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Among the Stars by KennethRose

 Games » Mass Effect Rated: T, English, Romance & Adventure, Shepard, Joker, Words: 73k+, Favs: 334, Follows: 332, Published: Nov 28, 2012 Updated: Jun 2563Chapter 8

Three words can make such a difference between two people that it's almost unfathomable. Before I'd fallen asleep, while beyond content, I would have been happy in keeping my relationship with Erin a secret. Waking up the next morning with bird song and monkey chatter slowly making itself known above my head, and realising the magnitude of what had happened the previous night wiped all thoughts of that from my mind. I'd been thinking about what could happen if the crew got wind of Erin's relationship with me and had turned up nothing of much consequence. In the games none of the team had changed their attitudes toward Shepard's love interests, so what was different in this situation?

And even if they did have a problem, I honestly couldn't care less.

Looking down at the woman sleeping serenely on my chest, I was almost disbelieving. In both of my lives, I had never been an overly popular guy. Sure I had a couple of good friends, but apart from that, I wasn't somebody that could pull women left and right, or anywhere at all. And yet, through some incredible gift, I now had the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen in my entire life, inside and out, sleeping beside me. She loved me. My love for Erin wasn't something that could be broken by an argument, a rumour, or even a fistfight — this was something that meant the universe to us.

Despite never being close to my parents, I wondered how proud they would be of me. I wondered how my best mate Matthew would react to hearing that I was in a relationship with Erin Shepard. I'd long since mourned the loss of my friends and family, though the merging of myself and Jeff made it easier to handle, it still didn't stop me from wondering. I looked down again when I felt Erin begin stirring and shuffled backwards so that I had a more unobstructed view of her face as she slowly woke. First, her mouth twitched slightly before a deep sigh erupted from her nose, and then shifted a little more before her eyes opened and I bore witness to the most alluring gaze I'd ever seen. As soon as she saw me, her lips curled upwards, and she closed her eyes once more, snuggling deeper into my embrace.

"Good morning."

Her lips curved even more, and a moment later, I found her head tilting upwards as she stared at me. I smiled and leaned down to kiss her, and I enjoyed it immensely; her lips as soft as rose petals. "Good morning to you too," she mumbled happily as her head retreated to my chest. It was time to get up, but after last night and the feeling of relief in having our feelings returned and being with the person that we loved the most in this universe… neither of us was in a hurry to go anywhere. "What are we doing today?"

I thought it kind of ironic that she was asking me what we were doing today considering she was the commander, but I was happy enough to check for her on my Omni-tool. Quite the extensive list popped up, though admittedly my to-do list was combined with Erin's for convenience's sake. "Erm… well Jack finally wants to go to Pragia, we have to recruit Tali on Haestrom, Samara has finally completed her meditations and wishes to head to Omega as soon as possible, and… yeah, that's it for the moment."

I heard a groan, and laughed when she managed to grumble, "That means you have to get up to take us through relays, doesn't it?"

"Considering we're docked on Illium… yeah."

She groaned again, and while I was smiling, I was also inclined to agree. Just lying here was perfectly fine with me and getting up and moving away from her warm, smooth body was not going to be nice whether I did it right at that moment or in an hour. Waiting an hour would be the worst thing I could do because now that I was conscious to appreciate just how creamy her skin and how curvaceous her body was… well the more time I spent feeling it, the less I'd feel like getting up.

I hoisted myself into a sitting position, pulling her up with me, and before I knew what she was doing she'd thrown her legs over my thighs and had her scantily clad butt resting quite comfortably in my lap. This of course, made both of us stiffen for the precisely same reason. We both stiffened because something else was in the same predicament. "Erm…" I didn't know what to do but shrug with a nervous laugh. "What can I say? I'm in bed with the most beautiful woman I've ever met, half-naked, with her butt in my crotch."

