The Entry Of Zaimokuza

It was the next day. When I headed for the club room, I was surprised to see Yukinoshita and Yuigahama both standing in front of the door. I wondered what in the world they were doing until I saw that, for some reason, the door was ajar and they were peeking inside.

Well, this is new. Already I knew it was going to be a shit day. Might as well get my suffering over and done with, so what has society got for me today?

"What are you two doing?"

"Hyahh!" at the same time the two girls jumped in shock.

"Hikigaya-kun… You surprised me…" ' she shur is cute OMG control your thoughts Hachiman '

"I'm the one who's surprised here…"

What kind of reaction was that? It reminded me of what happens if I come across my family's pet cat in the living room during the middle of the night. Now that I think about it, that cat is likely the only being I can actually stand in this world. Huh, something to think about.

"Could you not suddenly call out to us like that?"

"My apologies, next time I will try to creep up behind you and tap you on the shoulder instead. What's the worst that could happen? Anyway what are you doing?"

"There's a suspicious person in the clubroom."

"You two are the suspicious ones here…"

"Quiet--that's enough. Would you be so kind as to go in and see who this person is?"

Yukinoshita ordered me with a testy look on her face.

I did as I was told, stepping in front of the two girls and carefully opening the door. I entered the room.

As soon as I opened the door, we were met by a breeze. It was a breeze typical of this near-the-sea school, and as it whirled around the clubroom, it sent papers flying.

The spectacle reminded me of those magic tricks where many white doves flew out of a magician's silk hat. And there, in the center of that world of white, stood one person.

"Ku ku ku, to think we would meet at a place like this… What a surprise. I've been waiting for you, Hikigaya Hachiman."

Someone has been looking for me. Someone probably wants something from me. Someone is assuming that they can take my reading time away from me. That someone is going to be a dead body floating face down in a river in a minute.

I pushed my way through the whirling white papers to get a good look at my future victim.

I took one look at the tubby bastard before searching around for a blunt object. Pity there was no lava stream behind him where I could drop kick him in.

"Hikigaya-kun, that one over there seems to know you…"

Yukinoshita, who was hiding behind me, looked suspiciously back and forth between me and "that thing over there." Zaimokuza seemed to cower for a moment under her ill-mannered stare, but he soon returned his gaze to me. Then he crossed his arms and began to laugh once again in his low voice.

Huh so this is what bloodlust feels like. What a blinding emotion. Suppress, suppress, suppress.

He used exaggerated motions, shrugging his shoulders and slowly shaking his head.

"To think that you would forget your old partner… How low of you, Hachiman."

"He's calling you his old partner…"

SUPPRESS! SUPPRESS!

"Indeed, old partner. You still remember, do you not? How we braved those hellish times together…"

In and out, deep breaths. In and out.

"They paired us up in gym class. That was it…"

"Hmph. Customs so evil as that may only be called hell-"

With great practice I drowned him out, nodded to seem like I gave a damn.

Wait, this was not class, I did not have to put up with his delusions.

"What do you want, Zaimokuza?"

"Hng, so you speak the name engraved- blah blah blah."

Just looking at him made a throbbing pain run through my head.

"Hey… What exactly is that supposed to be?"

Crap I forgot I was not alone with this guy, clearly I needed to work on my awareness if I was to pull off a successful murder.

"This guy is Zaimokuza Yoshiteru… We used to be gym partners."

Honestly, that's all it was. My relationship with Zaimokuza extended no further than that. Full stop. So the question is: Why the hell was he here?

As Yukinoshita listened to my explanation, she looked back and forth between me and Zaimokuza. That seemed to satisfy her, and she nodded.

"Birds of a feather flock together, don't they?"

No. Do not put me in the same category as him. I will find a car boot with enough space for two bodies.

"Hachiman. This is the service club, is it not?"

Oh, a wonderful way to escape this hell. I just need to lie. But before I could open my mouth, Yukinoshita answered in my place.

"Yeah, this is the service club."

That's it, I'm widening my search for a car with enough room in the trunk.

