Ch. 38 - Misaki : Guess who's back?

Ever since that day, I tried to work twice as hard to earn as much as I can. I tried cutting down on unnecessary things and become very cautious of what I eat. The money Misaki's parents sends her sometimes wasn't enough to go by the end of the month as she doesn't exactly know how to budget in her money. So after we talk about it, we agreed to share our money together. Whenever I finish working I would go to her house and I would do the cooking, I would buy some groceries and cook it at her place. Since I don't have access to the same kitchen utensils as she does, so we always share a meal and it was a good way to save money and to spend time together.

She loves my cooking, and the appreciation in her eyes and seeing how happy she gets having a proper meal is worth all the exhaustion it causes me. I begun to become ignorant about ny health and on several occasions would push myself to the limit. Until one day I just collapsed on the floor. Apparently my landlady found me when Misaki tried to visit me as I didn't get to reply to her text, she was worried and was feeling uneasy. The sight of me unconscious on the floor confirms her fears.

I woke up to the sound of my loud stomps, I open my eyes barely seeing anything apart from the outlines of whatever objects are inside my dimly lighted room. Waking up, my vision is blurry and my head is dizzy. Nevertheless I force myself to get up and get ready for work, I can barely open one eye and I couldn't move steadily as I am trying my best trying not to fall asleep. But as I try, I notice that something is attach to my arm, I look around and realize that im not in my room. I found myself in an unfamiliar place and I was wearing a hospital robe. Not knowing how I got here causes me to panic, I look around and try to remember the last time I was aware of what I was doing. But it made my head hurt a little, I feel dizzy and hot inside. I was sweating but I feel cold at the same time, I warped myself in a blanket and try to ease the pain.

"Finally your awake!"

Hearing that sweet and angelic voice lightens up my mood. I turn over and Misaki is sitting in a chair beside me.

"How are you feeling alright now?"

She asked me in an agitated and anxious voice.

"I feel...tired and weak."

I replied.

She just scoffs and crossed her arms while giving me an intense stare with a look of disappointment in her face.

"What did you do to get sick this bad?"

She asked.

"What do you mean? I just collapsed due to over fatigue thats all!"

She look at me menacingly and with spite.

"You've been laying in the hospital bed for 3 days!"

She shouted at me, I was in disbelief and shock hearing her sound so angry.

"Do you have any idea how worried I was? Or how much I wasn't able to focus on my studies or sleep comfortably while not knowing when you'll woke up?!"

Her tone was in so much stress and her eyes were already tearing up. She continued to lecture me and express the amount of dismay sadness and sorrow.

I feel guilty about this, I caused her more trouble than how I think I worth.

"I...im sorry, Misaki im sorry...for having you worried and for the disturbances..."

She facepalms in frustration.

"You...I know you for many things but stupidity is not one of them."

I remain silence, I kinda want to make an excuse for myself as I feel the need to defend my pride. But chose not to, she sounds angry but she is just worried. I dont want to use this side of her just because I wanna look almighty. I started to be more apologetic about what happened, I tried sugarcoating my words but she just looks at me blankly.

"Akagi...times are hard right now, you should take better care of yourself because the consequences are high."

She leans closer to me and holds my hand.

"...I know you are working hard to achieve your dream of having a better life, you're very diligent and industrious. But you worry too much about things, you keep taking all the burden all by yourself and you never relax or take a break. And I know that you really want to succeed because of me, you always downgrade yourself, believing you will never be enough and so you keep pushing yourself over the limits. Akagi...I feel touch and guilty at the same time, you've already done more than enough to help me. You've always cared for me, cook for me, cheered me up and so much more. So if you're going to struggle, then let me struggle with you! Allow me to carry the burdens your trying to shoulder. Open up your feelings with me, because im a part of you in every step."

Her endearing words and sweet voice never fails to encourage and console me. Her honest smile and caring nature always makes me wonder how I got lucky. We lock into each others eye, there was seemingly no end in her gaze. With her by my side, I ignored all the stress, hardships and trials im currently suffering from. Letting go of my worries, my doubts, taking her words as a form of reassurance to keep myself motivated and to remain steadfast. With all my heart I love her, I would do everything for her, she's a jewel. I cannot imagine living without her, she gives me hope and encouragement. Im barely holding on to keep my mind from falling apart, I have lost sense of direction, I am confused what to do in my life. Making her happy is the only reason for me to try and achieve something, yet im still losing it.

She left after a few hours after making sure I ate something nutritious and take some medicine. That night I try to fall asleep to rest, starring endlessly in the ceiling. Even though I don't wanna fall asleep as I feel dead in the inside already, sleeping is the only thing I have to escape the horrors of this world.

