13.

And just like that, it was time to go home again for the end of the year holidays. The fields of green behind the school turned pale, the trees changing into a speckled painting of yellows, oranges, reds and greens, then they flew away like the birds flying south, and finally everything was covered in thick, fluffy white snow.

Everyday day in December she saw Hagrid, the Keeper of Hogwarts Grounds, haul in another tree into the Great Hall for McGonagall, Flitwick or any other teacher to decorate, until there were finally twelve trees all together in the hall. Tinsel, popcorn strings, multi-coloured glass baubles, self-lighting candles hung everywhere in the castle; in the halls, in the classrooms, common rooms, bathrooms, not even Slytherin was an exception, Alice frequently exclaimed how Slytherin Common Room was, above all, the prettiest place in the castle. Snape's room remained the same, warning many students if they tried to bring any spirit into his room of teaching they wouldnt leave with theirs.

She was passing all her classes, except Defence Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration, of course, and History of Magic with Professor Binns, but out of all of them, they seemed to make her out as the smartest girl in her grade, her and Alice Croaker and other student from Ravenclaw, Connor Jenkins, had all passing grades except in Defence Against the Dark Arts and Potions, and Alice was deficient in Herbology and History of Magic. Snape often berates her saying if she applied herself like she applied herself in potions, she would be the smartest student in the school.

Madeline hadn't seen Jamie all year; she was starting to get worried around December 16th, four days before they were supposed to head home on the Hogwarts Express, and visited him in the hospital wing. For the first time all term, she saw Jamie being unwrapped for the last time, like a mummy that was on display, it was like the muscle and fat had shredded off his body and he was nothing but skin and bone. His eyes and cheeks were sunk in, his arms and legs had barely any fat in them, just twigs of bone and skin. He was so thin he looked like a bad rush of wind could carry him away, it made Madeline rush to him giving him a warm hug, careful to not hold him too hard that she might break him. Madam Pomfrey was particularly not for this but they started crying immediately in each other's arms and she realised that he was fine.

"Oh Jamie- Jamie, you look so sick. What did you eat?"

His voice was so thin, it was barely a whisper. "From what Professor Sprout said," he coughed hard, he wasn't used to speaking. "Jauntrope, and they were blossoming Jauntrope flowers I ate, so it made my skin like melting rubber…"

"Oh- Will you, ever, you know?"

He coughed again and with Madeline's help, stood up. His back popped a dozen times from being in bed all day. "Get back to normal?" he finished for her.

"Yeah."

"No…" he answered, his voice getting a little clearer, less raspier. "But after a few gallons of goat's milk and my mothers Christmas ham dinner, I should gain a few more pounds and then I'll be better."

Madeline's heart sank. Was it wrong for her to miss the old him already? It was his big-ness that drew her to Jamie. His cheeks, always rosy, were pale and sunken, his huge huggers arms now hurt when they wrapped around her, his spirit was even lighter, he seemed like an entirely different person, but seeing him now, holding him, she knew he would always be the same. The shy fat boy was no more, but nevertheless she loved him dearly and held onto him, her arms overlapping dramatically.

"Madeline-" he strained. "You're hurting me."

Letting him go, tears in her eyes, looking into his thin face.

"Sorry!" she laughed, and they began talking of all that's happened, which wasn't much, but it was enough to make him jealous, his pale face flushed over her explaining Ethan Amory to him. And the amount of homework he has was insurmountable, but apparently Dumbledore excused him from mid-term exams so he has the holiday break and the entire rest of the year to catch up and be ready for end of term exams. Some of teacher weren't happy about him being excused as he was the one that willingly entered the greenhouse and ate unknown flowers. Madeline guessed it was mainly Snape that had a problem with it. Though he was excused from all classes til next term, the four days of helping Jamie get to the his classes was a payless, restless job, she ran across the castle and up over five hundred steps to get to Ravenclaw Tower to help Jamie back down those steps and around the castle for exercise to gain muscle, which he has to do before he takes a potion to give him more muscle. Madeline then told him about Gregoy and Quidditch tryouts and her plan of acting through Theodore. They continued with their aeroplane notes back and forth at night to write up plans for Theodore and his quidditch next semester after break and also to catch up on notes from classes.

By the end of the week, it was time for them to leave for Holidays. She had already written many 'Get Well' letters and promised to write more every day to make sure he gets up and checks the mail, and gains his strength in doing so. She wanted her friend back, the one who gave big bear hugs. Jamie would always be her best friend and he will always be the same person, no matter what he looked like. Leaving King Cross station, where only her father was to pick them up, she gave Jamie a kiss on the cheek before her father side-along apparated them home.