Zaimokuza looked over at Yukinoshita for a brief second before immediately returning his gaze to me. Why the hell did he have to look at me?

"…I-is that so? Therefore, if Hiratsuka-sensei spoke true, Hachiman, you have a duty to grant my wishes, do you not? To think that after so many hundreds of years you would once again return to my service… This must be the work of the Hachiman Great Bodhisattva."

"It's not like the service club is here to grant your wishes… We just help you out a bit." I stated, trying to fight off a migraine that threatened to appear.

"…H-hm. Then, Hachiman, lend me your hand. Fu fu fu, now that I think about it… We are equals, are we not? Equals who, just as in times of old, will seek to conquer all that lies under heaven!"

The battle was unsuccessful, the migraine won, causalities: me.

"It simply seems that the hearts of man have fallen from the ways of the days of yore. Oh, how I miss the pure times of the Muromachi Era… Do you not feel the same, Hachiman?"

"Absolutely not. And seriously, go die." I poured all my feeling into those words and as excepted, the asshole did not drop dead. Whose soul must I sell to get my hands on a Death Note?

"Ku ku ku. As if death can scare me… It would just grant me a whole new world to conquer!"

Zaimokuza lifted his arms high, his coat fluttering in the breeze.

He really had a huge tolerance for people telling him to die.

"Uwahh…" "Hikigaya-kun, could I speak with you for just a moment…?"

Yuigahama seemed seriously repulsed. Her face even seemed a bit pale to me. Yukinoshita pulled on my sleeve and whispered in my ear. my cheeks are getting red damn but felt I can even smell her shampoo.

"What is going on? What is up with this master fencer general whatever?"

"That is chuunibyou. Just chuunibyou."

"Choo-nee-byou?"

Yuigahama, who also trying to listen in to our conversation, joined in.

"That some kind of disease?"

"It's not like it's a real disease… Just think of it as a slang term."

In short, chuunibyou referred to a sequence of really embarrassingly painful behaviors often seen in middle schoolers.

And even amongst those people, Zaimokuza was a particularly bad case. I should pity the bastard if he was not so God damn annoying.

And so I briefly explained what chuunibyou was, and Yukinoshita seemed satisfied with that. I think this every single time, but I always truly admire how quickly this girl's mind can turn--it's almost as if I can say just one thing and she's already ten steps ahead of me. She never even needs that much explanation to understand the heart of a situation.

"I have no idea what's going on…"

In stark contrast to Yukinoshita, Yuigahama didn't seem very happy; she was muttering blankly. To be fair, I don't think that I would understand either if I had only heard my explanation… Honestly, understanding that quickly made Yukinoshita the strange one.

"Hm, so it's like using some backstory you dreamed up and putting on a play based on that, right?"

"That's pretty much it. In his case ... I have no idea."

"So why does he consider you his companion?"

"I am guessing he probably took Hachiman and turned it into the Hachiman Great Bodhisattva."

After I responded, Yukinoshita suddenly fell into silence. What was wrong? I gave her a questioning look, and I saw that she was staring at me with wide eyes.

"I'm surprised. You're quite informed."

Who hasn't Googled their name to see what appears?

"Zaimokuza's way of bringing up every little piece of historical trivia gets really annoying, but at least he's basing his character on real history."

Hearing that, Yukinoshita glanced briefly at Zaikomokuza and questioned me with a genuine look of displeasure on her face.

"…You're saying there are ones worse than that?"

"Yes."

"So, just for my personal reference, what kinds of people are those?"

"No idea but sadly, they do exist. They need help. Serious medical help." Seriously.

Yukinoshita gave me a teasing smile and walked away from me, heading for Zaimokuza.

As I watched her retreating back, a thought suddenly struck me: How did Yukinoshita quickly accept my explanation of what is eighth grade syndrome? Was she more familiar with it than she let on?

Before I knew it, Yukinoshita was already standing right in front of Zaimokuza. Yuigahama was loudly whispering, "Yukinon, run away!"

I would pity the guy but see above.

