if all the oxygen had left my room as I was struggling to breathe...I felt my body convulse as I prepared myself for the names she would call me... 'sadist', 'monster','vile bastard' came to mind as I felt my guilt once again claw its way up from my belly like poison that I needed to dispose of...oh god I couldn't breathe...until I saw her ring that I had collected from underneath my pillow stick out that she still hadn't said anything about and I clutched onto it like a lifeline until I felt myself returning to my senses...

I found myself in an uncontrollable state as I wanted to do more...until that same damned servant came out from nowhere and dared to make the same mistake as last time and just barged in without notice. What the hell was she even doing here in the first place! She looked just as surprised to see me as I was to see her carrying a tray of water to Yeon in the dead of night. In fact...the moment she laid her beady little eyes on me I couldn't help but notice her hands began to shake rather uncontrollably....even more so when I started to approach her, she almost dropped the damned thing, potentially waking up the guards and my father! I couldn't let this happen...I couldn't let that monster see me in this state, desiring the only human who truly loved me unconditionally...he would take her from me otherwise, just as he had taken her brother for me. I started to panic as I started ranting at her as quietly as I could before I dismissed her, promising that I would deal with her in the morning before I turned around to put my lips on hers again desperate for one last taste before I retreated back to my room...only to have her open her eyes and look me dead in the face as soon as I did...