Ch. 12 - Conflicted mind.

After our gathering I went home feeling a bit more relieved and ease than before, I know that I kinda lie to them, but I will try my best to act approachable and enthusiastic just like how I said it, this could help me get my former personality or just stay the same. I think this new personality of mine is what helped me develop and become tough throughout the years. I've remained strong and had become steadfast by being stoic, pessimistic, cynical. I will not succumb towards despair anymore, I no longer get swayed by my emotions or by what others think ,so its kinda hard to change my approach to these things. Maybe I should really just be approachable and grateful to my friends, I dont have to do the same to everybody else.

I received a message from Airi, I kinda forgot about the reason why I was waiting for her to reply, she went off my mind and therefore I dont know if I am in the mood for her or not, I decided to check it up after I bathe. I soaked myself in warm waters again, to ensure I get to sleep comfortably and undisturbed. I let my mind be empty and just relax, starring endlessly into the ceiling. I look into my arms and stomach, and decided that tomorrow I would woke up early again and do some workouts before going to work.

I put on some fresh new clothes and lay down on the bed, I pull out my phone and anticipated a normal reply. It simply says "Good afternoon! how are you? are you free right now?". I anticipated more than just one message but atleast it seems like she didn't saw that photo, I guess it wasn't too late when I deleted it.

I replied..."Doing fine, just got home after work." I played the game while waiting for her reply. I wasn't even done in the first round of the game and she already replied. I finish the game first then came to her, I dont know what to say though.

Airi : "Welcome back, darling~"

Akagi : "Hello, how's it going?"

Airi : "I miss you~ I was looking forward to talking with you again but I was busy earlier in my studies."

Akagi : "Oh, I see. Dont push yourself too hard, try to relax when you have the opportunity, okay?"

Airi : "Okay, but I dont know when and I have been struggling to study recently."

Akagi : "You can study alot better when your in the mood and not force your brain to study all the time."

Airi : "Oh really? Is it effective?"

Akagi : "Yes, and also its best to woke up early and study cause your brain is fresh from resting."

Airi : "Well im not a morning person and l can't woke myself in the morning...guess I'll just suffer..."

This made me chuckle, she's a university student she must be struggling in managing her time.

Akagi : "Try taking a habit of eating chocolate when studying or study for 20 minutes and take a 5 minute break before doing it again."

Airi : "Oh really? I will try that."

Akagi : "Remember, dont study continuously cause no matter how important an information is, our brain can only stay concentrated for 50 minutes. So take small breaks and continue again."

Airi : "Oh wow, I didn't know that! Thanks for the advice!"

Im slowly getting tired of this, I've barely had time to play or go online to browse in the internet. Not because I am too busy but im starting to lose interest in the game, I am more exited about the event and to other things that I plan ahead in schedule. I already decided to hangout with my friends every once in a while and workout during my spare time. I just got more important and interesting things to do, I believe I am only wasting my time here.

Airi : "Thank you for helping me~ Im glad I have someone like you to talk to."

However...some part of me keeps telling me not to, I kinda feel pity for her and I dont wanna just leave her because of her condition. I might be overthinking it, but I once had those same mental issue's. I just can't bring myself away to someone who is suffering the same way. I think I need more time to think about this.

Akagi : "Your welcome, remember what I told you."

Airi : "I will, I promise~."

She also has this somewhat of an radiating aura that makes me calm and cheerful. Whenever I interact with her makes me feel entertain and appreciated. This also contributes to the reasons of why I am troubled with the matter of leaving her. My mind has been conflicted for a few days about this.

I scratch my head and sigh in exhaustion, I dont know to do for the moment. So I try to change the topic.

Akagi : "What were you doing earlier other than studying?"

Airi : "I was playing the game and chatting with my friends."

Akagi : "How was it?"

Airi : "We talk about anime and some other stuff."

Akagi : "I see, im glad you have other friends to keep you company."

Airi : "Yes, they're muslims as well and they came from Malaysia and Indonesia to study here as well."

Im surprised upon hearing this, she never told me that she has real friends that can actually provide her company. She also said they're all muslims so they can understand each other better than I do, so why is she only being open to me? Or maybe I am not the only one at all and im just getting caught up in this.

I kinda feel relief but confuse at the same time, the only reason why I keep her company cause I thought she has no one at all. Maybe my other intuition was correct after all, I knew that something felt different. But im a bit happy to know she has actual friends to talk to. I shouldn't meddle in other peoples lives whether my intention in good or bad, if it has nothing to do with me then its not a part of my business.

Before ending our conversation, she told me how she felt that day and the amount of pressure she is experiencing trying to keep up with her studies. Even though I dont know what she meant by pressure or on by what degree, I know what it feels to keep up with standards. Especially she's just a student, I remember as a kid I was so excited into becoming an adult. Now that im an adult I miss the old days were I dont have to worry about anything. She's probably stress transitioning into early adulthood, I learn it the hard way. The constant stress of finding a decent job afterwards after graduating in order to pay any bills and loans is no joke. So I try my best to calm her down by talking to her about it and giving her some motivating quotes I believe in.