Totsuka tennis practice

A few days later, I was in gym class again.

Again I was lost in the frenzy dance I performed with the wall. The urge to go faster and faster, harder and harder. To reach a moment where everything bleeds away. The only things that exist were the wall, the ball and I.

Unlike last time I managed to reach the moment I longed for. Minutes that felt like seconds passed as I focused and moved.

Having reached the point at which my body could not support the exertion (and passed it) I started to slow down my volley. Hey, cooling down is really important. No point having pulled muscles when one could spend some time ensuring it wouldn't happen.

After tomorrow's class, we would be starting tennis matches for a bit. In other words, today was the last time I would be able to just practice rallying.

It was my last rally practice, so I thought I ensured I used it to its fullest.

Catching my breath and wiping my sweat I felt something poking me on the right shoulder. Still riding the high and too tired to think I turned to the source.

I felt a finger poke into my right cheek.

"Ahah, caught you~."

It was Totsuka Saika, giving me a cute smile.

Oof, what was this I was feeling…?

I know I am not gay. Mostly sure. Like 95% sure. Yet this creature was causing a biological response within me.

One that I did not really mind.

I don't enjoy feeling apathetic to people. I know, hard to believe right. I do enjoy comedy (in books), romance (in books) and action (in books and maybe certain films). I don't hate people. I hate people in crowds, in groups, in cliché. Bystander effect, herd mentality, laziness, envy, greed so on and so forth.

To summarise, the world sucks, the people suck but sometimes a person doesn't.

Is that the reason for my feelings I was feeling now? Was there a saying once maybe, twice is chance but three times is pattern?

I observed him once again. His arms, legs, and waist were all slender, and his skin was pale white.

Androgynous.

Perhaps the biological response was one that did not know the creature's gender? Either way I feel I should suppress the feeling.

It's like with Yuigahama, sometimes when I am deep into my literature she would move and my eyes would follow her and her biologically attractive body parts for a split second before I flick my attention back to where it should belong.

So having cooled down, I spoke up to Totsuka, who was standing there still smiling at me.

"What did you want?" Yes, what is your intention?

"Ah. Today you know, the guy I usually pair up with isn't at school. So… umm, if you want, wanna be my partner?"

He looked at me with upturned eyes, I reflexively swallowed.

"Ahh, that's fine. I'm by myself right now too."

It is fine. I am doing a guy a favour. He summoned the courage to come over to a complete stranger and ask a request.

After I responded to Totsuka, he seemed relieved. "Phew, what a relief!" I heard him mutter. Huh, did he have some sort of social anxiety?

According to Yuigahama, Because of how cute Totsuka was, some of the girls at school had begun calling him "the Prince." I see, considering Totsuka was a pretty boy who had a feminine sense of cuteness, that name fit him to a tee. In addition, the name "the Prince" also made you want to protect him.

Huh, protect. A sense of duty. A sagacity of keeping something pure, safe. Like a tiny kitten.

Suddenly my feelings toward Totsuka made sense. He gave the impression of something cute, innocent and pure. Yet I was the kind of guy who would walk through a field and disturb the untouched snow if it meant that I could arrive at my destination sooner.

I pondered on this while we played a match.

Totsuka was on the tennis team, so it was no surprise that he was good.

He got to the superb serve I had mastered in my wall-hitting sessions, and returned the ball right at me. I could respect someone's hard work especially if it was in a place where short cuts did not exist.

After we had repeated those motions over and over, Totsuka even started to strike up a conversation, almost as if he was getting bored.

"As I thought, Hikigaya-kun is pretty good."

Because we were pretty far from each other, Totsuka was speaking pretty slowly.

As our slow, drawn-out sentences went back and forth, Totsuka and I continued hitting the ball to each other. The others around us missed shots and missed returns, but we continued our long rally.

And then, the rally stopped. Totsuka caught the ball in his hands as it bounced towards him.

"Let's take a short break." Sure, the match was not unpleasant, In fact if his partner was unavailable again, I would be more than happy to set in.

"Alright."