The next day, I woke up rather earlier than usual. I tried moving around and go to the restroom all by myself, to see if my strength has been restored. As soon as I feel better then I leave this place before the bill becomes unbearable, or just leave now and recover at home. I think I would be better off to some place that's not as stressful and pricey at this place. Misaki never really mentioned anything about the hospital bill, she better not be paying for my misery because thats humiliating and disgraceful for a man.

I went to the restroom and relieved myself, as I walk back I caught a glimpse of my landlady in the receptionist desk. I pay no mind and head back, Misaki said she'll be back and visit me again today. I will ask her to see if I can be discharged now. I stood in front of the window in my room and let my thoughts wonder off, I wish to be let go and get back on my daily routine. I want to do something physically but decided not to push myself too much, im still not fully recovered.

I heard a knock on my door, I assume its Misaki, so I try to reach and open the door for her. I gently opened the door and saw my landlady standing there.

"Miss Kanae?"

I stood there confused about seeing my landlady in front of the room im in. Perhaps she is mistaken and was supposed to visit someone else.

"Akagi, how are you doing? Are you feeling better?"

She asked, I find it a bit odd that she would be looking for me, especially since I already paid this months rent. I dont remember being close to her, to the point of visiting me in the hospital.

"Im feeling much better now, ma'am. Im already considering to leave later on."

I replied. Miss Kanae isn't exactly as terrifying and entitled as the other landowners I met. She is a kind, charming, calm, caring and thoughtful person. So I dont mind informing her with a few details on my situation, especially since I am one of her tenants.

"Glad to hear it, do you have a moment to talk about something?"

She asked, I started to feel a bit nervous, it feels like I did something wrong, im confident I didn't do anything wrong before I collapsed due to fatigue.

But the possibility of something happening while im unconscious might be the case.

"May I come in?"

She added.

"Ah- yes ma'am."

I move out of the way and let her in first, she sat at the chair at the side, I get back and sat on the hospital bed. Curious what she wants to talk about, I ask what brought her here.

"Did I do something wrong?"

I asked.

She didn't answer, she looks worried and troubled about something, and her silence just made me more intense.

Kanae : "Akagi, I recall that you said you no longer have legal guardians and you're all by yourself, correct?"

Akagi : "Yes ma'am."

Kanae : "Do you still remember what you said about where your parents are?"

Akagi : "Both of my parents abandoned me to each find another lover."

I said passionately said with anger.

"I see...you're rather straightforward with it."

She replied.

"...Because its the truth."

I told her with a rather disturbed voice.

Kanae : "Um...Just to clarify things, and if you dont mind me asking. Who told you about what your parents did?"

At this point I already knew she is going to dig deeper and more personal, but since there is no harm in telling her about it and since I am also curious as to why. I tend to see where this coming from.

"My grandparents, they raised me and told me about my parents neglectful act."

However I decided not to inform her of my aunt and her husband, im pretty sure she'll inform them of my whereabouts and that'll ruin my life.

"If given the chance, would you like to see your father or mother again?"

She asked.

I've heard this question asked by different people for several times, and I cant help but feel spiteful about it since I had to live my life like this due to their negligence. But to honour my grandfather's teachings...

"Yes..."

I reluctantly answered, but I would rather to see my father as I have no memories of him. I dont even know how he looks. And I want to know how he felt abandoning me. Unlike my mother, I saw her walk away with another man, not thinking about me at all.

"...I'd prefer to see my father..."

I added.

"...I see, well...actually, he wish to see you as well."

I just raised an eyebrow, but she couldn't possibly be serious. I just took it as a bluff and smiled.

"...Dear, you can come in now..."

She said, then a man wearing a brown coat and white shirt underneath enters the hospital room, he looks at me steadily and after observing me for a few minutes, his eyes were filled with happiness and relief.

"How are you doing, Akagi?"

He said in a calming, soothing voice. He place his hand on his chest, perhaps trying not to succumb to the overwhelming amount of emotions he's having.

I look at him with suspicion and unsettling feelings.

He has striking resemblance to me just with more wrinkles, our eyes, our nose, our hair. We look exactly the same. He approached me and place his hands on either side of my head, I was alarmed at first but I didn't feel threatened at all.

"...These moles..."

He whispered.

He gently tilted my head to the right, and he broke down in tears.

"...Ah...Masahiko, my son..."

He cries out my name and holds me tight, repeatedly saying my name and calling me his son. I felt how he was shaking in my arms, how I hear his cries. Filled with emotion, such of regret and sorrow. How I felt his tears drip onto my shoulders. I started to feel empathetic and a sense of attachment to him. However, I was still in disbelief and unable to assess what is happening.

Miss Kanae saw how uncomfortable I was, so she gently pulls away my father and consoles him.

My father wipe the tears from his face and smiled at me. I gently rub the side of the face where he spots my moles.