I could feel her face burn against my chest and looked down sheepishly only to find her looking back up at me with a look I'd never seen before on her face. Of course, I only got a glimpse before I found my mouth quite occupied with hers, and a moment later, I felt her tongue push through my lips. I felt bold, and while for a moment I thought that I might have overstepped my bounds she soon put me straight when the moment I squeezed her panty-covered bum and lifted her further onto my lap she groaned into my mouth and kissed me even harder.

I was asking myself in some very, very small corner of my mind just what had brought on this massive change in the woman kissing me, but after a moment I realised that it was probably because of the same reason I'd been feeling so happy that morning.

I loved her, and she loved me.

Both of us had to break apart when a voice interrupted us. "Commander, the Illusive Man wants to speak to you in the comms room."

"Damn it, Miranda," I heard Erin mutter in-between pants that made me shiver as her hot breath washed over my neck. "I'll be down in ten minutes," she finally said after she'd gained her breath back enough to sound like she hadn't just been snogging the hell out of me, and after a small sniff of disapproval, a beep signalled that Miranda had cut the call. I felt her slump against me again and smiled softly before pecking her on the scalp, drawing a small hum of contentment from her throat.

She was silent for several moments, and I was just about to remind her that she needed to get down to the comms room when she beat me to speaking first. "I… I don't want to go too fast but… I think that you can kiss me anytime you want…" her face reddened in front of my very wide eyes but she didn't look away. "A-and I think… no, I want… I want you to know that I l-well I kind of like you… touching me like this."

In question, I squeezed her rear and had my unspoken question confirmed when she groaned and slumped against me. Knowing that I was loved was one thing; knowing that my touch was desired, another. She wanted my intimate contact, and while we weren't near sex or full-on fondling… knowing that she wanted me to feel her body was a huge thing, both for her and for me. I had never held a woman like I was holding her at that moment; her pantie-covered bottom on my lap and her barely-covered breasts pressed against my chest… but knowing that she wanted that was something that made me feel as if the universe couldn't get much better.

"I…" Replying to what she had said was hard for me, in fact, I'd say it'd be hard for any man… but I was in love, and knowing that because of our bond, it would take a lot to make her distance herself from me made it easier for me to fore-go my 'manly' nature. I hugged her tighter to me, feeling her body come thoroughly flush against mine, and smiled softly into her crimson hair. "I feel the same Erin," I muttered, "anytime, anywhere… I'm here for you."

I felt her arms tighten around my back and looked down at her only to see a beaming smile on her face before she rested her cheek against my chest and cried. In my old life, I'd always felt uncomfortable around crying women, whether it be my mother crying because of a particularly intense argument with my sister or a bride's tears at a wedding. With Erin, it was nothing like that.

Duty, however, called for both of us. Five minutes after Miranda's call, I finally managed to get Erin up, to both of our sour looks, and helped her get dressed. The taboo about seeing each other in out underwear seemed to have disappeared overnight and I, for the first time, understood why she had been so shy about sharing that with me. Dressing each other was something incredibly intimate, even more so than holding each other half-naked.

Finally, we dressed, and we both brushed our teeth side-by-side. The feeling of getting ready for the day together was surprisingly yet welcomely domestic… and for a moment I think that both of us were able to forget that we were on a mission to save the galaxy from the Reapers' wrath. We descended to the Crew Deck together, dressed in our very un-regulated uniforms of course, and once more the conversation quietened when we entered. That wasn't to say that it halted utterly, but it reduced when we rounded the corner into the mess. Suspicious looks also abounded.

I didn't care.

Both of us dropped by Gardener to grab out breakfast for the day, porridge with mock maple syrup thanks to cutting Miranda's ridiculous steak rations and sat opposite each other at one of the smaller tables available. Garrus joined us a moment later shooting us a confused expression, and Kasumi rolled on into the seat beside me looking like the cat that had gotten the proverbial cream when she saw Erin and I. I rolled my eyes towards my girlfriend. Kasumi grinned back before chuckling under her breath. "Soooooo…" the universal thief drawled, and I laughed before shrugging.

"You'll see."