We sat down together. Well I sat down, he sat down next to me. Quite close to me in fact. Just an observation but he was almost intruding one's personal space.

"Hey, I wanted to ask Hikigaya-kun for some advice…"

Totsuka spoke with a serious look on his face.

Huh so that's why. I see. It looks like someone had some other motive for talking to me.

"Advice, huh…?"

"Yeah. It's about our tennis team actually… we're really not very good, you know? We don't have many people either. And if all the third-years graduate by the next tournament, we'll be in even worse shape. There are a lot of freshmen who joined but who didn't start playing tennis until high school, so they're not very used to it yet… and because we're so weak we can't get motivated either. I mean, it's not like people need to compete for spots to play, so…"

"I see."

That made sense. Actually, that seemed like a common problem for the smaller, weaker sports teams.

Because your team wasn't very good, people didn't join. And because there weren't many people, nobody competed for a spot on the starting lineup.

Even if you took a break or skipped practice, you could play in the tournament, and as long as you were playing matches, you felt involved enough. There were definitely plenty of people who could be fully satisfied by that even if they didn't win any matches.

Those players were never going to get any better. And then, because they didn't, the team had no hope of attracting new players. And thus continued the vicious cycle.

"So… if Hikigaya-kun is okay with it, won't he consider joining the tennis team?"

"… Huh?" And there is the other shoe. He wanted to use me.

He wanted to use. I rolled the words around in my mouth while I gestured for him to continue.

Totsuka seemed to shrink into himself as he sat there hugging his knees. He glanced at me once in a while with pleading eyes.

"Hikigaya-kun is good at tennis, and I think he can get better and better. I think he can motivate the others too. And… if it's with Hikigaya-kun, I think I can try harder too. U-Umm… I don't mean that in a weird way or anything! I-It's just that I want to get stronger at tennis!"

Was he using some sort of flattery to get me to agree? Was he using his appearance and its effect on people to get what he wanted?

Was he using me? Was he trying to pull at my heartstrings? Not with love or lust, that would have never have worked but using innocence? Using the concept of obligation of protect?

Whether he was actually a cunning actor or not was not important. I had an excuse to use. The service club. My sanctuary turned meat shield.

"… Sorry. I don't think I can do that…" Keep it nice and vague, an 'innocent' person would not ask why but a frustrated actor might slip with his façade.

"… I see…"

Totsuka seemed disappointed. Key word here: Seemed. People seem nice and moral but stick them on an island with no authority and the fat ones die first. Perhaps he was good actor, either that or he was an actual 'innocent' person. Ha! Like one actually exists in this day and age especially at his age.

Concealing my thoughts, I tried to find something to say in this situation.

"Well umm… don't worry. I'll try to figure something out."

Nice empty promise that only the actor would try and force into something real.

"Thanks. I think I feel a bit better after talking with Hikigaya-kun."

Totsuka smiled at me.

Maybe I was wrong. I wanted to be wrong, I wanted to meet and converse with an 'innocent' being but wanting to be wrong can cloud judgement.

I knew right then I needed to be on guard whenever I was with Totsuka Saika. He could be more dangerous than nice girls.

***

I acted out of character.

"No."

That was the first thing Yukinoshita said to me.

"No, huh"

"The no is no." Yes I know what no means, who do you take me for? Yuigahama?

This had started when I took Totsuka's words and went to Yukinoshita to see if she was able to do something. Her one word answer summed it up.

"But Totsuka should be happy if something can be done to improve the tennis team…"

As I spoke, Yukinoshita widened her eyes and stared at me.

"How unusual… Since when were you the type of person to worry about others?" Oh come on. I care about people. Just a small population. I'll have you know that I nearly cried during the first Pokemon film.

"This is the first time someone's asked me for advice, so, you know…"

In the end, getting asked for help by a person like Totsuka did make me somewhat happy. Yukinoshita butted in.

"I've often been asked for love advice in the past."

Her chest puffed out proudly as she spoke, but her expression gradually darkened.

"…Although when a girl asks for love advice, it's usually just a strategy to tie others down."

"... I see." Sadly I really did see. I called it a declaration of intent.

