"Her fainting memories"

[November 21st, 2021]

Aurora opened her eyes after not being able to sleep the entire night. She kicked her blanket while in bed, as it was Sunday, no one would come and try to wake her up. There was so much on her mind. Her father found out about her cancer, she had to prepare for the next exam, and her illness made everything 10 times harder than it was supposed to be.

She got off of her bed and ran straight to the bathroom. Her goal, for today was to avoid her father at all costs. She didn't want him thinking that she was suffering. She quickly washed up, did her hair, changed and then grabbed her phone in search of a safe-zone.

"Can we have a group study session today?" Aurora typed in the group chat.

"Sunday is not free for me, remember? Ethan replied.

"My granny is baking cookies, you guys should come over." Lucy typed.

It was a perfect opportunity. Aurora quickly packed her books and ran out of the home after telling her mother that she is visiting Lucy, and successfully, avoided her father while doing so. She got into a bus to get to Lucy's house. It wasn't too far, so she made it there in just a few minutes. She rang the door-bell and waited a couple seconds for Lucy to open it for her.

"Wow, I thought no one would show up!" Lucy exclaimed in surprise as she let Aurora inside.

"I'm the first one?" Aurora said while walking in.

"Aurora, sweetie! Long time, long time." Lucy's mother showed up hugging Aurora out of the blue.

Lucy's mother, Stephanie, was a working lady. Yet she was gorgeous, dignified and a caring mother. She was one of those cool mothers whom everyone would brag about.

"Oh, Aunt Stephanie. How are you doing?" Aurora asked while awkwardly breaking the hug.

"Shouldn't I be the one asking that?" Stephanie asked her back. "Anyhow, please take a seat. My mother is baking some cookies. I will go help her, till then you guys to study." She added as she left the girls alone in the room.

The bell rang again for Giselle to show up as well. Sean texted that he wouldn't be able to show up due to a business dinner. Despite still being a high-school student, his father kept him up-to date with his business as he was already planning towards his retirement and letting his son take over the business. Ethan being at work, wouldn't be able to show up anyway. It was only the girls. Lucy's granny baked them cookies while they studied together.

"It's pointless." Giselle said while taking a cookie from the cute, little basket. She pointed her index finger towards her book multiple times. "I don't feel like studying." She slammed it close. It was unlike Giselle. She hated studies, but still studied hard for the sake of herself, and her anxiety.

"I know, right?" Aurora agreed to her words, knowing she had little time left on her hands, yet she was studying for her exams that won't grant her any sort of future benefits. "What if you don't live to see the future? Then it is pointless..." She added.

"Yeah. Imagine my family, beating the heck out of me... Then it is pointless." Giselle added to the stress.

"What's... Wrong with you guys? Giselle... You live alone. Aurora, why would you die? Why you guys so negative?" Lucy asked in concern.

"Just saying, just saying. Studying is boring. Of course, it reminds me of my stresses." Giselle explained.

"Should we do something fun, then? I don't wanna study either!" Aurora exclaimed in excitement.

"Ah, so you guys are just bored... Scared me for a second." Lucy chuckled as she stood up and turned the T.V on, "Let's watch a movie." She added.

The girls agreed to watch a horror movie. While the movie was running, and half-way through, Aurora head felt heavy. She told the girls that she'd be going to the bathroom so she stepped out of the room for a bit. 'Really? Can this illness not let me enjoy for a little while with my friends?'

Aurora was not in her best mood when she stepped outside and sat on her lawn, bare-footed. The grass was green, green enough to make her happy on a usual day.

However, it didn't drive the same feelings. She didn't appreciate it the way she used to. Her worsening headache was enough for her to worry about for now. She traced her hands across the grass covered lightly with snow.

It didn't snow much after that day. It was still cold and felt like it could snow any minute now. It would only snow at night, by day most of it would've been cleared. Lucy's garden was plowed too. That's why she could see the green grass, laid down like a carpet on the ground.

Stephanie saw Aurora sitting on the ground alone, while she stepped outside to water the plants.

