"When her own self would disperse"

[December 7th, 2021]

"Tell me one event that you remember from a year ago." The therapist who had been assigned to see Aurora, asked politely.

"A-An year ago?" She hesitated, thinking deeply about her lost memories. "I don't know."

She was frustrated. Staying at the hospital for the sake of her mother wasn't easy. Receiving therapy when she didn't want to talk to anyone wasn't easy either.

"Okay," The therapist made sure she didn't sound disappointed. "What do you remember about your boyfriend? Do you remember who you met?"

She clenched her teeth as she thought hard about it, but not a single memory came to her mind.

"N-No… But we've known each other for a long time."

"How long?"

She was unsure of that too. It somewhat made her pity herself. The memories for which she wanted to live were slowly fainting and there was nothing she could do about it.

"Can I go out? Please?"

Her pleads were listened to, and she was sent on a walk. Giselle accompanied her just in case something goes wrong. The therapist had a meeting with Dr. Matthias and her family where she broke it down to them.

Her mental health was deteriorating gradually and there was physically no way to stop her memory loss either. Only some divine power could help her now. It won't take long for her to start forgetting things about herself.

No one thought her remaining 4 weeks would be a physical and mental torture to her. No wonder she vented it out on her mother yesterday. They wondered how long she would remember them.

Lucy and Ethan had arrived together later at night where they learnt about things they wished they hadn't learnt about. Watching her slowly lose memories was more painful than the fact she was dying itself. Aurora wasn't ready to accept it either.

The more she wanted to spend time with her loved ones at first, the more memories she feared of losing. The cute, bubbly, outgoing Aurora asked for space for the first time in her life. Never had they thought they would see such a face from her. Even she never came across that thought.

"Giselle." She called her while walking around the hospital garden. "Can you leave me alone?" She added emotionlessly.

Giselle stared at her anxiously.

"Will… you be fine?"

Aurora nodded and fastened her pace. Giselle stood and watched her walk away from a distance. The hospital gown was just above her ankles. Her ankles had reddened from the cold breeze blowing about. Giselle quickly ran to get Sean. She accompanied her instead as Sean had switched.

Aurora walked down the garden's slope that seemingly led to the ER. She walked across different kinds of people. They were patients, just like her. Then why was she so unhappy? They were walking around the garden; it was like a once-in-a-while moment for these patients to be out in the garden. They were savoring the moment truthfully to themselves. Then why couldn't she feel the same? All she felt was sorrow, remorse, regret,-

"Aurora!" Sean put his hand on her shoulder while addressing her.

His eyes didn't look concerned, rather calm. It soothed her nerves that could only focus on the sorrow and guilt associated with her memory loss. She looked down at his hand, hesitantly holding onto one of his fingers. He pulled it out of her grip and instead interlocked his entire hand with hers.

"How could you go for a walk alone?" He complained.

Aurora passed an immediate smile. Right. It didn't matter. It was useless to think about such things. She told herself multiple words of motivation before agreeing to walk with Sean.

"I have a very crazy idea." Sean murmured while they walked.

"Heh, what is it?" She chuckled.

"Mass-suicide."

She hit him playfully on the shoulder for joking.

"I'm not joking!"

She broke into chuckles as they walked outside the hospital perimeter.

"Is it alright to go out?"

"Sure. It's not like they'll know I stole their patient."

She wondered what made him so confident. Even when holding her hand, he wasn't flustered at all. In her case, being just a little close to him ran her crazy. He was always confident. Confidence of survival; whether it was his or hers. Where everyone else was scared of her limited time, he seemed like he had some big plan to prevent it. Maybe that's what made her comfortable in his company.

"I forgot about how we met today. Aren't you mad?" Aurora tried to provoke him to get the answer to his confidence.

"Do you want me to be mad?" He chuckled, opposing a question at her, like always.

"You can never be straight, can you?"

"I'm always straight with my words."

She was glad she forgot Palanquin Lady's big speech on the opposition to their relationship.

"Sean… I…" She hesitated to talk.

However, Sean looked at her with full, attentive eyes. How could she not talk then?

"I want to go somewhere far." Aurora admitted. "I thought I'd stick close to everyone. But now I'm scared of making memories if I'm going to forget them anyway!"

"Mass-suicide is a no, then… Wanna run away?"

"To where?"

"Does that matter?"

Aurora took that into her concerns for a moment, but then realized her mother won't live a second without her.

"Nevermind." She muttered quietly.