Now Garrus was immensely interested and leaned forwards, his dextro-based cereal forgotten for a moment and his spoon was hanging in-between his talons. "What? Am I missing something? What's happened?"

This served to make me grin mysteriously, Kasumi to roll her eyes and sigh despondently, and Erin to chuckle again before resuming eating her breakfast. This only helped to make Garrus even more confused than he had been, at least until the end of breakfast. After returning our plates to Gardener and thanking him for a surprisingly delectable breakfast, I looked at Erin and cocked my head slightly to the side. Her return blush, beaming smile, and nod made me weak at the knees.

Garrus' shocked expression, as well as the eating crew's, faded away when I kissed Erin again. Kasumi's squeal was barely audible. Once again, despite how soppy it sounded, everything faded away to nothing save the feel of Erin's lips and body pressed against mine. It was nowhere near as passionate as our last kiss had been, and our tongues stayed in our mouths, but the message was unmistakable.

We were together, and nothing was going to break that.

We parted to absolute silence, and I returned her deep blush and loving smile as I nuzzled her nose for a moment. Another wave of relief rolled over me, and if Erin's following embrace was anything to go by, then she was feeling the same. It was one thing to admit out love and relationship to one another, and entirely different matter to show our closeness to the galaxy… but it was finished now. Both of us knew that our actions would be common knowledge within minutes, and both of us felt relieved… free. Regret was long gone and useless now.

There was no turning back, and neither of us felt anything but love for each other and complete and utter delight at having our relationship out in the open. When I finally started paying attention to what was happening outside of Erin and I… well I found Garrus gurgling and spluttering incoherently, Kasumi looking as if she'd just won the Galactic Lottery, and the rest of the crew looking entirely gob-smacked.

I ignored all of them and instead took Erin's hand in my own, earning myself a beaming smile from the emerald-eyed woman at my side, and headed towards the elevator. The moment the doors hissed closed behind us, I pushed her against the wall and kissed her the way I wanted to. I felt her legs hook around my waist as I pressed her back up against the wall and heard her groan as my tongue invaded her mouth. I was sure I moaned as well, but I was too busy tasting and clutching at her to notice. "Shepard!"

I grinned as I heard Erin groan frustratedly once more but didn't turn around. I settled for the love of my life, resting her head in the crook of my neck, and addressing the annoyance herself. She was, after all, The Great Commander Shepard, even if her hair was mussed, her lips were swollen, and her eyes were glazed. I was, of course, immensely pleased with myself… though I probably looked the same.

"Yes, Miss Lawson?"

"T-t-this is completely unacceptable!" she stammered, and I chuckled when I received a jab in the ribs when I nuzzled Erin's neck teasingly. Pulling away with one last smell of her hair, I turned around and wrapped my arms around her shoulders before facing the raven-haired Cerberus operative fully.

She did not look at all amused.

"Hi, Miranda!"

Apparently, a jovial greeting wasn't going to get me off the hook this time, even if I had saved her sister. Of course Miranda's outburst brought the attention of the CIC to the the elevator, and from both our states; my cap lying long forgotten on the ground and Shepard's hair poking out all over the place, and and me hugging her from behind… well, not a lot was left to the imagination. For the next ten minutes, though thankfully in the privacy of the communication's room, both of us, meaning Erin and me, were liberally reamed out by Miranda for such public displays of affection. While I had expected the lecture, what I hadn't at all expected was the quiet congratulations by the normally-regulation-bound woman before she left us alone in the room where the Illusive Man spun his almost un-interpretable web of lies and deceit.

Of course, I also wasn't expecting the conversation with Shepard that followed. While I was floundering at Miranda's small smile and, "I'm happy for the both of you… nobody deserves more happiness", apparently my girlfriend was not doing the same.

"How is this possible?" I was confused, and a little worried that she was talking about herself falling in love with me, but my fears were unfounded. No, what she was talking about was perhaps even scarier, while not to me, to the galaxy instead. "I've been in the military for twelve years," she told me as she leaned against the bench and stared at the holographic display of the Normandy. "I've been loyal to the Alliance for twelve years and the best I get, even from Anderson, is a message to shape up and fall back into line."