"I think I understand. You're here so we can help you cure this sickness, am I correct?"

"…Hachiman. I have joined you here to see if you will abide by your oath to grant our wishes. It is but a single, sublime desire."

Zaimokuza averted his gaze from Yukinoshita and looked at me. He'd definitely switched between first person and the royal "we" just then… How confused was this person?

Then I realized something. That guy… Every time Yukinoshita spoke to him, he definitely turned toward me instead.

Oh my! Was our resident Ice Queen super effective on this asshole? Did she make him feel uncomfortable? Have a taste of your own medicine, see how you like it!

"I'm the one talking here. When someone speaks to you, you should try and face that person directly." Yukinoshita spoke in a cold voice as she grabbed Zaimokuza by the collar, forcing him to face her straight on.

I could not help but feel that Yukinoshita was venting for some reason. Who would be dumb enough to purposely ignore her?

When Yukinoshita released Zaimokuza's collar, he began to cough severely. It really wasn't a good time for him to try and stay in character.

"… M-Mwahahaha… By Jove…"

"Additionally, stop talking like that."

Yeah! You tell him, girl. Stick it to the man.

"..."

Yukinoshita struck him down, and so the silenced Zaimokuza looked down at the ground.

"Why are you wearing a coat in this season?"

And now I am indifferent to you again. Why did you have to pull the pin on that grenade?

"… H-hmph. This cloak, as one of my twelve divine instruments, protects me from the demonic energies of this world. But each time I reincarnate into this world, it is this cloak that allows me to choose the most appropriate form to take. Fuwahahaha!"

"Stop talking like that."

"Ah, okay…"

Good save but my ears are bleeding from that explanation. Have you learnt your lesson? Don't ask for details, just politely nod and think of Chiba. These delusional poor bastards could go on for hours talking about themselves. They have spent days, rehearsing their 'speeches' in front of the mirror.

"So, why are you wearing fingerless gloves? Is there a point to that? Those won't protect your fingers."

Oh for the love of- Did you not learn your lesson woman! I immediately tuned the noise coming out of the other guy's mouth.

Zaimokuza started with a boisterous laugh, but it soon devolved into a slightly tearful sigh. And then he once again fell into silence.

Perhaps she took pity on him at that point, but… Yukinoshita suddenly changed course, putting on a kind-looking expression.

"In any case, is it fine if we simply say that you want this disease cured?"

"…Ah, it's not really a disease though…"

Zaimokuza, who still wasn't looking Yukinoshita in the eye, spoke in a very small voice. He just glanced at me every now and then with a troubled expression on his face.

He had completely returned to his true self.

Congratulations Yukinoshita! You managed to destroy a slightly mentally altered person. Have a cookie. that's why I am interested in her.

It seemed that Zaimokuza was incapable of staying in character while subject to Yukinoshita's sparkling gaze.

A shuffle made me aware of the fourth member in the room. Yuigahama had step on something.

It was one of the papers that had been flown through the room earlier.

She started to pick them up, while I watched on. I was too tired today to start helping people, if you want to blame someone, blame that fool.

"This is…"

Yuigahama raised her gaze from the page and looked into the middle of the room. These pages, typeset with forty-two words on each of the thirty-four lines, were scattered all throughout the room. The airhead started to pick them up one by one and arranged them in sequential order.

Yuigahama looked at the papers held in her hands.

"What's that?" I asked, hoping that it would lead to an event that would lead to the guy leaving.

She passed me the bundle of papers and I began to flip through them, checking their contents. I could almost see a question mark floating above her head as she also tried to read the pages, but she finally gave out a long sigh and gave up.

"What's this?" she asked.

Having given it a quick look through, I answered, "A draft of a novel… I think."

In response, Zaimokuza cleared his throat as if trying to reset the conversation.

"I am grateful for your keen insight. Indeed, that is a manuscript for a light novel. I intend to apply to a certain novel competition for new authors, but I have no friends, and so I have no second opinions. Read that, if you would."

