Not my fault!

"Edward"

My body froze. That was the one name, I had hoped to avoid forever. Seeing my distress, Paul practically manhandled Connie out of his house. When he came back, I was still in the same spot as before.

"It's ok Bella" Paul soothed as he wrapped his arms around me.

I was vaguely aware of his body heat wrapped around me as Edward's name repeated over and over again in my head like in a horror movie. Paul stepped back and stroked my cheeks as he looked into my eyes. He waited patiently for me to slowly come around and focus on him. Once I did, I felt my heartbeat pick up, my breathing came out in gasps.

"Shh, it's ok" he chanted as he wrapped me up again. "Just focus on me, Bella."

It took a while, but I eventually managed to slow my breathing and heart rate down. I gripped his shirt as I rested my head on his solid chest. His rhythmic breathing was soothing as my panic slowly died down.

"Are you ok?" he asked, I couldn't talk so I just nodded.

Gently, Paul guided me into the bedroom and sat me down on the bed. He knelt in front of me as I fiddled with my hands.

"Bella?" he asked but I couldn't look at him.

Someone knocked on the door, Paul sighed and got up. I wasn't aware of anything until I heard my dad's voice. Slowly, I stood up and walked towards the door. As I approached I could hear them talking.

".... I'm worried about her Charlie," Paul said.

"Why? What's happened, son?"

"Someone dropped by to welcome me home, an ex of sorts. When she found out who Bella was, she said some crude things she'd been told about her and Bella slapped her."

"That's my girl!"

"Yeah," Paul chuckled. "She's a lot like you!"

"Anyway, Bella asked her who'd told her about her. All this woman did was say the name Edward and Bella pretty much freaked out. Naturally, I dragged the woman out but when I got back to her, she was panicking. Who is Edward?"

I held my breath; my dad didn't know anything as far as I was aware.

"She should be the one to tell you, not me," he sighed.

My brows knitted, 'Does he know?" I thought to myself. 'That sounded like he knew.'

"Charlie, please. Whenever she gets to that part she panics or freezes. I can't help her if I don't have a clue."

"She's never told me what happened, but I knew." I gasped louder than I thought.

"Bella?" Paul called, and I walked through.

Paul and Charlie watched me with wary expressions on their faces. However, my gaze was looked on Dad's.

"How?" was all I could ask as I looked at him.

Charlie walked up to me and hugged me, he actually hugged me. Not the usual one-armed hug that he gives everyone.

"I've always known kiddo, I'm a cop after all. Before I could see small little things that had me concerned but I was sure. Afterwards, you changed. You flinched a lot, you wore lots of oversized clothes. You went from talking with Edward all day every day to avoiding even hearing his name. If you did hear his name, a wild panicked look came over your eyes."

My throat constricted as my heart hammered in my chest.

"Plus, I've seen too many young girls in similar situations."

Fresh tears flowed down my face as I hugged him. Sometimes he could be really dense, and then other times, like now, he seemed to know everything.

"You need to talk about it, Bella," he told me. "I know it's painful, but you need to get it out or it will crush you."

I nodded; I knew he was right but the idea of telling either of them was too much. Charlie seemed to be reading my mind.

"How about talking to Sue, she's a registered nurse and she also works a couple of days at the centre as a counsellor. Many young girls and older women go through similar things and they talk to her," he suggested.

I thought about it and nodded, it sounded better than telling two men. Charlie smiled as I moved away to hug Paul. He got out his phone and rang Sue. She came around almost immediately, and Charlie made Paul leave the house. I smiled at the look on Paul's face, I could tell he wanted to stay and protect me.

Sue sat across the table from me and she didn't speak or get me to. Her long black hair flowed straight down, and her dark eyes appeared soft and kind, I found myself smiling at her.

"Thank you for coming to the wedding," she said as she leaned over to grip my hand.

"Thanks for inviting me, and I'm sorry I didn't stay in the room that you'd made ready for me," I blushed.

Suddenly I felt really bad for not staying with her. Until she looked at me confused.

"Room? I mean I have a spare room for you to use, but I didn't get it ready specifically for you. It's always ready in case we have visitors."

"Dad told me that you'd made me a room to stay in, you know so I could visit more," I explained, Sue shook her head with a sigh.

"I'm going to kill that man," she laughed.

I raised my eyebrows at her, I didn't know if I should laugh or not, I wanted to but still.

"Don't get me wrong, I would love to see you more. You know to get to know my, soon to be, stepdaughter. However, I never intended to give you your own room. One, because you have your own home somewhere else with commitments and responsibilities, which means you'd maybe visit a few times a year. Two, because I only have that spare room now because Leah has moved out. She got married to Quil, you know one of Jake's friends," to say I was surprised was an understatement.

"Leah married Quil?" I gasped and Sue laughed

"Yeah, I know right, they are the strangest pair. Leah is very aggressive whereas he is very passive, though it works for them. They even have a little one on the way, my first grandchild, I feel old," she laughed.

"If it's any consolation you don't look old enough to have a grandkid," I offered with a smile, I was really warming up to her.

"Thank you, Bella," she chuckled.

"Aren't we meant to be talking about something else?" I asked.

I thought counsellors and therapists want you to talk about the problem, in great detail. Sue smirked at me.

"Are we? Well, I guess that's up to you. If you want to talk about it, go ahead. If not, then let's keep talking about anything else," she told me.

"Just know that if or when you are ready to talk, I'm here to listen, ok?" she gripped my hand again.

I nodded, and suddenly I felt relaxed and calm around her. She gave off this soothing feeling like I could speak to her about anything.