"Akagi, this is your father. Masao."

Miss Kanae said.

"How are you sure?"

I asked her.

He then pulls out a picture and gave it to me.

I look at the picture and for the first time in many years, I once again laid eyes to my mother's face. She looks so innocent in the outside but she is vicious in the inside. She was holding a child in her arms, I look closer and the child has two moles on the left side of his face, right beside his left eye. Similar to the moles I have. The child is no doubt me.

"I am sure its you, I've been searching for you for many years. I asked so many people about your current location, I've been always listening for information regarding you."

He pulls out an folder and he handed it to me. I opened it and saw a DNA test result, revealing how we are closely related. And several pictures of me, taken just recently, showing me in my current place. Taken from hidden angles. I wonder who took all of this evidence, I look at Miss Kanae and she just looks away.

"The test, and how we look similar, and finally the moles on your head confirms everything that you are indeed my lost son."

He told me.

"Lost?"

I replied in disbelief and disgust.

"You purposely abandoned me and my mother, after all those years of negligence, loneliness and despair living with my relatives. You decided to come back, now?! When I finally learned to live by my own, you decided its the best time to be a father?"

I wasn't able to keep watch of my words, but I try to calm myself and be more cautious to what I say. I must show him that the people who took me in atleast taught me to have some respect and be humble.

"I Just have alot of questions, regarding your past decisions..."

The tense mood of the room later calmed down, I decided to atleast hear his story before I wrongfully judge him. I try to be respectful and considerate of his point of view, reluctantly, only to honour the teachings of my grandparents.

I later learned that it was Miss Kanae, her second wife. Who gave him all the information he needed, she's the one who first caught glimpse of my resemblance to his husband, my father. When we met at her office and firstly assumes im his lost son, I thought she's the one my father cheated with when she was married to my mother but I was proven wrong.

"I decided to leave, to work far away. Being a chef on luxury cruise ships to provide for you...I didn't want either of you to get caught in the troubles I cause, it was hard for me. But I always remind myself of why I must do it, why I must sacrifice."

He told me. He also told me that my mother has quarrelsome nature and an entitled woman. Who had a rather well known affair whenever my father leaves to work, my father learned of my mother's viciousness and betrayal. But he decided to stay silent, telling me that I was the only one he cared for. But as he could no longer handle the humiliation he is suffering from, the gossips that spread throughout our neighborhood. Saying how incompetent he is to keep his woman from being stolen by another man, he got enough and snap out of it.

"...Watching her walk away freely and appearing innocent...with you under her possession. She didn't even care about being a mother, she didn't even put a single effort in nurturing you...it makes my blood boil. Yet, seeing how powerless I am...I feel immeasurably frustrated and agitated..."

He confronted my mother but lost everything as my mother managed to manipulate everyone into believing her. He didn't exactly went to details with his story, but as I could hear how deeper and sadder his voice is getting. How I can feel the pain of a brokenhearted man, recalling memories of his wife's betrayal.

"Its okay, I see it now."

I asked him to stop, as I started to feel pitiful and sad about what he has to go through. Even though I wasn't fully convinced that he's telling the truth, I have no evidence suggesting what he said was all a lie. Knowing that my mother did walk away with another man, I dont think its right to wrongfully judge or blame him without hearing his part of the story.

"...But im back now..."

He said.

"That's all that matters now, son."

He said as he pat me on my shoulder. Miss Kanae tried to lighten up the mood by trying to start up conversations between me and my father, but no amount of entertainment could lift the intense awkward mood in the room. I have never met my father before, I have no memory of him therefore I chose to believe what my grandparents and aunt told me. But seeing him right now in front of me, getting the chance to explain himself, shines a bit of light to the huge dark hole in my head regarding his existence. He soon had to leave after receiving a phone call, of all days I thought he could skip whatever it is to finally meet his "Long lost son"

but no. Makes me feel a bit doubtful about his feelings. Later that day, I was free to leave and my father paid for everything without telling me. Miss Kanae then escorted me back home.

"Can you tell to your husband, I said thanks?"

I asked her.

"To your father?"

She emphasized her sentence, clarifying that his my father.

"...Sure, but it would be better if you could tell him that yourself..."

She added.

"But Miss Kanae, I dont know when he'll return."

I replied.

"He'll be back by tomorrow...and call me 'Mom' for now on, if you could~."

She calmly said while still wearing the same angelic, innocent smile on her face.

I was astounded, unable to think of an appropriate respond to her request.

"Okay...mom?"

I muttered.

I went on to my room and trying to ease my thoughts of today's revelations, I try to think how things would change now that my father finally showed up. I feel frustrated and agitated, I have alot of questions and alot of things to say just at the end of my tongue. But I couldn't bring myself to say it. What should I do with this feeling?