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My Family Is Full of Broken Psychos! I'm One of Them

My family is full of A-Holes! Ridiculously powerful A-Holes who have views of the world so twisted that they could literally burn all of the known world to the ground. I am the strongest of them all, yet... I'm tired of it all. That’s why I left. Being stuck with those same people for years got really bland. I needed a breath of fresh air, away from the Narcissism, Hedonism, Sadism, Masochism, and general Gotham asylum vibes that each one of them exuded like some kind of messed up perfume. Six deranged family members hanging on your back all the time gets really annoying after a while. Especially when you are just as insane as they are. Unfortunately, after five long years of bliss, I am being pulled back in. Family Drama to the rescue. A threat that can't be punched away for very long has arrived at our doorstep and I'm forced to return to help solve it. Yippee... --- Free Chapters will also be available on Royal Road under the name Shade Arjuun. --- For those interested in discussing about this novel and several of my other works... Discord Link: https://discord.gg/fAjMB7eFDn

Shade_Arjuun · Fantasie
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67 Chs

RELAXING in Giant Milkshake

Two days passed in the blink of an eye.

The V-Amp roared joyfully in various terrains as it lugged eight passengers, some comfortably sitting on its seats, and some experiencing hell on Epheria within its trunk.

For the most part, the Ryduun siblings, Twist's guardian and Bee's forced boyfriend had a smooth journey as they navigated their way to Green Lolli City. There were a few setbacks, of course.

Surprising to no one, the larger cities and towns spotted roadblocks where policemen and several Agents from the Bureau checked and confirmed the identities of everyone entering and exiting. Because of the advanced technology developed both by the National Bureau of Defence and the Police Force, these blockades didn't hinder activity very much, and thus there weren't a lot of outbursts by the general civilians.

Besides this fact, it was well-known that when the police and Bureau enacted such protocols, there was likely to be trouble afoot. With the recent incident in Red Biscuit City, many of Agavon's citizens figured that the culprits involved were probably the ones being hunted down.

Their faces – Bee's and Ess' – taken by Red Biscuit City's traffic cams which backed up their footage to an online server every five minutes, had been used to check several databases for their identities. Data on Bee remained unknown, but there was a bit of information about Ess since he had attended a high school in Red Biscuit City under the name Emil.

Unfortunately, all this didn't land the authorities with anything more than simple speculation and clearer photos of the young man which had been distributed to every settlement in Agavon along with Bee's.

It was because of this that Bee, Twist and even T-96 – to some degree – had found themselves saying a particular phrase every time they saw the blockades.

"If only D-dee were here..."

D-dee was the youngest Ryduun sibling.

Aside from Ess, she was – with a minor dispute – considered the strongest among the five. Her Utility was an unusual one that worked splendidly in support, defence and offence. It could have worked wonders with the predicament that the travel band had to find ways around every hour or two.

The sentiment that D-dee's presence might have made travelling without worry possible, also made Ess, Bee and Twist worry about their objective, however.

Because of her Utility, D-dee would probably be the hardest to find if she wished to remain hidden.

"Then we have to bargain more for her location than that of the others when we meet Ratchet," Twist had suggested when this conversation had cropped up on the eve of their first day travelling towards Green Lolli.

That seemed plausible.

Ratchet was a handler who worked for the widespread, nameless organization that cultivated and connected Hired Heathens to nations and corporations that wanted their dirty work handled.

He was the personal consultant and link to the Ryduun Family for prospective customers who desired their services. As they had the reputation of 'Second Strongest Hired Heathen Family', the Ryduun Family had a lot of business – a wide customer base.

Unfortunately, because of the tragic conflict within the family seven years ago and the Unlimited Forecast which ultimately led to the family leaving the killing business, Ratchet had no longer been tied to them on a professional level.

Still, as he was a friend, the Ryduun siblings hoped he might be able to help them. There really was no reason for him to be unable to for the right price.

On the second day of the trip, Twist had to warp the V-Amp away, replacing it with a cactus in the middle of the wide tar road when they were approaching Giant Milkshake, a popular town east of Agavon known for its assimilation of various kinds of cultures and fashion styles.

There were inspection blocks stationed around the town, but they were not nearly as intense as those around the big cities.

The Ryduun group had driven through the modest desert surrounding the town from further east, and warped directly into it by switching the position of their jeep with that of an old Audi whose driver was flabbergasted to find that he was suddenly parked in the dry, brittle land outside Giant Milkshake.

