Bruised Heart

I took off my tank top and turned around to look at my back in my mirror. I could see my lower back starting to turn red and bruise. I sighed while walking into my closet to grab my first aid kit on the top shelf to hide it from the sight of anyone. I bring the kit to my bed and open it and grab some healing ointment and bandages.

I walk back to the mirror with the ointment in my hands and turn around and I can already see that the bruise is getting worse and is spreading. I apply the ointment on my lower back and it smells like mint and lemons but stings when it touches skin. After I apply it to my skin I go back to the first aid kit and grab the bandages. I unravel them and wrap them around my waist so that the ointment won't rub off if anythings rubs against my back. I make sure the bandages stay in place and just look at myself in the mirror.

"He sure did a number on me"

I hear a knock on my door, "come in."

My mom walks in and closes the door behind her.

"He says you're not manly enough but you sure look manly to me, you have muscle and you can potentially kill someone with just your fists if you wanted to. Why did you have to upset him?"

"I'm sorry if I'm not the perfect child you wanted. I'm sorry I'm no jock or manly enough. And if you think that's what makes a "man" then I'm sorry but you have bad taste in men. A man should be kind, strong-willed, and a gentleman. A man is not someone abusive or two-faced." I sat down on my bed so I can calm myself down.

"You are perfect and sweet, you always cared about others, you have a kind heart. That's just not usually seen to be manly."

"Kind heart? Well, guess what if I keep on getting abused like this because I don't meet his expectations then I might just end up being like him. I don't want to be like him! He is a cruel man who expects everything to be perfect, but it's not. And if he thinks I'm a pussy for getting good grades and not playing sports because I care about my fuckin education then throwing a stupid ball around with a bunch of assholes THAN I'M THE BIGGEST PUSSY THERE IS! We know what it's like to starve and have no one care for us, so we relied on each other to make up for it. If he makes you happy then I'll take the pain of obeying him and take up the abuse head-on. It's the least I can do..."

I can feel tears starting to form in my eyes but held them back. My mom just kissed me and left. I just want to finish this year with A's and then next year I'll join a sport and maybe he will get off my ass.

I lay down on my bed and just lose myself in thought.