To say that I was astonished at the direction of the conversation was an understatement. I hadn't the faintest clue just where it had come from. I'd long since learned that if you had nothing conducive to say to not say anything, and from the looks of it I was about to become privy to just what was on Erin's mind. She was staring unseeingly at the wall and that scared me slightly. "I've never told you what happened at the meetings with the Council on the Citadel, did I?" It was a rhetorical question, because a moment later she turned to me and sneered. "Do you know what that fucking Turian councillor said to me? After all I'd done for them? 'Ah, yes, 'Reapers'. The immortal race of sentient starships allegedly waiting in dark space. We have dismissed this claim.' They rejected my claim?!" I jumped when she slammed a clenched fist on the sim-wood and hesitantly approached before wrapping my arms around her waist.

An explosive sigh tore itself from her lips, but I was relieved to feel her relax if only a little. I'd never seen her so angry before in my entire life. "I fought for the Alliance," she mumbled almost sadly, "I gave my life for them and risked everything for their betterment. I worked my ass off and acted as their poster-girl for my entire adult life. Now they leave me to the Varen because I'm working with, not for, the only organisation that wants to stop galactic annihilation?

"I don't agree with their methods, their morals, their rules, their human-superiority stance, or their xenophobia, but at least Cerberus is doing something about the Collectors. I'll never like them, or forgive them for the things they've done… but I thank the day that they decided to see what was in front of them instead of burying their heads in the sand and pretending that the Reapers are just a figment of my imagination."

I felt her entire body tense and begin trembling with anger with an unexpected jerk, and was preparing myself for an all-out tirade when she went out upon the most unexpected tangent. "I've never really talked about my family, have I?" She chuckled, though it was very, very clear to me that it contained no humour. To be honest, the subject of family had never really come up between us despite hours upon hours of conversation, but it brought several things to the forefront of my mind. I felt my heart lurch as it suddenly hit me that while I lost my family in my old universe, I hadn't lost my family in this one. I had my mother, father, and sister, Hilary, on the Tiptree colony. My sudden, shocking thoughts about my family, however, were interrupted abruptly by Erin's voice, and while they were important to me… Erin was something else.

"My mum, Hannah… her and dad were… are Alliance. Well, dad isn't anymore… he was killed on Mindoir when the Batarians raided." I cringed a little at the bitterness in her tone, hating the feel of xenophobia I could detect in her. She noticed because she turned around and stared apologetically up at me. "I know you don't like hearing me talk like this James… but this is something I'll never move past. The Batarians enslave, rape, and sell others as a part of their supposed 'culture'. I will never forgive them for that, nor will I ever accept any Batarian that thinks such a thing is right."

Although I hated racism… on that count, I had to admit that I agreed. I nodded and kissed her forehead, drawing a small, relieved smile from my green-eyed goddess, and a moment later felt her lean against my chest as she continued her story. "Mum and dad brought me up, believing that the Alliance was the future. From the age I could understand their stories were always about how the Alliance was furthering human development and doing amazing things in the galaxy. Mum was always the more insistent about being loyal to 'the cause' as she called it, and when… well, when dad died, she just got more hard-line about it all. Without dad to hold her back, she was… scarily intense, and to be honest, it frightened me to the point where I think I just said yes to get her to leave me alone.

"When I joined the Alliance at eighteen she was so proud… I think it was the first time I saw her smile since dad died. Five years after that I saw her again-"

"Hold on; she didn't contact you for five years?"

Erin looked up at me and shook her head with a bitter smile. "She only ever contacted me when I did something worthy of her notice, and at that point, it was graduating top of my class at the N7 Academy. I tried contacting her hundreds of times in-between, but all I got back were messages from her Yeoman that my mother was 'too busy to respond to personal messages'." I winced at the venom in her voice but agreed. "So she showed up at the ceremony, congratulated me… and then after an hour of awkward catching up, she was gone again.