Upon safely parking the V-Amp somewhere secluded, the Ryduun siblings had gone about their own business after agreeing to meet at a rather rowdy local fair taking place in the middle of town in an hour. Ess had been against the idea, but a majority vote beat him.

Bee's first order of business was to find a decent set of clothes to wear. She had had to continue wearing her see-through night dress and bikini set since the day Ess dropped Lusa on their house, destroying everything that had been in it.

Before she could buy new clothes, however, 'Elijah' had complained about having to relieve himself in a Number One fashion.

Of course, Bee… insisted that she go with him.

As much as 'Elijah' begged her to just let him go alone, and that he wouldn't, or rather, couldn't escape, Bee still insisted.

She swiped an oversized bowler hat, mugged a random middle-aged man of his thick, long coat and donned them before accompanying 'Elijah' to the nearest men's restroom.

The sight of a trembling, sweaty 'Elijah' being urged through the door by a tall, shady character hiding their long hair in the bowler and their face with the tall collars of the coat, was as hysterical as it was ominous.

Twist and T-96 managed to slickly transport the former's victims, whom he had captured and cut up the limbs of to a secluded spot where he treated their wounds while mumbling the occasional, maniacal, "Shhh. Shhh. I'm almost done. Soon we will be fitting you with the best prosthetics and you'll be able to run around again" and "I may have to dispose of you on our next stop. You have too little value, sadly."

Twist had been put in charge of Dein, who wasn't really injured, and other than letting him out for some fresh air, he didn't do anything more than stuff him back in the trunk of the V-Amp with Jayne and the other Agent after he was done 'checking the goods', as he called it.

Ess didn't really have much to do besides lament the fact that he could have been enjoying life without burdens like he had been for the last five years. The fact that Father had reincarnated had pushed him back into the life he had chosen to leave forever in an attempt to regain what he had lost when he was just a child.

The only saving grace about this was the fact that Ess would get to meet the sibling he could tolerate the most. D-dee.

Ess couldn't say he loved D-dee. He couldn't say that about anything, really. He couldn't say that he hated her either.

That said, other than her astounding Utility, D-dee's personality was perfect in Ess' eyes.

She wasn't like Bee who was cold on the outside and somewhat soft on the inside while being a complete slave to perversion.

She wasn't like Twist who could barely keep his scalpel-happy tendencies in check and struggled with neglect.

She was just… perfect.

Ess spent nearly an hour settling his thoughts before going to the agreed-upon meeting place.

The fair was loud and full of sugary, savoury delights. Its participants all spotted a variety of diverse clothing from old, sackcloth stylised for the event; to farthingales matched with pretty tiaras; to kilts and long, scotched socks; to hyper-futuristic suits of armour which were mostly worn by cosplayers.

Ess didn't really like the noise. He didn't like the view either. It reminded him that two days ago, he had been about to share a few hours of fun in a similar setting with Rina, the girl whose brains Bee blew out.

After a few minutes of waiting, Twist and T-96 were the first to meet up with Ess. The former had bought himself a large sombrero and a pair of baggy jeans. He also found it fitting to buy a fake moustache which he plastered above his lips. It was rather bushy, which made him look more funny than anything else.

T-96, on the other hand, simply plastered a large, yellow smiley sticker over his mask… and that was the extent of his extensive fashion.

"What's with the getup?" Ess asked with a frown.

"We're trying to fit in," Twist said and did a twirl with a big grin.

Ess shook his head, exhausted already.

Bee and 'Elijah' sprang into view a few minutes later. The former had bought herself a saintly long beige dress, a pink sunhat, and a cute, soft jacket to wear, and it was apparent that she looked stunning as many eyes turned in her direction. Many men seemed to think she was one of those pure-hearted beauties.

'Elijah' had also found a change of clothes, all picked by Bee to be super bland and oversized. The reason, according to her, had to do with preventing the eyes of perverted women from landing on him.

Right then, a dusty football flew from the side and knocked into Twist's leg.

Twist frowned and turned to find the culprit. It was one of three little boys who looked to have been playing with a prize they had won for playing one of the games in the fair.

"Hey, can you pass the ball please?" the boy asked Twist with a grin, assuming there would be an instant connection given their age.

Twist narrowed his eyes, looked at the ball, and pulled back his foot which was then coated with a faint layer of Fint.

"NOOOOO!"

To all's surprise, it was 'Elijah' who screamed and dived in front of Twist to grab the football, a horrified look on his face.

He then glared at the boy incredulously.

"Are you mad?!" he cried indignantly.