Chapter 140: Seon-Ho

I still hadn't seen Kang Nam-Kyu or her brother since that incident a month ago, although I had another surprise that I didn't like it store for me. It turns out that when Yeon was going through her bad phase in the palace it was Chun-Ae that was beginning to take credit for her work, so much so that she had begun to rise through the ranks...until she was apparently noticed by the Queen herself. And apparently she was deemed to be good enough to be the substitute wife that her cousin was supposed to be. Of course the King catered to the Queen despite almost being usurped by her. I had no idea what the King was thinking but I guess he wanted to remind me of my father's mistakes as he had slowly began to rely on me more and more...so he was setting his standards for me I guess. I don't know why but I hid it from Yeon that the paperwork and the compatibility tests were all completed but I refused to see her with any intentions of a betrothal. We were both orphans anyways so I should have gone to the Queen herself as her representative but I was trying to come up with ways to get out of it that I actually missed the intended date and spend my time with Hwi instead to take my mind off of things. He always knew what to do when I was overwhelmed but instead of revising the painful past we decided to work on the future as I decided to spend more time on helping him develop his father's village that I one day hoped to settle in myself with Yeon. We all started spending as much time here as we could before I started looking into opening a school to teach children...as well as the children Yeon would give me.

I had developed a good relationship with most of the children in the village who wouldn't stop staring at my size and always tried to play with me in groups. I had to admit...when I was away from the palace I was a completely different person...like the person I used to be around the Seo's in our childhood. I was a person who had no stress form work, the palace or crazy women following me around. And I could finally be around my best friend the way we used to be; in the palace or around it we were still seen as enemies and frankly we were sick of it. We didn't say it but we missed being the children we used to be. but...I couldn't focus on the school personally yet. I had to find someone in the village to run things for me if I wanted to send the funds. Hwi promised to help me out. We stayed for as long as we could but we had to return home sooner or later for work where I had a pile of personal invitations waiting for me from my new fiancé who I hadn't seen since carted her off to Ihwaru months ago. But the situation was getting unbearable; I had the second highest status in the Palace apart from the King himself so this match was thought out. And she finally had a high enough status...only because they were a distant relative of the Queen. So they thought they could be smart and send out warning signs to me by sending me expense gifts, putting in good words for me with other officials I had to work with...doing all of the things that only a wife with a noble status could do for me. They had obviously heard about my second marriage and they were not happy about it at all. But no matter what they did they could never tear us apart. Even if I had to give everything up for Yeonnie I would in a second.

As we all made our way back home and kept everyone entertained enough I couldn't help but feel something dark...it made me worried and anxious. Although Yeonnie had run away from me in the past she had done everything she could do show me how much she loves me. She was my light, my saviour and my person. But so many things had happened already just as she began doing absurd thing just to protect me...what if she also had no choice but to leave me to protect me? What if she found me different after marriage because of my own stupid plans? We both wanted children, but what if I couldn't have time for them? Everyday I spent in the palace suffocated me but only myself and her brother could bring about our revenge so we could all live in peace afterwards. I was tied to these obligations but Yeonnie was a free spirit, a woman ahead of her time. I really didn't know what she saw me in me...what if I can't be what she wants me to be? I could suddenly hear my father's daily insults hurled at me in my mind...I was worthless, good for nothing and I shouldn't have been born. I suddenly felt like I was suffocating and I had the urge to run outside and throw myself into the river...why on earth should I tie my love down with an incompetent lowlife like me? I tried to leave as soon as everyone had found their beds and started resting but Yeon came out of nowhere and grabbed me before pulling me in for one of her deep reassuring kisses that just washed away my fears every single time. She then got me ready for bed...we tried to sleep separately for once out of respect for her brother but I couldn't stay away from her. We had our servants take care of our errands for the wedding so we had nothing left to take care of. I slipped into her room long after dark still in a weird mood...something dark was residing in me and I had to get it out of me, I couldn't carry it out for long. It was blurring my perspective and reasoning and only Yeonnie could help me.

She looked at me the minute I entered her room like she was expecting me. She was wearing something sheer as she pulled her blanket off of her and pulled me into her arms without saying a word. "I saw your face tonight, I saw how bad you looked. Your father is already dead, what more can I do to pull the ugly nature out of you for good?" She took me my face into her hands and just looked at me full of worry and sadness. I wasn't used to seeing her like this; although she still had me in her eyes only. She kissed every part of my face and put herself in my lap before knocking me over. She clung onto me and chanted the reasons why she loved me over and over again until I could no longer hear my father's voice anymore and I fell asleep, holding onto her as tightly as I could.