Kelly (the previous summer)
A couple months before the best day of my life, Crash snuck over to my house.
With my mom gone, Crash was banned from our house when Dan wasn't home. But, desperate for some time alone, I'd agreed to risk it. Crash parked on the block around the corner and snuck across our neighbor's property to come in the back door.
Blinds closed so no one could see us from the street, we were on the couch, me in the corner, facing him, my leg bent up against his thigh, Crash sitting with his arm on the back of the couch. His fingers combing through my hair sent goosebumps up my neck.
I don't know how long we'd been kissing when his phone rang.
He hesitated like he might ignore it, then sighed, "It's Amber."
I sighed too. This was happening more and more. The band had been doing well for months—gigs every Friday and Saturday. They had even booked a couple of summer festivals. Amber had signed on as their manager in the spring with big promises Crash and Tommy were scared to believe. I knew it was just a matter of time.
Patting my leg, Crash grabbed the phone off the coffee table and swiped to answer it. "Hello?"
"Are you sitting down, Crash?" Amber's voice sounded tinny in my silent living room.
Crash's eyes jumped to mine. "Yeah. Why? What's up?"
"Not much . . . Just time to pack your bags, because Crash Happy's opening for Fire in the Hole at Barkleys!"
Crash's fingers tightened on my knee. "What?"
"You heard me!" Amber sang.
"But . . . but they turned us down." Crash sounded like he might faint.
I squeezed his hand in both of mine, beaming. Fire in the Hole was one of the headliners at the biggest rock festival in Portland this summer.
"No, they never got your tape."
"What? But you said—"
"All I know is, I contacted the festival producer. The Dox, who was supposed to be opening, got a second stage contract for Manchester, so he needed a new act. I talked him into watching your live stuff on YouTube, and he emailed me the contract while I was still on the phone."
Crash cursed happily, and I was so excited I didn't even care. But as he babbled questions and his voice got higher, my heart sank.
I would kill to see the boys play to thousands on the main stage at Barkleys. The most Crash Happy had ever played was fifteen hundred. But there was no way Dan would let me go to Portland with them.
"Amber, you're incredible," Crash said.
"Well, I did tell you."
"Does Tommy know?"
"Not yet. Do you want to tell him, or should I?"
Crash looked at me again. "Why don't you call him? I have to do a thing, but I could be at your place in about an hour?"
"Yep." Her voice dropped into business mode. "I'll email you the contract to read. Bring Tommy. You guys need to sign it today."
As they discussed the details of getting the contract signed, I looked at Crash. Really looked at him. The bright, open expression on his face was rare. He was so prone to brooding—always thinking through a new song, or lyric—that it was fun to see him excited. He got intense before a show, focused and eager. But that wasn't the same as this giddiness.
Then he got off the phone and leaped up, grabbing me off the couch into a squeeze so tight I could barely breathe. I loved it. Threw my arms around his neck and buried my nose in the skin under his ear. "I'm so proud of you."
It wasn't until he let me down—our bodies sliding against each other every inch—that I realized he was shaking.
"Crash—"
"It's happening, Kel. I think it's happening."
I put a hand on his chest and stared into his brown eyes, sparkling with hope and excitement. My heart swelled. He smiled down at me, and his fingers danced on my waist.
It was happening. I'd always known it would.
I tried to push away the unease that churned when I imagined Crash on tour, thousands of girls screaming at him every night, and me, here, with Dan.
Unaware of my dark thoughts, Crash cupped my face and pulled me into a searing kiss. I arched into him and grabbed at his shoulders, surprised by my own desperation.
We didn't break apart until we were both panting. Crash gripped my hips and pulled me close for a moment, his arousal plain.
He grinned. "Irresistible, that's what you are," he sang, his voice gravelly with desire.
I buried my face in my hands, as he laughed and squeezed me close.
Crash was experienced with sex. I wasn't. At all.
He'd been patient with me. It hadn't been a problem—yet. But I still struggled with how open he was about this stuff. I half-believed this effect on his body had nothing to do with me. That any female body would do. But Tommy had told me more than once he'd never seen Crash act the way he did with me. That we had something special. And Crash told me that too.
I wanted to believe it.
Tearing my thoughts back to the moment, Crash ran one hand through his hair, the other clasped mine.
Being adored by Crash was like being under a spotlight. I loved it and fled from it with equal fervor, because when I got all of him at once—his attention, his desire, his mind—it was overwhelming.
"You have to come with us. To Portland," he said.
I deflated like a pricked balloon. "I can't. You know I can't."
He looked away, some of the light Amber's announcement had put on his face dimming. "There must be—"
"Crash, please." He knew I'd kill to be there with him. To see him on that kind of stage, singing the song he wrote for me, being mine. But he knew how hard it had been with Dan since Mom died.
It was the only issue we'd ever really argued over. He thought I should tell Dan where to put his controlling behavior. And I didn't. Couldn't.
Was this a fight we were destined to have forever?
*****
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