"Ok, I do want to talk about it, I just don't know where to start," I explained feeling lost.

"Just start at the beginning" she offered.

So, I took a deep breath and started.

---

When I moved to live with dad, I met him on my first day of school. He was my science lab partner. I met a few others that day too, but he stood out. When I asked my new friends about him, they made him sound so mysterious and forbidden.

Some of the girls talked about how he didn't date anyone from Forks because no one was good enough for him. I wanted to laugh at how insulted they sounded. They said he wouldn't speak to anyone but his foster siblings.

However, he talked to me, not the first day but a few days later. He asked me silly questions about the weather and how I was liking it here. Then he would avoid me for days then talk to me again, before avoiding me again.

People started to notice his interest in me, some became bitter towards me and others didn't care. When he finally asked me out, I readily agreed. By then I was sure I was in love with him. His siblings weren't too keen on us, that should have been a warning.

We spent loads of time together and we would text each other all the time. Eventually, I lost most if not all the friendships I had made at the beginning, that should have been another clue. He monopolised my time.

I hadn't realised it at first, but aside from my father, Edward made sure I had no one else but him. Then, one day during the summer holidays before senior year started, Angela called. She was a friend from school, she wanted to know if I wanted to hang out. As far as I knew I wasn't seeing Edward as he had a family thing. So, I agreed.

I saw him the next day at his house, his family was away. The moment I stepped in the front door, I knew something was off. He was sitting at his piano playing, which wasn't strange. I called out to him and he instantly stopped. When he lifted his head he glared at me, it looked frightening.

He demanded to know where I'd been. I told him where I was, and he stood up kicking the stool back. Then he grabbed my arm and hit me. He actually hit me; I remember feeling the ice-cold pain race across my face.

He told me I should have told her no, that I was meant to see him. I told him that he was with his family, and she was my friend. He hit me again, and if he wasn't holding my arm, I would have hit my head on the floor.

He hit me a total of five times that night and told me never to do that again. I cried and said sorry like it was my fault. I promised to never do it again. He had only hit me twice on the face the rest was in my stomach. Using some of his sister's makeup I was able to look presentable and go home. He wouldn't have let me leave if I didn't.

He warned me against telling anyone, as I was the new kid and they knew him more. So, they wouldn't believe me. Of course, I believed him.

The next day he brought me flowers and some jewellery, as an apology. He said that he hadn't meant to or wanted to hit me. He'd been worried when he couldn't get a hold of me. I believed his lies, even when he promised to never do it again.

He did, of course, this time it was for talking to Eric, another friend from school, during class. Eric was asking for help. When we were alone, he kicked me that time. This happened for a few more months. As time went on he became even more possessive I couldn't go anywhere or do anything without his permission.

Then came the night of the senior dance. We went despite me not wanting to, I used to be really clumsy. So, the idea of going to a dance wasn't fun. He wanted to go so I had no choice. He choose my dress and my shoes, he even told me how to have my hair done.

The dance was fine, we mainly stood and talked with his sibling. His sisters, Rosalie and Alice, tried to get me alone, but he wouldn't let them. When the dance was finished Edward drove us home, at least I thought it was home. Quickly, I started to realise that I didn't know where we were. When I asked where we were going, he told me to be quiet and wait. I had a bad feeling.

We pulled up at this cheap-looking motel, he ordered me to stay whilst he went up to the reception. Then he drove us over to one of the rooms. I told him I wanted to go home, but he got out of the car came to my side and yanked me out.

He was much stronger than me, but I tried to pull myself free, naturally, I couldn't. I was helpless as he pushed me through the motel room door and locked it. When I told him again I wanted to go home, he hit me. I fell on the bed and he climbed on top of me. I told him he was scaring me. He just laughed at me, told me to shut up and that I might enjoy it.

He raped me that night, I tried to fight, I tried to get away, but I couldn't. Afterwards, I couldn't move, as he sat next to me watching an adult film on the crappy motel tv. When he watched something, he liked he came at me again, no matter how many times I cried or begged him to stop he wouldn't.

Eventually, he drove me home. Charlie was asleep, so I crawled into the shower and cried. I rubbed my skin raw trying to clean it. The next day at school he wasn't there. He didn't come back for the rest of the week. It didn't change anything; I still didn't speak to anyone and no one spoke to me.

We were only a few weeks away from graduation when Rosalie and Alice came to school after two weeks of absence. They told me they were leaving and so was Edward. They told me to move on and find someone better than their brother, and then they left. I haven't seen him or any of them since that day. Then the moment I graduated, I left.

---

Tears flowed down my face as I shook, once I started my story I couldn't stop. Sue came around the table and hugged me. She stroked my hair soothingly.

"It was never your fault Bella, you hear me? It was never your fault," she said strongly.

I nodded as I tried to get control over my tears.

"I ... know ..." I sobbed, it had taken some time to come to that realisation, but I knew.

Sue leaned back and wiped the wet streaks from my face.

"I mean it Bella; it wasn't your fault then and it still isn't now. That was all him, his problem," she told me again.

I smiled at her, as I grabbed the tissue she was offering. I dried my eyes and blew my nose before I spoke again.

"I know Sue. It took some time, but I know the only thing I did wrong was to accept his apology the first time. I should have left him then. I just thought I was in love."

Sue hugged me again, I was beginning to like her hugs.

"I'm glad you've told me, Bella. Now you can start to really get over it all, and I am going to help you. Even when you go back home. We will face time and talk," she suggested.

'I like the sound of that' I thought as hugged her back.