"'If I announce who I like, then the people around me will start to be more careful, right? It's like marking your territory. Once it's a known fact, trespassing will get you treated like a thief and thrown out. Even a guy who confesses will still get thrown out."

Yes I know. It is probably a bit presumptuous to say but I would like to believe I am the master of human psychology. Why are you telling me things I figured out years ago.

Yukinoshita suddenly laughed wryly, as if to wash away her unpleasant memories.

"In short, don't just assume that it's a good thing to listen to every wish and try to help everyone. Isn't it an old saying? 'Even lions will throw their cubs into bottomless pits and kill them.'"

I'm pretty sure that's not how the saying goes... either way she was right. Good people who help others get taken advantage of. It starts with cleaning the archery club after school, the next thing you know you get stabbed through the chest with a lance by some guy in a blue body suit. Wait that has nothing to do with being good and taken advantage of. Had her crappy metaphor messed with my reasoning?

"So what would you do, then?" I asked of her. When in doubt, delegate. That way if they fail it is their fault!

"Me?"

The confused Yukinoshita blinked a few times, and then fell into thought.

"I suppose I would make them all run until they died, then make them practice racquet swings until they died, and then make them play practice matches until they died."

She said all that with a bit of a smile on her face. It was quite scary. That was a lot of dying. You do know people stay dead when they die right? Unless they are the protagonist, or this is a specialised afterlife to enjoy the school life you missed out on.

The door flew open with a bang causing me to jump in my seat. Hey, don't go breaking school property! It's a crime y'know.

"Heyoo~~!!"

In complete contrast to Yukinoshita, Yuigahama entered with that happy-go-lucky, screwed-in-the-head greeting. A greeting that was probably a greeting all normal people gave to each other. What is the world coming to? Besides porn obviously.

Yuigahama had her usual stupid grin on her face. She seemed as carefree as ever.

However, there was someone else behind her with a serious yet feeble-looking expression on his face.

His lowered eyes were devoid of confidence, and he was weakly gripping the hem of Yuigahama's blazer. His skin was pale white. He reminded me of a faint dream, something that would disappear the minute you looked at it under the light. Sally-Anne Perks?

"Ah… Hikigaya-kun!"

He gave me a bright smile the moment he saw me, and colour seemed to return to his pale skin. When he smiled like that, I finally realized who he was. Why did he look so gloomy…?

"Totsuka…"

He slowly pitter-pattered towards me, and this time, he grabbed my sleeve tightly. The upturned expression searched my face. Hey there is a limit to one's acting skill!

"Hikigaya-kun, what are you doing here?"

"Ah, I'm a member of this club… Why are you here?"

"I brought a new customer with me today, fufu~~." You brought us work. You brought us work?! Well it was Totsuka who I wanted to know what kind of person he really was so I'll let you off this one time. Don't make it a habit though.

"Hey, come on--I'm a part of this club too, ya know? So I thought I'd earn my keep. And Sai-chan looked like he had something on his mind, so I brought him here."

"Yuigahama-san."

"Yukinon, you really don't have to thank me. As a club member, this is the least I can do--"

"Yuigahama-san, I really don't see how you're a club member…"

"I'm not?!"

She's not?! That's shocking… I thought it was pretty clear that she was slowly becoming part of the club. Granted I rather she wasn't but she had been growing on me. Like a tapeworm.

"That's right. You never handed in your application letter and our advisor has not recognized your membership, so you're not a club member."

Yukinoshita was pointlessly strict when it came to the rules. Damn woman, getting my hopes up for nothing.

"I'll write one! If you want an application letter then I'll write you a million! Just let me join up!"

Yuigahama had tears in her eyes as she took a random piece of loose paper and began to write.

Let her in, she would likely made due with her threat a write hundreds of application letters. Airheads.

"So, Totsuka Saika-kun… Right? What do you want from us?"

Yukinoshita ignored the hastily-writing Yuigahama and turned towards Totsuka. Totsuka began to shake as he was pinned in place by Yukinoshita's cold stare.

"U-Umm… I want… to make the tennis team… better, I guess…?"