"Another four years later the Skyllian Blitz happened… it was a nightmare. Death everywhere, rape victims huddled in small hovels crying… even in the heat of war those bastards still had time to defile the innocents. I still have nightmares about what I saw there… and the moment I got my Golden Star for my actions, mum was there again." She gave a sarcastic chuckle, and I squeezed her tighter. I felt her sigh and nod her head, and after a moment, she turned around and hugged me; her head resting on my chest. "She didn't come to give me support over what happened; she came there as the mother of the Woman-Who-Won.

"I stood on the stage, haggard, sleep deprived because of the nightmares, and only standing because of the support of two of my team… Mother was standing at the back of the audience chuckling and laughing with that bitch al-Jilani giving a fucking interview. When I saw it on the extranet later on, after a ten-minute talk with Mum before she left, she said one sentence about me: 'The Alliance has made Erin who she is today, and we need more women and men just like her — so if you're up for the fight get down to your nearest recruiting centre and take my daughter as your role model; one of the best the Alliance has ever made.'"

I must have been gaping as I stared down at the top of her head, and I felt her sniff resentfully. "I remember that interview word for word, and she mentioned me twice. Everything else was about the Alliance and how it was them that were the heroes in the Blitz, every single one of them. Of course she managed to slip in a few references to herself; how she was a Commander of the Alliance and how I was living up to her legacy… it sickened me.

"Two days after the ceremony I visited Dad's grave. I did it every year, and every year it was the same — it hadn't been touched, hadn't been visited… mum hadn't visited it to this day, from what I know. I told him about the nightmares, and how disgusted I was with mum. I told him how disappointed he'd be in her and of what she'd become. I guess… I guess that's when I started disliking the Alliance, and mum. With mum, it's never gone past dislike really… I mean there was a few seconds at the ceremony where I loathed her with all that I was… but I've never hated her."

"But the Alliance?"

She looked up at me, her jade eyes piercing with palpable hostility. "I hate it. They preach unity, infallibility, honesty, loyalty… and yet where the fuck was their loyalty when I was suffering from PTSD? Where in the hell were they when on Akuze? Where was their goddamn unity when we were after Saren, and we needed their help?! I know you were too busy piloting to have heard but when you led the charge at Sovereign the chatter that lit up between Alliance vessels and those of the Turian, Asari, Salarian, Quarian… it was appalling. The racism I heard when that happened… even on this ship, I've never heard anything like it, and a human extremist organisation supposedly surrounds us with massive xenophobic tendencies.

"I think it was right there and then that I began hating them… and it was cemented when they bowed down under political pressure by punishing those that broadcasted those comments to the other vessels." She snorted again. "Want to know what's interesting? Apparently, all of those broadcasts came from one single Alliance ship: the SSV Dubai. Funny thing, the people on that ship were all N7 marines — my old team before I was reassigned to the Normandy. They, just like me, had fought aside other races because of the more dangerous missions we were designated and they were a part of an anti-xenophobic movement within the Alliance."

I winced. If that wasn't a setup of some sort, then I don't know what was. Erin caught my expression and nodded against my chest. "I know. When you told me about the future, Mass Effect 3, I wondered why I'd never contacted any of my old team. So I did." Now her face was dark, filled with fury, and I wondered just what was about to be revealed. "Do you know who gave the order? Dishonourably discharged?"

I wavered. "Erm… Hackett?"

She snorted, "As good as; Anderson was the one to give the order." Now I was shocked. "Anderson!" she repeated angrily. "Which means that when reinstated as a Spectre he lied to my face by telling me that it was good to see me again and that he was my friend. No friend of mine abandons their comrades, and he abandoned my old team for a bunch of xenophobic racists!"

I was silent as she gently panted from the exertion of her outburst and then pushed her away to arm's length so I could look at her properly. "What brought this on Erin?"

Her eyes locked onto mine and softened. Finally, after several moments she sighed and brought up her omni-tool to show me a message.

