The fourth day of 2023

You talked to me again.

Unblocked me.

'prick'

I stared at the word while a wave of what felt like the strangest emotion ever. It was so dark, depressing and yet so heartfelt.

It was a sort of relief I didn't delight in, because it was going to be short lived. We could never be happy for long. Not together.

I apologised.

You forgave me. Immediately.

It was shocking.

Unbelievable.

It was so fast.

It was only right that when you sent me the words.

'I love you you dumb fuck'

I burst out crying.

Yet I felt a strange heaviness on me even while we spoke. A guilt that couldn't subside. Feelings that were so irrational and illogical, but I can't ignore them for once.

For once the voice that says. That's stupid- stop Was not here anymore?

And right now I both hate and love you?

I know You want to say something.

You've been wanting to say it all day and your dancing around has basically driven me off the edge. I want to throttle it out of you, so much so I dropped it there just now like a hot potato I couldn't hold onto it much longer.

'What do you actually want to say?'

I'm not sure I want the answer.

I told u I loved and yet you seemed to read it in silence for so long that I knew there was something brewing in you. Some anxiety. Some confusion. I have no idea.

Maybe you're just tired.

Maybe I'm reading into this too much.

Love is stupid like this.

I feel like I've lost brain cells being in it.