"Aurora!" Stephanie called her out from distance, slowly walking towards her and sitting down beside her. "Were you not with the girls?" She asked.

Aurora shook her head.

"You know, you can talk to me. Because I know what you're hiding." Stephanie said as she caressed her shoulder. "I was in the hospital, a couple days back when you went there for radio-therapy. I had to get test results for my mother and I accidently saw you." She explained.

"You didn't tell Lucy?" Aurora was surprised.

"If you didn't... Why should I?" Stephanie asked. "What kind of illness is it? You can tell me." She added.

Aurora knew telling Stephanie would be alright. She would keep her secret to the grave. It was finally an opportunity to speak her mind.

"Glioblastoma. 4th stage of brain tumor. 6 weeks." Aurora said with a forced smile, straight-forward. "Dr. Matthias said it is common in late adults. Why me? I thought at first..." She sighed as she added.

"You're more mature than most late adults, that's why." Stephanie filled the sentence. "Look, age doesn't matter. What has to happen, will happen."

"Then what am I supposed to do right now? Wait for my death?" Aurora said emotionlessly.

"You're not supposed to do anything. Just make yourself happy. Just how you've been getting treatment to ease the pains, do that... Live like you wanted to. There's nothing wrong in trying to be happy. Even if it means hiding your terminal illness from your loved ones."

"How come you understand me so quickly?"

"My husband died because of cancer. I know how it feels. I've seen how it feels. You're not in the wrong for trying to hide it. Just make sure you do what makes you happy."

Aurora felt better after hearing those words. She felt like she wasn't the only one going through something like this.

"What kind of cancer did Uncle have?" Aurora asked.

"He had three different ones. Leukemia, lungs, and stomach. It was a hard time, but he died happy. He never showed how much it hurt him. I guess all people close to death are like that. Just know that, no one will feel upset if you tell them about this." Stephanie said calmly. "I didn't feel pity, or upset towards my husband when he told me. I rather tried to make his remaining time better. So, don't feel bad about hiding it, and if you can't, let them know. You're not making anyone suffer but yourself."

Stephanie was indeed the coolest mother. Not just to her own daughter but towards everyone. You could tell her anything and she would find the solution in a split second. Aurora felt confident in herself after talking her problems out. She felt like she could go back home and talk to her father as well. She wasn't scared of addressing it anymore.

She took the bus back to home after saying her goodbyes to her friends. She remembered the art class on her way back. 'Monarch Butterflies are the strongest right before they die.' And she saw it for herself. She wanted to be the strongest too.

Maybe that would make everyone happy even if they knew about her illness. She reached home to see her father reading newspaper in the lounge. She looked around in search of her mother. Apparently she was in shower. Perfect opportunity to talk.

"Dad! I have something to say to you." Aurora said as she sat alongside him on the couch.

"Yes, Aurora... What is it?" Her father asked, she could see hope in his eyes. As if he was waiting for her to talk.

But words never came out. A bunch of memories flashed across her head before fainting into nothingness. She forgot what she had to say, forgot her meaningful conversation with Stephanie, and got frustrated over losing these simple memories. While from the outside, she looked like someone normal trying to think of what to say.

"Take your time." Her father assured her.

But she couldn't understand why. She couldn't understand why she even sat there, beside him or what did she even had to say. She couldn't even remember where she just came from. Why was she in her coat? Did she go outside? Why did she go outside? What happened? The series of questions confused her and interrupted her breathing.

"Aurora, are you alright?!" Her father was concerned seeing her freak out over nothing. "What's wrong? You don't have to talk to me if you don't feel like it." He assured her.

"No... N-No!" Aurora murmured before grabbing her head and breathing frantically and freaking out for not being able to remember.

Her father quickly held her arm and guided her towards her room, helped her lie down and tucked her inside the blanket.

"I can't remember!" She screamed loudly as her frustration got the best of her.

"It's okay, it's okay. I'm right here." He said as he sat beside her and started to massage her head so she might feel better.

Her mother ran in after hearing the scream to she her lying on the bed, her face pale and her hands trembling.

"I told her to wear more things before going out. Did she catch a cold?" Her mother asked.