From: Mum

So I have to find out my child is alive third-hand from the Alliance brass? Where the hell have you been?

I figure whatever you're doing is classified, likely part of your Spectre Operations. Just stay safe out there, and keep doing your mum and the Alliance proud. And sneak something through a secure channel next time to let me know what's going on — who knows, maybe I can help out with whatever you're doing.

Love,

Your mother, Rear Armiral Hannah

I picked up on the problem immediately. "From what you've told me your mum was hardly the most loving figure in your life, or the most worried about your welfare… or interested in keeping contact."

Erin nodded, looking saddened. "And she never wants to know anything about anything unless it can benefit the Alliance. I think the last bit of the message sums up its purpose rather well."

I re-read it and had to admit that it did really. "She's digging for information."

"She's spying on me," Erin corrected, and I nodded silently.

For a moment I didn't know what to say at seeing her almost distraught expression, but then it suddenly hit me. "You know," I started, drawing her into another hug, "family isn't just blood. You've got Garrus, Kasumi, Jack, Karin, Tali, Mordin, Wrex, your old team… hell even Miranda's coming around as well as Jacob after seeing some of the encrypted Cerberus logs." I squeezed her tighter and smiled into her hair. "And you've got me. No matter what happens, no matter where this war goes, no matter what you do, you've got me."

She smiled up at me and quickly swiped at her eyes before nodding. "I know… but I have a feeling that she's not going to give this up. She hasn't done this of her own accord… I don't think she can do much without Alliance brass telling her to do it anymore." I felt Erin tighten her grip around my waist and ran my hand through her hair in an attempt to soothe her. I probably wasn't doing a fantastic job, hell even a foot massage probably wouldn't do a lot in this situation, but I liked to think it was doing something to ease her inner turmoil.

"Well the brass can push as much as they want, but this isn't their ship, you're not Alliance anymore, and neither am I. They can't demand anything, and with me owning Elanus they can't touch you or anything I say not to without pissing off one of their major supply lines."

"You'd cut off your third-biggest customer so they couldn't get their hands on me?"

I stared down at her deadpan. "Erin, I'd wage a private war against the bloody Alliance if they tried to force you into something." I tried to play it off as a joking ending note to the conversation, but I had a feeling that we both knew I meant it.

When we re-emerged onto the CIC everything quietened, and heads turned in our direction, only answered with Shepard putting her hands on her hips and glaring around. "Likely rumours are going around already about James and me, so I'm going to address them right here, right now." I was kind of expecting it, but still managed to be a tad surprised when she stood on the tips of her toes and kissed me full on the lips for good few, and delightful, seconds. Pulling away, she beamed at me and then turned back to the staring crew before moving into my one-armed embrace.

"I am in love with James White. James White is in love with me. He is sleeping in my quarters. Anybody want to say anything against that?" Dead silence met her proclamation, and with a short, sharp nod she turned around, smiled up at me again, and pecked my chin. "Please set course for Omega James."

I gave a small nod and kissed her upturned nose before squeezing her shoulder and heading up to the helm. To be honest, I was nervous about the crew's reception to Erin's and my relationship. Sure I'd said that I wouldn't care if they got all hostile about it, but once again I wasn't thinking about myself. Well, in a roundabout way I was, but in truth, I was worried about Erin's reputation. I mean it wasn't half as bad now that I wasn't a cripple, but people'd still talk and murmur and spread rumours behind our backs. I just didn't want the crew losing respect for her, because that could lead to more than a little bit of trouble.

It was funny. Well, not really, but you know what I mean. I'd come into this universe like a man possessed. Within a week, I was no longer a cripple, a while after that, I was playing hide and seek with Garrus, and then the beach getaway on the Citadel in Erin's room. The laid-back Friday after-dinner drinks between the ground and trusted crew… now that things were getting serious, both in regards Erin's and my relationship as well as the looming Collector mission, it suddenly didn't seem too fun anymore.

