Day 94

June 12, 2017

12:08 am

Dear Diary,

I didn't write in my diary for more than a month. I'm too busy and I have no time for other unimportant things. I want to divert after what happened when we are on a vacation in South Korea.

D, my bestfriends died. They died. A mishap happened when we are going back to our hotel. A truck crashed into the taxi where we are in. I hit my head on the car's window and I tried to open the door when the car stopped moving, then I go out and suddenly collapsed. I have been unconscious for about a minute or more and the upper right side of my head is aching and bleeding. Rescuers came into our location, helped us to cure our wounds, and sent us to the hospital.

My bestfriends were in a critical condition. Their bodies were bleeding and there were many wounds. I was restless during those times. I also did not know what to do. I just sat on the side and gasped, letting myself to calm down. Noong una, hindi ako makainteract sa mga tao dahil hindi naman ako nakakaintindi ng Korean. Maswerte na nga lang at may mga doctor na nakapag-aral ng wikang ingles.

Tanging si Ate Laurel at ang iba ko pang chaperone ang walang sugat. Nasa likod kasi ng taxing sinasakyan namin sila.

My heart ached when I saw my friends lying in bed. I did not want this to happen. In that time, I started to get scared every moment I would be happy, because soon or later, something catastrophic will happen.

Inasikaso ako ng mga doctor at nagtanong tungkol sa kung anong nararamdaman ko, kung nakakapagsalita pa ba ako ng maayos, at iba pa. He said that I have Mild TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) and that's because of the car accident. Hindi naman daw malala at isa iyong himala kaya madali akong makakarecover. Well, I am a strong person, so I was no longer shocked.

Minutes passed, biglang tumunog ang cardiac monitor. Bigla akong nataranta dahil hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin dahil wala pa akong alam sa medisina noong mga panahong iyon. I called the nurses and the doctors even though I was almost speechless.

But…

No one responded. They are all busy with their respective patients. No one wasted time saving my friends.

Hindi ko alam kung doctor ba talaga sila o nag-aactingan lang na doctor. May nag-aagaw buhay na pero hindi pa rin sila umaaksiyon. It is fucking unfair.

Then they both died because of cardiac arrest. I did nothing to help them, and I blame myself because of that. I cried, cried, and cried. It is the only thing to express my pain.

Back then, I was so impressed with the doctors. But since that day, I started to hate doctors. I decided to come back with my vengeance. Then a Filipino doctor talked to me, he apologized. He said that if he hadn't been in the surgery room, my friends might still be alive but we can't do nothing because it already happened. We can fight the future, but not the past. We can fight to change our destiny but we can't fight to change the past…

And all of the things in the past, will remain as memories.

I dumbfounded by all the things he said but the last line he whispered, made me realize something.

Pay back them with your skills, not with rage.

He left me speechless.

I decided to go back to Philippines in the next day. My friends' bodies were sent back to the Philippines.. Dito na sila sa Pinas inilibing.

Pagkauwi at pagkauwi ko sa Pilipinas ay nagkulong ako. Ibinabad ang sarili ko sa libro at nag-advance study. Magiging doctor ako, at hinding-hindi ko gagawin sa iba ang ginawa ng mga doctor na iyon sa mga kaibigan ko. Hindi ko hahayaang may mamatay dahil sa kapapabayaan. I'll be fair. I'll treat them not for money, but as justice in my beloved bestfriends' deaths.

Nakalimutan kong sabihin, limang araw ako nagpagaling mula sa mga sugat na natamo ko sa aksidente. Hindi ako umimik halos at bibihira lang kumain. Kagaya noong namatay ang pamilya ko.

I tried to learn how to play guitar. Nagpaturo ako kay Izar. Minamalas ako noong una dahil 'di ko talaga kaya, nahampas niya tuloy ako ng gitara.

I also studied medicine and because of that, I met another grandfather again. He is Daegio Fedor F. Corsetti, the Dean of Medicine of Espierro Hospital. He taught me many things about medicine.

Izar influenced me to drink alcohol. Walang linggo ang lumilipas na hindi ako umiinom ng alak. Hayst, kids nowadays… Some Filipino teenagers like me are already drinking alcohols. Well, iniingatan ko naman ang sarili ko. I drink more than 8 glasses of water a day. We have 70% of water in our body and it decreases everytime we sweat or do something. Doble ang pagbawas lalo na kapag may bisyo ka like pag-inom ng alak at paninigarilyo.

So ayun na nga, D. It is June 12. Independence day kaya walang pasok kahit Monday. Bukas ang first day of school at umaasa akong magiging maayos naman ito.

Our once upon a time never had a happily ever after.

In pain,

Marcella