He nodded as he continued to massage her head.

[November 21st, 2020]

Aurora looked at her to-do list after dinner. The second point said, a sleep-over with Giselle. She called Giselle to see what she was up to.

"Hey, Wanna sleep-over?" Aurora asked through the phone.

"Really? Why would I say no?" Giselle said.

"That's cool! Should I come pick you up?" Aurora asked.

"No, I'll be there. I have to rant too, you know." Giselle said before hanging up.

Aurora waited for about half an hour until Giselle rang the bell. Aurora's mother asked her for dinner but they went straight to bed. It was Giselle's little ranting time.

"You know I've saved up a lot. After 2 more semesters, hopefully I'll have enough to move out." Giselle said hugging Aurora's dinosaur plushie while lying down.

"Really? What place are you moving into? Is it far?" Aurora asked out of excitement.

"Next door." Giselle said as her eyes sparkled.

Aurora's jaw dropped to hear that. Her friend was going to be next door? That was one of the best things she had heard in such a long time.

"Giselle! That's amazing. I... We'll celebrate when you get that unit." Aurora exclaimed in joy. "But for now, what do you wanna rant about?" She asked.

Giselle sighed as she grabbed her phone and opened a text message. It was from her brother.

"He messaged me an apology. Saying it's his fault for moving out so early, as if he knows what I have to go through." Giselle explained with a scoff.

"How do you feel about that?" Aurora asked, politely.

"How do I feel? Absolutely garbage. It's too late for an apology, Aurora. He should've made it clear before moving out that it wasn't because of me. He should've blamed our parents than blaming me. I relied on him too much, and I was jealous of him, so he moved out?" Giselle scoffed. "No sane person would fall for that stupid excuse other than my parents who can't stop throwing their goals and passions onto us. And then my other siblings make it worse by getting away with the 'oldest' and 'youngest' card. I'm genuinely tired. Genuinely.

My oldest brother couldn't care less about explaining before moving out and now he's sending me an apology, after 4 years, through what? A text? I don't understand where the hell he got the audacity to even contact me after so long. I'm gonna ghost him, like he did 4 years ago when I begged him to come back and explain why he left. I begged him, Aurora. He could've just said it was because of my parents, they pressurized career options, relationship options and other crucial life options onto him and he had the right to tell them to stop.

But he disappeared without a word and I had to take the blame for making him move out. And you know the reason for taking that blame was so stupid. I wish I knew when I was younger that I never wanted recognition, I never felt jealous of him in any way possible... Like, why did I even agree to let them bully me like that?" Giselle ranted out, from the top of her lungs.

"You're right. You don't need to reply someone who never appeared when you wanted him to appear. It is only right to ghost him now." Aurora agreed to her view.

"I can't wait to move out from this hell created by some childish people who don't know basic human rights. Just because they gave birth to me, they're offering me a place to stay doesn't mean they get to degrade me whenever they get the chance to.

Like, yesterday, my younger sister threw a ceramic bowl at me for breathing too loud. And I can't say anything back because then my so-called parents would threaten me and degrade me, and tell me I should live like a nobody." Giselle ranted further. "Before moving out, I wanna say this to their face, thanks for giving birth to me." She added sarcastically.

"I mean it is only right for you to be wanting to say that. I can't believe how they could treat you such way." Aurora comforted her.

"Thanks for inviting me here today. I can't ever thank you enough for always helping me escape from hell. Seriously." Giselle said with a warm smile.

"Hey, that's my job!" Aurora exclaimed.

So far, Aurora could see how significant each memory she made was. Her goals were slowly becoming reality and her to-do list, slowly getting filled with check-marks day by day.

1. First thing after semester break starts, grocery shopping with mom : Check.

2. Sleep-over with Giselle : Check.

3. Helping Ethan with a part-time job : Check.

4. Visiting Lucy's Dad's grave on his death anniversary :

5. Talking things out with Sean and his alters :

6. Taking piano classes :

A couple of more things to do, and her list would be full of check marks. Aurora let herself fall asleep as she thought about how amazing the next day is going to be.