As I took us into the relay that'd whip us through to Omega, I wondered just when the change had occurred. After a moment I realised that it was after I had said those three words to Erin on our date. For better or for worse I'd told them, and there had been two possible outcomes: one, rejection which would have made me almost as wrong as a husk, and two, acceptance, which would give me the most deep-seated happiness I had ever experienced. Either way, the emotions of either joy or emptiness would have been far more profound than any feeling I had ever before felt in my life.

It was at that moment, I think, that I subconsciously realised that the depth of emotion I was going to experience past this point, whether to do with Erin or not, was going to stay. I knew that it was unrealistic to think that we'd save all the colonists on the Collector homeworld. I also knew that for things to keep some semblance to Mass Effect 3, the Bahak system would need to be destroyed. While I had my company secretly contacting and evacuating anti-slavery Batarian groups, both Shepard and I had made the decision to snuff out ninety thousand Batarians; lives, and around two hundred thousand slaves if a last-minute invasion and evacuation I was planning didn't work out.

When it happened, we knew that the depths of despair and guilt would be almost unfathomable. Likewise, the relief and happiness that we were still loved by one another would help balance it out… but nothing would ever be as trivial ever again. Each meal would be an immense relief and treated like the last food we'd ever have. Each laugh, chuckle, grin, or even twitch of a smile would be uplifting because of the chaos and darkness that would surround us. Each death would be a crippling blow. Each injury a reminder of our mortality.

Knowing that in two months, the Arrival would be over and Erin, the love of my life, would be court marshalled and held for trial on accusations of genocide… I think right at that moment, sitting in my chair on the way to Omega, I realised just how precious what I had was. It took me three hours to finish a letter with the right words to my parents and sister on Teatree, and another one to make sure it conveyed how much I missed seeing them; dad's booming chuckle, mum's sharp wit and mind, Hilary's wide smile with her braces glinting back at me… though they would be gone by now.

I'd asked them to pack their stuff and come to Illium for two reasons. Firstly, by doing that it would allow for an easy transition to Haven… and secondly, I wanted them to meet the woman I loved with all my heart. Of course, I hadn't said any of that, only conveyed the urgency with which I needed to see them. I knew them all, and they all trusted me. I'm sure I'd get a letter chewing me out for being so forceful and daring to order them around within the hour, but at the same time, I knew that come five days when we re-docked on Illium to refuel before heading to Haestrom they would be there waiting for me.

The ride to Omega took ten hours, five of which I spent dozing and listening to some music from the '80s. EDI commented on how the harmonics were more conducive to concentration than any modern pop in the last fifty years, and I sure as hell wasn't about to argue. I also wasn't surprised that a certain short-haired Yeoman decided to visit me while I was lazing about on the job. I heard the slight huff of leather from the co-pilot's chair and swivelled around slightly to see Kelly Chambers staring at me calculatingly before smiling widely. I had to stifle the urge to groan. "It's good that you've finally found somebody that you feel comfortable in opening up to and vice versa for the Commander."

"Not to be rude, and don't take it personally," I returned with a slight edge of agitation, "but I don't trust anybody from Cerberus with my thoughts. I've seen what they do with people that do bare their weaknesses to your employer's organisation."

Kelly, the innocent little dear who graduated top of her psychology class, blanched at the slight. Her smile fell, and she stared at me with a slightly worried expression. "James, sharing thoughts with a trained professional-"

"Who works for Cerberus, which is an organisation that values precisely zero percent privacy in regards their underlings, as seen by the fifteen bugs in Erin's quarters, five in this cockpit, seven in each gender's bathroom, and ten in all the recruits' quarters… sorry, you were saying?" Her mouth snapped shut again, and now she was looking upset. "To be honest, Kelly, your psychological profiles were never confidential. Your oh-so-wonderful employer had a backdoor in your system; forwarded your reports and observations to his team of propaganda and… problem-solving people. Had I told you a thing about my feelings, they wouldn't have been private." Her upset expression had turned to angry-tearful now, and I shrugged. "So thanks for the congratulations on my relationship, but you're not getting a thing out of me."