He didn't ask her about any reasons. He just calmly listened to what she had to say. He could tell there was a lot on her mind, which she was probably going to forget soon. He also knew comforting her would only increase her problems.

"Can you convince my parents?... To let me go home. I don't want to stay at the hospital." Aurora asked.

Sean nodded slowly, already trying to come up with ways to get her out of there. For now, they went back to the hospital. She lied down on the bed. Dr. Matthias entered the ward with her reports in his hands.

"Don't." She said, watching him enter.

"It's not bad news. Don't worry." He assured her.

Her parents widened their eyes in surprise. What good news he had that they didn't know about?

"The tumor growth has stopped." Dr. Matthias stated. "Surgery success rates are higher too."

Her pupils dilated upon hearing that. Her parents and friends were overjoyed.

"So… It won't grow? A-And I can get surgery whenever?"

"The sooner the better." Dr. Matthias said. "It's almost as if some Angel touched you or something. It's a miracle."

"If I get the surgery… How much more time do I get?"

The doctor glared at her parents for permission to talk.

"Hm.." Upon receiving the permission, he murmured. "1 year." He said slowly. "However, with a little more treatment we can elongate it."

"Nevermind." Aurora whispered low enough for just herself to hear.

The surgery was an option now but she was aware of its consequences. She needed time to think about it even though her parents wanted to get it as soon as possible. She needed to collect her thoughts and memories first. That seemed to be more important. So, she thought about an answer to the question the therapist asked her this morning,

"Tell me one event that you remember from a year ago."

[December 7th, 2020]

"So? Are we clear?" Ethan asked as his voice trembled. Though he didn't show his opponent.

He was covered in bruises and scratches as he tried to save Baby Sean from a bully. The bully was their senior at school. He overheard them talk about Sean's DID and thought he was putting a show. Attacking Sean caused Baby Sean's instant trigger.

Someone had to step in to help him. And that was Ethan. He shared a couple of blows with his opponent until both of them gave up. Baby Sean was hiding behind the girls, crying uncontrollably before Ethan quickly ran towards him and hugged him tightly.

…

Giselle was sterilizing Ethan's wounds in their hide-out, while Aurora and Lucy were trying to cheer up Baby Sean. Despite an hour being passed, he hadn't switched back so they were worried if he received a heavy trauma.

"Baby Sean!" Aurora playfully called him as she held his hands in hers. "Do you wanna play a game?" She asked him cheerfully.

"What game?" Baby Sean asked while sniffing.

Aurora nervously looked at Lucy for children's game suggestions as she knew none.

"Uhh…" Lucy couldn't think of any right off the bat. "How about…" She tried to create suspense as she deeply thought of one.

Baby Sean pouted and returned to tears again. For the first time, the girls couldn't cheer a baby up.

"AAoouchh!" Ethan grunted in pain, scaring Baby Sean off even more.

He let out a long, high-pitched, sound before bursting into tears. Even the girls who babysit him all the time were unsure of what to do.

"Can you shut up?" Giselle scolded Ethan.

"It hurt man!"

"I'm trying to be as careful as possible!"

Giselle continued to tend to his wounds while Baby Sean cried in the corner. The girls shook the shaker toy to calm him down but there was no hope. The cries were louder than ever, and Ethan added to it by unanimous grunts. They were both in the harmony of… loudness. Suddenly the door slam opened. They all gasped loudly. Who could've shown up at their years-long secret hideout?

"Baby Sean? Aurora?..." Mrs. Anderson asked. "All of you… what..?"

She looked just as confused. The hideout was located in the backyard; Andersons had a huge backyard. It was in one of the corners of the backyard, covered by tons of shrubs planted just to hide the downwards inclined door of the basement. How did Mrs. Anderson even get there?

"So that's where all the parties were held?" She asked. "While I offered the ceremonial hall, I always wondered why Sean denied it."

She walked towards the crying Baby Sean and hugged him. She gave off a huge amount of mother-energy. It instantly worked on Baby Sean and he fell asleep. She looked at Ethan.

"Awh, Ethan!" She exclaimed. "You should visit a doctor with me."

"I'm good, Mrs. Anderson. Thank you for your concern."

"I can tell you got hurt while defending Baby Sean." She said while she continued the everlasting hug for the baby.

There was a lot to explain to Mrs. Anderson. However, she didn't ask for much. She let them be and was glad she knew of the hideout now. Even though the clean-freak Sean cleaned it thoroughly everyday, Mrs. Anderson wanted to make sure not a speck of dust was found now that she knew. It was for the best!