But all that left her mind immediately as she went home. It was like the entire house changed, her mother wanted to redecorate and repaint and clean her studio out for no reason and her brother looked even more grim as usual. Everyone was looking at each other like they might suspect something, like something shifted while they were at school. Her mother became more stressed about food and her father kept buying things and hiding them in their bedroom until on Christmas morning, where all four Greyhawks found themselves sitting around the tree, her mother looking sick and her father making fresh cups of tea every ten minutes or so.

"Alright, Mum?" Gregory frequently asked, but this seemed to make her paler and he stopped after she gave a weak nod and then ran to the bathroom to vomit loudly. Her brother cringed at Madeline whenever this would happen and Madeline was confused as to what was happening to her mother.

Madeline got the usual haul this year, a few boxes of Every Flavour Beans, four jinx wands, a green sweater and a yellow sweater with her initials in small gold stitching on her heart, with lots of socks, a dozen crackers with all assortment of things inside and many, many, many different candies and jokes from Zonkos: Slap Books where random pages slap you when you turn the page, Jettys Jewels, candy jewellery that changes flavour and colour as you continue to eat them, Krispy Cataracts, white eye shaped gummies that matched the colour of a person's eyes as you ate them, Walking Pencils and Edible Ink, Chocolate Frogs, Liquorice Lickems, Sour Brains, Holly Socks.

Gregory always got the same thing every year, a box of black denim pants and black, silk button up shirts. And a box of fireworks from Zonkos that he liked to fire off at school, even though Filch forbade it and as did their parents. Madeline was already done unwrapping and hugging her father when Gregory opened his last present. She could feel the silence, it was thick and the tension was tighter than the string of the Fates.

"What is this?" Gregory asked, looking pale. She couldn't see what he was holding as she was standing behind him exiting from the kitchen. Her father laughed and her mother came back out with a lovely smile, her face glowing. Madeline thought of something, but it couldn't be, her mother was too old, she thought.

"No…" Gregory was stunned as she stepped forward and saw a little white snapsuit, fit for a newborn baby. Her suspicion was true and she looked frantically towards her parents.

"Are you…?" Madeline hesitated toward her mother who, as she looked at her, definitely looked pregnant. Their parents look at each other and smile, like this is what they were waiting for and what they have been expecting was a final relief off their shoulders.

"We've been wanting to tell you for months that we've been trying." Her mother said, sounding apologetic. For a moment Gregory seemed happy, then looked back at Madeline and furrowed his brow, and she knew he was reminded of the disappointment and failure of her. Her heart surged and she rushed to her parents. She was so happy for them, if Gregory wasn't going to comfort and love the child, she would.

"A boy or girl?" Madeline asked as she was held by her mother and father.

"We do not know yet, but we wanted to keep it a surprise until next August, that's when it's due." They laughed and her mother started crying. Her father was so happy, his cheek twitched from smiling so hard, hugging and picking them both up with no effort.

"Ah- Guerman, careful now."

"Sorry, my sveet love, I just can not help myself. Another Madeline or Gregory svells my heart." He kisses them a hundred times on the top of their heads before setting them down. He looked over at Gregory who looked almost evil in his contemplation. Madeline knew that look, it was the same deadpan stare he gave her at the Sorting Ceremony, her stomach had a pit of worry and happiness. If there was one person that could mess this up for everyone it was Gregory, and he knew exactly how.

"So," he said softly, his hands folded together in front of his face, his eyes downcast at them. "Will we be accepting another small-minded, weak," Fathers chest welled up like Madeline never saw him, she could feel his body tensing next to her. "dumb-ass child in this house?"

That was it, her father muttered to her to go to her room and the yelling match of Christmans had begun. Trudging up the flight of steps to the second floor, she stood in her bedroom doorway, listening to their fight.

"I COULD NOT HAVE RAISED SUCH A HATEFUL CHILD."

"IF YOU COULD ONLY SEE HOW STUPID SHE IS! SHE IS JUST AS SPITEFUL AND HATEFUL-"

"VHY DO YOU THINK IT IS RIGHT TO CALL YOUR SISTER THESE THINGS! SHE IS YOUR SISTER! BLOOD SISTER! BORNE OF YOUR MOTHER AND I. HAVE I TAUGHT YOU NOTHING OF THE SANCTITY OF THIS FAMILY. WE ARE ONE. ONE. YOU ACT ON YOUR OWN ACCORD, HITTING YOUR SISTER, CALLING HER MUD-BLOOD…" There was a pause.