"For some reason, I get the feeling that there was something really sad in the middle of that…" Not that it came as a shock to me. Huh, maybe faking chuunibyou could drive people away from me. Food for thought.

Anyway, if Zaimokuza wanted to be a light novel author, then that was normal.

Coming all this way to show his work to us, on the other hand, was not normal. I knew of a way to remove me from doing work.

"There are sites where you can put this kind of stuff up and ask for feedback, so why don't you just try one of those?"

"No use--those people have no mercy. Too much criticism. I would probably die."

…What a fucking weakling.

But certainly, on the internet, others show no restraint at all. They'll say what they want, whereas your friends would be more considerate of your feelings and try to say stuff to make you feel better about yourself.

Generally speaking, considering our relationship with Zaimokuza, we couldn't be too strict with him. I will be though; idiot is cutting into my reading time that I could spend on actual novels. Worldwide acclaimed novels.

It's definitely difficult to dole out a harsh critique when you're looking at the other person in the eye. But for him, I would make an exception. Aren't I kind?

I glanced to my side and let out half a chuckle. I may not be the only one who was going to rip this guy a new one. I met Yukinoshita's gaze; she had a blank look on her face.

"Yukinoshita is probably going to be harsher than the people online, you know?" I said with a smile.

Hey, maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

Yukinoshita, Yuigahama, and I each took a copy of Zaimokuza's manuscript with us. We'd decided we would spend a night reading it. Well I said that but having flicked through it, it was going to take me hours.

Hours.

I am not going to sacrifice my time in the void (sleeping) on reading a shitty novel.

So I read a bit of it before I went to bed, a bit in the morning and some more during the break time and lunch time.

If I were to slap a label onto Zaimokuza's light novel, I would call it a superhuman action novel set in a school. The main character was not called Taylor.

It took place in a certain small city in Japan, a place where, under the cover of darkness, there were constant battles between secret organizations and superpowered reincarnators. In the midst of that, a completely ordinary young man awakened to his hidden powers and began to spectacularly mow down his enemies one after another.

The same generic shouen crap. If you have read one, you've read them all.

When the final bell rang, I made my way to the room.

"Hey! Wait, wait!"

As I entered the special building, I heard a voice call to me and turned around. Yuigahama was chasing after me; a flimsy-looking schoolbag banged against one shoulder with every step. Ah yes, the so called price of fashion.

"Someone is lively today, wait, how can you look completely fine after reading that?"

She forgot.

"Eh?"

Yuigahama blinked a few times.

"…Ah… y-you're right. I'm sooooo sleepy right now…"

She definitely forgot.

"You definitely didn't read it, did you…?"

Yuigahama gazed out the window and hummed, ignoring my question. She was feigning innocence, but I could see cold sweat start to drip down her cheeks and neck.

Hey, at least I gave it a semi-serious stab at it. You could have at least read the first chapter or something. Then again, probably asking too much of her.

I opened the clubroom door and was greeted by the rare sight of Yukinoshita nodding off.she is damn cute when she sleep I should save this in my memory . but the thought just went like that as if nothing in reality because Yuigahama.

My annoyance at Yuigahama evaporated. Looks like someone wasted their night doing something 'productive'. Is your sense of duty that strong? I should feel impressed but in reality I feel pity for you.

Noting that I could get a few minutes peace. I softly pulled up a chair and started to finish the disaster known as Zaimokuza's novel.

My ten minutes in heaven was interrupted by Yukinoshita who let out a kitty-like yawn and stretched grandly, extending both her hands above her head.

I wasn't deep in the story so I could hear what she was saying when Yukinoshita opened her mouth.

Luckily for me, my trusted social meat shield in the form of Yuigahama managed to control the conversation.

"From the looks of it, you also had a pretty hard fight last night, didn't you?"

"Yes, it's been quite a while since I've worked all night… After all, I've never read anything quite like this. I don't think I can bring myself to like this sort of thing very much."

"Yeah. It was also pretty bad for me."

You didn't read it at all. Go and read it now, dammit.