I saw her sniff before she nodded and walked demurely back down to her station, and felt a little sorry for her. I'd meant what I said when I told her not to take it personally, but I just didn't trust Cerberus. At all. Not even the teensiest, tiniest bit. Shattering her romantic view of Cerberus and exposing their betrayal of her trust wasn't something I enjoyed, at least in regards hurting her, but I was glad that she now knew just who she was working for to an extent. She still hadn't read the top-secret encrypted reports I gotten my cyber division to mine from the Illusive Man's private network.

Nobody had read that dirt yet — not even me. Chances are it'd be plenty enough to make most of the loyal Cerberus operatives that weren't completely indoctrinated become not so loyal to 'the cause'. Despite not knowing what was in the reports, they had been marked for propaganda purposes by my ERCS research and espionage team, so I deemed it worthy for a select few people. Poking a few buttons, I added Jack to the recipient list, not that she needed any more convincing that Cerberus was dead evil, Miranda, Kenneth, Gabby, Samara (just for kicks), Kelly, Thane, and finally EDI and Erin.

I'd unshackled EDI stealthily a month ago and since that point, she'd slowly been gathering information and forming opinions. The only other person besides myself to know that she was utterly unchained was Erin, no surprises there, and we'd both been fielding her questions that had been coming quite frequently into our inboxes for security's sake. She was already beginning to see that Cerberus was evil. Still, I did make sure to attach a note onto the bottom of the message that everybody should research the breakthroughs that Cerberus had made before they made their final decision.

I'd done so ages ago, but despite their quantum entanglement research being bleeding-edge, as well as the thousands of lives their medical advances had saved… while their work had benefited over one billion people, notably humans, there was no way in hell I thought that the deaths, torture, and horrifying experiments performed and suffered by over fifty thousand beings since their establishment was in any way acceptable.

ERCS had been that way before I had stepped in, and I was no Illusive Man. No, the day I came into majority power the company flipped on its head. I had Justicars come in and vet my entire organisation from top to bottom. It cost me a pretty penny, but I also cleaned house. After those deemed immoral or downright criminal was removed from my organisation, a new inter-company motto was established: "Bleeding-edge research, without blood." A strict code of ethics was installed, and every single experiment was passed through a committee of ex-Justicars I held on permanent retainer. It turned out that the Order liked to provide companies who wanted moral guidance with the support of ex-Justicars who wanted something a little less stressful.

There was no way in hell my organisation was going to become synonymous with 'ends justify the means'.

Unfortunately, my musing on my company was broken when I had to pull us out the other end of the Mass Jump. Deceleration was incredibly dangerous when it came to exiting a relay. One small error in the calculations and you wouldn't come out into its safety pocket that would warp the physics of the universe just enough to make sure that the vessel and its contents would not experience what amounted to a head-on collision… at nearly ninety quintillion kilometres per hour. No shit, by the way.

But we got out safely and thankfully weren't reduced to something akin to scattered atoms, if that, and ten minutes after pulling out of the Sahrabarik relay we were docking at Omega. I found Samara standing by my chair a moment later and stared up at her before suddenly realising just why she was there… and why I shouldn't have been so calm.

"It's time, eh?"

She nodded as if we weren't just about to kill her daughter. "It is time, young one."

I should've been offended, but come on; she's eight hundred. She kind of earned the right to see me as young, and it wasn't meant to be patronising as the last time she'd called me that had been. I took in a deep breath and nodded as I heard the faint clunk of the docking clamps lock onto our hull. For the first time in my entire life, I was terrified for my life… but now I had something to push away Morinth's allure; a reason to resist her fatal attraction. I had Erin, and goddamn it; I sure as shit wasn't planning on dying! Call me selfish, call me downright perverted, but while it wasn't on the top of my' reasons to live' list, I was quite aware I was a virgin!

And I was not going to die a virgin!

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