Totsuka was looking at Yukinoshita at first, but as the sentence progressed, he slowly turned to look towards me. Totsuka was shorter than me, so he was looking up at me as he tried to gauge my reaction.

Please don't stare at me… My heart's starting to race, dammit, so look somewhere else. I'm starting to think that he is an actual genuine person.

"I don't know what Yuigahama-san told you, but the service club is not some miracle cure-all. We are here only to help and promote independence. Whether the tennis team gets better or not completely depends on you."

"I… see…"

Totsuka shoulders drooped; he looked completely disappointed. Yuigahama must have told him something to get his hopes up…

"Where's that seal, where's that seal…" Yuigahama muttered as she began to rummage through her bag. I glared at her, and as she felt my stare, she looked up.

"Huh? What is it?"

"Don't give me that… You made irresponsible false promises, and now we have to break this young man's fragile hopes and dreams." Under normal circumstances it wasn't something I wouldn't like to do...

Yukinoshita threw merciless words at Yuigahama, but Yuigahama just cocked her head in puzzlement.

"Hm? Hmmm? But, I mean, I thought Yukinon and Hikki would definitely be able to do something… Was I wrong?"

Yuigahama said that in a completely nonchalant tone. Depending on how you took that statement, you could almost hear a bit of a teasing challenge in it too.

And, unfortunately, there was someone here who would take it just that way. It was like a berserk button but for only one sucker.

"...Hmph. Now you've said it, Yuigahama-san… Whether the one over there can do anything is another issue, but to think you would try to test me like this…"

She wasn't. Please don't be this easy.

Yukinoshita laughed. Ahh, it looked like some weird switch had just flipped on inside of her… Yukinoshita Yukino was the kind of person who took all challenges head-on and used all her strength to smash them to pieces--hell, she would smash them to pieces even if she wasn't provoked.

What a brute.

"Well then, fine, Totsuka-kun: I will accept your request. All I have to do is help you improve your tennis ability, right?"

"Y-yes, that's right. I-if I get better, I think everyone else will try harder too." Ah follow the leader. It would only work if they respected and loved you in the first place. Well if rumours are going around with people calling you "the prince" then I guess that strategy could work.

Maybe he felt pressured by Yukinoshita's wide-eyed stare, but Totsuka was hiding behind me as he answered. His face peeked out from just slightly above my shoulder, and I saw uneasy fear in his eyes. It was almost like looking at a trembling wild rabbit. Seriously if he is acting I'm sure Leonardo DiCaprio would happily lose to him for the Oscar.

I wanted to alleviate Totsuka's unease, so I took one step forward to protect him.

When I was close to Totsuka, I could smell the scent of shampoo and deodorant. He smelled indescribably like a high school girl… What the hell kind of shampoo was he using?

Seriously! What is up with this guy?!

"Well, it's fine if we help, but what are we going to do?" I asked of the Ice Queen.

"I said it already, didn't I? Do you not remember? If you don't trust your memory, perhaps you should consider taking notes?"

"Wait, don't tell me you were being serious back there…" People do die when they are killed or worked to death y'know. Well unless they had eaten the Yomi Yomi no Mi fruit.

Totsuka's white skin became paler and he began to tremble.

"Am I… going to die…?"

"It's fine. I'll protect you."

I said that and pat Totsuka on the shoulder. When I did that, Totsuka blushed and sent me a heated look.

"Hikigaya-kun… Are you saying that seriously?"

"... Yes?" Did I overstep some boundary? If so I apologise, I am not the most social of people.

"Hm, so Totsuka-kun has tennis practice after school, correct? Well then, let's start our special training sessions during lunch break. Shall we meet on the courts?"

Yukinoshita interrupted Totsuka and began to quickly make plans for tomorrow and beyond.

"Roger~~!"

Yuigahama held out the application letter she had just finished writing as she answered. Totsuka also nodded. So… That meant…

"So… I'm going too?" Knowing the answer and possible insult she was going to fire my way.

"Naturally. After all, it's not like you have any other plans for lunch break, right?"

Predictable.