As if she could read my thoughts Yuigahama let out a grumpy groan and took out the manuscript in question from her bag. There wasn't a single crease in her copy; it was in perfect condition. Then Yuigahama began to flip through the manuscript at an insane pace.

She really looked bored out of her mind when she was reading it. Having had my fill of other people's misery I turned back to the tragedy in my hands.

It wasn't long until I heard a gruff knock on the clubroom door.

"This one begs your pardon…"

Zaimokuza once again spoke in an archaic fashion and entered into the room.

If you really want my pardon, get on your knees, mongrel.

"Well then, let's hear your impressions."

Zaimokuza docked himself into a chair and crossed his arms arrogantly. There was a sense of superiority coming from God-knows-where on his face. It was an expression overflowing with confidence.

Someone, please puncture his undeserved ego. Preferable with a trident to the face.

It was Yukinoshita who was sitting across from him, spoke up.

"I'm sorry. I don't really understand these kinds of things too well, but…"

Yukinoshita started off with that, but Zaimokuza responded completely calmly.

"I don't mind. Even ones such as I occasionally wish to hear the opinions of the common folk. Speak your mind."

Scratch the trident, someone get me a truck.

"I see." Yukinoshita responded shortly and took a deep breath, steeling her resolve.

"It was boring. In fact, it was almost painful to read. It was boring beyond imagination."

"Oofgh!"

Zaimokuza was cut down in a single stroke…

His chair rattled as he rocked backwards in it, but Zaimokuza managed to find his balance and sit upright again.

Actually this works just as well.

"H-hmm… Well then, for future reference, would you kindly inform me: which parts of the work were boring?"

"First off, the grammar was a mess. Why did you reverse the word order of sentences so much? Don't you know how to use particles? Didn't they teach you that in elementary school?"

"Nghhh… I believed that style would be better at engaging the readers with the work…"

To be fair, writing is difficult. Still, I was not going to tell him that.

"Shouldn't you only think about things like that once you've managed to write past the bare minimum standard of proper Japanese? Additionally, you abuse furigana[76] far too often. Here you write 'nouryoku' but have the furigana 'chikara'[77] above it… No one pronounces it that way. Furthermore, you wrote 'Genkou Hasen' here, which is more-or-less 'Phantom Crimson Slash,' but you wrote above it 'Bloody Nightmare Slasher.' Where exactly did the 'nightmare' come from?"

"Ufghh! O-Ooo… You're wrong! All the supernatural battle novels lately have used lots of furigana…"

I really wish I tune out his excuses and rationalisation.

"That's strictly for your own self-satisfaction. It isn't going to reach anyone else. Do you really want others to read this? If you really do, then you also have to make it less predictable. I could tell what was coming in the story from miles away and there was no sign that things would get more interesting. And why is the heroine stripping here? There's absolutely no lead-up to it."

"Hnghhh! B-but novels that don't have that kind of thing in them don't sell… so you have to… That is…"

Sadly, he does have a point. Sex sells after all. A crappy plot can be excused as long as there are busty bombshells stripping. Why do you think the Harem genre is so damn popular?

"Also, the narration is too long and has so many convoluted kanji, so it's just really hard to read. Also, please refrain from trying to make people read an unfinished story. Before we even talk about literary style, maybe you should go and get some common sense."

"Pnnghyahhh!!"

Zaimokuza stretched out his limbs and let out a shriek. His shoulders convulsed, and he looked up at the ceiling with blank eyes. His little overreaction was getting a bit annoying, it was ruining my joy at his despair.

Be upset properly damn it! I want my pound of flesh!

"Let's stop there for now. It'd probably be bad if you went through everything in a single sitting."

"I still have a lot more to say, though… Well then, fine. I suppose Yuigahama-san is next."

"Eh?! M-me?!"

Yuigahama seemed shocked, and Zaimokuza faced her with a pleading expression. His eyes were tearing up. Yuigahama probably saw that and pitied the poor fellow, so she seemed to try and think of some compliment she could pay him. She fell into thought while staring off into the air and summoned up a few words of encouragement.