"Oh, yes. I know you think that Madeline is not of our blood, but let me assure you, she is more blood than you. You say she is the disgrace of the family, but you act as if you have no family at all. As it is…"

"No Guerman…" She heard her mother gasp, "Gregory, you have just been acting so vile towards her and I see it, your father sees it. We know that your angry with the school for putting your sister in Huffle-"

"NO!" he screamed, his voice cracking. "I AM ANGRY AT HER FOR BEING WEAK! HOW DO WE KNOW THAT IT WON'T COME OUT LIKE HER"

"How dare you?" her father growled at him.

"Gregory-" her mother whispered, she could hear her pat on the cushion next to her.

"I AM ANGRY AT HER FOR NOT BEING NORMAL, LIKE YOU, LIKE US, SHE IS NOTHING LIKE US."

"Gore- please, sit down…"

"I WILL NOT BE PUNISHED LIKE THIS. SHE IS NOT MY SISTER, THAT THING INSIDE YOU IS NOT MY SIBLING!"

"GREGORY!" their father yelled as he started stomping up the steps, Madeline's wand in hand, in a stance that showed she was ready, that she wasn't about to be pushed down again. Looking into his face, it was not a look of anger that made her hate her brother more, it was the tears. His red face, his hopeless look, his blue eyes, like hers, brighter than ever from crying. Her face, unchanging and solid, the face of true revolution, disgust rolled through her veins like white blood cells. Madeline could no longer call him brother.

He stomped faster up the steps as she stepped out of the doorway, gesturing for him to do something. She wasn't afraid anymore, it wasn't just her life he was threatening now, it was the future of her baby brother or sister. Madeline slammed her room door, followed by Gregory's door slamming.

It wasn't the yelling at their father, or the lack of respect, it wasn't the punches or slaps or the threats or the anger towards her that made her hate her brother. It was the fact of how he reacted towards the child, even now. She screamed in her pillow; she couldn't believe that this was happening now, on Christmas, on the day they announced their pregnancy.

She scoured her room of all the things her brother gave her from when she was younger, she deemed them worthless. She ripped posters off the walls, bagged and trashed all the clothes, quills, paper, parchment, cups, mugs, school tips he gave her and immediately threw them in the bin outside. Her memories of him were trash. Her resentful feelings that he made her feel were trash. She felt that the only way to rid her from all the memories she made of him was to throw them away.

The audacity. The shamelessness.

No honour. No loyalty.

Madeline sat in her room all the rest of the break, seething, holding her wand for dear life, like if someone were to enter she would…

It was the last day of break in January when Madeline actually came out, her hair was a mess, her breath stank, her room smelled of sweat, perfume and rotten food and she hadn't even unpacked or washed her laundry or did any extra credit essays for McGonagall or Binns since she was technically failing their classes. She was sad and confused but happy about her parents' news, and she was angry, so angry with her brother. She didn't want to even risk looking at him from the spectacle he made of himself.

When she entered the kitchen her mother was there, sitting at the four person table they often sat at when there were no guests or important company, drinking a large cup of steamy tea. Madeline could hear her sniffles and her face looked swollen as she started to make a bowl of hot oats. She felt awkward around her mother, but thankfully, her mother did not speak to her, which was a relief. Instead she sat at the dinner table and listened to her mother sniffle and start crying. Her mother may be a bigot but something about listening to her cry set her on edge. Without uncertainty, Madeline rose from her seat and sat across from her mother.

"Mum? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine dear."

"But you're crying? Is it Gregory? You know, I have always said that he's-"

"No, no-" her mother waved her off, sounding nasal-y, "It's the baby. I just don't feel well. Usual morning sickness." she said with a sniff.

"Can't I help? What can I do?"

Her mother made a movement, she didn't quite see it as she stood up, but her mother grabbed her arm and gripped it tightly.

"There is one thing you can do for me, Mads, my dearest."

"Anything, Mum."

"Please, stop fighting with your brother, he's very compassionate and sensitive, he only-"

Madeline quickly pulled away from her mother, like her words might seep into her skin, the look of disappointment flitted across her mothers face. Madeline was speechless, she couldn't quite grasp what her mother just said as thoughts of being punched in the face by her brother in her first year, surrounded by people that gossiped and talked. She was a good laugh for other Slytherins for a while, and she still is. She couldn't believe her mother and left the half eaten bowl of oats as she got ready for the train tomorrow.