"U-umm… Y-you sure do know a lot of tough words…"

I would not help by flinch at such brutal words. Thankfully the other guy's expression was obnoxious enough that my reaction went unnoticed.

"Uwaaagghhhh!!"

"You finished him off…"

To aspiring novelists, that phrase was an absolute taboo. After all, think about it… It meant that it was the only good thing Yuigahama could say about Zaimokuza's novel. It was a common phrase to hear when someone writing a light novel asked people not used to light novels for their opinions. And it was absolutely equivalent to being told that your work was not interesting at all.

"W-well then… Hikki, go ahead."

Yuigahama almost seemed to be running away when she stood up and offered me her seat. I sat right in front of Zaimokuza and Yuigahama took another seat diagonally behind me.

It seemed that she no longer could handle looking Zaimokuza straight in the eyes when he was in this completely burned-out, pale state.

"G-gnnghh… H-Hachiman. You understand me, right? The world I created, this vast landscape of light novel magnificence… You understand it, right? You understand this profound story I spun and all these other fools cannot hope to appreciate… Right?"

Yeah-no. I am a consumer of great literature. Not this trash. Do not ever claim that I could ever understand you.

Zaimokuza looked at me with eyes of absolute trust.

I guess that as a man, I had to answer truthfully here. I took one deep breath and spoke.

"So, just where did you rip-off that off from?"

"Hnghh?! B-bbnggh… Gurgle…"

Zaimokuza writhed back and forth on the floor, but stopped once he crashed right into the wall. Then he just lay there, not moving a muscle. His empty eyes stared up at the ceiling, and a single tear streaked down his cheek. It was the look of a man who was ready to die.

Damn it, breaking him was not satisfying at all. I'll have to try harder next time. Maybe Yuigahama could give me pointers. After all, nice girls are the most hurtful of them all.

Zaimokuza did a few breathing exercises to calm himself down, as if he was in a Lamaze class, and then stood up on a newborn deer's shaky limbs.

Then he dusted himself off with his hands and looked directly at me.

"…Would you… read my work again?"

Oh Hell No.

You have already taken an afternoon and evening, I refuse to give you anymore.

He repeated himself… This time with a clearer, stronger voice.

"Would you read my work again?"

I did what I could do in that situation. Shrug my shoulders in a non committing gesture.

He faced me and Yukinoshita with fire in his eyes.

"You…"

"Are you a complete masochist?"

"That certainly was quite harsh criticism. That certainly did make me think that I wanted to die, that I'm unpopular and have no friends anyway… Or, rather, that made me want everyone else to die."

Zaimokuza had taken those words head-on, and was still here talking to us. Maybe, just maybe there was a microgram of respect I felt for him.

"However… However, those words still made me happy. To have something I wrote for fun read by someone else, critiqued by someone else… That is definitely not a bad thing. It's not clear to me what I should call these feelings right now, though… But having my work read definitely makes me happy."

Having said that, Zaimokuza smiled.

It wasn't the smile of the master fencer general… It was the smile of Zaimokuza Yoshiteru.

I misunderstood him.

This guy wasn't just a chuunibyou. No, he also suffered from a bad case of Writer Fever.

He wanted to write because he had something he wanted to tell others. And if he could touch someone's heart that way, then he was happy. So he would write and write and write, over and over again. Even if nobody acknowledged what he wrote, he would continue writing.

I could acknowledge those feeling and that drive. The authors of the books I read were probably the same at the start. Look at them now, producing works that I enjoy. Perhaps one day this delusional fool could also contribute to this paradise.

And so there was only one way I could respond:

"Sure, I'll read it."

"When I finish a new novel, I'll bring it here."

Zaimokuza said those words, turned his back to us, and strode grandly from the room.

If he was willing to change just because someone rejected his ideas, then his commitment was weak and he was lying to himself.

Katana are forged and folded countless time to become supreme. They go through fire and pressure but in the end, they become works of art.

So Zaimokuza was fine like this.

Well, except for those really aggravating parts of his personality, those really need to be burnt away.